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Category Archives: Geekery

So much stranger, so much darker, so much madder, so much better.

Well, it’s finally happened.

I kind of always knew it would, eventually, once I set my mind to it. It was just a matter of finding the time, which I did over the Christmas/New Year holiday. I saw this time stretching in front of me and thought, whatever shall I do with it? And I looked at my Netflix subscription and thought, well, YOU certainly have been going underutilized lately, haven’t you?

And I fell headlong into a binge I have yet to come back from. (And to be honest, I don’t quite know what I’ll do with myself once I’m finished, so I’d rather not think about that right now, thanks.)

Yes, it’s finally happened, people of the blog.

I am obsessed – BEYOND obsessed – with Doctor Who.

I even hear the theme music and I get all boppy. I've got it bad bad bad.

I even hear the theme music and I get all boppy. I’ve got it bad bad bad.

Now, I know in even writing this, I’m going to be getting comments from people who are all “I’ve been watching this since it STARTED and I’ve seen every EPISODE and I know THE WHOLE STORY and you know NOTHING, Jon Snow” (sorry, sorry, mixing up fandoms, there, I think that’s a excommunicable offense) so let me quantify this situation.

A while back, I watched the first two episodes of the reboot (with Christopher Eccleston) with some friends and liked them more than I thought I would. I meant to go back and continue with that, but my life often gets in the way of my life.

I’d never gotten into Doctor Who because it seemed weird and I didn’t think I’d GET it and it just seemed like one of those odd things that would confuse me if I tried to get involved so I thought it best if I stayed away. Like sports. Or playing an instrument. I AM OFTEN NOT GOOD AT THINGS THAT NORMAL PEOPLE EXCEL AT! It is a sad fact of life.

But then it became clear that almost every single intelligent person I knew was very, VERY into this show, and I needed to be watching it. Which almost made me NOT want to watch it – when everyone loves something, I immediately think, “Well, I hate fads” because I’m kind of a dick (I mean, you all seem to love that terrible Family Guy show, but the one time I turned it on to see what was up, they were making fun of domestic violence and I was so disgusted I never turned it on again, so what the hell, you guys?) but that backfired when everyone started ranting about how much they loved Serial and I avoided it for a while but then thought “What the hell” and downloaded it for a car trip and became SO OBSESSED with it and now look things up online about it ALL THE TIME because who DOESN’T want to know what Adnan and Hae really looked like, right?

OBSESSED OBSESSED!!! And I usually HATE being talked at! COULD NOT STOP LISTENING!

OBSESSED OBSESSED!!! And I usually HATE being talked at! COULD NOT STOP LISTENING!

And OMG, who DO we think killed her? I’m leaning one way, but I won’t tell you which in case you either haven’t listened yet (and if not, GET TO IT, SLAPPY!) or aren’t all the way done and don’t want me spoiling you. Also, my theory has more holes in it than Swiss cheese on the Titanic, you guys, and super-smart reporter friend at work and I were talking about it this weekend and his theory was SO SMART which is why he’s a reporter, I suppose, so now I am AT! A! LOSS! THERE ARE SO MANY WEIRD MOVING PARTS ON THIS CASE. Season two of Serial, please happen now, I want to fall headlong into another case immediately!

That was a very long digression.

ANYWAY. So I thought, “I will start watching this, what’s the worst that can happen” and now it’s been two weeks and I CAN NOT STOP.

NOW! Before I go ANY FURTHER! I have just started what I believe to be David Tennant’s last season so you are NOT ALLOWED to tell me anything that happens after this. I am trying very hard to stay spoiler-free. Unfortunately I’ve been a LITTLE spoiled, but that was before I started watching this and didn’t know I would ever care. So don’t comment all “In Episode Blah-Blah THE COMPANION IS REALLY A CYBERMAN IN DISGUISE” because I will be SO MAD at you!

Oh, BTW, I also finished "Arrested Development." I'm going to pretend the final season didn't happen. I wasn't impressed. Sorry, world.

Oh, BTW, I also finished “Arrested Development.” I’m going to pretend the final season didn’t happen. I wasn’t impressed. Sorry, world.

There’s really too much that I love about this show to go on about it in detail and you’re going to be split into two contingents, here, the ones that already KNOW it’s fantastic and the ones that don’t CARE and therefore have already tuned OUT, but I’m still going to ramble a bit. It’s my blog, I think I’m allowed.

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT DOCTOR WHO!

  • It’s intelligent and goofy all at once. It makes me laugh AND it makes me think. Sometimes there are mysteries and sometimes it’s just funny and sometimes (most of the time) it’s a little bit of both.
  • The science isn’t TOO sciency. Andreas picked on me when I said I was watching this because the science wasn’t realistic but I don’t know much about all the science, anyway, so if they were being all realistic about it, I wouldn’t know what was going on. It’s just dumbed-down (and, yes, Andreas, probably wrong) enough that it’s cool with me, yo. (Andreas has other issues with the show, he just told me. I’ll let him tell you in the comments. You know what’s great about him? Well, other than everything? Even if we totally disagree, we still respect and love one another. That’s why he’s my Andreas, you guys. And I miss him and his whole family in the land of the Finns like CRAZINESS every DAY.)
  • There is totally romance and emotional things and I am ALWAYS WEEPING. There was one episode where I had to take a SINCERE BREAK from watching the show because I was EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATED. That’s a good show. I love a good cry. So, so much. Like, break out the Kleenex, here I am, and I’m in seventh heaven. (OMG! Speaking of which, the dad from Seventh Heaven was a child molester? Who saw THAT one coming, right? DISTRESSING!)
  • The Doctor makes me INSANELY HAPPY. He is joyous and childlike but also serious with the weight of the world on his shoulders and he has all the best lines and I love love LOVE watching him. I really enjoyed Eccleston but OH, am I head-over-heels for Tennant and his happy Converse All-Stars and bouncy hair. (I knew I’d like him – I’ve seen him in a couple of other things, the best of which being Hamlet with Patrick Stewart, which was BRILLIANT. I am being very all-capsy today. Why the hell did they waste him so much in that awful Gracepoint? So disheartening.) Tennant is beyond amazing here. I am already pre-mourning his loss. I don’t know if I’ll be able to fall in love with another actor in this role like I’ve fallen in love with him here.

