Category Archives: awards

A good place to be lonely is the Walmart. Also, the turning down of awards!

In your world it is Thursday. Here, it is Monday. I had every intention to go to work this morning. However, I could not sleep last night. Not even a little. After tossing and turning and coughing up a lung (maybe both lungs) for a few hours, I finally fell asleep, but when the alarm went off, there was no way I could go to work today, because I was stumbling around like a zombie person and I couldn’t open my eyes and I was coughing and coughing and just wanted more sleep. MORE SLEEP. I was like a junkie and the only thing I needed? SLEEP. So I called off from work and went back to bed. And promptly slept for – ready for this? FIVE MORE HOURS. Yes. In total, I slept for about 11 hours last night/today. That is too much sleep. Or maybe just enough, I don’t know. I am attempting, today, to stay awake, in the hope that tonight I will be SO TIRED I can sleep normal hours and go to work tomorrow. I can’t miss MORE work due to a cold. This is ridiculous.

Also, I was supposed to see The Nephew tonight, and because I love him, I decided to cancel that. He doesn’t need my germs. It makes me sad, though. You know I love to hang out with my best little buddy more than almost anything.

So today Dumbcat and I are hanging on the couch watching bad television. I am trying to stay awake. He is not even trying. He’s been asleep all day long. Dammit, Dumbcat, way to be a good companion.

Today I have to mention that I have been nominated for THREE awards and isn’t that fancy? Yes, it is! Well, twice for the same award, but twice is twice, right? Right.

Most of you know my stance on awards. I find it very nice to be nominated, but I can’t accept them. Why can’t I accept them? Because they make you nominate a number of other blogs. And if you nominate other blogs, then you’re leaving some blogs out, and feelings get hurt. And I hate to hurt feelings. I hate to hurt feelings more than I hate to clean the litterbox, and that’s a lot, yo. So, as always, I am very thankful for the awards, and for thinking of me; it is most kind, and most appreciated.

So, the first award I have been nominated for is the Versatile Blogger Award. I feel like I’ve gotten this one before, right? I could go back and look but, well, sick. And kind of lazy. Sorry, world.

First I was nominated by meANXIETYme. Thank you!

Then I was nominated by Kat at Kat’s Den. And thank YOU!

Then I was nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger award by Andrea at When in New Places. Also, thanks to YOU!

I am supposed to state seven things about myself and then nominate fifteen blogs. Well, I refuse to nominate anyone, as is my wont, and therefore I CANNOT ACCEPT THE AWARDS. Mostly because these things seem like a pyramid scheme, you see. I don’t like pyramids. All triangular like that. Sticking up out of the sand. Being all pointy.



I don’t know if there are seven things about myself you don’t already know, other than the things I’m not going to tell you because they’re mine. Oh, shush, we all get a few things that are ours. You can’t even tell me that you don’t keep some things just for yourself. So instead, here, I will tell you my top seven favorite cities in all the world that I have actually been in with my whole body. Yes, my whole body! Not just my toe.

  1. New York, NY
  2. Rome, Italy
  3. Albany, NY
  4. Sedona, AZ
  5. Santa Barbara, CA
  6. Rouen, France
  7. Baltimore, MD
New York wins! You are not at all surprised by this, are you? Didn't think so.

New York wins! You are not at all surprised by this, are you? Didn’t think so.

There you go. It’s LIKE seven things you didn’t know about me, only in NUMERICAL ORDER. (The top two haven’t changed since 1995. I’m pretty damn predictable.) Do I win going places? Yes. Also, I think it’s a sign I’m in the right place, life-wise, that where I live is in the top three. Because that means there are two places that are like dream vacation spots, but then coming home is in the top three. That’s good, I think.

So, in summation: thank you for the awards, ladies. I am honored and humbled, even though I can’t accept; the fact that I can’t accept is not at all your fault and completely mine. I so appreciate the thought, and give you many internet smooches for the gifting.

Before we go, let’s talk about a super-classy thing that happened here lately. And when I say super-classy, I mean like BEYOND classy. It makes me so proud I can’t even. CAN. NOT. EVEN.

(Props to sj for finding me that most excellent pie chart.)

So, Queensbury is about an hour from me. And in Queensbury, there is a Walmart. I mean, of course there is. Where is there not a Walmart? There’s probably a Walmart in Antarctica for all I know. (In that Walmart they would probably sell a lot of mittens.)

