Howdy, folks. What day is this in blogland? In me-land it’s a different day. I’m like a timelord, right? NO NO NO don’t start talking to me about Dr. Who, I don’t watch it. Someday. When I have all the time in the world. Promise. I hear good things. You don’t need to convince me it’s awesome. So, in YOU-land, it’s…let’s see…Saturday. Shush, I didn’t get much sleep last night. I TRIED to get all the sleep, but the minute I got into bed, my brain kicked into overdrive. As it does, sometimes. Which led to many hours of tossing and turning. No fun! None at all. When I got up this morning (MUCH TOO EARLY) my blankets were all at the bottom of my bed in a snarl. I had to unknot them to make the bed. What HAPPENED last night? It’s like I ran a MARATHON.

Also, side note, I think I sleep wrong. Parts of me have to be warm and parts cold. Is this normal? My arms and head and hands and legs and feet need to be OUT of the blankets but my middle-body-area needs to be covered at ALL TIMES or I can’t sleep. If my feet are under the covers I feel like I’m smothering. Apparently I breathe out of my feet.

ZOMG LOOK AT THIS THING I FOUND IT IS AWESOME!

Anyway, still working a billion billion hours at my part-time job, still waiting on calls from the places I’ve interviewed and hoping for more calls from places that are seeing my resume and thinking, THIS IS AN AWESOME HUMAN! and that’s that. Same old, same old.

Let’s see. There are happier things happening in the world! Things that are not cuckoo-bananas work hours and people yelling at me all day long because their doctors’ offices aren’t calling them back. Let’s see. What’s happier things? Hmm.

Well, our first show of the season is opening this weekend at the theater. So if you’re a local person and you like Shakespeare and awesome things, hitch on over to Albany Civic and watch Twelfth Night. It’s pretty and it’s fun and it’s intelligent and it’s only a little over two hours! I will be there next weekend, helping out in the box office for a bit – I’m not working much on this one, due to working hours that make me need to sleep at weird times, but I’ll be around briefly, box-officing. It’s a fun night out, and it’s only $15! A total steal. Where else can you get all culturefied for $15? Nowhere, is where. Go go go!

Look! How much fun is this? Go, go! (photo courtesy of Tom Killips)

In news of awesomeness, lookie, Jim became a very famous famous person the other day. He posted this on Target’s wall and LOOK AT ALL THE LIKES AND COMMENTS, YO. Since I’m writing this days in advance I’m not going to give you a number because the numbers keep getting BIGGER. Like, a couple hours ago, it was 128,000 and now it’s 138,000. HOLY HELL JIM! This is mega-impressive! There are nice comments and there are scary comments from troll-people and there are people who think Jim is not real which kind of makes me laugh. I don’t think Target is employing people to write random nice things on its wall. Well, maybe, shit, I don’t know, but this is a very SPECIFIC random nice thing, and also, Jim is real. Well, he’s as real as any of my internet people, which is to say, he’s really to me, which is all that matters. I got mail from him once. If he’s false, he’s really an elaborate scam. GOOD JOB JIM FALSIFIERS. He cannot be false! He is my MINISTER OF FLY-NANCE!

(In case you think Jim is false, he wrote a very nice post clarifying his Target post here, so you can read it. Isn’t Jim the best? Yes, he most sincerely is.)

Also, I love Target. It is my favorite. Our Target recently became a SUPAH-TARGET and has GROCERIES. You really could live in the Target now. I am tempted to do so. It’s so HAPPY in there. And it’s so CLEAN. KMart’s fine and I hate Walmart with the fire of a thousand suns because one time they were rude to me when I was Christmas shopping  (I know, you’d think I’d have a better reason for hating them, right? Nah, I’m self-serving) but oooh, dogies, do I love me some Target. SO MANY PRETTY THINGS.

Also, Target has these Archer Farms things. I can’t find a photo of the best ones, which are half brownie, half madeleines. SO AMAZING.

Let’s see. Ooh, in OTHER news of my most lovely imaginary internet friends (they are, they are, they most certainly are) our most impressive Ken (he of the bon vivantery, of course) was on the RADIO the other day. I know! You know how he’s all fancy-fancy general editor of The Munich Eye, yeah? Well, if you don’t, you should, because his paper is DOPE. No, no, not the kind of dope that makes you loopy. THE GOOD KIND. Anyway, because he is a fancy-fancy editor type, a real London radio station INTERVIEWED HIM! Which I totally got to listen to! On the computer! And Ken did such a good job and I was so so proud of him! Even though the stupid radio station froze every thirty seconds or so and I had to keep hitting the stop/start button and I TOTALLY cussed up a storm. “WHY DON’T YOU EFFING FREEZE AGAIN WHILE MY FRIEND IS TALKING?” I said to the computer. The computer remained unmoved.

