Advertisements

Tag Archives: Amtrak

People Who Are on the Amtrak at 6:55am Going to New York City

I am on the Amtrak at 6:55am going to New York City. I think we can all agree that’s hellaciously early. FINE, not all of you can agree with that. Some of you get up that early daily for whatever reason. Milking cows, maybe. Going to school or work. Tending to children.

Me, I get up between 6 and 6:30 every morning, and when I can, I sleep later. I don’t like waking up early. Never have. Left to my own devices, my internal clock wants me to sleep from about 1am to 9am daily. Unfortunately, this is not how the world works, so I’m forced to work against what I was given at birth. Yawn.

However, there are advantages to taking the train this early in the morning. You get to see all sorts of people.

What sorts of people, you might ask?

Well, it’s nice you asked, because I will TELL you.

THE PEOPLE YOU SEE ON AN EARLY-MORNING AMTRAK TO THE CITY

  • LOUD BUSINESSMAN – Loud Businessman is very important. He also wants to make sure you know just HOW important. So he gets on his cell phone the minute he enters the station and doesn’t get off until…well, I don’t think he gets off ever. As we speak, Loud Businessman is on his cell phone berating someone. “I WILL BE THERE IN A COUPLE OF HOURS! THAT CAN WAIT TIL I ARRIVE! NO, DO NOT SELL ALL THE ORANGE JUICE SHARES!” (I made that part up for those of you who love Trading Places as much as I do.) “THOSE WERE ON THE DESK, CHECK THE DESK! BUY BUY BUY! SELL SELL SELL! I AM IMPORTANT! ARE YOU THERE?! ARE YOU *THERE!?!?!?!*” It’s Loud Businessman’s world. We just live in it, and are forced to be in his earspace.

    MUY IMPORTANTE!

    MUY IMPORTANTE!

  • GUY WITH THE CROUP – it is a little-known fact that, no matter where I sit, I will end up next to someone with some sort of wasting disease. Right in back of me is someone who is hacking up a lung. I am breathing his air, therefore, in 24-48 hours, I will probably have TB and have to go to a sanitorium. That’ll be fun, right? Right. (Also, if you’re on public transportion, it’s nice to cover your mouth when you cough. Just saying.) Also, update, he is now sneezing repeatedly, and seems to be purposely doing it in the space between the seats so it showers me. How thoughtful.

    "Hmm. 104 degrees. I think I'll go on mass transportation."

    “Hmm. 104 degrees. I think I’ll go on mass transportation.”

  • GUY WHO IS RAPPING – there’s a guy who’s listening to music and he’s totally rocking out and every once and a while comes out with some rap lyrics ALMOST under his breath, but not quite. He’s actually not as bothersome as the other two people. He’s at least TRYING to be quiet. Whenever he bursts out into song, he looks really embarrassed about it. I get it. Sometimes I can’t control the mad beatz in my head, either, yo.
  • WOMAN WHO I THINK IS POSSIBLY CRAZY – luckily, she ended up in another car, but in the station, there was a woman who was ducking and weaving and talking to herself and batting at invisible flies. Now, listen, I am used to this on public transportation because I was without a car for years (and people with mental problems are drawn to me – I think I project a safe vibe or something, or maybe they think I’m a kindred soul.) But Amtrak is kind of pricey. So really crazy people aren’t always on it. So, I guess congrats, crazy lady, for having enough money for nice transportation?
  • PEOPLE WHO THINK GETTING ON/OFF THE TRAIN TWO SECONDS BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE WILL GIVE THEM A MAGIC SEAT – people will seriously cut a bitch to get in line here on Amtrak. Thing is, if a train’s crowded, getting on early doesn’t make you any more apt to get a window seat than someone who got on later. Everyone wants a window seat; if the train comes from somewhere else, those window seats are probably all taken, and you’re sitting on the aisle. End of story. Please don’t shove. It’s so early in the morning. My reflexes aren’t even kicked in yet. I’m going to go over like a ninepin.
  • PEOPLE EATING SMELLY FOODS – there is always at least one person eating something fishy, spicy, sour, or fermented. I guarantee you this. Isn’t rule #1 of being a human being not to eat something that’s fragrant around other humans in a confined space? Because I don’t know about you, but I don’t like gagging on your scents for an entire train trip. Bad enough that I can smell the bathroom from where I’m sitting. Blergh.
  • SOMEONE WHO IS SNORING LOUDLY – listen, on the second train, that’s going to be me. I’m exhausted, and the gentle motion of the train makes me sleepy. The last long-distance train I took, I conked out about ten minutes in. I woke up and the WHOLE TRAIN CAR was GLARING at me. My throat hurt, which means I was snoring. (Or maybe sleep-talking; I do that, too.) I was all, “mutter mutter sorry” and then read for the rest of the trip. Can’t help it, folks, blame Amy’s Dad; that’s where the snoring gene comes from. I know it’s unsexy and unladylike. Can’t even help it.

