“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.
Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.
So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.
Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it.
Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”
― Neil Gaiman
(We’ve had a lot of Gaiman lately. He wins, really, I’m not even going to apologize for it.)
Welcome 2013! I am glad to see your shiny face. 2012 was kind of a long, hard slog through the Fire Swamp, right? What with the R.O.U.S.s and the Snow Sand and all. (You can also call it Lightning Sand like they did in the movie; I’m cool either way.) I have high hopes for you, 2013. HIGHEST OF HOPES!
This kind of perfectly sums up my 2012, really.
I think I’m supposed to do resolutions today. But I don’t like resolutions. Resolutions do nothing but make you look back on them at the end of the year and say, “Nope, didn’t do that. Nope, didn’t do that. Oh, hey, forgot I even resolved to do that. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME LAST YEAR.” So I try not to resolve. If something’s a good idea, I try to institute it immediately. If something’s a long-term goal, I write it on a post-it and I attempt not to lose that post-it. Then I find that post-it all crumply in the bottom of my purse a month later and say, “oh. Whoops, sorry, long-term goal.”
(SIDE NOTE SPEAKING OF POST-ITS. Guess who was put in charge of office supplies for her WHOLE DEPARTMENT last week? That’s right, me. If it was someone else, why would I even be telling you this side note? You don’t know anyone who works there and wouldn’t care if I said, “THE ANSWER IS MY BOSS N.”, now, would you? Anyway, I got to fill up one of my desk drawers with the overflow office supplies no one needs yet, and from now on, if anyone needs office supplies, they email me and say, “AMY! OFFICE SUPPLY ME UP!” A wonderful side-effect of this is that if I run out of post-its, I can just reach into the drawer and grab some. I don’t even have to ask anyone for them. Is that the best thing ever? Yes. Also, I am obsessed with office supplies? So really they couldn’t have chosen someone better for the ordering of them. I’m going to be very good at this.)
MINE MINE ALL MINE!
Anyway, instead of resolutions, I’m going to just list the things I’m PLANNING in 2013. I like plans and schemes. They might not come to fruition, but I’m still planning ‘em. If I don’t follow through, I won’t feel as bad as I would if I said, “I’m going to lose A HUNDRED POUNDS IN 2013!!!” and then didn’t, you know? Because then you feel like a big fat failure. No pun intended.
Travel. Now that I have enough money that I can actually DO things with it, one of the first things I plan on doing is blowing this pop-stand, baby. I promised R. & A. (and Baby CeeVee!) I would come see them last fall, but that fell through due to unemployment. Well, this year there is not only employment, there is money with which to GO places. And DO things. (And copious vacation time with which to do them.) So first: Baltimore to see R. and A. and Baby CeeVee, who is the most smiley happy beautiful child in all the LAND! I’m not even kidding, this kiddo’s got a smile that would melt a POLAR ICECAP. And she has her mom’s eyes! I can’t wait to see her in person! And to see R. and A., who I haven’t seen in a very long time and I love them to pieces! YAY TRAVEL!
I’m taking the train to see R. & A. I will feel VERY fancy.
There will also be a trip home this summer to spend a long, lazy week at my parents’ camp in the woods, if all goes according to plan, and THEN, if all ELSE goes according to plan, I’m going on a REAL trip in the late summer/early fall. It is a trip I am not talking about until it actually gets planned and such, but I will say it is somewhere in MERKA, it is to see someone I love a great deal, and will be VERY bon vivanty. AND THERE WILL BE ANIMALS. That’s all I can say. FOR NOW DUN DUN DUNNNNN.
Technology. My new Kindle (which, sadly, is being held hostage in the office here until Wednesday night, as the office is closed for the holiday, sigh) is just the first step in WORLD DOMINATION VIA TECHNOLOGY IN 2013. Next week, I’m getting a new phone, as the current phone is misbehaving quite spectacularly. The best part of the new-phone plan is that the carrier I’m getting works at my parents’ house, so when I visit my parents, I will finally have internet and phone service. VERY exciting. I am also planning on getting Netflix and that fancy box where I can watch Netflix on my television. I plan on entering the 21st century with a bang this year. It’s going to be very exciting. Well, for me. I have no idea if it’s going to be exciting for you or not, as I’m already online a lot and you’re not going to see MORE of me, or anything. I mean, come on, if you saw more of me, probably I’d live in the internet, and I’d imagine shrinking me down little so I could do that would be painful.
I’m going to enter the FEW-CHER. It’s gonna be AWESOME, yo.
Be more adventurous. This one’s kind of nebulous. I want to try and do new things this year. I always love it when I try new things, I always have a good time doing them, and I think if you stop doing new things, and trying new things, you start getting old. And your heart dies. WELL! I certainly don’t want that to happen. So as new opportunities arise this year, I’m going to say yes to them. And see where that takes me, dammit. Maybe sometimes they’ll be mistakes, but at least I’ll have tried them, you know? You never know what will be wonderful unless you are willing to make some mistakes.