    Loooooove. The most charismatic human being alive, sincerely.

    Loooooove. The most charismatic human being alive, sincerely.

  • I was informed I was going to hate Rose, but I LOVED her. I want all Rose, all the time. Yes, yes, apparently there are Companions upcoming that I will love very much (Martha was fine, but underutilized, yeah? It kind of made me sad. Also, all her PINING. Ugh, I think probably I related to her too much, but she started to make me cringe) but right now I’m all “BRING ROSE BACK DAMMIT” and having some issues with her being gone.

    Good grief, Googling Rose was fraught with spoilery. Don't do that unless you know what's coming up, my little gingersnaps.

    Good grief, Googling Rose was fraught with spoilery. Don’t do that unless you know what’s coming up, my little gingersnaps.

  • There are so many shows I can see took a page from this. There are elements of Doctor Who in so many of my favorite shows – Quantum Leap, The X-Files, Buffy (and a lot of Whedon’s work, actually, now that I’m thinking about it), Supernatural, this weird time-travelly show called Voyagers I used to watch when I was little…and there was totally a scene in one episode where I was all “THAT IS SO THE AMBER SPYGLASS!” and it TOTALLY WAS, per a quote from one of the writers that I read. They also reference pop culture things all the time (I’m sure half of the time I miss it, but when they did a shout-out to J.K. Rowling I laughed my ass off) and it’s just the perfect sci-fi/horror/fantasy/thriller nerd show in the entire planet.
  • You constantly get to see British actors and you’re all “I know that person BUT FROM WHERE” and you look them up and you giggle. Of course I knew who Simon Pegg was, but Carey Mulligan looked so damn young I couldn’t place her. And I had no idea the weird brash British chick from the American version of The Office was famous because of Doctor Who. Kylie Minogue looks old. I remember her in scrunchies and slouch socks. Also, the kid that plays Spiderman and is dating Emma Stone was in one episode (he was young) and whenever anyone was at a loss for what to do I kept shouting at the screen “WHY AREN’T YOU SAVING EVERYONE, SPIDERMAN?” Only I pronounce it “Spidermen” like Phoebe did on Friends. Like it’s his last name. “Irving Spiderman.” “COME ON, SPIDERMAN, SAVE THE DOCTOR ALREADY! SHOOT WEBS OR SOMETHING!” I would shout, and giggle gleefully. This scared the cat.

    SAVE THEM, SPIDERMAN!!!

    SAVE THEM, SPIDERMAN!!!

  • “Blink” is the best episode I’ve seen so far. Closely followed by “Doomsday.” The first is a very good standalone if you are trying to get someone into the series. The second would make no sense to someone unless they were following the series closely. One of these two episodes is the aforementioned cry-myself-sick episode; you can decide which one on your own. Play along at home, kiddos. Fun times.

    Not recommended to watch this at midnight all alone like I did. YIKES. Totally kept hiding my face behind my hands.

    Not recommended to watch this at midnight all alone like I did. YIKES. Totally kept hiding my face behind my hands.

  • The baddies are awesome. Some are scary (WEEPING ANGELS! Those Host angel thingies from the Titanic Christmas special!) and some are kitschy and funny (if the best thing ever isn’t Cybermen and Daleks having a snark-off, I don’t know what is, I laughed until I almost peed) and some are VERY EVIL AND WICKED BUT ALSO FUN (OMG, The Master, right?) Some, however, are just the worst. Who thought it was a good idea to make the brilliant and multi-talented Mark Gatiss into a scorpion-thing? What was up with that woman who was playing a giant red spider-creature as if she was maybe a drag queen trying to project to the back row of a large theater? If they bring her back, I’m boycotting that episode. She was TERRIBLE. I have to imagine she was either some famous British actress everyone loves for no apparent reason, or one of the producer’s wives. I kept asking her to shush it up. Surprisingly, she didn’t seem to hear me.

    Ugh, PLEASE let this be the last time I see this thing.

    Ugh, PLEASE let this be the last time I see this thing.

I really need to end this.

TO SUM UP.

Big apologies, friends who were all “WHY THE HELL AREN’T YOU WATCHING DOCTOR WHO, AMY, YOU NUMBSKULL.” I am apparently attempting to remedy this by cramming it all in my head as fast as I can. Once this is done, the very kind Josh has informed me of the existence of Torchwood (oh, Captain Jack with your dimples, I can’t resist you) and other British shows I NEED to be watching, like, immediately. I think I know what I’ll be doing while Watertown is trapped in what seems to be some sort of eternal winter zone.

Oh, my. So pretty. So sexually and morally ambiguous.

Oh, my. So pretty. So sexually and morally ambiguous.

If you don’t spoil me in the comments, thank you. If you DO spoil me in the comments, I CURSE THEE AND THY OFFSPRING.

Also, I am willing to bet you before the month’s out I will be in possession of a tee-shirt that says “The Angels Have the Phone Box.” I have very little willpower and I need to sleep with that on my body.

Yep. It was really just a matter of time.

