Birthday shenanigans and thoughts and…poison?


So I’m officially (of course) writing this BEFORE my birthday but we’re just going to pretend it’s actually my birthday right now because by the time you read this, I will have been a whole new age for almost 10 hours. Yes, my lucky mom had me right in the wee hours of the morning (and two weeks early) because I was in a HURRY to be born, dammit. THERE ARE ADVENTURES TO BE HAD, MOM! said wee, slightly-premature and totally-jaundiced Amy.

So far, and it’s not even my birthday yet, there have been happy surprises. I got presents from my mom and a couple of my aunts when my parents were here this weekend, and when I came home today I had cards waiting for me (THANK YOU R. and BFF!) and then…there was THIS!

Well! THIS is mysterious. You know what they say about taking candy from strangers. DON’T DO IT, is what they say.

Luckily, this was NOT from a stranger! It was from my most favorite Andreas!!! (The hint is the Åland Post at the top of the photo. Those are Andreas’ islands.)

So let’s see what surprises from the land of Finns arrived just in time for my very special day!

DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE! Milk chocolate and milk chocolate with cashews! (Cashews are my favorites. YUM.)

This is a very fancy box of chocolates that I neglected to take a photo of the inside of, but they’re like the prettiest kind that you don’t want to eat because they’re so pretty. But trust me. I’m going to eat them. Because, CHOCOLATES, yo. (Andreas knows my affection for all things chocolate.)

A MOST BEAUTIFUL NECKLACE! My guess is that Andreas’ super-talented fiancée made it, but he’s asleep right now so I can’t confirm this assumption. It is silver and purple and matches so many things I own and is so, so me. I can’t even describe. I am crazy in love with it. I opened it and my eyes went HUGE and I went “ooooh!” I can’t wait to wear it!



OK, so this only MIGHT be Swedish poison. Other things I decided it might be: perfume, or some sort of foodstuff. See, as you can see, the tag is in Swedish. So I was like, “WHAT COULD THIS BE?”

So of course I tasted it.

Then I was like, “OMG, this immediate tasting of a thing that you have NO IDEA WHAT IT IS is proof of your complete and total love and trust of Andreas, you know, because there are very few people that you would just taste a mystery substance without thinking it could kill you. Or make you grow larger or smaller, like Alice.” Then I giggled.

(It tasted like lemons and sugar and…mapley? And it was very sticky. NOT A EUPHEMISM.)

So then I researched it and “granskott sirap” is some sort of spruce-needle syrup. And the site I checked (and translated with Google Translate, which makes me laugh like a moron because it makes so many mistakes) said it’s helpful as both a cough syrup AND an ice-cream topping, and I seriously laughed SO HARD and emailed Andreas all, “It cannot be both. They are so disparate. OR CAN IT?”

Also, how cool is that bottle? It looks like it’s from an old-timey apothecary, and it’s SO not allowed to be mailed. Whenever you go to the post office they’re all “ANYTHING LIQUID, PERISHABLE OR GLASS?” as if they’re about to take you away in chains if you say yes. BREAKIN’ THE LAW FOR MY BIRTHDAY! THAT’S MY ANDREAS!

Thank you so much, Andreas. I love it all so much, and you are the best of the best.

Also, I totally saved this from LAST year so we could talk about it THIS year. Am I a planner, or what?

LAST YEAR’S BIRTHDAY HOROSCOPE! Let’s see how well it did!

I am a Libra. We like balance and lie a lot. Also, we're PRETTY. *blush*

I am a Libra. We like balance and lie a lot. Also, we’re PRETTY. *blush*

…you are at some sort of a turning point in your life, in terms of personal growth. Events that occur this year act as catalysts that get you in touch with some important issues in your emotional life. Your emotions run high, and mood swings or identity crises are possible. There may be some kind of conflict in your life arising from a great urge to do something different. The year ahead promises to be a busy, dynamic, and significant period in your life.

Yeah, actually, that’s not bad. This year saw a lot of shit go down, and mood swings is kind of an understatement. Also, not only was there an URGE to do something different, I DID something different. So, right on, last year’s horoscope.

You are able to see your life in terms of the big picture this year, and thus you more easily manage stress and your enthusiasm is natural. Others tend to be helpful and supportive.

Maybe over the last few months of the year; not so much the first part. Meh on this one, birthday forecast. (Although others were QUITE helpful and supportive; I have amazing friends.)

Your social life will likely increase and bring you in contact with more influential, powerful, or simply happy and helpful people. Educational, publishing, freelance, and promotional efforts can thrive this year.

Ooh, this is nice. I totally met INFLUENTIAL and POWERFUL people. (Also happy and helpful people.) And I’m working in both publishing and doing some freelance writing this year, and wasn’t doing either at this point last year. BOO-YAH, HOROSCOPE!

