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I’m terrible at music: Top Twenty Songs of 2013 (Part Two)

Well, since you’re back today from yesterday’s musical debacle, that means I haven’t killed you with my musical choices. Not YET, anyway. We’ve still got ten more to go. You never know what might happen. You might want to have emergency vehicles present. I don’t want to be held responsible for your downfall, yo.

So here are my top ten songs of 2013, this weird, wild, and wacky year. I’m equally sad and glad to see this year go; it’s had some of the highest highs and lowest lows of my entire life. Oh, 2013, I should have known, you with your built-in triskaidekaphobia.

10. “Patient Love” – Passenger (All the Little Lights, 2012)

Three words on the tip of my tongue/Not to be spoke nor sung/Or whispered to anyone/Till I scream ’em at the top of my lungs again

I just discovered Passenger this year. I love this guy’s voice and his accent and how he sounds kind of far-away and dreamy and I love that you can hear the longing in his voice. This is a beautiful song. Can’t you just see this guy singing this song? Kind of down on his luck and waiting for someone and everyone’s saying she won’t come back, but he’s still waiting, and he’ll keep waiting?

9. “The Moorings” – Andrew Duhon (The Moorings, 2013)

Oh my darling my dear I have reason to fear/That you know not the man you’re adoring

This sounds like a folk song, and I think that’s what drew me in, and then I listened to the lyrics and I fell crazy in love and I play it very loud in my car and sing and sing. I like to imagine this song being sung as someone sails away from someone as he goes off to make his fortune even though he isn’t sure it’s the right move. Isn’t it so old-timey and beautiful? I love that it’s acoustic, too. I’m a total sucker for acoustic music.

8. “Applause” – Lady Gaga (ARTPOP, 2013)

I’ve overheard your theory/Nostalgia’s for geeks/I guess sir, if you say so/Some of us just like to read

I absolutely cannot hear this song without dancing around. I’m listening it to it right now and keep having to stop blogging so I can couch-vogue. I’m not even kidding. Lady Gaga makes me ALL KINDS OF DANCEY. She is just the best. SO DANCEY! This is an awesome song. (SIDENOTE: Dad hates her and said Obama created her to distract “us dirty libruls” from what he’s doing to the economy. TRUE STORY!)

7. “Let Her Go” – Passenger (All the Little Lights, 2012)

Only know you love her when you let her go/And you let her go

OMG, this SONG. The pause at the end of this song before you find out he really, really did let her go, how his voice kind of trails off on that line, and that’s why he’s singing this, and that’s why he’s feeling all these feelings, why he’s so lost; he made the wrong choice. He’s mired in regret. He didn’t realize what his choice would do to him, and now he does…but it’s too late. I get very misty-eyed when I listen to this song. Every damn time.

6. “Paranoia in B Flat Major” – The Avett Brothers (Live, Volume 3, 2010)

With paranoia on my heels; will you love me still/when we awake and see that the sanity has gone from my eyes?

I think I discovered The Avett Brothers last year, but this year CONTINUED my adventures in listening to all their lovely music. This song makes me both happy and wistful, which is an excellent combination for me. Their voices are so joyful, aren’t they? I can’t listen to these guys without smiling. I share them with everyone I know. I want everyone to love them as much as I do. (One of the worst books I read this year started every chapter with an Avett Brothers song quote. I was so mad they put one of my favorite bands into such a craptastic book.)

5. “Live and Die” – The Avett Brothers (The Carpenter, 2012)

You and I we’re the same/Live and die we’re the same/Hear my voice know my name/You and I we’re the same

And I like THIS Avett Brothers song even MORE. Seriously, listen to this one, you guys. It is SO HAPPY. And there’s a cheerful banjo, and it makes you want to dance around, and it’s romantic, and I so want to see these guys in concert someday. Come to Albany, Avett Brothers, I will sit down front and smile so big that you’ll feel so welcomed!

4. “Last Night on Earth” – American Idiot (American Idiot: The Original Broadway Cast Recording, 2010)

My beating heart belongs to you/I walked for miles ’til I found you

Best song of the best musical I saw all year. I WEPT when I heard this song performed onstage for the first time. It is gorgeous. If you’ve heard the Green Day version, do yourself a favor and listen to this version; the addition of the female voice…oh, my. I can’t even describe. Haunting. Heartbreaking and haunting and so, so beautiful.