Getting sleepy, jellybeans. Think I’ll try for a little shuteye. Think Loud Businessman can compete with my snoring?

Let’s find out, shall we?

Advertisements

Counting all the (southern-fried) chickens

So, remember how a bit ago, ’round these here parts we were all “there are chickens, and the chickens cannot yet be counted, but the chickens can be counted SOON, maybe, if all goes according to plan, but, you know how to make God laugh, and that’s make a plan, so SHUSH, no counting of those chickens?” Well, maybe it wasn’t phrased exactly like that, but close. Who can remember, that was like two weeks ago, or something.

WELL. It is a MOST prestigious day. We can TOTALLY count the chickens today, people.

SEVEN! (Wait, is this a trick question?)

SEVEN! (Wait, is this a trick question?)

For a while now, it has been in the planning stages to make a VERY exciting trip in a southerly direction to visit someone near and dear to our hearts. Well, MY heart, anyway. If this person isn’t near and dear to YOUR heart, poo. POO, I SAY, ON YOU!

But life got in the way, and other trips and such, and when you just started your job, you can’t be all “Imma take like all the time off, yo, too bad if you guys wanted that week,” like, ALL the time, because that’s like frowned upon, or whatever. Also, sorry, but I’m not heading anywhere southerly of here in the summer. It’s hot enough here as it is. The only place I’m heading in the summer is up up up. Because otherwise I will probably combust.

So. Now we’re in the autumn season. (Well, technically we’re not, but as soon as September 1 hits, I call autumn, and too bad, calendar. Also, someone needs to tell the weather it’s autumn. It’s been in the 80s and 90s here with insane humidity for three days, and I’m EXHAUSTED. I am SPENT. AND, TODAY, it rained like it was the end of the world, and I got so wet it was like I bathed in my clothes, and I had to work the second half of the day dripping onto the carpet. Don’t even ask “where was your umbrella.” I HAD ONE. THE RAIN CAME AROUND IT.)

I found this on the Book of Faces. This was taken a couple of blocks from where I was on my lunch break today. WHAT THE HELL. Do I live in a rainforest? NO I DO NOT.

I found this on the Book of Faces. This was taken a couple of blocks from where I was on my lunch break today. WHAT THE HELL. Do I live in a rainforest? NO I DO NOT.

Am I off on a tangent again? Seems that way.

SO. As it is now the autumn of my discontent, I am free to head southerly. Like a Canadian goose.

HEADIN' ON SOUTH, YO!

HEADIN’ ON SOUTH, YO!

I said, “dearest Boss, can I have three extra days off for Columbus Day?” and Boss said, “Yep” and I said “YOU ARE THE BEST, YO! THANK YOU!” because I am very professional in work emails and always use etiquette like not using all-caps or slang. Luckily, she likes me and is ok with me expressing myself expressively. (Can you imagine if I’d done that at the last place? I’m pretty sure I’d have been caned in the backyard. Not in a sexy funtimes way, either.)

So, with that in mind, I checked out my options.