Allons-y. There are a lot of episodes left and they’re certainly not going to watch themselves.

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They’ll hate you for it, but that’s the point of Batman; he can be the outcast.

OK, so yesterday we talked about how non-outraged I was about Miley Cyrus. From the comments, it seems most of you were about as meh on that as I was (or maybe you were super-outraged but too shy to speak up. FEEL FREE TO SPEAK UP! I promise I won’t bite. I only get mad at tornadoes of constant negative energy, passive-aggressive ragemonsters, and trolls. If you want to disagree with me, I’m cool with that. Hell, Jim used to disagree with me on the regular, and I still think he’s just the best, even if he’s dead to Dad and Dad called him “that cigar-chomping fancyman” last night.)

Let’s see how offended you are that I WASN’T offended by the other thing that didn’t offend me recently.

Yes.

It’s true.

I am not at all offended by Ben Affleck being chosen to play Batman in the new Batman vs. Superman movie.

I KNOW. TAKE AWAY MY GEEK CARD RIGHT NOW.

I have many reasons for this decision.

REASON THE FIRST: I WON’T WATCH THE MOVIE ANYWAY

I don’t care for superhero movies. When I was young, I’m sure I watched some. I think I watched one or two of the original Superman movies. I liked Michael Keaton as Batman; Clooney and Kilmer, not so much. As an adult, I watched The Avengers because Joss Whedon (and honestly didn’t get most of it because I hadn’t seen the movies it referenced, except for Iron Man.) I’ve watched the first two Iron Man movies, because SHUT UP, is why. I’m crazy in love with Robert Downey Jr. and I love him in that role. He makes me so happy. I might have accidentally watched some of one of the X-Men movies but I didn’t care. I watched the first two Batman movies (the Christian Bale ones, I mean) because I wanted to see the second one (because I’d heard so much about Heath Ledger’s Joker) so I wanted to know what was going on so I watched the first one. Was there a third one? I feel like maybe there was. I didn’t care enough to watch that. They were fine. I liked the dark grittiness and the lack of camp. But superhero movies and me – eh.

Those EYES. The FACIAL HAIR. The SNARKERY. I am head-over-heels for this man. Sincerely.

Those EYES. The FACIAL HAIR. The SNARKERY. I am head-over-heels for this man. Sincerely.

Thing is, I like superheroes. I don’t know why, exactly, I don’t like superhero movies. I think I like them in the abstract more than in the flesh, or something. Because the special effects are usually silly, and what seems noble just comes across as cheesy.

So right now you’re like, “THEN WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE?” I’m a loudmouth with a blog, and I’ve had to listen to you all screaming about how terribly Ben Affleck’s going to ruin the WHOLE WOOOOOOOORLD, is who I am. So I get to judge, just as much as you do. Back off, grumbly.

REASON THE SECOND: PEOPLE HAVE WAY TOO MUCH DAMN FREE TIME

Seriously, you all got SHOUTY. Like, BEYOND shouty. It was kind of frightening to watch. People immediately fell into two camps: the “Affleck? AFFLECK? IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD!” people, and the “Meh, give the guy a chance” people.

You guys. YOU GUYS. You know it’s just a movie, right? Like, yes, I get it, people get all invested in their stories. I get it. I guess I just don’t have that in me. I mean, I was super-sad when the movie version of A Prayer for Owen Meany was THE WORST THING EVER ZOMG, but I didn’t go online and put up memes about how we needed to murder Ashley Judd, either. THERE ARE MEMES ABOUT MURDERING BEN AFFLECK. OVER A ROLE IN A MOVIE.

THIS IS NOT OK. This is a MARRIED MAN WHO HAS CHILDREN. What the hell is WRONG with you people?

THIS IS NOT OK. This is a MARRIED MAN WHO HAS CHILDREN. What the hell is WRONG with you people? Yes, I KNOW it’s a movie quote. THAT IS NOT THE POINT HERE.

Guys, I’m all for geeky passion. I totally am. I am one of you. I AM ONE OF YOUR CROWD. I am passionate about uncool shit. I was a geek back when that was an INSULT. But there’s geeky passion…then there’s taking the express train to crazytown. I think a few of you took the express train to crazytown when the Affleck announcement came out. I’d like to say I’m not judging you? But that’d be a lie. I totally am.

(You do know that Ben Affleck is a real person with FEELINGS, right? And that by screaming how much you hate him and how terrible of an actor/person he is ALL OVER THE INTERWEBS, his feelings are probably getting a little tender? “WHO CARES HE CAN DRY HIS TEARS WITH HIS MILLIONS!” Yeah, shut up. People with money have feelings, too. And it’s shitty to be that mean to ANYONE.)

OK, here’s the third point, and here’s where you all start yelling at me; I don’t even care. I stand by this one.

REASON THE THIRD: I THINK BEN AFFLECK IS A GOOD ACTOR

Shush. JUST SHUSH.

Yes. I am aware that he’s done some questionable movies. Can you think of a single actor who has a long resume who DIDN’T do some questionable movies? I can’t think of a single actor who’s only been in hits his or her whole career. Acting’s a tough game, kiddos. Sometimes you take roles because you need the money; sometimes you take roles because you owe the director or producer or production company a favor; sometimes you take roles because going into it, it seemed like a different role/movie/production/play than the final product proves to be; sometimes you take roles because you’re guaranteed exposure, or because you want the opportunity to work with a certain actor/director/producer and don’t know when you’ll get that chance again, or because if you do this project, the Powers That Be might look kindly on you for another (good) project.