3. “Just Give Me a Reason” – Pink featuring Nate Ruess (The Truth About Love, 2012)

We’re not broken just bent/And we can learn to love again

I think I might have listened to this more than almost anything this year. This came on the radio earlier in the year and I was all HOLY HELL I LOVE THIS and over and over and OVER, I listened. I’m telling you guys, I love Pink. This is a gorgeous duet, and it, again, really hits home – the divide in a relationship, when one person knows there’s a problem, and the other person denies it. Are they lying? Should you believe them? Do you dare put your heart out there for them to potentially hurt again? Do you NOT dare?

2. “Bulletproof Weeks” – Matt Nathanson (Some Mad Hope, 2007)

Talking to what’s left of you/And watching what I say

This is just about the saddest song ever. If you can listen to this and not think back to a relationship that imploded, I think your heart might be dead. I can see the man singing this; I can see him remembering the time that things were perfect…until they just weren’t, and no one could predict them going wrong, they just went wrong, because sometimes things do that. You can’t predict it. You can, however, mourn it, and look back, and wonder what you could have done. When I discovered this song I listened to it on my phone in my bed over and over and just cried and cried. I love this so much.

1. “Monster” – Meg Myers (Daughter in the Choir, 2012)

what have I become?/I’m a fucking monster/when all I wanted was something beautiful/my love too much/your love not enough

I know. This is the weirdest choice for a #1 song of the year EVER. But I am OBSESSED with it. It is SO DARK and SO MOODY and I love her voice and she’s so powerful and so pained and I seriously sing this so angrily and so passionately when this one comes on in the car. And then I start it over. And I do it all over again. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Alright, bloggonians. Did I kill you? Are you dead dead dead? Listen, a lot of you have been here for a while, you know I have the musical taste of someone raised by wolves; none of this can surprise you much. But I hope you liked some of them, at least, and I hope you had a good year of music on your ends, as well. *smooch*


I’m terrible at music: Top Twenty Songs of 2013 (Part One)

For the past three years, I’ve done a year-end best-of music post. I always do it wrong, and my taste in music is TERRIBLE. Just a warning.

Ways I do this wrong:

  • As stated: bad taste in music. It’s going to probably make you cringe.
  • Probably very few, if any, of these songs actually came out in 2013. All that matters is that I first HEARD them in 2013. I’m very behind on what’s good and/or what I enjoy.
  • I usually do thirty songs. This year I only came up with twenty. I don’t know why, either. Slow year for music in Amyland? You’re probably going to be thankful when I’m done, because, as mentioned…TERRIBLE TASTE IN MUSIC.

So we’re breaking this up over two days…20-11 today, 10-1 tomorrow. I’m putting in videos whenever possible so if you’re so inclined, you can listen. Maybe someone reading will LIKE my terrible taste in music! As they always say, there’s no accounting for taste.

As for where I find the music I get obsessed with, it’s a little of this and a little of that. Pandora, background of television shows I’m watching, the radio, people recommending it to me, musicals, Facebook or Twitter telling me “ZOMG THIS IS AWESOME,” things like that. Where do most people get their new music, I wonder?

So, here we go. Hopefully you won’t hate these as much as I worry you will. These songs have made me happy since I heard them and I’ve since purchased them from iTunes and listen to them over and over at work and my coworkers are all “you are bopping at your desk” and I’m like “yep.”

20. “The Bed Song” – Amanda Palmer (Theatre is Evil, 2013)

You say I would have told you if you’d only asked me

This song is not only beautiful, it’s intelligent and heartbreaking. The end of this song killed me, the first time I heard it. It’s really relevant, isn’t it? To a lot of situations, I mean. I admire Amanda Palmer. I know a lot of people were angry with her this year, but I think she’s kind of awesome; she believes so fiercely in her art, and in love, and in creation. So she sometimes makes mistakes. Has no one ever made a mistake? She owns up to them, you know? And I’m not as judgmental about the alleged mistakes, to be honest. I think a lot of people hate on her because she dared marry Neil Gaiman, and he is our geek god. You know what? Good for them. I’m all for love. More of it, I say.

19. “Without You” – Ingrid Michaelson (Without You, 2013)

My life will go; my love will grow/without you

Ingrid Michaelson gets me. When I need something sad and moody but with a tinge of hope, I turn to Ingrid Michaelson. I love this song. It’s got loss, but also the potential of moving on, all with her beautiful, sweet, bubbly voice. I’ve listened to this so many times since downloading it.

