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The cat who stole people’s BREATH

Lots of things going on in the world, right?

Whole damn U.S. government’s shut down. Someone shot at the White House or something, I don’t even know what the hell. People are very, VERY angry about the Affordable Care Act (also known as Obamacare, if you like to call things by the wrong name in a sneering fashion, like my dad does, for example.) It’s October, but here in lovely New York, it feels like June.

IS IT THE APOCALYPSE?

Nah, probably not. Just Washington being especially childish. These are grown men and women who are playing a big old game of “I’m taking my ball and I’m GOING HOME” and they’re being stompy-stomp and it pisses me off that we elected them and they’re not doing their jobs and now basic things aren’t getting done and people aren’t getting paid and it’s all a problem.

Dad said, “WHY DO YOU WORRY ABOUT SUCH THINGS. THIS ISN’T GOING TO AFFECT YOU.” I replied, “It DOES affect me, as I am a human, with emotions and feelings, and I feel empathy” and he said, “UGH YOU ARE SO STRANGE.” Wouldn’t it be nice to have no emotions? I think maybe yes. (Oh, shush, Dad HAS emotions, I’m exaggerating, he’s just on the WRONG SIDE and thinks this government shutdown nonsense is a good idea. HOWEVER, in good news, he says – and he seems to be up on these things – that there’s some sort of thing that happens on – I think he said the 17th? something about the debt ceiling, I think? – and if the government isn’t up and running by then, it would be castrophic, and therefore, he thinks HIS PEOPLE will be forced to capitulate. I’m all for this, but of course I didn’t tell him this. So, if Dad’s right, we only have two more weeks of this to put up with.)

But surely there are better things going on in the world, right? We need some cheerfulness. This has been a crappy week.

Here in Amyland, things have been hellaciously busy. This past week has seen very little sleep, a lot of running around, and many adventures. Well, sort-of adventures. Busy-ness, at least. Two theater reviews, so far. (Both AMAZING shows. I love it when that happens.) Dinner with friend K. with delicious food and lots of talking and laughter. Haircut today, so for 24 hours I’ll look pretty and put-together, then I’ll be forced to do my own hair and it’s back to looking all frowzy and harried. Oh, and my car broke down so next week I have to bring it in for a billion dollars of repairs. SIGH.

Not actually me or actually my car. But close.

Not actually me or actually my car. But close.

Dumbcat is not pleased with all this running around. He would like more sitting around so he can curl up on me and sleep most sleepily; I have to admit, I miss that as well. Sorry, buddy. Very busy. Lots to do. Need to make money to buy your cat treats. The other morning he woke me up about ten minutes before my alarm with VERY LOUD SNORING because he was sleeping on my pillow right next to my face-area and snoring like a LITTLE FURRY CHAINSAW. I couldn’t decide whether it was more bothersome to be woken by him, or by the blaringly aloud alarm. He doesn’t MEAN to snore like a little furry chainsaw. It’s not his fault. He’s VERY TIRED. And snorey. And adorable.

Another play coming up, then hanging out with Mom and Dad this weekend, which should be fun-times. We will have food and shopping and presents. Because I am 4 days from a year older! Hooray!

Oh, also, I have STORIES which I have forgotten to tell you. From last weekend, when Cousin S. was visiting. She was all, “YOU NEED TO WRITE ABOUT THIS!” and I totally forgot because I was writing SO SO LATE and I was dying to read the new Stephen King book. (Which I finished. And it was AWESOME.)

So this past weekend, Cousin S. came to visit. Dad was CONVINCED we were going to get in trouble. I’m not sure that we were that much trouble as kids, but apparently Dad thought so? So he started saying, a few days before she got here, “you call me if you need bail money. I HAVE BAIL MONEY SET ASIDE. Those bail bondman, THEY ONLY TAKE CASH MONEY.” So all weekend, whenever we’d do anything, S. and I would say “Ooh, THIS is sure to make us need that bail money!” These things included eating sushi, going to the movies, and visiting the Empire State Plaza. (The last one of these is the only one that MIGHT have caused the need for bail money, because we decided we were walking somewhere maybe we weren’t supposed to when we were cruising around The Egg.) Dad seemed disappointed that we never needed that bail money.

