I’m fairly sure my phone is psychic. Or perhaps haunted.
No, no, wait, hear me out.
OK, so one of the reasons I got the iPhone is that I could put a ton of music on it. My master musicologist, sj, has been the most helpful with this, even when I was freaking out and all “ZOMG SJ I CANNOT DOOOO THISSSS” and she made a video for me and everything. She’s the best.
So I managed to put music on my phone. Which was VERY exciting. I was able to have Google Music on my last phone for about 5 minutes before it was all “NO INTERNAL MEMORY!” and made me delete it. *glares at old phone*
So I currently have about 850 songs on my phone. I could have more, but I gave up on turning all of my CDs to digital files halfway through the project because there were just too many of them. I am a master at giving up when something is too hard. Don’t even think I’m not.
I spent about three hours going through all the music in my iTunes (which sj showed me how to get out of my Google Music) and selecting the ones I wanted and putting it all on the phone. It was a huge endeavor that took up a large chunk of one of my Sundays off.
HOWEVER! Since sj is the smartest, she knew the following:
- if I had music and Pandora on my phone, I could listen to music ANYWHERE I WAS
- I just had to buy a little adapter-thingy and I could listen to music in my CAR (I don’t have a fancy car – it only has a tape player. But for like $10, you can get a tape player adapter thingy and listen to your phone in your car. Which I didn’t even know existed.
So I have been merrily listening to my own music for the past week or so. Even better, if we’re quiet about it, we can listen to music at work! I know, I work at the best place, right? Friend A. showed me how to make the phone play through the computer speakers (which I thought would be a big huge deal but come to find out I just had to plug the phone into the speaker wire. I never said I was technologically savvy) so I can now listen to music at my desk while I’m toiling. (A lot of my work involves doing things that I can listen to music while I do, so that’s nice. It’s a nice thing to have playing. It makes me happy.)
ANYWAY, so my phone is psychic.
Here is an actual email exchange with the magical sj the other day. I am italics. sj is bold. In case that wasn’t obvious.
How is it possible that the shuffle function on the phone has just played three Beatles songs in a row? There are like 850 songs on here. Yes, quite a few of them are Beatles songs…but the sheer odds of that are kind of miniscule. I think the phone has become sentient and is screwing with me. If I don’t email you tomorrow, it’s because the phone has killed me in my sleep.
Wait, let’s see what the 4th song in a row is. This is like a little test.
Hmm. Hole’s “Asking for It.” IS THE PHONE TRYING TO SAY I’M ASKING FOR IT? Oh, crap, I think I’m in trouble.
The next song was “Hero.” I’m pretty sure the phone is trying to tell me not to be a hero, here.
HAHAHAHAHA! This is the best email ever!
The next song was “Skip the Charades.” THE PHONE KNOWS I’M ONTO IT.
You need to do one of those “iPod on shuffle” posts!
I was just thinking I probably should. But the haunted phone might not like that. IT MIGHT KILL ME.
See? My phone is psychic and/or haunted. It might be trying to tell me something.
The other day, it played a song that I love. Love love LOVE. So I played it over and over and over and OVER. When I finally moved onto something else, the first song the phone played was Denis Leary’s “Asshole,” so I’m pretty sure it was making a judgment about me and my obsessive need to listen to sad songs over and over. I think the phone was all, “THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M ON SHUFFLE FOR, AMY.” And therefore I think it might hate me.
HOWEVER, I also think the phone loves me, because sometimes it seems to know exactly what I need to hear right when I need to hear it. This morning, I needed Brandi Carlile’s “The Story.” I really, really did. Yes. I know I could have just manually made it happen, but that doesn’t seem fair. What was like the third song that popped up today? Yep. “The Story.” THANK YOU PSYCHIC PHONE!
Anyway, in honor of sj, let’s see what an iPod on shuffle meme looks like. Then mock it, probably. My guess would be that we will mock this meme. But who knows what will happen, the world really is our oyster, here.
OK, here, I found one, let’s see what happens. Apparently you put your iPod (or phone, or whatever) on shuffle and see what happens and then answer the questions. I like questions.
1. What do people assume when they first look at me?
“Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon and Garfunkel. (Well, that’s distressing. Unless that’s a compliment. Do we think that’s a compliment?)