Apparently, you can get more than beef jerky and large boxes of Cheese Nips at the Queensbury Walmart.

Someone called the po-po and said, “You guys? There’s a Walmart employee doin’ the nasty back in the corner of the housewares section.”

Because nothing says "illicit sex" like a ton of flair on a blue vest.

Because nothing says “illicit sex” like a ton of flair on a blue vest.

So I guess one of the Walmart customers offered the employee some cash under the table if he…um…did a naked price-check for him in a corner? And the employee did? And then someone shopping for a new toaster was totally scandalized and was all “OMG MY EYES MY EYESSSSS” and called the cops and to jail the Walmart employee went, hopefully before someone had to call for a cleanup in aisle three.

I don’t know who to feel more pity for in this scenario, honestly. The employee, who is obviously making so little money that he had to take some (probably icky, let’s be honest) customer up on his offer of a quickie BJ in a corner? The customer who, for who-knows-what-reason decided to solicit a most-likely minimum-wage employee for sex at a Walmart? The customer who was going about his or her business and stumbled upon oral pleasure by the dishtowels?

Oh, Queensbury. This isn’t very regal behavior at all. Shame, shame. See, this is why I shop at Target. The most scandalous thing I’ve seen at Target recently is a price-check on some shampoo that was irregularly priced and a customer who was SO PISSED about that.

OK. I’m attempting to go to sleep at like 9pm tonight. Hopefully, by the time you read this, I am healthy and happy. Wise, I don’t know. I think that’s a lot to ask, to be honest. I’ll stick with healthy and happy for now.

Fact: making lists of facts is harder than it seems.

As you read this, I am hopefully either sleeping or eating waffles or hanging out with friend C. AND eating waffles, which really would be the best solution all-around.

Like a month and a half ago (sorry, I’m not…the most timely) Tony nominated me for a Liebster Award. Because I am curious like a cat, I had to look up what that means. And the ANSWER is that “liebster” means “dearest” in German. So I totally won a Dearest Award, yo. Aw, I like that, it makes me feel all cuddled, like I am a Dumbcat sleeping next to my own leg.

Anyway, so you know how I feel about awards. They always make you do things like nominate OTHER blogs. And I can’t DO that. Because then you’re leaving someone out, and then people’s feelings get hurt, and I’m totally kind of a bitch sometimes and I won’t even deny that, but I don’t LIKE to hurt people’s feelings. Like, sometimes I have to do it, but I don’t ENJOY it. So I always have to respectfully decline awards. Even adorable ones that are called dearest in a foreign language.

(I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you’re reading this on my site, look to your right. That’s my blogroll. If you want to read some of the things I read on a regular basis, please click on some of those links. They’re all the blogs I recommend, because I read them myself. I curate that list on a regular basis and I don’t like to lead you astray by recommending you read something I don’t, or written by someone I can’t recommend to you. I’m actually strangely anal about it. WHAT NO NOT YOU AMY! So, yeah. There. Read those people, they’re wonderful. Thank you thank you.)

Tony said some very nice things about me. I will return the favor. Tony is intelligent and wise; he writes beautifully, and thoughtfully. I’m so pleased to work with him at Insatiable Booksluts and I’m so glad we’ve gotten to know one another on Twitter. Thank you, Tony. I’m honored to have been awarded the award, even if I’m the jackass who can’t really accept it because of the feelings-hurting-thing.

Also, I’m supposed to tell eleven facts about myself. Eleven? Sheesh, I don’t know eleven facts. I can tell you eleven lies like they’re no big deal at all but FACTS, good GRIEF.

Fine, I’ll try to come up with eleven facts. You probably already know them, though, it’s not like I hide much around here.

