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Tag Archives: summer

Each thing I do I rush through so I can do something else.

Each thing I do I rush through so I can do/something else. In such a way do the days pass–/a blend of stock cars racing and the never ending building of a gothic cathedral./Through the windows of my speeding car, I see/all that I love falling away: books unread,/jokes untold, landscapes unvisited… ― “Pursuit,” Stephen Dobyns

I have exactly an hour to write this before getting to bed. I’m really trying to get at LEAST seven hours of sleep a night right now. I went lower than that earlier in the week and the yawning at my desk was getting a little distracting to my coworkers. I love my job a ton and then a ton more, but it’s not the kind of job where you’re doing a lot of different things. You’re thinking a lot, so it’s not like it’s one of those emotion-killer jobs, not even a little…but you get in a routine. And when you’re half-asleep, nothing pushes you over the edge into sleepytown like a routine. Open the folder (yawn) start researching if all the things we need to write this policy are here where they should be (yawn, blink blink blink), go into the computer program to write the policy (MEGA-yawn, eyes getting a little closey now)…you get the idea.

What? I'm not yawning. I'm...stretching my jaw out. For all that future singing that I'm going to be doing. Yep. Totally doing that.

What? I’m not yawning. I’m…stretching my jaw out. For all that future singing that I’m going to be doing. Yep. Totally doing that.

Andreas tells me I need more than seven hours of sleep, and that eight hours is recommended. Well, eight hours seems like a lot, doesn’t it? And I’d love to get eight hours, but when would I blog? NEVER, is when. (Also, I try to catch up on the weekends, or at least on Saturday nights/Sunday mornings when I have a chance, but my body’s all “NOPE! SORRY BUCKAROO!” and wakes me up after about seven hours of sleep, even if I wanted more. Stupid sabatogey body.)

So. Lots going on around here. I have actual, honest-to-goodness post ideas for you, but no time to do them justice (and half a draft written for Insatiable Booksluts that I MUST get done after work tomorrow night, must must must!) and SO MANY THINGS going on. Like, a million and a half things. This is, most likely, why I can’t get any sleep. I have too many things in my brain-area. How do you people turn these things off when it’s sleeping-time? Don’t even say alcohol or drugs, I’m an old lady and I don’t do those (anymore.)

I AM TRYING.

I AM TRYING.

So, in brief, what I have going on ’round these here parts before the month is out:

  • Two, yes, TWO, out-of-town trips – and not even for the theater! For FUN! (Well, the theater’s pretty fun, too, I have to admit.) In a little over a week I’m going to visit the most lovely Bronwyn down in the Catskills, which is very exciting for many reasons. I never thought I’d get to meet her, since she lives in the faraway wilds of distant Canada, AND she was one of my first Twitter people/internet friends/blog readers! I have known her for over two years! This is a meetup quite some time in the making. We are going to have an epic adventure. Well, a brief epic adventure, since she’s leaving town not long after…but a brief adventure is better than no adventure at all!
    Then, a week later, I am headed northwest to visit the equally-lovely Laura, one of my fellow Booksluts, before she leaves our fair state for the more humid climes of the south! We are having an afternoon of chatting and eating and MORE chatting and laughing and have decided we will talk about both SRS BSNS and fun-times. As two most amazing Booksluts are apt to do.
    Yes, I promise I will take some photos!
  • Much writing of blog posts and book reviews and various and sundry other things. I will most likely be glued to the laptop when I am not doing other things.
  • Things that are keeping me busy like reading, and working, and plotting a big surprise-thing I’m working on, talking to Andreas with my face, and sometimes watching a little TV and hanging with Dumbcat. (I came home way too late the other day and Dumbcat was AMAZED I WAS NOT DEAD. And he was VERY VOCAL about it. “Meow, Mom!” he said. A lot. And loudly. “MEOW! Where have you been? MEOW! I’ve been HERE, in our HOME, but you have NOT! MEOW MEOW!” Then when I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom he kept walking by the door, pausing, MEOW!-ing into the door, and walking by. Then walking BACK by in the OTHER direction, MEOW!-ing, and walking by again. Over and over. Back and forth. I was seriously giggle-choking on toothpaste. HE NEEDED SOME SERIOUS ATTENTION, YO.)

