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Tag Archives: video

The dream girl of every 80s teen heartthrob everywhere

This will probably be brief(ish) but you get a surprise at the end so that’ll take that sting right outta there.

So, as stated yesterday, I had to go to the drugstore and get a mouthguard. The mouthguard is so I don’t continue grinding away on my teeth due to all the daytime stress that translates into nighttime stress and that, apparently, I am taking out on my poor jaw and teeth.

Hee! STRESS SHIELD! Yeah, I'm thinking this isn't going to work.

Hee! STRESS SHIELD! Yeah, I’m thinking this isn’t going to work.

(I think it’s lucky I’m not nighttime-punching or something. Poor Dumbcat. He’d get like a punch in the middle of the night and be all, “MOM WHY ME WHAT DID I DO?” and I wouldn’t even be awake to respond. So I suppose my nighttime destructiveness isn’t hurting anyone but me. Much like most of my daytime destructiveness, if we’re honest.)

This is a terrifying illustration. I don't care for this at all.

This is a terrifying illustration. I don’t care for this at all.

So I went to the drugstore and had four choices of mouthguards. One was the most expensive. It also seemed to have metal and springs involved. I was not too keen on putting metal and springs in my mouth. Doesn’t that seem like a mistake and also you’d wake up and have given yourself, like, LITERAL LOCKJAW or something? Also, I have a tongue ring, and I just KNOW that’d get all tangled in there. No thanks.

The next one down price-wise seemed very reasonable and had reassuring comments on the box.

The other two looked very cheap, and like they would slice my gums to ribbons with sharp plastic. I was not a fan of waking up all bloody-gummed. It didn’t seem like a better option than grinding my teeth to stumps.

So I got the second-most-expensive one and when I got it home, I took out the instruction sheet and HOLY CRAP was it detailed.

You had to boil water. Then put the mouthguard in a special plastic bracket. Then put the mouthguard in the boiling water for three minutes to soften it. Then dip it for NO MORE THAN TEN SECONDS ZOMG! in room-temperature water. Then RUN TO THE BATHROOM and insert (hee) the bracket containing the softened mouthguard in your mouth, being VERY SURE it lined up properly to your two front teeth. Then you had to CHOMP ALL DOWN AS HARD AS YOU COULD for TWO WHOLE MINUTES. This was not an easy task because I have TMJ so I can’t chomp down for longer than a few seconds or my jaw locks up. So I was standing there counting off seconds with my locky jaw radiating out ALL THE PAIN while I waited for this thing to settle into the shape of my teeth.

This is the thing I bought. FANCY SCHMANCY.

This is the thing I bought. FANCY SCHMANCY.

Then you ran it under cool water and made sure it fit your teeth.

IT DID!

But it makes me sound like an 80s nerd when I talk, which is kind of more hilarious than it need be. So I walked around saying things with my mouthguard in like a BOSS.

(Mom was all, “You know you’re not really obligated to TALK with that thing in, right? You’re just supposed to wear it to sleep. And you don’t TALK while you’re SLEEPING.” Well, most people don’t, Mom. I do. I’ve been told by both roommates AND romantic conquests that I’m QUITE chatty in my sleep about a BROAD variety of topics, none of which make much sense, thank you very much.)

So…I promised to show you all my pretty, pretty mouthguard, which will, undoubtedly, make me very popular with suitors.

So I made you a video. Because that’s how *I* roll, yo.

YOU ARE SO WELCOME.

(Yeah, I don’t know what the hell with the lighting in here, either. I promise it’s not as yellow in real life. And my hair usually doesn’t look THAT insane. I mean, INSANE, but a little LESS insane. And why in that picture does it look like my arm is growing out of my neck?)

Happy Friday, people of the blog. I hope you have the best weekends. I have a big weekend of work and running off to Massachusetts to review a murder mystery and then running home to write the review and then crashing out with my new boyfriend, Dentek the Mouthguard.

IT WILL BE HOT TIMES IN THE OLD LUCY’S FOOTBALL HOUSE LET ME TELL YOU.