And…along that vein…
Don’t be afraid to say no. I need to have a little more time to myself this year. I’ve been running myself ragged for a couple of years now and my cracks are starting to show. (EW NO NOT A EUPHEMISM.) I have to stop saying yes to everything; I have to start only saying yes to things that are amazing and be brave enough to say no to things that will not make my life a more awesome place and will just exhaust me and stretch me thinner than I already am. Guilt does not lead to a good time for anyone.
Don’t take things for granted. I don’t ever want to take for granted the wonderful things in my life. The people I love that love me back and support me every day; the wonderful things and opportunities I have and have been given. I want to remember to be consciously thankful for them all the time – especially my beloved friends and family, who I am so, so thankful for. I want them to always know how much I love them. Always. Every single day.
All the love. Every last smidgen.
Nephew. 2o13 is going to be the year of The Nephew. I’ve missed the last 3.5 years of him growing up; if I’m making any sort of resolution, it’s to resolve to spend as much time with him this year (and going forward) as I possibly can. And in a “starting-the-year-off-right” way, guess what I’m doing today? Yup. Spending some time with the kiddo. His mom emailed me yesterday and asked when they could see me. I was so excited I bounced right in my chair. I think we’re going to the movies together today. I haven’t seen my little guy in five months, and I can’t – absolutely can’t – think of a better way to spend the first day of a new year than with my favorite person in the world. I’m just all butterflies thinking about it right now. Best first day of the year ever.
Worry less. I worry. A lot. About everything. To the point it’s kind of almost crippling. I don’t know exactly how one goes about cutting that down, or even out, but I’m going to attempt to do so in 2013. Even a tiny bit less would be an improvement, sincerely. It might be a process. This worrying thing’s been happening my whole life; it’s not going to stop happening overnight.
Read more. I need to chisel out little chunks of time each day for reading. I’m not sure how I’m going to do this, or where the time’s going to come from, but I’m going to do it. I have to get back to reading regularly. I miss it like a long-lost friend and there are so many amazing books I’m missing out on and I want to start book-blogging again and and and AND. I will start reading again this year, dammit. Regularly. Soon.
Aw, I also want to read with this puppy. PUPPY!
Change up the blog a little. The blog has been fairly the same since I started; it needs…I don’t know, something. Some plans are in the works for some changes to the look over here. I’m excited about a pretty new look over here. Something a little less what-everyone-else-has and a little more – well, me, I guess. Looking forward to this a great deal.
Relax more. I need a little more loungey-loungey time this year. Not writing; not effing around on the internet. Just RELAXING. Maybe with a book, maybe with friends, maybe just taking a walk, I don’t even know. But I need a little more time to BREATHE, you know?
Get more sleep. I’ve gotten much better about this in the past 6 months or so – I’ve gone from getting 4 to 5 hours sleep to getting a solid 6-8 hours every night, and it’s been really one of the best things in the world. I need to do this consistently, because those 8-hour nights are AMAZING. I wake up the next morning feeling like I could kick about fifteen people’s asses and not even break a sweat. And also solve mathematical equations. And possibly world hunger. In order to do this, I need to – GASP GASP – get off the damn internet in a timely fashion every night, get in my cuddly pjs, and conk the hell out. End of story.
Maybe like this. Except minus the sleep mask. I can’t sleep with something on my face.
Be less ragey. I come from a loooooong line of ragemonsters. Much like The Hulk, no one likes me when I’m angry. I need to take some deep breaths in 2013. I need to take steps back. I need to react less and think more. I need to breaaaaaathe. In with the blue and out with the red. It’s not healthy for anyone else and it’s sure as hell not healthy for me.
Love myself more (NOT A EUPHEMISM). (No, seriously. NOT AT ALL A EUPHEMISM.) I need to stop beating myself up. I need to surround myself with positive people who love me (this also means people who love me enough to call me out on my bullshit; love isn’t all flowers and hearts and sunshine, it’s sometimes tears, but there’s always the love, that’s why it’s the best thing in the world.) I need to stop doing things that hurt myself; I need to do positive things that will build me up, not negative things that knock me down. I need to forgive and I need to move on and I need to laugh more and cry less (well, sad-cry, anyway, more happy-cries are A-OK with me.) And that forgiving? I need to forgive MYSELF. It’s funny how I’m harder on myself than anyone else I know. And that shit’s gotta stop, because listen, I’m pretty damn awesome. I wouldn’t put up with anyone else treating me like this, so why do I put up with it from myself? No. No, no, no. Be kinder to myself this year. I’m a resolution that’s worth sticking to, dammit.
Happy 2013, my most wonderful readers and friends and loved ones and…who else is reading this? MY MORTAL ENEMIES? Well, even happy 2013 to you, my most mortal of mortal enemies, I guess, if you’ve read all the way to the end of this. That shows SPIRIT. I approve.
I hope you all make your new years as amazing as you deserve; I hope your new years treat you well, and you kick ass and you take names. I hope you take this shiny new opportunity and you don’t waste a single minute of it. It’s a brand new year. It’s yours to do what you want with.
Don’t waste that. Go out and you just CONQUER the new year. You can do this. I have every faith in the world in you. Just be true to yourselves; it’s the only way you’ll make it through.
Love to you all. I wish you so much of all the best that my whole face aches with it.