The second thing is MUCH more worrisome.

Dumbcat tried to kill S.

I woke up one morning and walked quietly into the living room (where S. was sleeping) and was all, “where is that Dumbcat?” and looked and there was Dumbcat, ON HER CHEST, with his face all up in her face.

You know what that means, don’t you?

Dumbcat was totally stealing her breath.

Dad’s OBSESSED with cats stealing people’s breath. I think he heard it from my grandmother, and even though I explained to him it’s just a thing that people say because cats used to sleep in infants’ cribs because they were warm and smelled like milk, he STILL thinks one day, I will wake up dead (yes, he says that) with Dumbcat having stolen all my breath.

She woke up and said, “I cannot move THERE IS A CAT ON ME” and Dumbcat was all gleeful that TEH LAIDEY! TEH LAIDEY IS AWAYKE! and walked all over her with his mitten-paws most joyfully.

So I told Dad about this and he was all “I TOLD YOU!!! I TOLD YOU THAT CAT WOULD TRY TO STEAL SOMEONE’S BREATH! THAT CAT TRIED TO KILL YOUR COUSIN! WHAT WOULD I HAVE TOLD MY LITTLE BROTHER IF SHE HAD DIED BY CAT-BREATH-STEALING?”

Heh, Dad. I’m so pleased your theory came to fruition.

(Just so you’re all aware, Cousin S. is alive, well, and kicking back at home with her family now. She is not a victim of Dumbcat’s excessive love. Not even a little.)

Oh, ALSO, on a funny note, Cousin S. works in the medical field and we were talking about medication and apparently my current sleeping pill (my doctor’s constantly switching them up; she’s amazed I can’t sleep, and I’m quite sure soon I’ll be given horse tranquilizers) is also a CAT MEDICATION. I think for seizures. I am currently taking a cat seizure medication to help me sleep. Check me out, modern medicine, I AM A DAMN MIRACLE. MEEE-OW.

(SIDENOTE: cat seizure medication, which is probably sleeping pill number 5 or something, doesn’t work very well. Sometimes I sleep, sometimes I think of things like “OMG THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD! IT IS ON MY SHOULDERS!” and then I just lie there staring at the ceiling and thinking about how most people can just sleep SO DAMN EASILY and thanks, genetics.)

Time for beddy-bye, kiddos.

Remember – per Dad, we don’t need to worry about the government shutting down. IT DOES NOT AFFECT US.

Except for those of us it DOES affect, and those of us who have empathy for the people who are affected.

If you’re one of those people, my thoughts are with you. No matter what Dad says.

And hey, government-people? Get your shit together, yo. We put you in office. WE TRUSTED YOU WITH THIS JOB. So DO your damn job. This is embarrassing. OTHER COUNTRIES ARE LAUGHING AT US.

Sigh.

Happy weekends, people of the blogiverse.

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

38 responses to “The cat who stole people’s BREATH

  • Positive Attitude Matters

    Beautifully painted picture of your LITTLE FURRY CHAINSAW… I can literally hear the noise!!! ZZZzzzzz….

    Like

  • cynthiaw

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh… the sneering “Obamacare” thing make me so ANGRY. Because most people, even tea baggers, are for all of the things that are actually IN the Affordable Health Care Act – except for, apparently, dumbass Republican Congressman, who aren’t even affected anyway because they EXEMPTED themselves.

    Also, I don’t understand why Congress is still getting paid – they shouldn’t be. And they should get fired for not doing their jobs.

    On the other hand, I’m glad that Dumbcat didn’t murder your cousin.

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    • lucysfootball

      There was a comedy bit recently where they asked people on the street to tell them the difference between Obamacare and the ACA, and people actually listed the differences. THEY WERE NOT AWARE THEY WERE THE SAME THING. It made me so sad.

      Dumbcat is very pleased he is not a murderer. He is purring loudly to celebrate his non-murdery status.

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      • Stephanie

        Yeah, I saw that. A few weeks ago, I might have laughed at those people, but then I was in the states the other week and had occasion to watch some TV news there and now I can’t blame them. I just feel sorry for them. Your country is being systematically misinformed by the media that they believe are (and that should be) informing them.