I’m the first to admit I haven’t seen everything Affleck’s been in (I mean, seriously, the guy’s been in a lot of movies) but I’ve seen more Affleck movies than a lot of other actors’ movies…and that’s saying a lot, considering I don’t watch movies much anymore. I have enough to do to keep up with all the television I watch.

I just looked at his IMDb. I’ve seen all of his Kevin Smith movies. I’ve also seen Pearl Harbor, 200 Cigarettes, Shakespeare in Love, Armageddon, Phantoms, Good Will Hunting, and Dazed and Confused. I have Argo sitting here, but I haven’t seen it yet. I also saw Gone Baby Gone, which he directed. I’ve seen him every time he’s hosted Saturday Night Live.

No, I didn’t see the movies people like to shout about when they’re all “OMG NOT AFFLECK!!1!” like Gigli and Daredevil and Reindeer Games. I know people point out Jersey Girl as one of the bad movies. I didn’t think Jersey Girl was one of Smith’s best films, but I didn’t hate it like most people did. I thought it was fine. A bad Kevin Smith movie is still, for me, leaps and bounds above a lot of other movies.

Here’s the thing, you guys. I’m a fan of Affleck’s work. I think he’s come a long way. I think he was good to begin with, if a little raw; I think he’s matured into a very poised, talented man, and his directing proves this. His acting has also matured.

(I also think he’s come a long way since the Bennifer days, and I didn’t think he’d bounce back from that. Good for him.)

Thing is, I liked him before. I liked him when he was a goofball in the early Kevin Smith movies, and I think he has one of the single most affecting moments in my favorite Smith movie, which is Dogma. You’re all probably going to say “WHATEVER! CHEESY!” but the scene where he meets up with God (yes, the Alanis Morissette God) and he realizes she’s forgiven him, and is going to send him home, and he apologizes with that little catch in his throat, and thanks her, and just breaks down?

This scene. This one RIGHT HERE.

This scene. This one RIGHT HERE.

Every time, you guys. Every damn time. I don’t care what you think about the movie or that scene or Affleck as an actor; I find that tremendously powerful. When I think about Affleck as an actor, that’s the scene that immediately comes to mind. That scene cemented him in my mind as someone to watch.

I also think he does tremendous work in Shakespeare in Love. It’s not the lead role, but when he’s on-screen, you watch him. You can’t help but. He commands the screen. He’s funny and brash and intelligent and he’s a damn MOVIE star. You can SEE that in him.

I also sometimes get "Gentlemen upstage, ladies downstage...are you a lady, Mr. Kent?" stuck in my head in Ned Alleyn's sing-song and it makes me grin EVERY TIME.

I also sometimes get “Gentlemen upstage, ladies downstage…are you a lady, Mr. Kent?” stuck in my head in Ned Alleyn’s sing-song and it makes me grin EVERY TIME.

And as we all know? He was the bomb in Phantoms, yo.

(And shut up, I LOVE ARMAGEDDON. It makes me cry. IT MAKES ME CRY SO HARD. No, not because of the Affleck parts, because of the daddy/daughter parts, but I don’t hate Affleck in that, either. I actually like that movie quite a bit, when I’m in the mood for an end-of-the-world type thing or when I’m flipping channels and it happens to be on.)

I think the guy can act; I think the guy can direct.

Do I think the guy can play Batman?

I DON’T KNOW. And neither do you. NEITHER DO ANY OF YOU.

Seriously. SERIOUSLY.

For everyone who’s ever played a superhero, there have been people who screamed, “NOOOOOO!” Those people are sometimes right and sometimes wrong. As people are.

(And if I’m remembering correctly, the internet was pretty split on the performance of the new guy who’s playing Superman, right? Henry Cavill, or whatever? So a lot of you are going into the movie not even liking SUPERMAN, for the love of Pete!)

I sincerely hope that Affleck turns in a kickass performance in this movie. As mentioned, I probably won’t watch it. I just don’t care about superhero movies. (I do, however, love me some Affleck, so there’s the chance I might watch it on DVD or Netflix or something someday.)

But in the meantime?

PLEASE TRY TO KEEP YOUR NERDRAGE TO A REASONABLE LEVEL. Wait until it comes out, and judge the movie RATIONALLY on its MERITS. Don’t go in all pissy-faced and PREPARED to hate it. That’s the sure way to hate something. I’m a REVIEWER, you guys. You need to go into something all clean-slatey. It’s the best way to judge something. I’m telling you. It’s only fair. I GET PAID TO REVIEW THINGS ON THE REGULAR.

Let the guy ACT, you know? It is not life-or-death. He has not been tasked with operating on Betty White or coordinating a tactical strike on Yemen or something. IT IS A ROLE IN A MOVIE. I know it’s a BELOVED role, but it’s also a role played by THIS guy…

(Sigh, Kilmer…you will always and forever be my Tombstone boyfriend, but this made me laugh so hard I cried.)

So…seriously. Not at all life or death.

Calm it down, ok? Thanks.

Because it’s not going to change anything. Affleck knows what’s up.


…the status is not quo. The world is a mess and I just need to rule it.

sj alerted me to this and I do not approve. (Of the story, not of sj. I approve of sj most wholeheartedly.)

Apparently, there is a website called WND. I didn’t know it existed, either. Don’t feel bad. “WND” stands for World Net Daily. They find news and then tell you about it from a conservative viewpoint. Oh, I know about this! It’s called Fox News. Dad fills me in on this every day. I’m totally up on the conservative viewpoint and the mockery thereof. It’s both fair AND balanced, you guys.

So WND (I keep wanting to call it WWD and wonder where the fashion is, yo) decided the latest person they hated is – ready for this? Neil Patrick Harris.

NO NO NO. That is NOT ALLOWED.