    OMG. This is totally Dumbcat. LOOK AT ME MOM LOOK AT ME MOM.

    OMG. This is totally Dumbcat. LOOK AT ME MOM LOOK AT ME MOM.

  • Plotting some other things that are futurey things, like trips and visits and such. They do not need IMMEDIATE planning but they are back-burner planning things that are always being thought about.
  • Maybe doing some artsy things, if I have time to shoehorn those in.

Those are a LOT of things. Also, were you aware the summer’s almost over? It’s totally true. It’s already August! I’m happy about this, because summer = hot and humid and gross, but it is kind of baffling that the summer is already almost gone. Poof. Just like that. That went by pretty quickly, didn’t it? Whoo.

Have happy and restful and relaxing weekends, all. Do something summery. Maybe have an adventure. August is for squeezing in those last few adventures before it starts getting chilly. Go have one, ok? Good, good. Go forth and adventure.

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What they don’t tell you about walking on sunshine is that it is SO SO HOT.

It’s hot.

Like, heat-wave hot.

BEYOND hot.

Like, living on the surface of the SUN hot.

(Now is when Andreas tells me I am exaggerating.)

Today, I asked my boss if somehow we were living in Tucson and no one told us. She thought maybe.

I'm pretty sure if I looked outside today, I'd see this.

I’m pretty sure if I looked outside today, I’d see this.

It’s the kind of hot where everything’s making me cranky, and I don’t want to leave the house, and there just aren’t enough cool things like icy beverages and popsicles and cold showers in the world to make it better, and I just don’t want to do anything but sit around and sigh sadly.

SO CRANKY AND HOT.

SO CRANKY AND HOT.

(Don’t you even tell me, as my mom always does, “You’ll WISH it was this hot when WINTER gets here!” Because I will NOT think that. I NEVER wish it to be this hot. And even when it’s super-cold in the winter, I don’t get this lethargic and crabby. I’m much better at cold than I am at hot. I HATE HEAT.)

According to a map I saw of Merka, it’s hot all over the place, except in a few places it’s in the 70s. (Well, I suppose in Alaska it’s cooler, but also there are moose and such up there, so that barely counts.)

Welcome to Merka! MONSTER HEAT WAVE!

Welcome to Merka! MONSTER HEAT WAVE!

So, because a lot of my readers are living where it’s quite toasty at the moment, I thought we could look at a helpful list of tips I found on the internet for staying cool when it’s hot out. That’ll be good, right? Yep. Totally will. We’ll think cool thoughts together.

Here’s the list. Ready?

1. Have a water-drinking competition with your family. I don’t think drinking water is competitive, and I know I read somewhere that if you drink too much of it, you can actually get water intoxication. You feel drunk and it makes you sick and stuff. I don’t know the science and I’m too hot to look it up. Something about imbalancing your chemicals or something. I bet Andreas knows. Just drink enough water so you don’t get dehydrated and don’t dare each other to drink more. Also, it’ll make you pee. Like, a LOT.

2. Sit in front of the air conditioner and eat marshmallows (sort of the opposite of roasting marshmallows over a campfire…) What the hell? This is foolish. Just eat whatever you want in front of the air conditioner. Popsicles. Fried chicken. Oreos, I don’t care. Weirdo.

3. Put an ice cube on your skin and see how long it takes to melt. Ooh, is this like naughty-times? Because it’s too hot for naughty-times. Get off me. GET OFF ME, I SAID.

Is she SLEEPING on the ice cubes? What is happening here?

Is she SLEEPING on the ice cubes? What is happening here?

4. Use a fan to blow your hair around like a fashion model’s and take pictures. And you have to do this during a heat-wave why? You could do this anytime. Also, you’re going to look weird, not sexy. Just so you know.