  1. I once owned a boa constrictor. His name was Jack and he was a red-tailed boa. I gave him away when I moved back to New York. I fed him mice. NO NOT LIVE MICE. Little known fact: you don’t feed snakes live mice, because the mice could hurt your snake. You feed them FROZEN mice. Which you keep in the freezer. With your ice cream. And sometimes they scare your friends when they come over, so that’s funny.
  2. My first concert was New Kids on the Block. I was 15. I went with my first boyfriend, his mother, and his sister. He attempted to kiss me in the backseat on the way home and his mother was all “NO NO NO! NO KISSING! THAT IS NOT ALLOWED!” and so THAT was embarrassing. Also his mom was kind of crazy and one time asked me to tell her daughter about puberty and her daughter and I just stared at each other HORRIFIED at this prospect.
  3. I like board games. A lot. I just never get to play them, because Dumbcat isn’t very good at moving pieces around a board.
  4. I am boycotting Walmart and Price Chopper. They know what they did.
  5. If allowed, I would eat an avocado every single day. Unfortunately, they’re kind of expensive.
  6. I used to have a billion plants and lived in an apartment with a sunroom in the front of it and the whole place was sunny and cheerful. I now live in a dark cave of a place and have two plants that are on the way out. How the mighty have fallen. (Also, Dumbcat eats plants if I leave them low enough for him to nibble on. Hence the death of some of the plants. Sigh, sigh.)
  7. The other day, someone at work said I was really quiet, and that made me laugh in my head until I almost pretend-choked. FACT: I am not at all quiet, I just don’t like talking in work meetings. Because I feel like everyone’s looking at me and that makes me want to vomit on the industrial carpeting.
  8. When I was in high school, I was doing community theater as well as high-school theater. At the same time. Somehow, this didn’t seem insane to me. I think about it now and wonder how I didn’t either say the wrong lines on the wrong stage or break down weeping from stress.
  9. When I was young, my brother and I convinced my dad to let us bring a cat home that we found at my aunt’s house. Dad loved us so he let us. That cat stayed with us long enough to have kittens and then ran away, so we kept her kitten and had that cat forever and a day. He got as fat as a basketball with legs and when he slept his legs would all stick up in the air and that made me laugh because he was like a cartoon.
  10. One of my favorite places in the whole world is the ocean. I love where I live, and don’t ever plan on leaving, but oh, do I love the ocean. Can we move the ocean here, please?
  11. Making this list has exhausted me so I’m going to go to bed now. Oh, that’s not really a fact. FACT: I like to get as much sleep as possible because sleep is where I get to be an AMAZON WOMAN with NO WORRIES OR CARES.

Thank you, Tony! I appreciate the charmingly-named award, even if I can’t pass it on. Happy Saturday, everyone!

One step closer to world domination through poetry.

I got another one of the crazy-awesome escort-spams today and this time I remembered to save it. Ready?

Hi , men ! IT is a high time to tell important info you. We have discovered real paradise of lovely playmates . They won’t be equalize with others for the reason that they are ideal . Just see them on scotland escorts dot com.

Scotland escorts! I found Italian escorts easier to believe. Scotland escorts, however, I find easier to accept. They’d be more down-to-earth, and would have the best accents. I am a sucker for a Scottish burr, even more so than an Italian accent. Do you think these people have MALE Scottish escorts? WOULD HE LOOK LIKE JAMIE FRASER? I’m sure as hell not clicking on that link to find out, or anything. I even made it not clicky because I don’t want you to get spammed and also I don’t want them to get hits or anything.

Listen, this Scot can escort me anytime. ANY OLD TIME AT ALL.

I also like that they won’t “equalize with others.” I also often won’t equalize with others, much to my detriment.

It is MONDAY and I am writing this for tomorrow. I slept like a CHAMP last night. Seven and a half hours! I only woke up because I had to pee. Stupid bladder. I think I could have slept at least another hour. I did a project this morning while still in pajamas, I am currently doing laundry, once that’s done I will buy FOOD (Dumbcat says, “Mom, can you also buy ME some food, we’re down to CRUMBS here” and I say to him, “YES BABE”) and then I will finish this and watchboth last night’s The Amazing Race so I can talk about it with sj and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close before it’s due back at the library and I assume cry my face off because I’m not good at 9/11 movies but I do like Tom Hanks and also a good cry. Don’t you just feel so clean after a good cry? I think it’s the human equivalent of being hung on the line like wet laundry and then being brought in all clean and dry and smelling like the wind.

OK, before we start…whatever it is I’m going to write about today (haven’t the foggiest, to be honest) we have to discuss a VERY EXCITING THING.

So I woke up and the most amazing sj informed me that my book had made it to the next round of voting on the Goodreads reader choice awards thingy that we talked about a few weeks ago.