See, I don’t know if you’re aware? But NPH is gay. YES IT IS TRUE FACTS! He is married to a lovely man and they have adorable twins.

He’s also a talented actor, onstage and in movies and on television, and seems, in interviews, to be a very well-spoken, intelligent, and interesting person. He also sings and dances beautifully and is very, very funny. Seriously, his hosting stint on Saturday Night Live made me laugh until I almost choked. If stupid nbc.com played nice with WordPress I would show you. Instead, here’s a link. And another. (First link is NPH doing this Doogie Howser musical thing – I can’t even explain. Roommate C. and I were in TEARS of laughter. And second link is NPH doing a Broadway skit. Both are worth the click, promise.)

PLUS, come ON, how many actors are happy to make fun of themselves in a stoner movie?

“Yeah. It was a total dick move on my part. That’s why I’m paying for your burgers.”

AND AND AND! Come on. JUST COME ON. He was in the BEST INTERNET MUSICAL EVER!

“Did you notice that he threw you in the garbage?”

THE MAN IS A NATIONAL TREASURE.

So anyway, NPH did the following ad for the Superbowl:

And WND said NO NO NO! This is EVIL! HE IS MOCKING OUR HERO, LORD, and SAVIOR!

I have nothing against Tim Tebow, but apparently the Christian right has decided he’s their spokesperson? Worrisome. I think you already HAVE a spokesperson. JESUS. My mom told me that and I have to believe her, as she is my mom.

So! By wearing this crap on his face with the dates on it (apparently this is called “eyeblack”, who knew) NPH is “…pushing a gay agenda …and…mocking Christians at the same time.”

OH! Is THAT what he’s doing! Well. Isn’t THAT a whole bunch of things to be doing all at once like that, how very multitasky!

(Also, if you want to see a cross-section of super-awesome humans? Read the comments on the WND post. OH MY OH NO. “REPENT REPENT!” says the very first one. Um. You repent for gaybashing, I’ll repent for whatever it is you’re judging me for, bub.)

Shit. Well, if NPH is too gay for the Superbowl, then so am I. I AM SPARTACUS. I’m totally boycotting it this year.

What’s that? I boycott it every year because I refuse to watch it because it’s sports and I hate sports and this is really not a BOYCOTT, per se, if I’m doing something I would do ANYWAY and just SAYING it’s a political statement?

Well. Aren’t YOU judgey. That’s very rude of you. Huff, huff.

(For the record, guess who can enjoy sports? Gay people. Straight people. People with no legs. People with two heads. People with red hair. People who wear too many gold chains. People who like their pizza with black olives. People with penises. People without penises. People with both penises AND vaginas. Tall people. Short people. Fat people. Skinny people. People who wear sweaters with kittens on the front. People who like dairy. People who are lactose-intolerant. In short: ANYONE AT ALL.)

There’s no gay agenda. Well, no, I take that back. There’s totally a gay agenda. The gays (yes, I’ve talked to all of them) would like the following:

  • to be treated like productive members of society, no matter who they love
  • to be given the same rights as everyone else
  • to not be beaten up for who they love (or called names on the street, or given dirty looks, or be made to feel unsafe in any way)

That’s pretty much it. I don’t know if three bullet points make an “agenda.” I mean, I’m on a board of directors. We have more bullet points than that on our monthly board meeting agendas.

Listen. I don’t care about a lot of things. But if you don’t like NPH, at least a little, I think your heart might be dead. He is just pure joy, this guy. He isn’t furthering ANYTHING. He’s the star of one of the biggest shows on his network. I bet half or more of the people who watch his show don’t even KNOW he’s gay. He doesn’t even play someone gay ON the show. And the photo above is from a promo clip on his network, who would be stupid not to use one of their most recognizable faces for publicity purposes.

That’s it. That’s the agenda. His network wants people to watch the Superbowl; they used one of their resources to get people to do so. I don’t think they were mocking Tebow. Little known fact: people were using that eyeblack shit before Tebow came along. IT IS TRUE.

Dear WND: please to be getting a life. You make me sad and also angry. You are small-minded and hateful people and at some point you have forgotten that we’re all human on this rock in space and there’s no room for that kind of thinking because it’s 2013 and we don’t need to put up with it anymore.

In short, WND, feel most free to bite me. Grow the hell up.


“Would thou’ldst be ruled by me!” “Madam, I will.” Aaand…MARRIED.

You’ve been getting a lot of posts o’randomness lately. Sorry! Brain’s FULL of randomness.

Today we have many things to discuss! Theater and job interviews and exciting book news. ALL THE THINGS. What do these things have in common? Well, shit, nothing, other than they all happened in the last 24 hours in Amy-land, dammit.

Let’s see. First, in exciting book news, last night, right before I went to sleep (much too late, because I was up much too late because I got home late and said, “Amy, you should go to bed now” but then Twitter was interesting and fun and I got sucked into the black hole of the internet, as I often do) I saw this tweet:

So of course I clicked, because I wanted to see what the September read for my book club is. (I’ve mentioned this before, but the Geek Girls Book Club is my online book club, and where I’ve met some of my favorite people. It’s grown in leaps and bounds and it’s a huge group of some of the most amazing geeks in the world. Not just girls. Boys, too. We’re all-inclusive.)

ZOMG YOU GUYS! Out of True and Elegantly Wasted were chosen as the September reads for the GGBC!

So I immediately was all teary-eyed and fluttery and Wayne’s World “I am not WORTHY” about the whole thing because that’s how I handle good things when they happen to me, you see.

I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy!

My book was chosen as the read for my book club! I’m kind of in shock about that. Lots of people will (well, potentially) be reading my book! And I can talk to them about it! Oh, this is exciting. This is so exciting.