Well, this dog looks pretty good. But dogs always do.

Well, this dog looks pretty good. But dogs always do.

5. Read that book you haven’t had time to read because you’re usually outside. Ha! “Usually outside.” It’s like you don’t know me at all. I avoid outside as if it’s filled with bugs, sun, and strangers. Oh. Wait. It is.

6. Call a neighbor and invite them over for ice cream. No, because a., I don’t know or want to know any of my neighbors, and b. none of my friends are going to want to drive across town in this kind of heat for something they could get from their own freezers.

And if they eat it like this, I TOTALLY don't want them to come over. This is just creepy-times.

And if they eat it like this, I TOTALLY don’t want them to come over. This is just creepy-times.

7. Spend the day wandering around your local air-conditioned mall (assuming you have an air-conditioned way to get there). I actually somewhat agree with this one. One summer it was so hot my roommate and I were dying so we went to the mall and we watched a movie in comfort (we didn’t have air conditioning in that place) and we so, so, SO didn’t want to go home. But we had to. Because you can’t live in the mall, as much as you want to. But I don’t suggest spending the DAY there. I mean, you might as well go to work. Work’s air-conditioned, right?

8. Have a movie marathon–of movies that take place in the winter. This isn’t going to make you feel cooler. But if you want to watch movies, go to, I guess. Also, did I mention eat popsicles? Do that.

Watch this movie if you have to watch a cool movie. This movie is the best thing. (Ang Lee's "The Ice Storm." Highly recommended.)

Watch this movie if you have to watch a cool movie. This movie is the best thing. (Ang Lee’s “The Ice Storm.” Highly recommended.)

9. Call an elderly friend or relative and make sure they’re doing all right. OMG, everyone always says this. Who are these lonely forgotten old people, and why must we all be reminded to check on them? I’m guessing they’re old people that have no one, and that makes my heart hurt. My old people are fine. Mostly that means my grandmother, because the rest of my old people have died of non-heat-related reasons.

10. Soak in a tub of lukewarm water. I don’t like tubs, because they seem filthy to me. Also, when it’s hot, I want cold water. Not lukewarm. Cold. So I’m freezing. Then that cold lasts for like twenty minutes when I get out and then I’m all hot again, but still. It’s better than nothing. Dad says that only crazy people take cold showers and that the SHOCK will KILL me but I’ve been doing it for years and I’m still kickin’, baby.

I'm rarely this HAPPY in the cold shower, though. Who the hell is? It's cold. You move fast or you freeze.

I’m rarely this HAPPY in the cold shower, though. Who the hell is? It’s cold. You move fast or you freeze.

11. Write a note to remind yourself not to complain about cold temperatures next winter. Then write a note to remind yourself to stop being a supercilious asshat.

12. Have a sub sandwich buffet for supper: set out rolls, meats, cheese, veggies, and condiments, and let your family put together their own sandwiches. I don’t have a family. Who’s going to eat this Subway shop I’ve set up in my house? Dumbcat? He doesn’t like human food. It makes him hide under the couch. What a waste of all those things. I mean, there are only so many sandwiches I can eat, you know?

13. Give yourself permission to be a little lazy; after all, in this kind of heat you shouldn’t try to do too much. Except work, grocery shopping, laundry, packing for vacation, hanging with Dumbcat, doing a million theater reviews…yeah. I don’t know that I have an option to kick back and be lazy, yo. Sorry, me.

These don’t seem to have been very helpful tips. Here are MY tips.

  • Sit in front of the air conditioning
  • Eat all icy things all the time
  • Tell Dumbcat to get off you because he’s so heavy and so furry and so hot, even though you love him
  • Try very hard not to get cranky over things that wouldn’t normally bother you because it’s really just the heat speaking
  • Go swimming if you like such things and can swim (I do not, and cannot)
  • Don’t do things that make you extra hot, like cleaning the house, moving heavy furniture, or riding the mechanical bull (one or more of these is a euphemism, you can decide which)

Stay cool, my little ice cubes. And if you are my real-life most-beloved, and I am snappy, please know I am not snapping at YOU, but at the HEAT, which is like WALKING INTO A DAMN OVEN.

