Howdy, blogosphere. Are we good? Good, good. Is it spring yet? No? Dammit.
I have a story! No, seriously, I totally do.
So sometimes, as a VERY IMPORTANT BLOGGER* (*not at all important) I get emails offering me things from companies who want me to blog about them. I’ve been offered sunglasses (which are useless to me, as I wear glasses); bumper stickers (I don’t care for bumper stickers, I feel they’re the lazy man’s way of shouting while driving); sex toys (I don’t even); and business cards (for a while there, people were giving business cards away to bloggers, and I just didn’t – and still don’t – understand who I would give those to, unless I went to a blogging convention of some sort.)
Problem is, other than the fact I didn’t really WANT any of these things (well, let’s be honest, I was curious about the sex toys, if only to make fun of them on the blog) is that in order to GET them, you had to SHILL them. You had to put an ad for them up on the sidebar of your blog, and you weren’t reviewing them, but advertising them. Totally against the terms of service of WordPress. We’re not here to be advertisers. (Try to tell that to all the spammy blogs out there that never get shut down, somehow…but technically, that’s a big old no-no.)
Now, we ARE allowed to accept things to fairly and honestly review them. Books, for example. You know how book bloggers write “I received this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review?” That’s totally allowed. Still not allowed to put an ad on your blog for them (at least, I don’t think you are…or maybe that’s just if you’re running WordAds, which I am, because I sure do like making pennies a month with those suckers…PENNIES a MONTH, baby!) but you’re totally not violating any rules by honestly reviewing something that was gifted to you.
Thing is, I’ve never been offered anything but books, so it was kind of a moot point, really.
UNTIL A FEW WEEKS AGO!
I got what I thought was possibly a spam email (I get a lot of those on here) offering me what seemed to be something TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. So I asked a billion questions, because I don’t like to be fooled. And come to find out…IT WAS A REAL THING!
Guess what I get to do in April?
GO ON A TRIP OUT OF STATE AND STAY IN THE MOUNTAINS FOR FREEEEEEE!
Nope, totally not even spammy, you guys, I’m like a big deal or something!
OK, so the email offered me a stay in Vermont in a farmhouse so they could get more exposure for this new outdoorsy program they were running there (hiking, cross-country skiing, yoga, snowshoeing, etc.)
I immediately thought, “Oh, this is like the time Dad got roped into going to a timeshare presentation when I was a kid and we went to Florida, and we had to sit in this room and listen to this man talk at us for like four hours, and we were SO BORED, and Dad was SO ANGRY that he was tricked like that.”
So I asked this nice lady a billion questions, like, “Do I have to snowshoe, or can I just stay in the room, maybe?” and “Is this like the time I had to sit through a timeshare pitch? That would make me so mad” and “Wait, HOW in the mountains are you. You have, like, TVs and wifi and bathrooms that are indoors, right?” and “You do know I’m not, like, a SERIOUS blogger, right?” and “Is this a scam? Come on. You can tell me.”
Luckily, she did not think I was crazy, and she wrote back to me answering all my questions in a “you’re not at all crazy, blogger lady” manner, with links to the site, and where I would be staying, and an actual itinerary and dates I could stay and everything. And…even BETTER…I could bring a GUEST! Now, who do I know that loves outdoorsy things, doesn’t care if I act like a loon, and likes to have adventures?
You think no one, don’t you? Who do I know that likes the outdoors? And you’d be all, “NO ONE,” and you’d be CLOSE to right, but you’re overlooking ONE PERSON and that person is MOM!
Mom was VERY EXCITED when I invited her on a Vermont adventure and she only asked if we were going to be killed or asked to listen to a timeshare presentation about ten times. (Listen, we’ve all been quite scarred by this timeshare presentation situation. It was a very monumental point in our communal past as a family.) I told her she would have to do all the outdoorsy things (because the woman who emailed me was all, “um, we’d LIKE if you at least TRIED some outdoorsy things?”) and I could do the other things like eating and sleeping and maybe yoga and then Mom was all “I want to yoga!” so that’ll be a fun thing. Also there’s a masseuse, but Mom and I hate being touched, so we’re undecided about the masseuse. “Do you think I can leave all my clothes on for the masseuse, and ask him or her to please not touch my feet?” I asked Mom. “They’re going to kick us out of this place,” she laughed.
And and AND, guess what ELSE there is?
A FARM TOUR!
YOU CAN TOUCH GOATS!
Oh, you know I’m all over this goat thing. Goats are the best. Mom thinks they look like demons and make all the poop but I told her she had to be nice to the goats because goats are my buddies and she said FINE but she wasn’t going to TOUCH the goats and I was like “good, you can take pictures of me touching goats and also BEING a goat and making GOAT HORNS with my FINGERS” and she said she would.