18. “Beautifully” – Jay Brannan (Rob Me Blind, 2012)

It’s not that you’re not beautiful, you’re just not beautiful to me/she said, how beautiful do I have to be?

This is a really sappy song? And I’m aware of that? But it speaks to me. I’ve been the “yeah, you’re great, BUT” girl. Like, more times than I want to discuss at the moment, thanks. So sometimes I need a really sappy song to talk to me about that, that tells me that someone else understands that. Shush, no judging. (Also, this guy’s voice is really pretty. I like it a lot.)

17. “Lovely Tonight” – Joshua Radin (Wax Wings, 2013)

I see the rest of my life with you

Joshua Radin is my romantic-song go-to guy. His VOICE! Sigh. He gives me those good chills, you know? Those really good chills? I could listen to him all day. This song is (again) a little sappy…but I adore it. Listen, I like sappy. I like sad songs more than anything. Sad, moody songs are my thing. I’m not even going to apologize.

16. “True Love” – Pink, featuring Lily Allen (The Truth About Love, 2012)

At the same time, I wanna hug you/I wanna wrap my hands around your neck

This song made me smile every time it came on all year. It’s true, right? You can love someone right to pieces, but sometimes, just sometimes, you totally want to murderize them because they can be so damn CLUELESS about THINGS. And sometimes you know that’s why it’s the person you love, you know? Because who else could get to you like that? Someone that doesn’t matter wouldn’t bother you, that way-down-deep-under-your-skin way. (Also, I adore Pink. She is just about my favorite.)

15. “Say Something” – A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera (Is Anybody Out There?, 2014)

I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you/Anywhere, I would’ve followed you

Apparently everyone loves this because it was on The Voice or something but I love it because A., it’s so damn moody and pretty and heartbreaking, and B., I heard it driving home one rainy, foggy night and it was perfect for my mood and it stuck in my brain and wouldn’t leave so I downloaded it and listened to it over and over when I got home. I love a good moody driving-in-the-rain song. Back in the day, I used to make driving-in-the-rain mixtapes. Over and over and over. I couldn’t have enough of them.

14. “Cups” – Anna Kendrick (Pitch Perfect Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, 2013)

It’s got mountains, it’s got rivers/It’s got sights to give you shivers/But it sure would be prettier with you

This song makes me happy. Anna Kendrick has a surprisingly pretty voice; I loved the movie it featured in; the song itself is just so damn great. Both romantic and fun and perky. This song makes me sing and chair-dance when it comes on, every time, and I know I’ve listened to it like a hundred times since it came out.

13. “Hold Me” – HAIM (Just Tell Me That You Want Me, 2012)

I’ll be waiting for you/If you ever want to be there

Good grief, people, why didn’t you tell me how pretty the voices on these sisters were? SO PRETTY. Their harmonies make me SWOON. I love this cover. I’m a complete and total sucker for covers and this one is AMAZING. The way their voices just twist around each other…oh, my. Love, love, love.

12. “Samson” – Regina Spektor (Songs, 2002)

You are my sweetest downfall/I loved you first, I loved you first

I love this. I love Regina Spektor, but I love this reimagining of the Samson and Delilah mythos; well, it’s not so much reimagining, I suppose, but a prequel; someone loved Samson before he was Samson. Of course someone did. Someone always does, don’t they? This is a wonderful story of a song, and it’s also heartbreaking; it’s from the girl that history left behind.

11. “Paperweight” – Joshua Radin & Schuyler Fisk (Dear John Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, 2010)

I give up/I let you win/You win ’cause I’m not counting

No, I haven’t seen the movie. It has Channing Tatum in it. He makes me nervous. Also, it’s one of those Nicholas Sparks things…I am not at all a Nicholas Sparks fan. But this song is majorly pretty. I love the feeling of just falling in love it has in it, when everything seems magical, you know? And you know my Joshua Radin love. Sigh, Joshua Radin.

OK, folks, there’s your first ten. How painful were those. Bad? Not too bad? Ten more tomorrow. My very very VERY favorite songs of the year, if you’re still around, that is!


The Agony and The Ecstasy of Having a Very Popular Name, Part Two

Well, we learned a lot on Saturday.

  • I was supposed to be Amos. I would have been a hayseed with overalls, most likely. Driving a tractor.
  • There are a lot of songs with my name in the title; however, they are not all good. Or even slightly tolerable.
  • I like the name Ermentrude.
  • “Amy” is a very rah-rah-sis-boom-bah cheerleader name, and, as discussed, I am anything but rah-rah. I’m more growl-growl.