RIGHT INTO AN OVEN.

RIGHT INTO AN OVEN.

Ahem.

Happy Tuesday.

HAPPY TUESDAY.

So…so…hot…


Oh, just hanging with Marion Ravenwood, no big. How was YOUR weekend?

I had a weekend of all the things. Every last one of them. And I should PROBABLY blog about something of great social and political import, right? (This is where you start singing “Mercedes Benz,” if you’re me. Or maybe if you’re you and you love Janis Joplin and that song always makes you grin like it does me.)

LOVE.

LOVE.

But, nah. Instead I’m going to fill you in on the latest goings-on and then I’m going to eat dinner and loaf around lazily because I’m a little exhausted. Long week. And it’s so hot. So, so hot. And going to get hotter. Look at this forecast that popped up on Google for me today:

OMG. 97° is WAY too close to 100°, right? This is weather I can’t leave buildings in and have to sit in the air conditioning and dread the drive home. (I do not recommend not having air conditioning in your car, if you can help it. It’s not a valid life choice in weather like this.) Dad swears it will be cooler at the end of the week. I will tentatively trust him on this one.

In fun news, on Friday, I will be driving 4 hours to vacation in the car with no air conditioning. Vacation = good; driving in this kind of heat without air conditioning = not good. Cross your fingers that it cools off at the end of the week for driving purposes.

BUT, when all is said and done, it will be worth it, because, VACATION! 8 days and 9 nights in the mountains where it is cool and green and quiet! And The Nephew will visit, and there will be dinner and a play with Mom, and the movies with Dad and The Nephew and my brother, and much time for reading and writing and watching movies and television and so much sleeping and eating of things cooked on grills. And apparently there is a woodchuck who lives under the camp. I want to be friends with a woodchuck! Dad says he will disown me if I do, but I’m totally going to bring him some carrots cut into hearts. So he knows I love him.

Hi, woodchuck friend! Maybe you and Dumbcat could hang!

Hi, woodchuck friend! Maybe you and Dumbcat could hang!

(There will also be Helper-Mule-visiting and grandmother-visiting and Dad has some sort of secret adventure planned, but I don’t get to know what it is. I fee l like it might be eating food on a boat.)

And, in the BEST news, you all get to come with me, if all goes well, because per all reports I’ve gotten, my cell phone will now work in the mountains. YAY FOR NOT BEING CUT OFF FROM CIVILIZATION!

So, this weekend. Well, Friday night I went straight from work to a play out of town, which I attended with my lovely cousin P. Cousin P. is Dad’s first cousin, so she’s a little older, but not Dad-age older. She’s also funny and irreverent and intelligent and we’ve never had grownup time before, so this was an exciting adventure, right? Right.

When I got to P.’s house, she wasn’t ready yet, but that wasn’t a problem. Guess why? Because her house is a CALVACADE OF WONDER!

I was greeted by:

  • Either a very tall beagle or a foxhound! (I’m guessing foxhound.) He wanted all the petting. If I stopped paying attention for even one minute, he put his paw on my leg to remind me what I was there for.

    Yep, I vote foxhound. He totally looked like this, only demanding more petting.

    Yep, I vote foxhound. He totally looked like this, only demanding more petting.

  • A squishy gray dog that I suppose is probably a cockapoo or something. I’m terrible at small dogs. It was very soft but also growly. It wanted to be petted, but then when you petted it, it growled at you, so I think it had a personality disorder. (P. took this dog in when her mom, my beloved Aunt Jan, passed away, because it was her dog. The dog only really liked Jan.)

    Research tells me it was a maltipoo. And it was totally snarly like this one.

    Research tells me it was a maltipoo. And it was totally snarly like this one.