Here’s the thing. My book wasn’t one of the selected books for people to vote for. There were pictures of the covers of the selected books, and then there was a teeny box at the bottom where you could write in a book if you wanted. And it wasn’t EASY to write in a book. I know this because I totally voted for myself. DO NOT JUDGE it’s not like you wouldn’t have done the same thing for yourself, were you in the same position. I’d do it if I was running for president, too, if I thought I deserved the position. (I don’t know that I DESERVE the award, but I WANT it, dammit.)

This, to me, is the equivalent of Mickey Mouse winning for president. (You know how everyone always says, “I’m voting for MICKEY MOUSE!” when they don’t like any of the choices? I wonder how many people actually do this.) Because people like the easy way out. And the easy way out is always going to be the name written on the ballot, or the book whose cover is right there in front of them, not the extra step that’s needed to fill out a box (also, it seems like a moot point to write a name in a box, because you’re like, “Well, THIS doesn’t stand a chance of winning, should I really throw away my vote here?”)

You all got me into the second round of this thing. You did this. Every single one of you who voted. I am so humbled and blown away by this. Enough of you voted for me in the little write-in box that you got my book bumped up to the higher “there’s my cover, yo” status in the next round. Twenty people made it into this round; only ten make it into the finals.

I totally had tears over this today. I can’t even wrap my mind around it. How am I so lucky? How did this happen? This isn’t something that happens to me. This is something that happens to someone else. I don’t get things like this. I just don’t.

But now that I did…well, let’s see, just for fun, how far we can take this little engine that could. You can click here, or click on the fancy widget the nice people from Goodreads emailed me today in my sidebar on the right over there (I GOT OFFICIAL CONGRATS EMAIL FROM GOODREADS!!!) and you can vote to get me on to the…finals? I think the next step is the finals. Yep, it is. ONLY TEN MOVE ON. What do you think, can we get this to the finals? This is very exciting. I think the last time I was in the finals of anything was the junior-high spelling bee. DAMN YOU OPPOBRIUM!

LEAF CONEYBEAR! If you know who this is you win. What do you win? My love and affection, of course.

Just got my hours for the coming week. It…um…looks like last week. Lots of hours, some overtime. Lots of exhaustion, I assume, as well. But I don’t have as many nighttime things to do this week, so it won’t be AS exhaustive. Only two things to do in the evenings this week – first read-through for The Laramie Project and seeing ARLO GUTHRIE ON SATURDAY AAAHHH! I might be a little excited about that one. I have very good seats. And I have never seen one of his concerts where I didn’t leave with the biggest smile. I love him the most. He always puts on a great show and it’s always so joyous and he tells the best stories and the high-school Amy who still lives in my heart is so happy when grown-up Amy takes her to Arlo concerts, I can’t even tell you.

I will see you soon, Arlo! I’ll be the one grinning like a moron right front and center!

Anyway, ANYWAY, I will be quite busy and worky this week as I was last week but maybe not AS insane. But I will not have time for my loved ones again, and that makes me sad. I like when I have plenty of time for my people because as much as I need to be working because it helps my wallet my people help my SOUL and you really need both your wallet and your soul healthy, I think. Sorry, people. I am thinking of you all the time. Oh, also, Dumbcat? Dumbcat, I am also thinking of YOU all the time, and your little furry face.

I also have a potentially exciting top-secrety thing happening this week which we may or may not be discussing at some point in the future, so that’s exciting and also secret. Shh. No more on that. Just like a spy, I am. Just…keep your fingers crossed for me this week? For some as-yet unascertained reason? Thanks. You’re the best. If you can randomly get me into the next round of the Goodreads awards maybe your collective finger-crossing can give me what I need to make the magic happen. We can only hope.

OK. This isn’t so long, but I have one more post to write today before I finish my day, and I have lots to say in that one, too, so if I say too much HERE, I’m going to run short on WORDS. That could be CATASTROPHIC. An Amy without words? What would happen? It’d be like a bird without song! A Dumbcat without running into walls with his brain-area!

Happy Tuesday, everyone. I love your faces. Thank you for continuing to be the best people I know, and for being MY people. I have people. The best people. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Thank you.

Let ’em eat cookies. And drink soda, I guess.

Long, busy week, jellybeans. Lots of work, lots of stuff, lots of running around like a crazy person. This weekend I have a review to write, one more performance of Assassins to run, a show at my theater to usher, and my fancy fancy panel on Sunday. Plus I’m working all in there among all that fun stuff, and also I PROMISE I will try to blog. I will do my damndest. Like a BOSS. I’m ok, just running around like a looney. It’ll slow down a little this coming week, I think. We’ll see. You never can tell, with me. Things just pop up out of nowhere. ALL THE THINGS. Some better than others, I guess. Such is the life of someone JUST THIS FANCY.