I meant to discuss what my CRITERIA were, in the last post, for what makes a very good Amy-song. But got distracted. Probably by that song where that guy said he was in a band, but it was just him, and he purported to have been making out with someone named Amy by the water but I think we can all agree no one ever made out with him willingly.

Criteria for a good Amy-song:

  • Catchy.
  • Extra points for it being romantic. (I’m a total sucker for sad songs.)
  • A song that, were someone to woo me with it, I would totally be wooed. TOTALLY be wooed. (Knowing an Amy-song is a total romantic coup with me.)
  • Says “Amy” not ONLY in the title, but in the lyrics as well.

Otherwise – well, it’s kind of nebulous. It’s tough to say what kind of song will work for me and what won’t.

So, let’s see what we have today! Ready for more Amy-songs? YAY! ME TOO!

“Amy’s Back in Austin” – Little Texas

This man has a most prodigious mullet.

This song is foolish, and I care not for it at all. It’s not good, and the story isn’t very interesting. A girl and a guy move away together but then they break up and she moves away and he misses her! Um. BORING.

Check out that mullet, though.

SIDE NOTE: I am quite desperate to visit Austin, Texas. I think Austin and I would get along very well.

Grade: C

“Amy’s Song” – Joshua Radin

(Side note: I have a huge crush on Joshua Radin. I love his voice and I think he’s utterly adorable. He was in the season finale of Cougar Town – YES, I watch that, SHUT UP, it is HILARIOUS – and he was just supposed to be some guy on the street, you weren’t supposed to RECOGNIZE him, and I was all “ZOMG JOSHUA RADIN!” and I played that part over and over about seven times.)

That being said, I don’t love this song. It’s only an Amy-song in the title, and it’s kind of annoying and a little whiny. That makes me sad. I had high hopes for this, being my man Joshua Radin and all. Sorry, Joshua Radin. I will, however, still listen to “You Got Growin’ Up to Do” over and over some days. It’s a thing I do.

Grade: B-

“Amie” – Pure Prairie League

(Side note: YOU ALL THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO LEAVE THIS ONE OFF! I was saving it for TODAY!)

This may well be my favorite Amy-song of all time. I discovered this on a road trip when I was in college. And I played it OVER AND OVER AND OVER. I love the twangy country of it; I love the repeated use of “Amie,” I love “I keep fallin’ in and out of love with you,” I love near the end where he sings “longer if I do, yeah, now.”

I have a friend who sings part of this to me whenever he sees me. A lot of people don’t like this person. I think possibly part of why I like him so much is that everytime I see him, I know he’s going to sing “I think I could stay with you, for a while, maybe longer if I do” to me.

I’m easily won over.

Grade: A+

“Amy’s Song” – Switchfoot

Oh, my goodness, this isn’t very good, is it? I don’t like these people’s voices and I don’t like the lyrics. I don’t know what it’s supposed to be saying. This Amy left and she left quite an impression? I guess? This is not a very good song. I’ve never heard of this band. Is anyone reading this a fan of this band? If so, can you explain to us why you’ve made this choice?

Grade: D

“Amy” – Paul Petersen

WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE. This is the kind of music a serial killer plays right before he slices your face into a permanent smile and dances around you wearing a kimono. This is…a song about a child in love with a grownup? Maybe? This singer seems to want Amy to go to jail for statutory rape. I DO NOT APPROVE OF THIS PAUL PETERSEN. Listen to how he moans “Amy” at the end. IT IS THE WORST.

(Also, check out his face on that album cover, and the titles of his other songs. “My Dad.” “She Can’t Find Her Keys.” I feel like he’s a joke singer on a Saturday Night Live skit.)

Grade: F

“Amie” – Damien Rice

(Side note: I am crazy for Damien Rice. CRAZY. I sometimes listen to his music on a continuous loop all day at work. Like, ALL DAY. If you want to woo me, play me Damien Rice. Sincerely. The love and pain and longing in this man’s voice just fills my whole chest up.)

I love this song. This is a beautiful, sad song. Like most Damien Rice songs, this is a love song where something is lost. I feel like all Damien Rice songs are about losing someone. When I’m sad over the end of something, I tend to listen to a LOT of Damien Rice. (Well, more than I usually do, which is a lot.) It’s not as good as some of his other songs – I can’t choose between “Rootless Tree,” “The Blower’s Daughter,” “Volcano,” and “9 Crimes” for my favorite Damien Rice song, because they’re all utterly the most brilliant things ever.