I also told her we should put her photo on the blog and she was like NO NO NO but in a kind of curious way so I think we could work on her about this. “They don’t want to see ME!” she said and I was like, “Oh, sure they would” and it’s not like Dad and his “THAT’S HOW THEY GET YOU!” thing about having his photo on the interwebs so I think maybe we might be seeing Amy’s Mom! Won’t that be fun? Sure it will! (Amy’s Mom looks like Amy only thin. I’m completely serious about this. Genetics can be cruel.)
Dad was all, “WHY WOULD YOU BRING YOUR MOTHER” and I think he was jealous I didn’t ask him and I was like, “Old man, you hate hotels, and also outdoorsy forced cheer, and you would never do yoga and you would be all complainy. Mom and I are going to have an ADVENTURE” and he was like “GRUMP GRUMP GRUMBLE GRUMP.” Aw, Dad. Feelin’ all left out.
So! Yes! Mom and I are having an adventure in the spring, and we are MUCH EXCITED! So stay tuned, my little tater tots. Will I get eaten by a yeti? Will I get to pet all the goats, or just a few of them? Will I really hike, or just nap in the room? SO MANY QUESTIONS! SO MUCH EXCITEMENT!
January 24th, 2014 at 12:12 pm
This is awesome! Can’t wait to hear all about it once this trip takes place. Especially how your mom likes it. Because it seems like she is wary and excited at the same time.
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January 25th, 2014 at 11:21 pm
We’re not a very adventurey family, so things like this are VERY exciting for us! And she’s so excited I asked her. I’m glad I did. It was an excellent choice.
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January 24th, 2014 at 12:17 pm
That sounds super awesome and I would totally do ALL the outdoors things – if I could convince the hubs that this wasn’t a timeshare scam, lol.
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January 25th, 2014 at 11:19 pm
SERIOUSLY! Those timeshare scams are the worst!
I’m really excited. It’ll be a nice adventure at the beginning of spring and get me ready for my big adventure in May, going all the way to Europe!
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January 24th, 2014 at 12:19 pm
Also – are you going to get to stay at the Amee Farm location because that would be LEGEN… DARY.
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January 25th, 2014 at 11:18 pm
Wouldn’t it? I don’t think I get to stay there, but I’m really hoping!
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January 24th, 2014 at 12:29 pm
I hope it’s a completely and utterly awesome trip! Adventures with MOM!
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January 25th, 2014 at 11:17 pm
Thank you! I think it will be – I’m already excited, and we’ll have the best of adventures!
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January 24th, 2014 at 2:17 pm
Hooray! That sounds like so much fun. And free! Go you and Mom!
And our Vermont yetis are very well behaved. They won’t eat you if you ask them not to.
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January 25th, 2014 at 11:17 pm
Oh, I’ll politely ask them not to eat me, then! That’s a very good Vermont tip!
I’m really excited. And so is Mom, she mentions it every time we talk, and it’s still three months away!
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January 24th, 2014 at 2:36 pm
This is very exciting! And it will be good practice for when you come and visit me later this year. We have a lot of outdoors. And animals. (Ok, only cats and dogs, but there seem to be a lot of them about.) Instead of goats, there are plenty of roe deer outside. They might not allow you to touch them though. Also, my mom is a masseuse (“retired”).
No yetis, though. That’s further east. (What? Yes, there’s a further east than Finland. Don’t be silly.)
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January 25th, 2014 at 11:10 pm
And by the time I’m back from this, it’ll be only a month until I see you! I would LOVE to touch a roe deer, but I bet they’ll run away. I’ll hang out with your pets instead. And you. And your family. And we will have the best time! But probably I won’t let your mom massage me, only because I’m totally weird about touching.
Let’s see. What’s east of Finland. Russia? Is it Russia? Are yetis in Russia?
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January 25th, 2014 at 11:51 pm
I would want to stand in someone’s yard, who lives right by the border, and yell “I can see Russia from my house!”
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January 24th, 2014 at 11:13 pm
Super fun!! And this combined with your last post about your dad, I think I officially love your parents.
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January 25th, 2014 at 11:05 pm
They’re something, alright. I guess the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, in my case. Thank you! I think it’ll be great!
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January 25th, 2014 at 8:03 am
Awesome!
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January 25th, 2014 at 11:05 pm
Thanks, I hope so!
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January 25th, 2014 at 12:25 pm
Oooh how cool are you? VERY! Enjoy!
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January 25th, 2014 at 11:04 pm
Well, at least someone THINKS I am, which is kind of awesome! Thank you!
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January 25th, 2014 at 11:30 pm
I’ve never had a huge review request like that which equals a very cool in my book!
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