(As a side note, probably I should be MORE excited that people will be buying it? Because, yay! More money! But honestly, and this is why I’m never going to be a multi-billionaire-poetry-lady, it’s more exciting to have people read what I’ve written than get paid for it. Don’t get me wrong, money? it is awesome. But having people read what you’ve written is even MORE awesome. I know. I don’t have the mindset of a millionaire. I’m a self-defeating prophecy.)

So, thank you thank you THANK YOU to @Nikkisticks, who not only gave me a gang to run with when I was a shaky-legged newbie to the Twitter scene, but who tirelessly campaigns for the awesomeness of geeks and books and reading everywhere. You know how some people are good people? She’s the BEST people.

Now: theater! Last night, we had our critique for our first show of the season over at my theater. We’re doing Twelfth Night. I’ve seen the show before (in London once, doesn’t THAT make me sound fancy, and a recording of the – I think? – Broadway version with Helen Hunt and Paul Rudd once) and I love it much. I think I love it for the wrong reasons, because the first time I saw it (I’ve mentioned this, I think?) the director made the choice to show Malvolio as a bullying victim, which I thought (and still do) was a strong choice (not, perhaps, what Shakespeare intended…but that’s one of the many things I love about Shakespeare, how well it lends itself to various interpretations.) I enjoyed myself very much, and think the show will do well.

Here is a thing that made me laugh and laugh, which was not intended. I assume it was a Shakespeare thing. Maybe it was something that happened in Shakespeare-times, who knows.

Hee, I like this painting. Look at his little hair-poof!

So, ok. A little backstory. Identical twins Sebastian and Viola shipwreck on Illyria, separately. Each assume the other is dead. So she is not raped and murdered or whatever, Viola pretends to be a boy, Cesario, and goes to be the servant of the Duke of Illyria, Orsino. She (of course) falls in love with him. He, in turn (stick with me, cupcakes) is in love with Olivia. So he keeps sending Cesario off to woo Olivia for him. (I guess that’s a thing they did, back in the day, I don’t know.) Olivia IMMEDIATELY falls for Cesario, because she thinks Cesario is a fella. Even though Cesario is a LADY IN DISGUISE. Cesario keeps saying, “Not interested, Olivia!” Olivia keeps saying, “BUT I LOVE YOU CESARIO!”

Here’s Anne Hathaway as Cesario. Listen, I’d have a crush on her too, let’s just say it.

So eventually, Sebastian wanders upon this whole scene o’craziness. Olivia sees him and assumes he’s Cesario, because, as mentioned, identical twins. She’s all, as she has been for days, “I LOVE YOU CESARIO!” And Sebastian, even though he was just called the totally wrong name? Is all, “Um…ok! I LOVE YOU TOO!” and then they get MARRIED. Yep, you read that right. Sebastian marries this chick – who called him by the wrong name – FIVE MINUTES AFTER HE MEETS HER.

No, I’m not Cesario. Eh, screw it, let’s get MARRIED FOREVER.

What? Seriously? She might be a looney! You don’t know who this chick is! And she thinks you’re someone else, you goofball! Nope, it’s ok, I WILL MARRY YOU NOW! I laughed and laughed about that. I’m pretty sure that part isn’t supposed to be funny, either. I just liked the immediacy of it. Talk about a call-me-maybe situation. Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, I think you’re someone else, marry me, baby.

Anyway, as I know you’re all WAITING WITH BATED BREATH to know what happens to those kooky twins, Sebastian and Cesario/Viola are reunited, which means that Viola no longer has to pretend to be a boy because now her brother can protect her delicate flower, and she can be a lady again. And Orsino, who’s been SO CONFUSED about his feelings for a BOY, breathes a sigh of relief that his servant was a lady all along and asks her to marry him. So Sebastian and Olivia (who apparently doesn’t care which of the twins she gets, as long as she gets one of them) and Orsino and Viola are all happy-happy-joy-joy couples, huzzah! There’s also a side plot involving the hijinks Olivia’s servants get up to, but that’s for another day.

Here’s an actual photo from our production (by the inimitable Tom Killips, thanks, Tom!) Orsino and Viola on your left, Olivia and Sebastian on your right.

So, what I took away from the show, other than it was lovely and the audience will enjoy themselves a great deal, is that back in Shakespeare’s day, people got married IMMEDIATELY. Hee!

In job interview news, I had a phone interview today. Those are always strange. On one hand, a little less stressful, because you can do them in your pajamas. (No, I didn’t. But I could have. I didn’t, though.) On the other hand, a little weird, because you’re trying to be the best on the phone, and I’m a little weird on the phone. I have phone phobia. And I tend to fill in the gaps with LOTS OF TALK. Because I get nervous.

Seemed to go well – I didn’t get that weirdness-vibe I get sometimes – but it’s hard to tell over the phone. He has a lot more phone interviews lined up for the next two weeks so said he’d get back to me in a couple of weeks letting me know if I’d made the cut for a face-to-face interview. So we’ll see. Patience may be a virtue, but it’s sure as hell not one of mine. Gah. I do a lot of finger-drumming and waiting around and DEEP DEEP SIGHING.

So, happy Saturday to you all. Enjoy your weekend! And remember, if you get stranded on a deserted island, probably you should marry the first chick who calls you by the wrong name. SHAKESPEARE SAYS SO.


Everyone’s a hero in their own way – you, and you, and mostly me, and you.

I’m HOME!!!!