Grade: A

“Song for Amy” – Jack Ingram

This song is bland. If this song was a food, it would be cottage cheese. If this song was a weather, it would be sixty degrees. If this song was a television show, it would be a documentary about the production of cutlery.

Confession: I couldn’t even listen to all of this. It was putting me to sleep.

Grade: C-

“She’s No Amy” – Ryan Turner

I don’t like this very much, but it makes me sad. I feel bad for the not-Amy in this song. Because I’ve totally been the not-Amy, and I’ve been the person putting someone else through the not-Amy hoops, waiting for the Amy to come home.

Emotions are terrible things sometimes, aren’t they?

He has a nice enough voice, I suppose. And it’s not a TERRIBLE song. It’s just not the best written thing in the land. But whoo. Memories.

Grade: B-

“Amy” – Ryan Adams

(Side note: I adore Ryan Adams. He sings my favorite song of all time. There are a million billion songs in the world, and he sings the one I love most out of ALL of them. No, I can’t tell you what it is. It’s just for me. Also, he’s a talented singer and songwriter and gives an excellent concert and used to have just the best beard and you know my beard-thing.)

All of that being said, I don’t love this song. I think it’s because the BEST SONG IN THE WORLD has ruined all other Ryan Adams songs for me. This is ok, but I know he can do better, so I’m not blown away.

Grade: B+

“Once in Love with Amy” – Frank Sinatra

(Side note: A lot of other people have covered this over the years, too, but if there’s a version with my man Frank, we’re listening to it.)

This is my other favorite Amy-song. It makes me so happy. Even though it’s a little confusing. Because if you listen to the lyrics closely, it tells you all the things you can do with this Amy – kiss her and romance her and buy her things – but she’s still in love with the singer. So why is she letting these other beaus do these things with her? That seems whorey. Stop cheating on your singer, other-Amy.

Eh, no matter. I am in love with this. Sometimes I sing it to myself. Someday, someone will sing this to me, and I will be the happiest girl who ever happied.

Another side note: I found this one the YouTubes and couldn’t not post it. Because Muppets.

Grade: A+

WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED TODAY, BLOGGONIANS?

  • Winning today’s post are “One in Love with Amy” by Frank Sinatra, “Amie” by Pure Prairie League, and “Amie” by Damien Rice. Two out of the three of those, I’m head-over-heels for. I’m better with today’s choices than yesterday’s.
  • Losing today’s post are “Amy’s Back in Austin” by A Country Singer with a Very Impressive Mullet; “Amy’s Song,” by Some Band I’d Have Been Happy to Never Have Heard of Had I Not Done This Post, and “Amy” by The Man Who Wrote and Performed Music for Only Serial Killers.
  • If you are planning on wooing me, I’d bookmark this post for future consideration.

There we have it! That’s a lot of Amy songs. Some might say TOO many. Not me. Because I’m self-centered, you see. (What? I’d think as long as you can admit it, it’s ok, right? Right.)


The Agony and The Ecstasy of Having a Very Popular Name, Part One

I was born in the mid-seventies. In the mid-seventies, the most popular – the VERY most popular – girl’s name was Amy.

It’s not that my parents weren’t creative; it’s that they didn’t name me. They were SURE I would come out with boy-bits, so only picked out a boy-name. (I’ve talked about this before. It was “Amos.” Go to the search box at the bottom of the blog and search “Amos” and you’ll get the whole sordid story. YES, I was going to be AMOS. Gack.) So when I came out sporting lady-bits, they were stumped.

Enter an unnamed nurse who was all, “Um. Amy kind of sounds like Amos?” and my parents were all, “Yeah, whatever, I suppose.”

From such humble beginnings, blah blah.

I don’t like my name. I’m not an Amy. Amy denotes cheer and goodwill toward man and possibly good deeds and lunatic smiles and forgiving one’s transgressors. I’m a lot more little-black-raincloud than that. I’m something stompier than Amy. I don’t want a name that goes up at the end with that cheerful “eeee” sound. Amy is a cheerleading wisp of a name that no one takes seriously. I want something solid, like a brick hitting a table.

Does this person look like an Amy to you? I thought not.

Does this person look like an Amy to you? I thought not.