(I was telling Dad about this radio-situation, and he was all “wait wait WAIT you can’t LISTEN to GERMAN RADIO, your TRANSMITTER is not that strong, you can’t fool me, I know about radio” and I had to explain the internet. And also that Ken wasn’t even on German radio, but BRITISH radio. Then Dad was very quiet. Because Dad does not like England. Don’t make me explain, it’s this whole thing. It may well go back to the Revolutionary War. That’s what I assume, anyway. There’s other stuff but I can’t really talk about that, he’d get all cranky I’m talking about his personal business on the killer interwebs. So anyway, he wanted me to tell him all about Ken on the radio, because as much as he’s all “THAT GUY IS AN ASSASSIN” I think he secretly thinks Ken’s kind of awesome. Why wouldn’t you? I mean sincerely. Who doesn’t like a good bon vivant story? So I was telling him the story and I got to the radio-was-freezing part and he was all, “that’s because it was BRITISH RADIO” and then he was all, “how long did the assassin talk?” and I was like, “I don’t know, five minutes? Maybe?” and he was like, “THOSE BRITS! They only wouldn’t let him talk longer because THEY ARE BRITS.” Then I kind of got the giggles because of the England-hatred that was going on randomly for no reason, and also that Dad was secretly all “HOW DARE YOU SIR!” about Ken even though he thinks Ken is an assassin who’s going to kill me eventually and then Dad was all “huff huff huff why are you LAUGHING at your poor FATHER like I am a BUFFOON full of BUFFOONERY.”)

DAD’S ENEMY! I feel terrible about that. I like all of Great Britain a lot. And hope to visit again someday. SO THERE DAD.

I’m not sure if this will work or not, but there’s a slight chance you can listen retroactively to Ken being awesome. If you click here, and click “listen live”, it gives you an option to “launch timeshift.” The show Ken was on was called The Monocle Daily, 8/30, #219. So I think, if you click on that show, you can listen to Ken. The only thing you can’t do is fast-forward. He happened about half an hour into the program, so tidy up or something for half an hour and keep an ear out for the segment about the bomb in Munich. And try not to worry too much that there are bombs in Munich and that you know someone there. Apparently it’s just a thing. I said something to my dad and he was all, “You worry about things like bombs. In Europe, bombs happen.” I don’t know that that makes me feel any BETTER, Dad.

In news of the whimsical and/or confusing, Dumbcat is TOTALLY ENAMORED with Ken’s voice. This discovery came about the time Ken posted the video of himself telling us about fast food. You saw that, right? It still makes me laugh like a moron.

So I played that on my phone, and I was sitting on the couch, and Dumbcat LEAPT on the couch, like from across the ROOM, and MEOWED at the phone. He has NEVER done that before. So I looked at him oddly and he just kept looking at the phone like he was waiting for Ken to tell him something else, so I played it again, and he did a little happy cat-dance which means he shifts all around on his big cat-feet and he meowed AGAIN at the phone. Ken might be of the goats, but he is also apparently of the cats. The Dumbcats, at least.

This even looks a little like Dumbcat. My phone is a lot cooler than this, though. Dumbcat sneers at this phone.

So today we had Ken on the radio, and I was curious what would happen. The answer is, Dumbcat wandered over like he was playin’ it cool, and then put his front paws up on my leg and sunk his claws in all deep (OUCH) and craned his neck up to the screen and said, “meeeeooooouuuioooouuuuu?” at it. So I think he was asking Ken a question about the bomb in Munich, which is what Ken was on the radio to talk about, because as Ken told us on Twitter?

@lucysfootball I’m the Man in Munich, you know.

— Ken Macbeth (@lahikmajoe) August 30, 2012

Of course he is. He is TOTALLY the Man in Munich. I never had a doubt.

I think Dumbcat thought it was a radio call-in show, and was sad Ken didn’t answer his questions. Ken, Dumbcat has some bomb-related questions he needs answered, please. I’m quite curious if Ken were ever to bon vivant my way, if Dumbcat would hide in the pots and pans cupboard, like he does when anyone else visits, or he would actually allow his internet friend to see him. KEN. Come and bon vivant here. This is a question we need to answer. FOR SCIENCE.

Look at my fancypants friends. Aren’t they the most awesome? I want them to be here so I can give them big old hugs. I told my dad that and he was all, “THEY ARE MARRIED” and I said, “Did someone tell you at one point that ‘hugs’ equals ‘sex’? I can hug married people without taking my clothes off. What kind of kid do you think you raised, anyway? Like, some sort of evil siren temptress? Sheesh, DAD, way to underestimate my self-control. Or theirs, I guess.” Then he was all “DON’T SAY SEX TO YOUR FATHER EW.” And I was all, “You started it, turning ‘hugging my friends’ into ‘naughty-naughty time’ when that wasn’t even IMPLIED, Dirtymind McGillicutty.” Then he changed the subject to the weather, which is what he does when he is uncomfortable with the subject matter. We talk about the weather a LOT.

OK. Off to bed, gumdrops, the sun just went down which means it’s time for me to hit the hay, too. That’s what happens when you get up at the crack of dawn. Love all your faces! Happiest of happy weekends to you all!