  • A black and white cat that jumped up on the couch and said a very distinct “MEOW!” to be petted. And then kept saying it. Loudly. Sometimes right in my ear. And made me laugh so hard.
  • A gray and white cat that headbutted you for petting, and then jumped up and walked on its hind legs a little when you petted it in the joy of being petted.
  • A beautiful calico cat that I wanted to pet very badly, but it was too shy and hiding in the kitchen and I know better than to chase after a cat that doesn’t want to be petted (even though I totally wanted to.)

P.’s son apologized for all the animals mobbing me but I told him over and over it was ok. It was the happiest household ever. I would totally be happy to have a billion animals and hang with them all day long.

Then P. was ready and we went to dinner. We ate outside because it was the first day in like ever that the humidity wasn’t insane. However, that restaurant was plagued with large shiny beetles and one totally got in my shirtsleeve and I was all “what is so scratchy OMG BUGS BUGS IN MY TOP” and we were NOT entertained by bugs in our tops and then we decided we felt like we were covered in bugs.

We talked and talked and ate and laughed and went over to the theater (which was right across the street – handy!) and P. knew all the people because it’s a small town so she kept saying “hello!” then under her breath “that’s my dentist” to me and that made me laugh.

The play was excellent. It was a new work (which can be hit or miss) about a family living in Georgia O’Keeffe and Alfred Stieglitz’s house in Lake George (they actually lived in Lake George, but the modern-day part was fiction) and it had everything I loved – family drama and art and passion and love and the pain of loss and big deep issues like how we change over time, and how we’re not the same person when one person views us as when another person does and how two people can love each other so much, but they’re poison to one another, and need to be apart to save each other’s sanity.

I have an O'Keeffe and Stieglitz thing. I am drawn in by passion and art and the pull between people that is both destruction and creation.

I have an O’Keeffe and Stieglitz thing. I am drawn in by passion and art and the pull between people that is both destruction and creation.

And I related to so many of the things it brought up, and there were a lot of times I cried. Not all rudely, though. Just quietly. Also I nodded a lot. And at one point, an actor was giving a monologue and I wanted to get up and give him the answers he was asking for, because I knew them so well (he was asking about loss – about how, when you lose someone you love more than your own heart, you stop talking about them. He wanted to know why that happened – why would you pretend that never happened? Wouldn’t you want to honor that person, by talking about them all the time? And I wanted to shout, “No. NO. You think about that person all the time. He or she is sometimes ALL you can think about. But if you let it out, it might drown you. You box it up. You keep it inside you. It might be selfish, but it’s self-preservation, and holding it in is all that’s keeping you afloat.” I didn’t yell at the actor, though. Heckling’s not encouraged at fancy shows.)

Then I went home and wrote the review and stayed up way too late and went to bed for work the next day. Yawn.

(Also, I’m pretty sure anyone reading my reviews thinks, “Oh, that’s that girl that doesn’t hate anything.” Because I’ve been to some excellent shows this summer. And throughout my time as a reviewer, actually. I’ve probably only given negative reviews to two or three shows, total. And even in those reviews, I’ve found something nice to say. Because I can ALWAYS find something worthwhile in watching a show. Even if I hate it. I can watch the lighting, or the costumes, or the choreography, or even the props management, and think, “That’s really well done. Nice job, there.” So, yes. Probably there’s someone reading all the reviews thinking “OK, so Matt’s pretty harsh, and Carol’s pretty fair, most of the time, and Paul loves almost everything…and Amy just LOVES THEATER SO MUCH ZOMG.” And you know what? They’re not wrong. That’s not to say if a show is bad, I don’t review it fairly. I always do. I make a very clear point of always telling the truth in these things. I just think there’s no need to be mean, and that people should go into a show as informed as they can be about what they’re walking into, if they’ve read the review.)

Me at every show, because I'm just SO DAMN HAPPY TO BE THERE!

Me at every show, because I’m just SO DAMN HAPPY TO BE THERE!