However, I’ve had this name for almost 40 years. It’s not like anyone’s going to be down with me changing it to Ermentrude or Theresa or Florence now, right? Right.

(Side note: I have no interest in any of those names, but I do like the sound of “Ermentrude.” Ermentrude would take care of BUSINESS, yo. She would STAND NO GUFF.)

There were a number of Amys in my school, and one in my graduating class. The one in my graduating class had a very similar LAST name as me, as well, so that made things confusing. Even more so when the man of my dreams (well, he was 15 at the time, so the teen of my dreams), I found out through the gossip-mill, was in love with Amy. I WAS AMY! My heart was so light for about two days. Until the gossip-mill (consisting of my friend T.) shamefacedly skulked back to me reporting that it was the OTHER Amy, who joked with me about it at our lockers a couple days later. “Isn’t that FUNNY that A. would have a crush on me? I am SO not interested,” she said. I wanted to bean her over her cheerful curly head with my largest textbook. HE WAS UTTER PERFECTION WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HER. (Up until I stumbled onto his Facebook page, I still thought he was. Then I realized…well, we’d make a terrible match. I’d go into more detail, but if someone who knows me reads this, and it gets back to him, I’d feel terrible. He seems like he’s turned into a very nice man, and I truly do wish him all the best, even if Amy=oil and Amy’s high-school crush=water. Very, very conservative Merkan-all-the-way water.)

However, I did learn, as I grew up, there were perks to having a popular name.

  • I never had problems finding things that were personalized at souvenir shops. Pencils. Keychains. Ornaments. There were always a million “Amy” items. (I have a lot of friends who can’t say the same thing, and it makes them sadface.)
  • People don’t mispronounce my name. (Well, my first name, anyway. Strangely, they mispronounce my last name, which is NOT A HARD NAME TO SAY. I don’t get it. They put a strange emphasis and an incorrect vowel pronunciation on the first syllable and it makes me want to stab kittens in the face-area.)
  • There are a kabillion songs championing my glorious name.

It’s true! I am so vain that I think the songs are about me. So I did some research, and I found A MULTITUDE of songs with Amy in the title, not just the four that I knew. I know! It’s exciting, right? It totally is.

So I thought, let’s listen to them and discuss and rate them, because FUN. And because I’m self-centered and like to hear my own name over and over, who doesn’t like that.

Ready? (This is totally a two-day post. I’m not making you listen to twenty-some songs in one day. Even I’M not that insane. Part two might be tomorrow, but might be Monday. I have to go to Massachusetts after work tonight and won’t be home until many people are tucked safe in their beddy-byes.)

LET’S DO THIS!

“Amy” – Bobby Darin

This song is already putting me to sleep. Why is this so easy-listening? Blergh.

What the hell, “lovely as indigo?” I realize you were trying to make a rhyme with “snow” but that’s just lazy. There are a million words that have that long “o” in them. Also, you only want her to love you for a day? Why are you selling yourself short, Bobby Darin?

I do not approve of this Amy-song. I do not think this puts Amys in a good light. Also, I don’t like being compared to a color that’s only used when remembering the ROY G BIV thing.

Grade: C-

“Amy” – Elton John

(Side note: I detest Elton John. Not as a human. I just don’t like his music. Well, I guess some of his songs are ok – but I don’t like his voice, so they’re ruined for me. But I like some covers of his songs.)

This song is kind of fun. I like this Amy. This Amy is wild and fancy-free. This Amy seems to be somewhat of a whore, as well. But she’s apparently very well-thought-of in the Elton John community, where they wear “romper boots and jeans.” Hee, romper boots.

This song also has an excellent line: “But Amy, you’re the girl that wrecks my dreams.”

I would very much like to be the girl that wrecks someone’s dreams. I’m good at wrecking things. Mostly fine china and potential.

Grade: B+

“Amy, Amy, Amy” – Amy Winehouse

(Side note: when Amy Winehouse died I was at my part-time job and Twitter told me and I was on a break so I came back in and told people and they were all “NO!” and I really was surprised they were so shocked. Then someone actually said, “RIP, AMY!” in like this totally affected way and rolled their eyes up to the heavens and pointed a little and I got the giggles. No, it doesn’t mean I’m heartless. It means I have a low tolerance for people who do things in order to get attention.)

This song may have Amy in the title but it’s not about Amy. It’s about Amy Winehouse being unable to write music because all she wants to do is hump someone wearing Diesel jeans. I don’t know if I know anyone who owns Diesel jeans. Those things are EXPENSIVE, yo. Also, a tad douchey. I think I might be more attracted to men in khakis. Does this mean I’m getting old?

