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Halloween: becoming less fun as you get old and cranky

Well, here we are at Halloween week. I used to love Halloween, back in the day. Halloween is the best when you’re young. You get to dress up as someone you’re not and the weather’s getting all nippy and you get to go to stranger’s homes and they HAVE to give you candy. They can’t even refuse! That would be the rudest!

Gimme your candy, yo!

Gimme your candy, yo!

When I magically turned into a grownup, Halloween stopped being the most fun. Mostly that’s because I live in an area that gets no trick-or-treaters. When I first moved here and lived with C., we got maybe 4 or 5 a year, which was VERY exciting, and we’d take turns giving out the candy (and we gave those kids a LOT of candy because there were so few kids and we always bought way too much candy.) When I moved HERE, I was all excited because there are a lot of kids around, so I got a big old bowl of candy and waited for ALL THE KNOCKS and then there weren’t any so I went on the porch and there were kids in the parking lot and I was like “DO YOU KIDS WANT CANDY? I HAVE ALL THE CANDY!” and they (and their parents) gave me the weirdest look and it wasn’t until they’d left and I’d given them so much candy with the biggest goofiest grin I realized that I’d totally broken every law of Stranger Danger and I’m pretty sure everyone’s petrified of me now because I’m the porch version of a weird guy with a van so I never gave out candy again.

I think I gave out candy wrong. Dammit.

I think I gave out candy wrong. Dammit.

I don’t go to Halloween parties and I don’t care for dressing up because I’m a grownup and who would I dress up for, the cat? He wouldn’t care. He’d just sit on my lap and get whatever costume I’d wear all covered in fur. Unless I wanted to go as a crazy cat lady or as Amy on a Normal Day, being covered in cat fur isn’t really the look I would be going for, I wouldn’t think.

This looks like a very comfortable costume.

This looks like a very comfortable costume.

We’re having a Halloween celebration at work where we’re supposed to decorate a pumpkin and then we have doughnuts and cider and a food day. I’m kind of meh on the pumpkin decoration. I thought about it but I don’t feel like doing it. I am not feeling creative. We’re not allowed to carve or puncture the pumpkin in any way so it doesn’t get all rotty in the workplace. I suppose I could paint it or drape it in fabric or something but my brain feels kind of broken so I think I’ll just put the damn thing on my porch and opt out. Sorry, workplace. (I suppose I have to make some sort of cookie or something for Thursday. I’m feeling a general holiday-related malaise. I assume this is because this is when the holiday season starts and I’m not going home for either Thanksgiving or Christmas this year and that’s kind of sad-times, right? Probably.)

I should just do this. It seems very low-maintenance.

I should just do this. It seems very low-maintenance.

I think this week I need to watch some scary movies and get in the Halloween mood or something. I can’t decide whether or not they should be BAD Halloween movies or actually-scary Halloween movies. I do love a good stupid horror movie I can mock, but I also like to be scared.

And there’s always Friday to look forward to. What’s Friday, you may ask? Well! Friday is HALF-PRICE HALLOWEEN CANDY DAY. That’s the day you run to the drugstore at work and load up on what’s left. Hopefully Reese’s Pumpkins, because they are my jam. They are, however, also MOST people’s jams, and tend to go quickly. I should start a rumor like “Reese’s Pumpkins lower testosterone while also making you less attractive to men!” to cover ALL my gender-related bases but I don’t know that anyone would fall for it. Those pumpkins just that good. Sigh.

(And I suppose, if you miss half-price candy day, you only have to wait about a week and the Reese’s Trees go on the shelves. And if you miss THOSE, after CHRISTMAS, you only have to wait a month or so before the Reese’s EGGS go on sale. It’s the time between Easter and Halloween that’s the long dry period for Reese’s related holiday items.)

Now I’m going to go haunt the television for something Halloween-themed. Let’s see what I find. It’s really the luck of the draw at this point. I just looked and the only thing Halloweeny right now is The Happening. Marky Mark running from evil plants = unscary and I don’t think I can sit through that again, to be honest. Sigh.

I miss when I was young and dressing up like a hobo and begging from door-to-door was like, the best thing EVER.

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

35 responses to “Halloween: becoming less fun as you get old and cranky

  • bensbitterblog

    Being old and bitter has made it less fun.

    Like

  • Anonymous

    I have to admit it is my favorite holiday. I always dress up with my sister and we take the kiddos out to get candy and charge them a protection tax. This is my first Halloween in India and I am missing it so bad. I am still carving a pumpkin and putting it out on my terrace to further convince the colony that I am the crazy white lady so I guess that is something.

    Like

  • becomingcliche

    I recommend Charlie Brown Halloween to get you in the spirit.

    I am sad that you can’t puncture the pumpkin. That’s the best part.

    We don’t have trick-or-treaters at all. Our neighbors are Jehovah’s Witnesses, and we live on a long stretch of hills.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Ooh, I haven’t seen “The Great Pumpkin” in AGES. I should try to find that. “I got a ROCK” always makes my day. It’s the way he says rock that makes it.

      My boss painted Grumpy Cat on a pumpkin, and it is AWESOME. Sadly, very few people at work knew what it was, so unless the judges are internet-savvy, she probably won’t win. Sigh.

      Watch, this year I didn’t buy candy, and I’ll get all kinds of kids. (I’m just not turning on the lights or answering the door if I DO get a knock.)

      Like

  • aliceatwonderland

    You could point out that all the Reeces pumpkins are probably filled with razor blades, you know, from the creepy guy with the van.

    Like

  • ksbeth

    get the van and all will be well

    Like

  • Aussa Lorens

    “The Happening” was the worst movie ever.
    This is the first year I’m participating in the whole give-kids-candy thing and I have a feeling I’m going to be super awkward and creepy. My goal is to not get on any government watch lists before the evening is over.

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    • lucysfootball

      If you actually have trick-or-treaters, it’s the most fun! I love seeing all the costumes, and their little happy faces. (Extra points if you give out good candy, which I always did. Which is why it’s such a shame I don’t get any trick-or-treaters!)

      I saw “The Happening” in a THEATER. I was so embarrassed. The whole audience got the giggles, though, which was kind of awesome.

      Like

      • Aussa Lorens

        I saw it in the theatre too! And I was actually looking forward to it *facepalm*

        I’m hoping I get a lot of trick or treaters because I bought a lot of candy– yes the good kind ;)

        Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    We* carved a pumpkin and it did go all rotten on us. So I can see the point of not allowing that in a workplace. Well, an office anyway. Wouldn’t matter as much on a farm, I guess.

    * By ‘we’ I mean my fiancée, since she is the creative** one.

    ** And by ‘creative’ I mean childish – in the best sense of the word. (I wish I could be as childish.)

    Like

    • Andreas Heinakroon

      Damn, that last paragraph should have started with a double asterisk. Imagine it starting with a double asterisk. Like so: **

      Like

    • lucysfootball

      Your pumpkin already went all rotten? That’s upsetting. You just did that! I think there’s a way to keep it around longer. I want to say you rub the exposed areas with Vaseline or something. That sounded like a euphemism. It wasn’t supposed to.

      I love both creativity and childishness. Well, the good kind of childishness – the ability to take joy in small things. That kind of childishness. That’s a-ok with me. (And you have a lot of both, too, you know. I know that because a., you’re engaged to her, and you wouldn’t get along if you didn’t, and b., because I know you, and *I* wouldn’t get along with you if you didn’t.)

      Like

  • Charleen

    Despite my Robin Sparkling it up last weekend, I’m really not into Halloween either. I had no qualms leaving my party early for sj’s Princess Bride drinkalong. In fact, I was rather glad to have a reason. The fact that it was an excellent reason was icing.

    Reese’s holiday stuff is the BEST! SO much better than regular Reese’s. (Which, given how much I love Reese’s anyway, is really saying something.) The peanut-butter-to-chocolate ratio is better, plus it’s softer and more melt-in-your-mouth-y than the regular cups with their ridged edges. When the holiday ones aren’t available I usually get the Big Cups, for the extra peanut butter… but they’re not the same. Not the same at all.

    (Though still delicious. Obviously.)

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      They’re really not the same, are they? I think it’s the mouthfeel (ew, I hate that term) of the peanut butter in them. There’s more of it, so you can actually taste/feel the grainy saltiness of it more, which I love. And the chocolate is thinner so better. They are dangerous to me. I’ve managed to only buy one package of them this year so far, which is really good of me…but Christmas and Easter are right around the corner, with their tempting trees and eggs!

      Like

  • cynthiaw

    Yeah… I kind of stopped feeling the whole Halloween thing, too. First, we didn’t have too many kids in our neighborhood and THEN some people started bringing van loads of kids from the trailer park to our neighborhood to trick or treat – and I wouldn’t have been too Scrooge McDuck about it, except that the ADULTS with them would also have sacks and expect candy for a “sick child” who couldn’t come. Right. Go buy your own damn candy.

    Then we started getting lots of young families in our ‘hood, so it was fun to hand out candy again. And then the BEST thing happened – my niece came along and SHE gets to go trick or treating and gets all excited, so that’s super fun. And LAST year, I dressed up as Merida from Brave for Halloween in a super awesome costume that my sister made and all the school kids were super excited to see me and I can do a killer Scottish accent and they all wanted their parents to take pictures with a real Disney princess. So, yeah.

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    • lucysfootball

      Oh, the Merida wins. Definitely. You made Halloween magical for the kids. That is AWESOME.

      Like

      • cynthiaw

        I even wore it to school last year and didn’t break character all day – I had the little kids in stitches. And then when I was walking the kids to the corner in the afternoon, a guy pulled over so his daughter to get out and get her picture taken with me. It was tons of fun – sadly, we are not having dress up at our school this year.

        Well, technically, we didn’t have it last year either. The middle schoolers were having Twin Day and I just decided to wear a costume to work because it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.

        I will, however, be in costume to answer the door and give out the good stuff again this year.

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          Aw, I love that! I hope you get all the trick or treaters!

          Like

          • cynthiaw

            The 1st and 2nd graders are very sad today because I’m not in costume. I was going to come as Sleeping Beauty, but it’s POURING outside and the costume is satin and I couldn’t take a chance of ruining my sister’s super awesome costume. Oh well, I can still dress up for giving out candy!

            Like

  • Gigi

    And now I am sitting here drooling and dreaming about the Reese’s Easter Eggs…God, those things are good. I’ve never seen the pumpkins or the trees. But you can bet I’ll be looking for them now!

    Like

  • grrgoyl

    ARE they really evil though? After all the trees we slaughter just to make room for parking lots? I was rooting for the plants. (someone told me the ridiculous premise before I saw it)

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    • lucysfootball

      I don’t think they’re really evil, but the movie kind of was. (SO SO FOOLISH! Once I figured out what was going on I just sat there in horror that M. Night Shyamalan’s career had come to that, and that was the only horror I felt during THAT movie.)

      Like

  • Rachael

    Half priced candy is definitely a reason to celebrate!!!

    I think you’ll like the pumpkin painting. I did my first one last week and really enjoyed it ;)

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I totally skipped out on the painting. I ran out of time this week. I was so busy – I had relatives visiting and dinner with the girls and got home exhausted. I did make cookies for today’s celebration at work, though, so I’m not a COMPLETE loser!

      Tomorrow is half-price candy day! YAY YAY YAY!!!

      Like

  • The Waiting

    Truth: the only reason I really like Halloween now that I am an adult is because I like to go to Target on November 1 and buy all the Halloween crap on discount. Then I pack it away for the following year and forget about it, and when I open the big box labeled HALLOWEEN AND EASTER (I don’t even know..) the next year, it’s kind of like Christmas. But it’s Halloween.

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    • lucysfootball

      I’m TOTALLY doing that tomorrow at lunchtime. I have it all planned out and everything. It’ll be more candy and less decor, though. Because CANDY. (Plus, I’m seeing my nephew on Sunday so I want to give him some belated Halloween gifts…and half-off Halloween gifts are a-ok with me! It’s not like he’ll know the difference!)

      Like

  • cm

    You need to come hang out with me for Halloween! We do seriously need a helper. One person to hide out with the dog, another to manage the cats and another to stand by the door handing out candy to hundreds of kids for five straight hours-no joke. Maybe next year?
    Also Val was totally a crazy cat lady for Halloween this year! Similar costume to what you posted.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Ooh, next year would be on a Friday! Maybe! I would be joyous about helping with all that candy (and/or hanging with the dog!)

      Hee, I love that Val dressed up! I’m dressed as “lady who works in an office and has a doctor’s appointment” today. It’s about as exciting as it sounds.

      Like

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