There was a huge paragraph about love crap in here. I’m cutting that shit out. No time for love, Dr. Jones.

So, not bad, horoscope, not bad. Keep it up for the year ahead. Predict me a funny guy who knows how to wield a semicolon, more time to write, and all kinds of travelly adventures for the upcoming year, please.

So, this past year: it’s been up and down; unemployment and new employment (times three) and doing things that I love; it’s been heartbreak and depression and joy beyond imagining; it’s been meeting people I never thought I would, in person, and giving them furious hugs, and seeing long-lost friends and relatives again, and giving them equally furious hugs. It’s been both a year of the best things and a year of the worst things, all rolled up into one. I don’t know how to judge such a year. I suppose the best I can say is I am thankful for the good things, more so than I can say, and the bad things…well, if nothing else, they taught me their various lessons, and moved on, hopefully leaving me wiser, and none the worse for wear.

I’ve written a lot; I’ve read a lot; I’ve laughed a lot; I’ve cried a lot. Most of all, I learned a lot. And I loved people in my crazy way I have. And I tried to leave things better than I found them. I am hoping I was successful in that, if nothing else.

This is my last year of my thirties; I plan to live it to the fullest. Adventures and travel and laughing and loving and living and living and living. And then living a little more.

Thanks for coming along for the ride, people of the interwebs. Knowing you’re all out there makes for a very happy birthday indeed.

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

37 responses to “Birthday shenanigans and thoughts and…poison?

  • emuse

    Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, happy birthday! Happppppppyyyyyyyyyyy Biiiiiiirrrrttthhhhhdddday!

    Here’s wishing you a wondrous year!

    Also, don’t worry so much about semi-colon usage guys. There are brilliant people who get a bit stymied by the semi-colon. (Cough, cough. Looking around innocently.) Maybe he writes free-verse is a punctuation rebel!


  • cynthiaw

    Yay! Happy, happy birthday!

    Yeah, I wouldn’t sweat the semicolon stuff – or I would have never married W and he’s practically perfect in every way, except he’s terrible at grammar. Although he’s getting better because I edited his papers all through college and even check over his business-y stuff now and he has many fewer mistakes now. So, yay me for being an awesome teacher all the time. Anyhow – he had other gifts that allowed me to overlook the terrible written grammar.

    Oh, and he totally mangles idioms. AND he works with a bunch of foreign people who now ALSO all mangle the same idioms. So… I love him and he makes me laugh and stuff.


    • emuse

      The fact that he’s teaching other people mangled idioms is hysterical. I love this.


      • cynthiaw

        It is! But I feel bad for them because other people are probably rolling their eyes and thinking “dumb foreign person who can’t figure out our language”. Never mind that most AMERICANS can’t even speak English properly, let alone another language.

        He also changes subject without warning – it all makes sense in his head, but he doesn’t provide any verbal segue. So, people end up really confused a lot. I usually just look at him and raise an eyebrow and he’ll say “oh, change of subject”.


    • lucysfootball

      Thank you!

      Oh, I can live without semicolon usage. But it’s a total turn-on. I mean, if I were to meet someone I dug and he DIDN’T know how to use a semicolon, I’m not saying he’d be out of the running…but if he DID know, well, one step closer to those little hearts floating around my head like in an old-timey cartoon.

      Making me laugh is much more important than anything else. That’s the biggest turn-on of them all.


  • Nerija S.

    Excitement and Adventure and Really Wild Things! Is what I wish for you this year! I hope that syrup (which sounds delicious) works magic both as ice cream topping and cough healer (not anytime soon, of course). And also as a…um…useful thing to use* when you do meet Captain Jack Savvy-with-the-Semicolon…ye savvy? ;-)

    And yes, Google Translate is hilarious when it’s tackling anything longer than a short phrase.

    *so very clearly a euphemism


    • lucysfootball

      Oh, I’d like ALL those things. Thank you! That’s a very good wish!

      Hee, it’s VERY sticky. I think it might not be a very good thing to use while euphemizing. I mean, unless you get off on using Goo-Gone when you’re done. SO STICKY.


      • Nerija S.

        Hmm…GooGone does have a nice orange scent. And just think, it’d be a great bonding experience (…accidental pun FTW!) to have to move in sync to find the GooGone. Like an extremely advanced version of a three-legged race. :)


  • handflapper

    Happy birthday to you! Congratulations on not being a stillbirth!


  • kmrileystories

    Happy birthday :) I enjoyed the read :D


  • Charleen

    Happy birthday! I hope your last year of your 30s is AMAZING!!! (I know you have a certain trip involving a couple of certain other bloggers coming up, so it’s off to a great start already!)