Oh, in exciting news: apparently, there are Goodreads awards? Yeah, look how up on things I am. (The answer is, I’m not. Not at all.) Anyway, you can go on over here, if you are a Goodreads member, and you can write my book into the little write-in box at the bottom, and if enough of you do that, I’d advance to the next round. What would I win? Haven’t a clue, lovelies. But I like the IDEA of winning. Who doesn’t? I feel like an asshole, telling people to go vote for me in something, but if I don’t, probably no one will even know this thing is happening…so there you have it. Please vote, thank you! You are wonderful and I love your faces.

I have night-shift tonight. Blergh. It’s Halloween in Amy-land so I can’t even imagine what kind of shenanigans are going to happen tonight. Halloween brings out the loonies. Then tomorrow it’s back to days, so I’m thinking I’m going to be a sleepy girl tomorrow. This nomadic lifestyle! It is not for the faint of heart! Or for those unable to sleep, or without sleeping pills!

I have a brain full of scattery today, as you can see. I’m not 100% sure why, as I got a full night’s sleep last night and all. I guess some days I’m just more scattery. Who knows. Also, I think I might be getting sick? I don’t know. It might be allergies. There is a lot of coughing and hacking going on over here at Chez Football. Does a person get allergies at this point in the year? I don’t even know. I have a weird body. It’s possible.

The internet says I can have fall allergies. THANK YOU INTERNET. No thank you, fall allergies.

I just won a trip to the Bahamas. SEE YOU LATER SUCKAS! Seriously, has anyone ever taken those recorded telemarketer calls up on their offers? They seem like such a waste of time and resources. I can’t even tell you how many of those we get a day at work. My favorite is the one that starts with the very loud ship-horn. Because how better to win someone over than blasting a ship-horn in my ear! Very good marketing strategy. Makes me VERY eager to listen to the rest of the call. Unable to HEAR the rest of the call, because the VERY LOUD SHIP-HORN has deafened me, but SO EAGER to listen to the rest of your annoying spiel.

Look at the ship I’ll be on when I go on my Bahamas trip I TOTALLY JUST WON!!!

It’s getting colder here. I get to start wearing warmer clothes. I kind of love this time of year. It’s close to winter but not quite there yet and there’s this excitement in the air. It makes me happy. I get to start wearing jackets and scarves and things. I know, you’re all “BUT SUMMER IS BEST!” but for someone who is always too hot, this is the best time of year. Summer’s all sweaty and disgusting. Fall is the best season ever. I’ll totally fight you over this. (Winter’s fine, if I didn’t have to drive in the snow. Or deal with the other people who are terrible at driving in the snow and either drive 4 miles per hour or get all up on your tailfeathers and honk because they think YOU are driving too slow for the conditions when you are CLEARLY driving the SAFE SPEED for the conditions and if they were to hit any sort of slipperiness they would totally hit your beloved car and potentially give you all the whiplash.)

This made me laugh. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

I had to go to the store on Monday. Not for HURRICANE SANDY GROCERY SHOPPING ZOMG, but because it was my only day off this week so I had to grocery shop or else I wouldn’t have had a chance to do it at all. I was pretty sure it was going to be insane, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned around here, storms make people go crazy about stocking up on things. But! Luckily, I apparently hit it at just the right time, and it wasn’t that busy at all. But, here is what I learned about the groceries people buy for hurricane prep in the Capital District, based on what was missing from the shelves. The most popular things to stock up on seemed to be:

  • bread;
  • soda;
  • water;
  • and all the cookies.

The funniest part of this was the cookies. The cookie aisle was DECIMATED. There was one package of Oreos on the floor all stomped and half-open as if it had lost a very long battle. The cookie aisle had so many empty spots on the shelves. It made me laugh so hard. There was also one woman with TWO FULL CARTS OF SODA. Two! So if the water went out, she’d be covered, I guess? With soda? All the soda? So, if we had been hit hard by Sandy, we would have been eating (and drinking) all the carbs. ALL THE CARBS. And I guess drinking all the water.

Normal Oreo aisle! Not at MY store, not on Monday!