Flights? No. SUPER-EXPENSIVE. Four-hour round-trip flight, $400. So $50 an hour. That’s a lot of money. And also, although it was the quickest option, planes aren’t my fave. Like, they’re fine, if you HAVE to take one. But otherwise, avoid them. Because a., I always catch the flu after being on a plane, and b., motherfucking snakes. (Also crashes and terrorists and I’m afraid of that show with the thing on the wing and also, you saw Lost, right? I’d never survive on that island, never.)

ZOMG THE PLANE IN TWO PLACES, YOU GUYS!

ZOMG THE PLANE IN TWO PLACES, YOU GUYS!

Driving? Well, the drive was 9 hours. And my car is OK, but 9 hours is a lot, and I really don’t want to put THAT many miles on it. Plus I get crabby driving home to visit my parents. And that’s 3.5 hours away. Also gas is EXPENSIVE, you guys. And if I don’t put the middle-grade gas in my car, lately the engine light’s been going on? It’s a weird thing, I don’t know. I think it’s messing with me. My car’s a smart-ass.

The bus? Ha. Who are we kidding, I didn’t even research that shit. The bus is dead to me ever since it lost my luggage in grad school.

So. Amtrak. Whatcha got for me? What’s that? $160 round-trip, only a brief layover in New York City (oh, twist my arm, make me stop in my favorite city of ALL TIME), then a straight shot to where I’m going? Free wifi? Comfy seats? I can blog/read/etc. while the engineer takes care of everything for me?

Amtrak for the win, you guys.

(Plus I always feel like a fancy lady when I’m on a train. Like an olden-days fancy lady.)

So I had to wait til I got paid because I did some egregious spending with my last paycheck like PAYING THE RENT and BUYING GROCERIES. I know most people have credit cards, shush, I do not have such things.

But. TODAY. (Well, yesterday for you, since I AM WRITING TO YOU FROM THE PAST.) Today, I went online and BAM. Prices went up (of course they did, dammit) but not THAT much.

So…without further ado…

…over Columbus Day weekend, when we celebrate the FOUNDING of MERKA except it was ALREADY FOUNDED…

…I will be going to…

VIRGINIA!

And, you may ask, who exactly will I be shackin’ up with while I’m in Virginia?

IT IS THE LOVELY SJ!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I will be making the trek to Virginia to visit sj and her family. They will be putting up with me for DAYS. I am very excited about this, because a., I like adventures, and b., I AM VERY GOOD AT MAKING KIDDOS GIGGLE because I have no shame and totally do foolish things in order to make them laugh.

We will also do adventurous things, like talk our faces off and eat foods and at one point? THIS is going to happen…

WE ARE GOING TO THE ZOO AND THERE WILL BE GIRAFFES!!!!

(There will also be otters and penguins and leopards and tigers and cheetahs and lemurs! And will I take photos of myself making animal-faces? YES OF COURSE I WILL!!!)

But that’s not even the best of it, yo. Want more? Sure you do.

Guess who’s making a trip over to hang out with us and we are meeting her for the FIRST TIME?

IT IS HEATHER!

Seriously, right? Could this BE any more awesome?

Yep, actually, it COULD, because we are also meeting up with…

LAURA!

I know. Think about THAT for a minute. The combined awesome, it is STAGGERING.

(I cannot promise I will not have a panic attack because of ALL THESE THINGS but sj has promised I can have some alone time to breathe in a paper bag if I need to so it’s nice to know that option’s available, you know?)

THIS IS VERY EXCITING.

In ADDITION to this exciting news, I also had an email from one of my oldest friends that he’ll be in town on Sunday, and did I want to have lunch? I haven’t seen him in years. And YES, I want to have lunch. Seriously, how much awesomeness can I cram into the next month or so? IT IS INSANE. I do not deserve all this, do I?

It is now time for bed, because Laura will be here TOMORROW and I still have much to do and prepare and get ready and I am SO EXCITED HOW WILL I EVEN SLEEP. I may be missing for the next couple of days because SO MANY THINGS but I’ll come back with all the stories, don’t you even worry. Happy weekends if I don’t see you, Do something bold and exciting and grand, ok? You deserve it. *SMOOCH*

LOOK AT ALL THESE CHICKENS I’M COUNTING THEM ALLLLLLLLLL!


%d bloggers like this: