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Tag Archives: guest post

It is my BIRTHDAY! (A very special guest post!)

Gude morneng, people of teh bloge. Momme said I culd blog today because it is a speshul day for me. It is my burthday!

I am blogginge! Mommee has used her lapetope so much she wore off all the silver on it. She needs a new one, she sayse!

I am blogginge! Mommee has used her lapetope so much she wore off all the silver on it. She needs a new one, she sayse!

Well, it is my pertend burthday, because I am adopted catte. Mome doesn’t’t know when is my burthday. I do not know ether because I am a catte. We do not haev calenders! But when Moeme adopted me, the vet sayed I was two yeers olde, and so she said my 2end burthday was on the day she adopted mee and I became a catte with a Momme who pettes my furr.

It is many yeers later. Do you know how olde I am twoday?

I am Foreteen yeers old!

Momme looked it up on the internetwebs and she sayed that when a catte is fouerteen, it is like a hoomanperson being seventy-2 years old. “Thatte is very old, Dummbecatte!” she sayed to me. Then she picked me up and kissed me on my noes and also cuddled me and that messes up my furres! So when I gotted onto the floor, I licked my furr until it was niec again. Momme doesnot understaynd how my furres need to always be so nice but she gives good cuddels so I still loev her.

O no! This cat has the mesziest furs! He must be SO MADFACE!

O no! This cat has the mesziest furs! He must be SO MADFACE!

Momme has been my momme for tweylve yeers. That is a longtime! I donot remember my home beefore Momme but probebly it was not goodtimes because they did not want me anymore and left me at a scary playce called a shelter but not inside but owtside where it was wintercold but Momme worked there and she bringed me home with her because she sayed, “I like yore fayce, you funny furree catte.” Me is Dumbcatte. Did I say hi? Oh, no. I always try to be saying hi. Hi from Dumbcatte. Hi to you, peeple!

Hi from me Dumbcatte! I am a litele scayred of you but not all the way scarede.

Hi from me Dumbcatte! I am a litele scayred of you but not all the way scarede.

On humanpeeple burthdays, there are caykes and presents and cards mayde of paper, and sometimes the phone rings and also peeple write on your wall of Faycebookings, but I donot have a phone or a fayceboke. I don’t think cates can hayve a faycebooke because we have paws. That seems unfayre. I want to talk to my congressmene. I would be good at Faycebookings! I would like all of your piktures and also say things like “helo from me i Am Dumbcatte!” and you would smile. Also I wuld post piktures of cattes. Momme says that lots of peeple do that on teh Faecbooks so yew would liek that!

I wulde post THISCAT! He is funny cat. He has a cowche! And WURDS! I like him lots much.

I wulde post THISCAT! He is funny cat. He has WURDS! I like him lots much.

Momme says I sholde tell you about how it is to bee seventee-two yeers old in hooman years and about importent things that haev happened to me in my lief because that is what olde peeple mite do on their burthdays so I was thinkeng all day aboute this. I forgette things a lot of tiems. This mite be becauz I am olde, or because Momme says I am a catte of very litel brain. But she still loves me the most of all the cattes of all the wurld! That maeks me lucky!

I am thinkinge hard hard. This is my thinkinge fayce, but also my almost asleepe fayce.

I am thinkinge hard hard. This is my thinkinge fayce, but also my almost asleepe fayce.

I will tell you things that are importent that have happened to mee! Dumbcatte! You did not forgete I am Dumbcatte, right? Gude.

When I am TWO yeers old, Momme rescued me from the cowld outsideplace. At furst I was scared of her because peeple made me scaredcat. But then I reelized, she is gudelady! And gievs me many pettings and many treets! So I luved her after some months of hiding under the bed where there was dust and also it was darktimes. Her howse was warm and no one throwed things at me and there was alwaeys food and waters, and treets. When I was two was a very gude yeer even though I was scared at furst.

When I am STILL TWO yeers old, Momme and me and my sistercat got in the car and drove for many many days! I did not know what is happeninge. The car had maney things in it like cloethes and pots and pans and all the books. Me and sistercat were in the front seet in a carrier with a seetbelt over us. Mostly I sleeped the whoel time. Sistercat did not sleep. She made meows the whole way but LOWD. Momme kept saying, “Please stop, Bittercat, you are giving mee migrayne hedacke.” Sistercat did not like cars or drivings and made so many meows. Mostly I just sleeped. Sometimes Momme would pet me and say, “You are my gudboye and a very gude traveller, Dumbcatte” and I would make purrs. I do not mind travels! Momme sneaked us into hotels for two nites and Sistercatte was crayzee and runned all around and maed more meows and mostly I sleeped more and headbutted Momme and eated some foods and treets. We were going to New Yoerk where Mommee was from! And we staeyed with Grandma and Grandpa at camp in the woods and I jumped on Grandma and she laffed and I catched a mowse and eated all of it but the tayle and that made Grandma say “Why couldn’t you eet the whole mowse, Dumbcatte?” but tayles aren’t delicious, Grandma!

Looke! This mowse eats this catte's fudes! Oh, this would make me sadest. I like my fudes but not for mowses to eat!

Looke! This mowse eats this catte’s fudes! Oh, this would make me sadest. I like my fudes but not for mowses to eat!

When I am STILL TWO yeers old, Momme and me and sistercat moved in with Niec Laydee and her catte and I falled in love with her cat but her catte did not love me back and maed hisses at me a lot of many times. Niec Laydee is Momme’s frend from college where Momme lerned to be actress adn writer. She gaev me many pettings and was niec and liked cattes. Our howse had flores made of woode and if I runned very fasttimes I would slied and run into the wall and Momme would say, “Oh, no, Dumbcatte, THAT’S not gude” but also laugh and hide it behinde her hand.

Sometimes my leggs would all go out sidewaysplaces. Momme would laugh but pretende it was coffing because she is nicelaydee.

Sometimes my leggs would all go out sidewaysplaces. Momme would laugh but pretende it was coffing because she is nicelaydee.

When I am EIGHT yeers old, me and Momme and sistercat moved into a NEW playce that does not have woode floors. It is littel and I liek it fine becuz Momme is still heer. I wuld live anywhere Momme is! And sistercatte and I sleep with Momme on her bed and sometiems we curl up with eech other becuz we are sister and brothercattes but only becuz of adoption but that is the sayme says MomMe.

This is me in new home cuddling with mommee. She is warm and soft and pettes my furrs.

This is me in new home cuddling with mommee. She is warm and soft and pettes my furrs.

When I am ELEVEN yeers old sistercatte getted very sick and would not coem out from under the bed or eet or drink and she made sad noyses and culd not breethe and losed all her weight and we culd see all her bones and I am sadcatte adn Momme is sadMomme. And one day sistercatte goed away and she did not coem home, and when Momme comed hoem she cryed and cryed and hugged me adn I looked for sistercatte for many days and sayed “Meow? Meiuw?” but she did not come owt. Momme sayed she had to go to sleep adn wuld not come hoem. I am sad adn Momme is sad.

When I am FORETEEN yeers old I am writing this blogge! And I am seventy-2 hooman yeers old. But I still jump around like a kittne because I do not feel olde. I sleepe with Momme every nite and purr in her ear and sometimes jumpe on her when she is sleeping but she does not get mad. She says, “Dumbcatte Dumbcatte no no. I am sleeping. Be a gudcatte” and I try but I liek jumping on her sometiems. I cannot help it. She is like trampoleen I love more than any of all the thinges!

Mommee says to stop writing now so I can have a can of squishy fude that is special burthday treet and smeels like fishes. Have a happy day to you peeple! Do not worry about beeing seventee-two becuase you will still feele like a yung kitten liek I do!

I loev you and wuld loev you more if you wuld give me treets!

Loev, Dumbcatte

This is me walking away bybye! I am going to sleepe on the box for the cableteevee now where it is much warm. It gets fur in the cableboxx. Momme says "Oh Dumbcatte" but she does not mind becauz she loves mee!

This is me walking away bybye! I am going to sleepe on the box for the cableteevee now where it is much warm. It gets fur in the cableboxx. Momme says “Oh Dumbcatte” but she does not mind becauz she loves mee!

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And Indeed There Will Be Time (Guest Post Goodness!)

I know, I’ve been neglecting you all terribly. Sorry; lots going on. I’ll try to catch you up this weekend, if I can get in the right headspace to do so.