Oh, just a note: we were very lucky here, the hurricane did nothing but give us a little wind, and a little rain. Some people around here lost power, but otherwise we didn’t get much at all. This is a lucky thing, because I’m sure you’ve all seen what happened to my beloved New York City, and my heart hurts for them. I actually did laundry all in the storm, back and forth to the laundry room, and nothing more happened than it gave me crazy windblown hair. Which doesn’t look too much different than my regular hair, to be honest. So we didn’t get much. Our leaves mostly blew off the trees. That was the most we got around here. Thank you for that.

Look how badass my governor is. All strolling around in his jacket.

OK. off I go to eat some lunch and then run to work to deal with the Halloween craziness. Wish me very little Halloween craziness. I don’t know that I have the mental fortitude necessary this evening. One drunk crazy tries to tell me a story about a ghost or some such shit and I think I might send a poltergeist out to haunt him or something.

Full of win.

Ok, it’s awards day. Or, as it’s known here on Lucy’s Football, the day I turn down awards because that’s how I roll, jellybeans.

You know how this works. I get awards, I am SO GRATEFUL for the awards, I cannot ACCEPT the awards, because that means I have to PASS ALONG the awards, and I refuse to do that because a., they feel like a pyramid scheme and b., if I leave someone out someone’s feelings are going to get hurt and someone’s going to be all “WHY NOT ME” and then I’d have trouble dealing with that. We’ve done this before. However, I am, as always, so grateful the awards were GIVEN, so I will MENTION them. Sorry for the delay on this, I feel like an dipshit.

First: The Liebster Blog Award From Enchanted by Books! Which was a WHILE ago and I never MENTIONED it and I am a JERK. Thank you, Danielle!

I will totally do the things it asks me to do, but I’m not passing it along. I’m making this shit up as I go along, just go with it.

I’m supposed to tell you 11 facts about myself and then answer these 11 questions. I WILL DO THIS.


  1. I talk to myself incessantly in the car. I have very long, drawn-out conversations. Sometimes they are with myself, sometimes they are with people who are not there. It’s a dry-run for actual conversations I have yet to have, or emails I have to send. I assume if people look in my car and see it happening, they think I’m on a Bluetooth. An invisible Bluetooth.
  2. I laughed so hard I peed my pants the first time I watched Airplane. Don’t judge me too harshly. I was about 8 at the time. YES, that’s too old for pants-peeing. Shut up, it’s a hysterical movie.

    What do you make of this, Johnny? It’s a hat, it’s a brooch, it’s a pterodactyl!

  3. I love the idea of having a garden but I’m much too lazy to have one. Every year, I think about getting seeds and pots and container-gardening on my porch but then I think of all that work and buy my veggies from the store like a heathen.
  4. I am entranced by stationery. I don’t use it very much, but I can’t not buy it when I see it in the store. I have boxes and boxes of pretty cards and paper and envelopes and pens. ENTRANCED.

    This is like a crack den to me, seriously. WANT IT ALL.

  5. I hold onto grudges like most people hold onto treasured heirlooms. Once, in kindergarten, a boy was mean to me and pushed me out of my chair in the lunchroom. Recently, I heard that boy got divorced. My first thought was, GOOD, that little BULLY. Because what he did when he was five apparently still holds true today for me.
  6. As long as I won’t kill anyone, I will do anything I can to not kill animals when I’m driving. Up to and including driving off the road. And by “animals,” I mean ALL animals. Including mice, frogs, and snakes. If I do hit something, I apologize to it and sometimes I cry a little.
  7. When I was little I got lost in the KMart. After trying frantically to find my mom for what seemed like hours, I decided the best course of action was to sit on the floor and scream to the top of my lungs. It worked perfectly. No one else would come near me and my mom came running. Win! I was a brilliant child.
  8. I am obsessed with perfume. I have hundreds of bottles. This surprises people when they find out, because I am very not girly-girly. Yet perfume is one of the few things I go all pink and frilly over.

    I smell delicious, by the way.

  9. From age 17 to age 28 I didn’t have the same hair color for three months running. I was box haircolor’s best client. I went everything from strawberry blonde to purple. Then at age 28 I thought, what color is my real hair, I wonder? And by the time it grew out, I was too lazy to dye it anything else. Plus I love the white hair that’s coming in, and the color would cover that up. The white hairs make me look DISTINGUISHED.
  10. I have a jar of foreign coins that I collected when I was traveling all over Europe in college. I’m pretty sure that, in total, they probably are worth about a dollar, but maybe if I keep them long enough, they’ll be collector’s items and I can RETIRE on them.