(Side note: Dad says I’m not allowed to post this because if I DO, you all will start calling me “Bucketmouth.” I asked him to elaborate, and he said “You know, like people get called when they have things in their mouths.” I don’t know that anyone’s ever been called “Bucketmouth” in the history of, like, EVER, but it made me giggle. A LOT.)

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Stars and Lily and the universal language: A day of random goodness, part one

We have a lot of random things to clean up here that are all loose-endy so let’s do that today, what do you say? Shh, that is RHETORICAL. You aren’t supposed to SAY anything. Sheesh, come on. Or, well, I guess you COULD. I can’t HEAR you, though.

I just made a list. I have SIX THINGS to discuss. ZOMG! That is a lot of things! We’re going to have to split this up over two days, because I just finished writing it and it’s about three days of words. That’s a lot of words, jellybeans. Speaking of jellybeans, I had something I had to do the minute I got home tonight and couldn’t go out and get half-price Easter candy. So that means the thing I had to do was more important than half-price Reese’s Eggs. You know something’s important when it’s more important than half-price chocolatey peanut-butter goodness, right?

It's true, sometimes things in life are more important than half-price seasonal goodness. It's all about priorities, people.

It’s true, sometimes things in life are more important than half-price seasonal goodness. It’s all about priorities, people.

This is going to be the most random, sincerely. But also fun. At least, hopefully fun. I try to infuse a little fun into all the things. I mean, what’s the point if you can’t have some fun with it? I even have fun at the DMV, yo.

We are all made of stars

So I mentioned the other day: I bought, and intended to eat, FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME, starfruit. I know. It’s humorous that I’m almost 40 and have not yet tried starfruit. There are a lot of things I have never tried. We grew up eating very basic things, and I have a really weird palate and don’t like many things at all. ESPECIALLY not fruit.

However, this is a fruit that looks like a STAR. And sj’s kiddos said it tasted like strawberries and apples and someone online said also maybe lemons and those are all things I like. And I’m trying to be more daring this year. I totally have tried Thai curry AND Korean food. I deserve a MEDAL.

So Sunday, when most people were having adventures in ham-eating and egg-dyeing, or whatever it is you were doing on Easter, I tried starfruit. Starfruit! For the first TIME!

Aren't they so pretty? It's a whole PLATE of stars!

Aren’t they so pretty? It’s a whole PLATE of stars! Yes, I have the best plates. They were a housewarming gift from friend C. Thank you, friend C.!

And because I’m awesome, I totally made a video of it. I know. I’m kind of the best.

After the video, I ate the rest of the starfruit, and it kind of made me have puckery drymouth, like if you eat too much pineapple. But it was just fine. I don’t know that I’ll buy ALL the starfruit and like eat it every DAY or anything, but I don’t eat a lot of fruit anyway. I did, however, buy a bunch of strawberries this week. I’m very predictable; spring comes, and I start craving fresh fruits and vegetables. I’m going to be craving zucchini any day now. (NOT AT ALL A EUPHEMISM.) And green beans. Yum.

Doing nice things for good people

You all know Jim, right? Jim is my friend and I care about him a great deal. He is one of my most favorite writers and also just an all-around wonderful human being. (Even though he is dead to Dad. DEAD TO HIM! And now Dad thinks Jim is creating cyborgs. More on this tomorrow. Dad thinks Jim is in cahoots. With whom? I’m not quite sure, but probably the government.)

Last year, Jim and his team did a walk for Highmark’s Walk for a Healthy Community. The proceeds go to ABOARD, which is Autism Connection of Pennsylvania.

Last year, I was not able to donate much, because I had a craptacular job. (Sorry, old job. What are you going to do, fire me again? No. No, you no longer have that option.) Jim, however, sent me a wonderful teeshirt anyway. Because he’s not even dead to me a little tiny bit, DAD.

Whoa, look how short my hair was a year ago. It's much longer now. And look how happy I was! Aw, me.

Whoa, look how short my hair was a year ago. It’s much longer now. And look how happy I was! Aw, me.

ANYWAY, this year they’re doing it again. And luckily, because I have an amazing job and have money to buy things and donate to good causes, I was able to donate a little more. Not as much as I’d like, or as much as they deserve, but a little more.

The walk this year is Saturday, May 18, so just about a month and a half from now. The goal is $2,500, and they still have a long way to go. It’s only at 23% right now.