In the meantime, I DID blog today; just elsewhere. Over at Tipsy Lit, I have a guest post up about reading and time and memories and all good things. With a photo of MOI. Sort of. So go check it out. You’ll like it, I think. (And yay for guest posting! I always feel so damn fancy. I hope I remembered my etiquette, like which fork to use, and to put my napkin in my lap.)

Have lovely weekends; do some late-autumny things. It’s supposed to be in the low 60s here. The low 60s! In NOVEMBER! I think Mother Nature is experiencing some sort of mental illness this year. This autumn has been weirdotimes.

Go read me being me elsewhere. *smooch* Love your faces.

And Indeed There Will Be Time.


Bloggiversary prize goodness: a very special guest post!

Hi, all! It is me! Amy! From Lucy’s Football! The very blog you are reading at this very moment!

Heather from Becoming Cliche, the winner of our top-secret bloggiversary giveaway a few weeks ago, promised most excitingly to guest-post for us when she received her surprise. WITH PHOTOS! And…DRUMROLL DRUMROLL DRUMROLL…SHE DID!

So, without further ado…here is Heather’s guest post of receiving her bloggiversary prize! Thank you for being amazing, Heather, and I am so happy you won the prize, because MAN, were you ever fun to shop for!

I am late getting this post together. But there’s a reason. I promised Amy I would take lots of photos. Well, not me. I promised I would have Girl-child act as photojournalist. And then the pictures disappeared. And I was so sad and disappointed in myself. How could I lose all those pictures? I didn’t remember deleting them. And then it hit me. Girl-child used her own camera. With its own memory card. Yeah. There’s that. Pictures = found. Blogger = stupid. Oh, well!

So anyway, I was having a blue day last week. Really blue. One of those weeks, really. Parenting challenges, a camper at work whose dad reminds me every time he sees me how much his kid loved the teacher that he used to have (you know, the one who is not me), and a thousand little things piled up on my head. Then I looked out my window.

FedEx may be the sneakiest delivery service ever. The dog didn’t even bark, and she’s a Basset. But I saw the guy headed back up the driveway. I swear he was tiptoeing. I peeked out the front door, and guess what I saw? GUESS!

MOONPIES! Note the death grip on the box.

I knew I was going to be receiving a bloggiversary celebratory package from Amy, but it had completely slipped my mind. And I had no idea it was going to be MoonPie related. Good thing, too, because I would not have slept at night. Or gone to work. Or bathed. I’d have camped on my front porch and waited for delivery people.

Editor’s note: I knew Heather loved MoonPies. The minute her name popped up in the random selector thingy, I thought, “I wonder if MoonPie has a gift shop or something?” THEY DO. Oh, do they. It is a wonder to behold, really. And I had the BEST TIME shopping in it.

The box clearly said MoonPie, but what was inside? Girl-child took pictures. The Padawan got a box cutter. I have not included the photo of me yelling at the Padawan for bringing a box cutter in the vicinity of my Darth Vader look-alike because that wasn’t a moment I want to remember. We settled on scissors.

All of my helpers

And what did we find?

BUBBLE WRAP! BEST PRESENT EVER!

My team seemed to think there was a chance I would share. With them.

The force is confused with that one. He thinks I'm going to share.

The force is confused with that one. He thinks I’m going to share.

How do you say no to that?

My precioussss! Or is that "My deliciousss?"

My precioussss! Or is that “My deliciousss?”

And look at the loot! It’s the gift that keeps on giving. I wore the earrings to church on Sunday. They were a little dressy, but I wore them anyway.

Editor’s note: These are the earrings. How could I not buy them for Heather? THEY ARE GLORIOUS.

And I felt generous. And a little guilty. Yes. I shared. I thought I would get out of sharing with Girl-child. She’s a vegetarian and doesn’t eat anything with marshmallows. Yeah. Fooled.

I guess there is something to that force thing

I guess there is something to that force thing

Under the influence of marshmallowy goodness

Under the influence of marshmallowy goodness

I thought I would be safe from sharing with Girl-child. Not so much. No gelatin!

I thought I would be safe from sharing with Girl-child. Not so much. No gelatin!

Thank you, Amy, for such a delightful gift. I smile every time I think about it. Happy bloggiversary. May the words always flow and your pen never run dry.


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