    This is my INHERITANCE. I’m going to retire like a QUEEN, baby.

  11. Piggybacking on that: I am obsessed with those machines that squish a penny and make it into a long oval penny with a location printed on it. I have a lot of them. They make me happier than they probably should.

    I’m weirdly into these things.

11 questions from Danielle:

  1. What is your favorite book read in 2012? (does not have to be released in 2012) Americas by Jason Lee Norman.
  2. Have you read any of the books in the Song of Ice and Fire series? Why/why not? Yep. Love. Love, love, love. Haven’t read the last one yet. Saving it for a rainy day.
  3. What is your opinion of 50 Shades of Grey? Well, I guess worse things have happened in the world. But it’s pretty damn terrible.
  4. How long have you blogged? Since June 2011.
  5. Do you do anything crafty? I used to, but I haven’t had time lately. I can crochet like a boss.
  6. What country are you from? MERKA.
  7. What countries/states have you traveled to? Lots of states. Countries – um, let’s see. Canada, England, the Netherlands, Austria, Germany, Italy, and France (with a catastrophic unplanned stop in Czechoslovakia, which I’m sure I mentioned at one point or another. We almost got arrested! For not having the correct papers!)
  8. Do you like to participate in weekly memes? Which ones? No. Am I supposed to be doing that? Shit, I never do this blogging thing right.
  9. What is your guilty pleasure tv show/book/movie? TV show – 90210. Book – I don’t know that I have any guilty pleasures, I’m proud of all the books I read. Movie – I love old Adam Sandler comedies to distraction.

    Shampoo is better! It goes on first and CLEANS the hair!

  10. What tips/pointers do you have for blogging? I don’t. I still don’t know what I’m doing. My only tip would be – don’t listen to anything I say or do anything I do, I’m a mess.
  11. Is there a book you love that you want to be a movie, as long as it was done the right way? Why/Why not?  Which one? Oh, I’m ok with anything being turned into a movie, as long as it’s done well, honestly. I’m pretty laid-back about such things.

THANK YOU DANIELLE! As always, I’m not passing this along. If you want this award, go to it. Click on Danielle’s blog, gank it, do the steps or don’t. Whatever. Life’s a bowl of cherries, you know?

Second: the One Lovely Blog Award from Mandaray!

In this one, you’re supposed to share SEVEN things about yourself. I don’t know that I have seven more things to share. So just knock four things off that list up there, and then you have seven things, and all is well.

THANK YOU MANDARAY! And if anyone wants THIS award, pretend I gave it to you and pop on over to Mandaray’s blog and do the steps and take it. All for you, babydoll.

So, thank you both so so much, and as always, I’m an asshole and I’m not accepting the awards, but AGAIN as always, I am so honored and humbled and blessed to be given the awards. You rock. Thank you for thinking of me. All the love.

Oh, special SIDE NOTE STORY. A certain cat who is not very intelligent but who will remain unnamed for anonymity purposes woke me up at FIVE A.M. today on a DAY OFF. This is how: he leapt on the bed, got on my pillow, and went “MEOW MEOW!” in my face. Then I was all “Stop it stop it I am asleepin'” in my sleepiest sleepy voice. So then he was all, “YAY MOM’S AWAAAAKE!” and he started walking all over me going “meow? Meow. Meoooow? Meouuuuuw. Mew? Mew? MEOW.” And I was all “NO NO DUMBCAT STOP IT.” This did not deter the Dumbcat! Shit, I ruined his anonymity. Oh, well. He deserves to be called out for this behavior, to be frank. So after he got in my face AGAIN and was all “MEOW MEOWWWWWW!!!!” I said, “NO GET ON THE FLOOR IF YOU CANNOT BEHAVE YOU GOOFBALL!” and put him on the floor, and he ran away and into the living room, where I heard the following noises: “Merw. Reow? Reowf. Reooooow! Rrrrr. Awwww! Eiouuuuu. Miouwwww! Mewww. MIOUWWWWW! Mew. Merf. Merf.” That made me giggle because he was having an alien conversation with someone, and then I fell back to sleep. AND SCENE.

OK. Off to do things. Love your faces. Have a happy day of happiness!

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