Grade: C

“Amy’s in the Attic” – Insane Clown Posse

(Side note: I knew from the band name this wasn’t going to go well.)

I think I deserve a medal for listening to this shit. First, it’s like rap but scarier. What is this. sj, you’d know. What kind of scary musical genre would this be called? Clowncore or some such shit? (OMG SIDE NOTE. Per sj: “They call themselves horrorcore, but they’re just shitty white rock-rappers.” THAT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD I ALMOST PEED. Also, “horrorcore?” Bah. Clowncore is better. Clowns DENOTE horror. And insanity. And hiding-in-your-closet-ready-to-eat-your-face. It’s really a portmanteau of a word.) Anyway, this song is about a little boy who murders a little girl named Amy by accident on the playground and then hides her in the attic so NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW but it’s eleven years later and he’s haunted by her and her mouth is filled with maggots. This is terrible. Who listens to this band. If any of you listen to this band I think you need therapy. I don’t think this is a valid life choice.

Grade: F (and don’t you dare watch that video)

“Amy in the White Coat” – Bright Eyes

This is very pretty and very depressing and I think it’s about a girl who’s being abused at home and no one understands her at school. I like Bright Eyes. It’s not a CHEERFUL Amy song and it’s not an Amy song I can RELATE to and it never says Amy in the LYRICS but it’s totally pretty and sounds like he’s singing it in an abandoned warehouse and it’s all echoey. I like this a lot, even though it doesn’t fit my Amy-song criteria.

Grade: A-

“Amy” – Green Day

(Side note: I have always liked Green Day, but since I saw American Idiot earlier this year I’ve been in love with them. I have high hopes for this.)

This is pretty. I like this a lot. Also, it has nice lyrics. “No one really knows about your soul/And I barely really know your name” and “Amy don’t you go/I want you around” are very nice. This is a very good Amy-song. This gets high Amy-song marks. It’s also a little sad, though. I think it’s about a lost girl. I can relate to the lost girls. So that makes it even better.

Grade: A

“Chasin’ Amy” – The Steve Helms Band

(Side note: This song came out in 2011. The MOVIE came out in 1997. THIS IS A VERY UNORIGINAL SONG TITLE. Also, is it really a “band” if there’s only one guy? Does he have multiple personality disorder or something?)

I can’t take this guy seriously. He looks like a bloated Cheech Marin. No one made out with you by the water, especially someone named Amy. Also, where are you having this concert, the break room of an insurance company? Do they even WANT you to be having that concert there?

Grade: F

“If U Seek Amy” – Britney Spears

(Side note: I was confused by the grammar of this song for quite some time.)

So this song, for those of you who are as out of the loop about things as I am, is a TRICKY PLAY ON WORDS! It says, “All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy” and if you’re a GROWNUP you might be all, “WTF? that doesn’t grammatically make sense” but then you’re supposed to say it SUPER-FAST and then the “if you seek Amy” part sounds like “F-U-C-K me” but really only if you have a speech impediment because no matter how I say it, it still sounds like “IF-U-C-K me” and that doesn’t make any sense.

Also, the song makes no sense. It’s about people looking for someone named Amy cause they LURVE her, but then there’s that grammatically weird tag line in the middle and the whole thing is ridiculous. I get that she was trying to be super-naughty but that’s no reason to write bad music.

Mostly what I got from this video is how pretty Britney Spears was before she had a break with reality. Also? I would totally dance around the house to this while cleaning.

Grade: B- (it’s got a good beat, shut up)

“Miami, My Amy” – Keith Whitley

Oh, well this is promising, look at that little play on words up there. Miami looks like My Amy!

No. No no no. This is awful and sounds like the music I grew up with because my parents loved 8-track country. Also, the song has the worst narrative. This guy falls for this chick and says “I love you!” and she says “go away and I’ll call you later” but she can’t even wait and calls him like immediately. Also, he sounds like easy-listening country threw up in his mouth.

Who the hell is Keith Whitley? I’ve never heard of this person. Look at his feathery hair.

Grade: F

“Saving Amy” – Brantley Gilbert

(Side note: Dad says never to trust a man with two first names. That is all.)