2. What will be a big challenge in life for me?
“Burning Down the House” by The Used. (Hmm. Am I burning down the house? Am I burning down someone else’s house because I’ve been scorned or something? Will I have a house fire? I don’t like the tone of this meme.)
3. Am I a good boyfriend/girlfriend?
“Brown-Eyed Handsome Man” by Chuck Berry. (This doesn’t answer the question at ALL. Also the question is stupid.)
4. Do I have a Secret Admirer?
“We Are Young” by Fun. (Um. This meme is ridiculous and not working, and also strangely capitalized.)
5. Will I ever become manically depressed in my life?
“If I Had a Hammer” by Arlo Guthrie and Pete Seeger. (A. Who asks questions like this? B., Apparently I’m going to be depressed and maybe kill someone with a hammer. Sigh.)
7. Is someone trying to kill me?
“Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye. (Oh, see, this one totally answered the question, someone from my past is attempting to murder me, I knew it.)
8. What is my sexual preference?
“I’m Looking Through You” by The Beatles. (Again, this is a very bad question, and the answer doesn’t have anything to do with this. SIGH SIGH MEME.)
9. What am I afraid of?
“Into the Mystic” by Van Morrison. (I’m afraid of the person who introduced me to this song. He was a total jerk and also I think a crazyperson. But I love the song. This is making me tired.)
10. What will I be doing in a few years?
“I Know Him So Well” from the Chess Original Cast Recording (I’m going to be…euphemizing in a few years? So well? Rock on, future-me.)
11. What is some good advice for me?
“18 Wheeler” by Pink (OK, I’m down with this, since one of the lyrics is “You can push me out the window/I’ll just get back up/You can run over me with your 18 wheeler truck/And I won’t give a fuck” so that’s good advice, then. Thanks, Pink.)
12. What should I do instead of this quiz?
“Fake Plastic Trees” by by Radiohead (I think this means ANYTHING is better than this quiz. ANYTHING EVEN FAKE PLASTIC TREES.)
13. Will you get married?
“Hit So Hard” by Hole. (I’m…gonna take that as a no, then.)
14. What is the story of your life?
“Magical Mystery Tour” by The Beatles. (Yep. That works. That works just fine for me.)
15. How can you get ahead in life?
“Fire and Rain” by James Taylor. (Um. I’m pretty sure there’s a fire in my future. This is…well, worrisome, to be honest.)
16. What is the best thing about your friends?
“Girlfriend” by Julia Price. (What about my guy friends? This meme or quiz or whatever is very long, and making me exhausted.)
17. What song describes you?
“Once” by Pearl Jam. (OK, now I think the phone is just screwing with me. NONE OF THESE MATCH UP AT ALL.)
18. How does the world see you?
“The Chain” by Ingrid Michaelson. (“So glide away on soapy heels and promise not to promise anymore and I will take the chain from off the door.” WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE QUESTION. The answer is nothing. It has nothing to do with the question.)
19. Will you have a happy life?
“Fortunate Son” by Creedence Clearwater Revival. (Apparently that’s a yes? Although I think the song was ironic? So maybe a no? SIGH.)
20. How can I make myself happy?
“At the End of the Day” from the Les Mis original cast recording. (Well, this clearly means I need to go see “Les Mis” in the theaters, then. In order to be happy. That’s alright.)
21. What should you do with your life?
“Ode to Billy Jo” by Bobbi Gentry. (I should…hide the fact I’m gay and jump off a bridge? Yes. Yes, that makes sense, phone. Thank you. SO much.)
22. Will you ever have children?
“I Speak Six Languages” from The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee original cast recording. (This is about kids. Kids that can SPELL. So it’s tangentially related. Hmm.)
Alright, so I think it’s fairly clear that the phone, which up until now was all psychic, wanted nothing to do with this stupid meme and decided to play dumb, and therefore screwed with me during this so I looked like an idiot. WELL-PLAYED, PHONE.
Also, and this has NOTHING to do with ANYTHING, so SIDE NOTE, but why didn’t you people warn me that Despicable Me was SAD? Urgh. I’m all snotty and tearfaced right now. I can’t watch a cartoon movie without weeping, I swear. It’s very distressing. Stupid cartoons being all emotional.
Off to bed for me. Long day of longness. I need to get more sleep, sometimes.
If the phone kills me in my sleep, I’m totally blaming all of you for not believing me it’s psychic or perhaps demon-possessed.