Then Saturday I worked all day and it was busy. I should make a shortcut key for that sentence; I say it every week. HOWEVER, it’s the last Saturday I have to work until August! HOORAY! Vacation time is almost here!

Then it was off to Arlo-land for another review at the same theater I went to at the end of June to see Treat Williams. This one was Extremities (a very serious play about rape and violence, written in the early 80s) directed by Karen Allen. You all know Karen Allen, right?

YAY!

YAY!

FAMOUS! She was in the New York version of the play in the 80s, and came to Massachusetts to direct this version!

I read Extremities in college, but have never seen it staged, and was both excited and nervous, because I really wanted to see it (it’s a powerful piece) but also…well, triggery. Super-triggery. And I was scared I might react poorly.

Guess who was in the row right in front of me? Friend P.! I haven’t seen him in over a month because he was fancying it up out of town in a show for 5 weeks. He’s back now so the Capital District feels whole again. There’s such a loss in the area when he’s away. Also, friend C. was there! He was far across the theater so I told him he was naughty and probably in time-out. It was funny to see them there, even though they see more theater than anyone I know, because it’s so far away. I didn’t expect to see anyone I knew there.

Also in the audience was…

KAREN ALLEN!

She looks more like this now. Still totally lovely, and still with this amazing smile.

She looks more like this now. Still totally lovely, and still with this amazing smile.

I was kind of the most impressed by that and kept peeking at her during the show to see what she thought. She seemed nervous (it was opening night) but pleased with the job her actors were doing. (She’s also so pretty! The internet tells me she’s 61 and she looked LUMINOUS! And even better – she looked REAL! Not even plasticy! Even though I found some internet site that tried to tell me she had all the plastic surgery, and if she did, well, it was the least obvious plastic surgery ever, so I totally don’t believe it. Way to be naturally gorgeous, Karen Allen! I see why Indiana Jones was so into you! She also seemed not-at-all actory and was interacting with people and laughing like a normal human being and I decided she just jumped up onto my list of favorite celebrity types, because I like when celebrities aren’t asshatty and “don’t TOUCH me! I AM MUY IMPORTANTO!”, you know?)

Then the show started and I was a ball of nerves and I pretty much stayed that way throughout the show. It’s a tense play. I’m not going to lie and tell you it’s not. Within the first ten minutes, you have a rape scene down center. Right in your face-area. And it’s violent. It’s really violent. And there’s swearing and screaming and your whole stomach goes into your mouth and you’re frozen into a little statue and the next day your hands kind of hurt and you realize it’s because you were twisting them together so tightly for two hours you bruised your own hands and fingers in finger-shaped pain-places.

It’s also an IMPORTANT play. About the nature of violence. About how women are treated, both before, during, and after an assault – not only by the person assaulting them, but by their friends, law enforcement, hell, even themselves. About monsters, and where they come from. About kindness, and mercy, and redemption. About your soul, and how far you’ll go to hold onto it with both hands.

Sometimes the best plays to watch aren’t the easiest plays to watch, but it’s all the more important you watch them, in that case.

(I won’t tell you what I said in the review, because it won’t publish until today or tomorrow…but I think you can tell the general tone of it from the past few paragraphs.)

Then it was driving-home time (if I didn’t have to write the review and wasn’t socially-awkward, I could have stayed and had food and met Karen Allen and told her she was luminous and that I love both Raiders of the Lost Ark AND Scrooged, but I had a long drive, I’d been up since 7, and I had to write write write. So off I went.)

Before I got on the highway, my GPS crapped out (Stockbridge hates technology, I’m sure of it) and also I realized I was going to run out of gas before I got home so I went to a shady gas station and while I was gassing up left my windows open and ALL THE MOTHS FLEW IN and then as I was driving there were MOTHS IN MY CAR and I hate moth-wing-dust more than I hate almost anything in the whole world so I kept getting the shivers. But I didn’t crash the car, so I think that’s a win.

OMG JUST THIS PHOTO IS MAKING ME SQUIRMY!!!

OMG JUST THIS PHOTO IS MAKING ME SQUIRMY!!!