I know times are tough and I know you have to buy things like food and gas and pay your rent, but I’m going to be totally relentless evil right now and show you the Lily that Team Lily is named after (and also her dad, because why not, he’s ok too, I suppose):

Come on, seriously? THE CUTENESS HERE IS OVERWHELMING. (Jim's ok, too, I suppose. Whatever.)

Come on, seriously? THE CUTENESS HERE IS OVERWHELMING. (Yeah, yeah, Jim’s ok, too.)

So if you would like to drop a little money their way, which goes to a wonderful organization that’s the most deserving, it would be so appreciated. Even a little would be great. Also, you could do worse than to read Jim’s blog, or follow him on Facebook. Jim’s kind of the bomb and makes me laugh so hard on a daily basis. (Don’t let that go to your head, Jim! Crap, you already did, didn’t you. I am SCREWED. Now you’re going to go around all, “Amy thinks I’m the BOMB!” and I won’t even be able to refute it. Sigh. The things I do for the people I love.)

I know the internet’s all about hitting you up for money on a regular basis, and I’m just as good as anyone as saying “Nope, sorry, can’t donate to everything all the time” but this is real people and this is a very good cause and this is my friend Jim, who has always been one of the most supportive internet people I know. Look at that kiddo up there and tell me you don’t want to donate a little money. You can’t do it! SHE IS JUST TOO DAMN ADORABLE!

Talking with FACES

So, one of the side effects of meeting my wonderful Andreas in person is that now I miss him. And, in a nice piece of coincidence, he misses me, too. Isn’t that nice how that works out? So what we like to do every couple of weeks is talk with our faces on the internets. First we used Skype, but Skype hates me and froze up constantly. So then we decided to try Google Hangout, and guess what? IT WINS! It only kicks me off every once and a while. So this weekend, I totally got to talk to Andreas’ face. It was the most wonderful. If you can talk to someone for two hours without even getting bored and only have to get off because it’s 1:30am and you’re the most exhausted because you’ve been up since 7am and worked all day, you know that person’s a keeper. (Andreas is totally a keeper. I’m not giving you back, Andreas!)

Also, Andreas makes me laugh the hardest, and sends me links so I can see what his town looks like so I’ll be PREPARED for FINLAND (which is totally only fifteen months away, really, so it’s RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER! Ok, even I can’t sell that one, sorry) and I get to see his kiddos, which makes my whole day. (The past two times, I got to see his son, who is teeny and wee but getting bigger all the time! And has the biggest blue eyes and gives me all the smiles! And THIS TIME, I got to see his DAUGHTER! I was so excited I totally bopped all around in my chair and clapped and smiled and smiled!) Although I’m pretty sure his daughter had to be wondering who the crazy lady who spoke no Swedish on the computer was. (In news of win, although at first she was the most shy, by the time we were done, I had coaxed a smile out of her by shamelessly playing peek-a-boo, which translates into ANY language. This is something to remember: if you are confronted by a child who does not speak your language, funny faces and peek-a-boo are universal.)

*Not Andreas' daughter. This kid's cute, but his daughter has my whole heart. She's wonderful.

*Not Andreas’ daughter. This kid’s cute, but his daughter has my whole heart. She’s wonderful.

Guess what I’m getting this month? My passport. Yep. I did the research to figure out what I needed to get it, and it’s seemingly easier than I thought it would be. So soon I shall be the proud owner of a passport with my beaming face in it. I might (MIGHT, because you know I hate counting chickens) be taking a wee out-of-country trip this year, so I’ll need it sooner than later. Then I’ll store it somewhere safe, because I will most definitely be needing it next year. Finland demands it, you see. (Also, I told Andreas that I would bring much joy to his islands, and the people there would NOT want me to leave. He agreed wholeheartedly. That made me smile.)

MERKA! PASSPORT! MERKA!!!!!!

MERKA! PASSPORT! MERKA!!!!!!

OK, there you have part one. Tomorrow, we will continue with cats and Dad-stories and sports. Happy Tuesday, internettians! May your days be full of starfruit and smiles as big as Lily’s up there. I can’t think of a better thing.


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