    • lucysfootball

      Thank you! It’s going to be a great year. First adventure coming up at the end of the week; international adventure coming up in less than 8 months. This year is already more exciting than I know how to handle. I’m going to do this with STYLE.


  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Happy birthday, sweetie. You’re crazy tasting unknown substances you get in the mail, you know that? No one does that. Well, I guess some people do that. People who order prescription drugs online without a prescription. Usually blue pills. Or so I’ve been told.*

    Yes, it’s spruce syrup for use on ice cream or perhaps waffles. Not sure if it would work as a cough syrup though; not without mixing it with some industrial strength alcohol, anyway.

    The necklace is indeed one of Fiancée’s designs. It’s based on a Celtic tombstone motif. Because everyone wants a necklace based on a Celtic tombstone motif.

    If you look closely on the customs slip on the parcel it says “Candy, ” as in “Candy comma”. I totally was going to detail all the content, but then I realised that would spoil the surprise. So I stopped dead after the first comma. The post office clerk didn’t seem to mind or perhaps he didn’t even notice. (Also, I did wrap that glass bottle of syrup pretty well in bubble wrap and plastic bags. Luckily, it seem to have made it.)

    Hope you’re having the best birthday. And that you’re not doing any laundry tonight.

    * For the record, the bottle did not contain any prescription drugs, blue or otherwise.


    • emuse

      That syrup sounds amazing, Andreas.

      And the Fiancée is super talented. Which I realize you probably already know. But that necklace is gorgeous.


    • lucysfootball

      There are very few people I’d taste unknown substances from, Andreas. You’re part of the elite now. (Please don’t send me blue pills to test this theory. Unless they do something awesome. Do you have any blue pills that do something awesome? I mean, I’d like to fly, or be psychic, or something.)

      *I* want a necklace based on a Celtic tombstone motif. And I *have* one. And I LOVE it. I haven’t worn the right top for it yet, but when I do – LOOK OUT WORLD. It’s just the most wonderful. I love it so much.

      I always hate to have to ruin the surprise on those customs forms! But I’m PETRIFIED they’re going to open the packages and go through them. On your end, anyway. Then get you (or me, I suppose) in trouble that I lied about what’s inside. (They never open our packages over here, that I’m aware of. I’ve never had a package tampered with. I hear that happens to you guys, sometimes, though.)

      You TOTALLY wrapped that bottle well. I had to cut it open with scissors! It arrived in perfect shape!

      (And for the record, I ate the chocolates in the box as my birthday treat tonight. And they were AMAZING. Can we have more of those when I visit? PLEASE PLEASE?)

      I had a wonderful birthday. No laundry tonight; the car’s in the shop and I’m homebound til A. picks me up tomorrow morning for work. Dumbcat and I are hanging out watching some television and loafing. It’s great.


      • Andreas Heinakroon

        There should be a special birthday/gift customs declaration form that wasn’t visible to the recipient. Or a code system for different type of materials and stuff. Why haven’t they done this already?

        The chocolate (which I do believe had English text on it) is from a local chocolatier called Mercedes. And by local I mean that she lives a few houses down the street. She runs a coffee shop in the old Russian post and customs building where she sells her chocolates. So yes, you can.


        • lucysfootball

          I totally agree. I always have to tell people who are far away to not read the customs form because it’s a spoiler. That annoys me.

          It did have English text on it, but it didn’t tell me what the chocolates were. A couple had ginger in them…one had what I think was a toasted pumpkin seed on top?…and one was maybe pineapple? And one was mystery chocolate. THEY WERE ALL SO GOOD! We’re totally going there to buy more chocolates. Because I want to go into that old Russian post office anyway. That building intrigues me.


  • Gigi

    Happy, happy birthday Amy!


  • The Waiting

    My daughter was a week early, and if she has a fraction of your awesomeness, then I will be a happy mama. Happy birfday, Ames!


  • Deb

    Happy Birthday! Really enjoy your blog!


  • innyganker

    Happy Birthday fellow Libra!


  • Heather

    I love that you tasted the stuff before you even knew what it was. Did you at least smell it first? I mean, this is so something I would do, but I smell anything that I’m going to put in my mouth.

    (Oh, that sounded horribly bad.)

    So glad you had a wonderful birthday!


    • lucysfootball

      I smelled it AND touched it. And tried to figure out what it was from the tag. (From the lack of smell and how big it was, I decided it wasn’t perfume…and it didn’t smell like medicine…and the tag said “sirap” and it was sticky, so I decided, “maybe syrup?” I was being an investigator.)


      In this case this is not a euphemism, but it can be, if people want it to be.

      THANK YOU! I had a great day!


  • ksbeth

    happy birthday and i love your lemony mystery poison gift the best.


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