Listen, I decided yesterday I might be the worst bon vivant, because I almost wept when I opened my door, I was so glad to be home. I mean, sure, it was nice to be on vacation, but it was even NICER to be in my own home, with my things all where I wanted them, and Dumbcat, and my television and my bed. OH MY BED. Listen, I slept like a dead person last night. Eight straight hours. Didn’t even wake once. Only woke up when I did because I had to go to the bathroom. I didn’t sleep that much when I was on vacation even once. I was working with a sleep deficit, I think. I made up for it admirably.

OK, so yesterday was THE LONGEST DAY EVER ZOMG.

This bears little on our tale, but the night before, we went to a restaurant that was a ROADHOUSE and you could throw peanut shells on the floor. This made Dad happy because he likes to make a mess so he threw SO MANY PEANUT SHELLS ON THE FLOOR. Also, the food was good and my margarita was huge and frosty and I got a dessert in a little tiny bucket that I got to keep and bring home. It was kind of adorable. So if you go somewhere that they have such things, go to Logan’s Roadhouse (caution, that website makes a shit-ton of noise when you click on it.) They let you make a mess! On purpose!

Make a mess! It is OK! I told Dad he should start doing this at home, Mom wouldn’t mind. He gave me a dirty look.

First, we stayed in a hotel. The hotel was not conducive to getting a good night’s sleep. It was the loudest hotel in the history of loud hotels. There was an air conditioner that sounded like a jet engine taking off; there were walls that were as thin as paper so you could hear everything the neighbors were doing (and apparently the neighbor on one side of us had some sort of sneezing sickness because he SNEEZED EVERY FIVE SECONDS); and the bathroom had this toilet that flushed with the pressure of like an industrial suction machine or something and you could hear it a kajillion miles away. So I put on my MP3 player but I can’t sleep if I hear music. I mean, it cut out the sound of neighbors, but it still made me hear music. So I tossed and turned and grumped and grumped for the entire night. Not fun times. Amy with not enough sleep = bad news.

After a very bad experience with the hotel wafflemaker (I LOSE AT HOTEL WAFFLEMAKING! I did NOT put in enough batter and it was all lopsided and very, very sad) it was time to go to the airport. Dad was driving back home yesterday, and was torn between getting an early start or driving me to the airport, then turning around and backtracking and getting on the road. There was a free shuttle that would bring me to the airport, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted me to take it because he kept saying, “If I put you on the free shuttle, you’ll think I don’t love you.” I EXPLAINED that I would think NO SUCH THING, but he was all, “NO NO NO” so when he was busy elsewhere I signed myself up for the free shuttle and took the decision out of his hands.

The free shuttle was kind of harrowing because the man driving it seemed to think he was a cast member of The Dukes of Hazzard. There were a lot of quick stops and turns where I swear we were up on two wheels and lots of honking. I’m pretty sure none of us were in THAT much of a hurry to get to the airport, and also that we would like to be alive to get on our plane. I did a lot of grabbing at the seat and thinking, “Holy hell, I think we’re going to die right now, this is NOT how I planned on going out.”

Airport shuttle or the General Lee? YOU DECIDE.

Once we got to the airport, I realized that I was much, much too early to check in for my flight, so I had to sit and wait and wait and wait. I had a book, though. That was good. Listen, if you ever go on vacation, I recommend taking a G. R. R. Martin novel, because you will have PLENTY to read wherever you find yourself. Although, listen, people who have read the Song of Ice and Fire series, did A Feast for Crows lag a little for you? I’m not saying I don’t like it. I do. It’s fine. But I have a couple of problems. The fact that it’s missing a couple of my favorite characters, for one. The fact that it’s introducing new characters that I’m a wee bit bored by, for two. And it’s very heavy on the – um, what’s it called. Heraldry? There’s a lot of “this house’s sign is three ravens holding hearts in their mouths on a field of blue” that goes on for PAGES and listen, I’m sure if I were a child of Westeros that would be important for me to know? But mostly I want to get to the ACTION. Even the chapters with my people, which I have to wade through boring stuff to get to, seem a little pale. It’s fine, I’m not saying I want to stop reading the series or anything, of course I don’t. But it’s not as good as the three books leading up to it have been, that’s all. Who’s read the next book in the series? Does it get back on track?

I am kind of BORED, Martin. Grump. Grump.

Anyway, that was a huge tangent. OH! ALSO! Is the HBO series taking on a life if its own or what? I guess it’s following the True Blood model of “meh, start with the source material and then just go all willy-nilly wherever you want?” The end of last night’s episode, I was all, “WHAT THE EFF? This is a new development.”

Oh, ok, back to it. So I waited and waited and finally they opened the gate and I was the sixth person in line and the line was moving slow like molasses and some woman was all, “If you’re not checking anything, you can express check in over here” so I left the line and went over there only to find out that NO YOU COULD NOT, not unless you’d web-checked-in the night before. MISLEADING. Don’t make lying announcements, airline lady. So then I had to get to the BACK of the line because I don’t cut lines, that’s an asshole thing to do. So then there were a MILLION people in front of me, give or take a million.

Then it was time to go through security again. I totally had liquids in my bag that I didn’t bother to put in a quart baggie and declare. I know. I’m a total terrorist. I had three bottles of nailpolish. I could bring down a whole PLANE with those. I was very tired and was all, “Let’s see if they make me throw them away. Probably they won’t.” Now, everyone at security was totally cranky, until they saw my Dr. Horrible t-shirt. Then they were MY BEST FRIENDS. I’m not even kidding, apparently everyone at that airport was a closet geek. I got a “look at that t-shirt” and a “hey, Chuck, check out her t-shirt” and a “yay, Dr. Horrible!” and one woman just waved me to the front of a line after telling me “cool shirt!” This seems to be how you can charm airport security, for future reference, people.