And some of my favorite songs to sing along to all loud and obnoxious-like came on while I was driving so I sang until my throat was sore.

(This one got repeated like seven times in a row. I love it just that much.)

And that is the story of my weekend! SO MANY ADVENTURES! Sunday I relaxed, and read (finished The Ocean at the End of the Lane, review forthcoming – or maybe already published? – at Snobbery) and did some artwork that I got PAID for, you guys, that I can’t talk about yet, but it turned out BEAUTIFULLY, so once it’s something I can talk about, I will, and wait til you see! I did a happy dance when I was done. I think it’s awesome, and I’m so proud of myself, and the person who commissioned it was happy with it, too, so YAY YAY I AM AN OFFICIAL ARTIST NOW! With MONEY for making ART! And that’s about all I did on Sunday. I needed a day off. WHEW!

This week is going to be a flurry of list-making and packing and plan-making and such, but it’s a slow week otherwise, so I will check in with you as often as I can, and then less than a week from now, we are ALL GOING TO THE MOUNTAINS! Aren’t you so excited? I know you are!

Happy weeks, everyone! Hope your weekends were calm and quiet and productive and, if not productive, gleefully slothful!


When it’s summer in the city, and you are so long gone from the city, I start to miss you, baby, sometimes

I am settled in to watch Game of Thrones and am REALLY hoping something shocking and bloody happens tonight which I will not spoil in case you either aren’t caught up or haven’t read the books. But I totally would like to see some craziness happen, here, HBO.

ANYWAY, the weekend is over, and I hope you all had happy weekends of happiness. I worked (and worked and WORKED) on Saturday and it was just as crazy as predicted. Most of the very upset people had broken air conditioners. Broken air conditioners in 90 degree weather = yelling at the answering service. Also, a lot of the local apartment complexes just do not care if your air conditioner is broken on the weekend. This might be something you should look into when you’re thinking of moving into an apartment. Just ask, “Soooo, what’s your policy if my air conditioner breaks on a Saturday afternoon, by the way?” and if they say, “You’re shit outta luck, sonny Jim,” well, maybe look for a new place. Rather than calling me on a Saturday afternoon and threatening me by saying “If you don’t get my air conditioner working, I WILL FIND YOU. And also call every ten minutes until you do.” Oh, ok, then, buckaroo, let me pull my air conditioner repair diploma out of cold storage (ha! cold storage! get it?) and I’ll be RIGHT OVER.

Thumbs-up, yo!

Thumbs-up, yo!

Then Sunday I went to a play which was very good but I was ridiculous and forgot my umbrella and HOLY DOWNPOUR. I got to my car really, really soggy. My own damn fault. I knew it was going to rain. I put the umbrella where I wouldn’t forget it. And then I promptly forgot it. Sometimes I totally win at life. She says sarcastically.

ANYWAY, it is now summer. Yes, yes. I know it’s not officially summer until the solstice. But I consider June 1 to be the first day of summer for me. June, July and August are summer months, dammit, and I don’t need the solstice to tell me it’s summer. The heat and humidity are here, the sun’s coming up at an ungodly early hour, and Dumbcat’s lolling around in sunbeams as cats are wont to do. My air conditioner’s been going on overtime for days. Yep, it’s summer, solstice be damned. (Not really. I love the solstice. It’s magic-time.)

Well, THIS is sciency, right?

Well, THIS is sciency, right?

I don’t love summer. I don’t do well with heat, I don’t love sun, I get crabbity at how long the days are. I know. Most people look forward to summer and it’s just their favorite thing. Not me. There’s something wrong with me, right? Don’t care. I look forward to autumn with the cool nights and the leaves falling crisp off the trees.

However, even though summer and I do not get along, not even a little bit, I have many grand plans for the next few months. If there’s anything I’m good at doing, it’s making plans.

LUCY’S FOOTBALL’S SUMMER OF AWESOMENESS!