This is a Christian song. I was tricked into listening to this. I don’t feel this was a nice thing to do to me. Even worse: it’s not even terrible. This guy doesn’t have a bad voice. The song is pretty sappy-bad, though. And that’s saying a lot because I’m a total fan of sappy deathy country songs. (I am not a fan of Christian songs of trickery, though.)

Grade: D-

“Amy Hit the Atmosphere” – Counting Crows

(Side note: I still kind of like Counting Crows. Is that terrible? Shut up. “Anna Begins” is one of the most beautiful, saddest songs in the whole world.)

I don’t know what I think of this song. I feel like it’s being purposely vague, and I’m good at figuring shit out, usually. POETRY DEGREE, BABY. I’m meh on this song. I can take it or leave it. Sorry, Counting Crows.

Grade: B-

WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED TODAY, BLOGGONIANS?

  • Winning today’s post are “Amy” by Elton John, “Amy in the White Coat” by Bright Eyes, and “Amy” by Green Day. (However, I’m not in love with any of them. They’re GOOD, but they’re not STELLAR.)
  • Losing today’s post are “Amy’s in the Attic” by Scary Clowns Trying to Rap, “Chasin’ Amy” by A Man Who Says He Has a Band But I Think It’s Just Him, and “Miami, My Amy” by Some Country Singer Who Apparently Died Young So I Feel Kind of Bad Mocking Him.
  • None of these songs would win me over if you sang them to me in a wooing fashion.

Stay tuned, interwebs! We have MORE AMY SONGS coming up tomorrow! TEN MORE! (Possibly even MORE if I stumble upon them in my travels!) If you mention Amy songs in the comments, I will neither confirm or deny if they will be included! Because that will be spoily!

Happy Saturday to you! May your days be both merry AND bright. And may you find a song written about you that does not include you being murdered, stuffed in an attic, and then haunting your killer with a mouth filled with maggots. *shudder*


Interspecies friends in shark costumes. And also there’s a Roomba.

You know how sometimes I say, “this is going to be a very short post?” And really it ends up being crazy long?

Well, it is. Really, this time. Short, I mean. For real.

Sorry.

I have posts planned – at least one for Saturday, and one for Monday, as long as I have time to write them. Things are getting a little crazy and busy here in Amyland. Which is good, because when I get back? SO MANY THINGS TO TALK ABOUT! But right now? NO TIME TO WRITE, JELLYBEANS!

(What’s ironic is, I have SO MANY BLOG POSTS PLANNED, too. And no time to write them. Annoying.)

Tonight I have to get to bed. Just utterly have to. No choice. I haven’t been sleeping lately. Lots on my mind, and staying up much too late. Need to recharge tonight. And maybe try to do a little reading. I’m trying to get a book read by the time I leave town on Saturday.

Anyway, I will leave you with some fun things.

Remember I sent Andreas a present? It arrived! Over a week before the post office told me it would! And I made a pretty Storify of his wonderful photos he took of what I sent, so you could see!

Here, because stupid WordPress won’t let me embed Storify stories, here’s a preview:

Also, here is a video that’s been making us all giggle and giggle for the past couple days. CAT ON A ROOMBA!

There are all kinds of interspecies friends happening all up in here. Also, animals in costumes, and animals who are not at all distressed by bashing into cabinets while riding around on a Roomba.

Also, I think you will all appreciate this: when I was coming back from the wake this week (at which I did not embarrass myself or my parents, so that was nice) and drove past a sign for a business. That business was called:

INTERWEB

You GUYS! There is an INTERWEB out in the world! I was talking to Susie about it and I researched it and apparently they sell paper-making machines or something? It’s all very confusing and I’m not sure what’s happening there. But you can be assured that when I drove past INTERWEB I shouted “INTERWEB!” as loud as I could and laughed and laughed and possibly internally debated whether or not to turn around, take a photo for all of you, and then get back on the road. (Common sense won out. And also, it was 7pm and I hadn’t had anything to eat since 1. I was STARVING.)

Also, I had my first official post on Snobbery this week; if you’d like to read about some booky goodness, please click on over!

Alright. Time to break up the cat-fighting going on right now and get to bed. With a book. And comfy pajamas. Because it might snow tonight. At the end of April.

UPDATE! Not only did it not snow, it’s not even that cold out this morning. Silly weatherman.

One more thing. This came on the radio today?

“Grab your things, I’ve come to take you home” might be one of the most perfect lines ever written in music, ever.

Happy Friday, all. I’ll be back tomorrow. Probably. I would assume. Barring the apocalypse, I guess.


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