This is the exact t-shirt that did the charming. Is it not the cutest? Yes. Yes, it is. It was a limited run and is sold out now. Sorry, geeks.

Also, I totally saw some racial profiling going on while I was there. It made my heart hurt. You don’t need to give attitude to an adorable bubbly two-year-old just because her mom is wearing a hijab. I was behind that family in line for a long time and they were SO NICE. If they were terrorists, they were hiding it REALLY WELL. Anyway, no one called me out on my nailpolish (that’s worrisome, how is that not picked up on the scanner? Or is it and they don’t care?), but the man in front of me got in trouble for not taking off his belt. In security’s defense, he was a total douchecanoe about it. There were about fourteen “take off your belt” signs and he was all, “NO ONE TOLD ME I HAD TO TAKE OFF MY BELT! WHY DO I HAVE TO IT’S NOT DANGEROUS.” You’re an ass, take off your damn belt. As we learned at the Marine Center, THAT’S THE RULE.

Then, more waiting, more waiting! The plane was also about half an hour late, even though the board kept saying “on time.” Half an hour late is not “on time.” I saw my cousins again. They were all sunburny. I know people are going to be curious why I am not sunburny. The answer is: I stayed inside as much as I could for my Florida vacation, and when I went out, I slathered on the sunscreen. I am a vampire. I did get one burn, so one arm has a weird farmer’s tan right now that is super-unpretty. It’s the only thing I have that proves I was in Florida. Well, and those creepy wax monkeys. And a bag of seashells.

Then it was time to board the plane. There was a row with no one in it and a stewardess standing in it. (Are they stewardesses anymore? I feel like that’s not PC. What are they now? Oh, Google says they’re flight attendants. Why am I stuck in the 60s? Sorry, lady.) She said if I sat there, I had to be prepared to HELP IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY. “Are you prepared to help in case of an emergency?” she asked. I very seriously told her, “I think I would win at that. I’m very good at helping. And emergencies.” She looked at me like I was a crazy person, sighed, and told me I could sit there. It was awesome, with lots of leg room, but no tray table. A weird hipster girl sat next to me and she was wearing a fedora. I didn’t like that much. But she was quiet, so who cares.

I just did some research and this is a coveted place to sit, apparently. I WIN!

We totally had to have special emergency training for our special job, which was “in case of emergency, look out your window. If the plane is not underwater, open the door that is also your window and usher people out. You go out last.” So in other words, in case of emergency, I was like a hall monitor, and also I would probably die because I had to wait until everyone was out to leave. Also, I had to read the emergency materials in the back pocket of the seat. The thing that cracked me up was that it gave you pictorial instructions on how to save all the lives, and one of the things it told you NOT to do was, once you opened the window-door, not to stop to have a cigarette while you were out there. You know. As you do. You’re all, “THE PLANE’S ON FIRE! I have OPENED THE WINDOW-DOOR! Everyone, out this way! Just a sec, I’m totally having a nicotine fit, I’ll help you through that window-door in a sec, Granny McGurk.” FINE. I was totally prepared for this imaginary emergency.

Except I was very tired so I fell asleep about ten minutes into the flight and slept until about half an hour before we landed. So if there was an emergency, I probably wouldn’t have been much good. I’m pretty groggy once I wake up. Also, I’m pretty sure I was so tired I was snoring. Whenever I woke up, the hipster chick was watching me like I’d gone bonkers. When I’m really tired, HIPSTER CHICK, I snore like a CHAINSAW. I am SORRY I interrupted you reading your INDIE POETRY MAGAZINE while you listen to BON IVER.

SO COOOOOL.

Then we landed and I drove home while listening to loud music and eating all the wasabi peas and when I got home, Dumbcat was meowing and meowing because he apparently thought I was dead, and has not stopped yet. It’s been about 14 hours. Still hasn’t stopped. Well, he might have stopped when I slept, I don’t know. I slept like a dead person, as mentioned. I woke up and he was under my covers, all snuggled up to me like a hot water bottle of a cat. He is SO HAPPY I’m not dead. Poor dumb boy. I feel bad he thought I was dead.

Now I’m home. In the time I’ve been home, I slept, put away my vacation things, and purchased enough theater and concert tickets to keep the local economy going for a good long while. No, seriously, I have the most shows and events planned for the next month, it’s insane. Ready? Ready?

This month, I’m seeing The Farnsworth Invention, The Real Thing, Hair, Hairspray, and God of Carnage (those are all the live theater shows); running auditions for Twelfth Night; ushering for The Farnsworth Invention; seeing Ingrid Michaelson in a sold-out show at one of my favorite venues; as well as various things like rehearsals and board meetings and such. And seeing two of my favorite people on Saturday who are coming in from out of town to see a show with me. Oh, and working, can’t forget that, blech. I ALSO got tickets for Conor Oberst in July and – AND!!! – sixth row aisle for my favorite concert ever, which I’ve seen three times before and this will be the fourth – ARLO GUTHRIE IN NOVEMBER! I could not be more excited about that one. I got the announcement he was coming and screamed a little while I was on vacation and Dad was all “You really need to stop blowing out my eardrums like that, you are SO LOUD” but it’s Arlo! Right before THANKSGIVING! (Dad hates Arlo. Who can guess why? That’s right. He’s a dirty hippie.)

I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU AGAIN ARLO!!!

OK. This is long enough, and I have a million things to do before auditions tonight. SO HAPPY TO BE HOME. Bon vivantery has its place, but I’m happy to be back. Thank you all for coming on vacation with me! Back to the grind tomorrow. Happy Monday, all! Hope your day is full of unicorn rainbow kittens!


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