Vacation! End of July! Nine whole days off! Going up north to the mountains and one of my favorite places in all the world! Where it will be quiet and smell like pine trees and I will read many books and make many campfires and eat many things cooked on the grill. Mom and I are going to a play; Dad and I will have some sort of adventure; hopefully my brother and I will get to hang a little and I’ll get to see his dog, who I love and haven’t seen in a while. (Yes, I think about seeing animals while I’m on vacation.) I will also get to see Helper Mule, and in news of awesome, Mom has asked me to bring Dumbcat with me because there are mice at camp and she thinks he will eat some and also scare the rest away. I get to go on vacation with my best buddy, aw! That’s nice because I hate leaving him behind. He’s so sad when I get home. He thinks I’ve abandoned him. This will be nice for him. He gets a little vacation, too! And also to hunt mice! It’s going to be like Cat Disneyland for him up there!

Look out, mousey, Dumbcat's comin' to town!

Look out, mousey, Dumbcat’s comin’ to town!

Montreal! On the Sunday I arrive upstate, I will be making the trek to Montreal! Much fun will be had. Many adventures. One of which will be actually DRIVING in Montreal. But I will persevere. I am very brave. Plus I will get to meet Le Clown and Sara, so that’s really worth scary city-driving, right? Right.

Look how pretty, aw!

Look how pretty, aw!

Reading! I have many reading plans for the summer. First, I have two MEGA HUGE BOOKS I am reading. Infinite Jest, for the Summer of Jest readalong with some of my favorite internettians (yes, I know, I should have read it by now, but I was afraid it was too smart for me, and I hate books that make me feel stupid) and A Dance with Dragons, because I’m about to get spoiled by the TV show and I would hate that. I will also be reading OTHER books in-between THOSE books, because this summer there are TWO new Stephen King books coming out (Joyland and The Dark Man) and a new Neil Gaiman (The Ocean at the End of the Lane) along with all the other things I need to be reading and such. I know. It’s utterly impossible to cram enough words into my eyeholes to please me.

Television! I will be finishing the new season of Arrested Development, catching up on the 4 months I’m behind on current television shows, and, if time permits, starting Doctor Who because sj says it is something I need to do. That’s a lot of television. I’m aware. Also, True Blood starts in a couple of weeks, and Under the Dome starts at the end of June. So many good things!

I'd be lying if I said I had high hopes for "Under the Dome," but I'll still watch it. Of course I will.

I’d be lying if I said I had high hopes for “Under the Dome,” but I’ll still watch it. Of course I will.

Plays! I get to see a LOT of theater this summer. And get PAID for it! I have three reviews this month, and they’re all at fancy theaters. And there will be more in July and August! So exciting! Even better, the three reviews this month are in Massachusetts, and I have never even BEEN in Massachusetts! I’m totally going on an ADVENTURE!

Shower/Wedding! Friends A. and K. are getting married this summer! I have friend K.’s wedding shower this weekend and then the wedding is in August and am I going to cry? Well! Yes I am! Because I am so happy for them!

Readings! Many good authors are coming to town this summer! First, and most excitingly, Neil Gaiman at the end of the month! Then in July, Robert Pinsky (who used to be the Poet Laureate), Joyce Carol Oates (whee! SO EXCITING!), Russell Banks (who wrote The Rule of the Bone and The Sweet Hereafter) and Rick Moody (he wrote The Ice Storm, which I LOVE.)

Pretty sure Gaiman's counting the days til I get to meet him, right? Right.

Pretty sure Gaiman’s counting the days til I get to meet him, right? Right.

So, there! Even though I will be hot, and uncomfortable, and crabby, I will be doing a lot of amazing things over the next few months. This is how you take LEMONS and turn them into LEMONADE, people. Shit. Now I want lemonade.

I hope you all have grand summer plans as well! Maybe yours include beaches and parks and such? Those are valid choices. I don’t judge.

(And because it makes me both happy and melancholy, here’s Regina Spektor’s “Summer in the City” where I got the title of this post. I kind of love her.)


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