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        • cynthiaw

          I wouldn’t feel bad for them – they watch Faux News on purpose. So, they are willingly being misinformed.

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          • Stephanie

            But they still believe they are choosing a news source and presumably trust that it is accurate. (Also, while Fox was shocking, I wasn’t hugely impressed by the other news I saw either.)

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            • cynthiaw

              I would say that’s why I get my news from the Internetz, but you have to be careful there, too. Mostly, I stream the BBC for international news and try to read a variety of sources for the rest.

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        • lucysfootball

          Fox News is bad, and it makes me sad that people believe in it, and it’s causing a lot of problems and fighting over here. I can’t really make comments about the other news – I think it at least TRIES to be rational and/or unbiased (but not if you listen to the people who adhere to Fox News, who say any other news is GOVERNMENT NEWS.)

          Everyone fights all the time and it makes me want to curl up in a ball and rock.

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          • Stephanie

            Yeah, it seems like a lot of people giving opinions and not a lot of actual reporting.

            As for the other news (sorry, I can’t remember who it was) I was more just surprised by the major things that weren’t being reported on. Just seemed really limited in scope.

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            • cynthiaw

              Oh, that… you should see the covers of our “news” magazines. For example … all of the international versions of Time magazine recently featured the Syrian conflict on the cover. The U.S. cover? A story about anxiety…

              I’d say that it’s less the fault of the news organizations than it is of the low attention spans and general lack of interest of most Americans in anything that doesn’t immediately impact them or their families. It’s pathetic really.

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              • lucysfootball

                Yeah, I agree with this. Politics/government stuff doesn’t sell magazines…shocking things do. So they pop that on the cover and rope people in with that, and MAYBE there will be something serious inside. But it won’t be the biggest story.

                Or we can just put the Kardashians on the cover of everything, because THAT sells magazines, apparently. Sigh.

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  • Charleen

    I really don’t get the shutdown. (Admittedly I haven’t looked into it because a) I’m lazy and b) I’m pretty sure it will just make me stressed and stomach-achey.) But… just… how does this actually solve anything? If it was like, the Capitol goes into lockdown and nobody can leave until they come to an agreement on whatever they’re fighting over, that would make sense… except I’m guessing that’s not what it is, because if that were the case then regular-people government employees could continue doing their jobs no problem. I really am baffled at the way our country works sometimes… or doesn’t, as the case may be.

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    • lucysfootball

      It is very confusing. I was talking to Dad about it and he was like, “FOX NEWS! Go to FOX News. They’ll explain it to you in a fair and balanced way!” and I had to control my laughter SO HARD.

      My understanding of this is that the Republicans seem to want NO AFFORDABLE CARE ACT and the Democrats WANT the Affordable Care Act and no one’s able to back down so we’re at a stalemate. Thing is, I find it ridiculous. This has been in the works for YEARS. Why are we shutting down NOW? I mean, seriously, guys, grow the hell up. It passed; you lost. Just accept it and move the hell on. Don’t put the whole country on hold because you’re being a child.

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      • Charleen

        Yeah, that’s pretty much what I figured (I realize I said “whatever they’re fighting over” but I just meant that in general… I know what they’re fighting about THIS time… NEXT time it’ll be something else…) but I just don’t get how shutting down accomplishes anything at all. Like, is it like an ultimatum kind of thing? A massive game of chicken? I just… I don’t get it.

        Seriously, lock them all in a room together until they figure it out, and let the rest of the country continue earning a living.

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      • emuse

        Actually, ACA was made a LAW and now the Republicans (but not all of them) want to change the LAW. Which would not be legal. Frankly.

        Like

  • Palindroming around with Anna

    It’s your newest fan here :) I understand about the sleeping issue. I take half a xanex at night and that seems to put my mind to rest. Instead of cats, I have kids that seem to want to steal my breath. They have succeeded several times. I’m a walking miracle.

    Like

  • Heather

    Rascal snores, too! (Sometimes louder than Eric snores. Hee!)

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  • emuse

    Well, the person that is my representative is Elizabeth Warren. And I think we can agree she is doing her job.

    There are many grumbly rumbles from the money who back the Republican party. They are NOT HAPPY about this and would be EXCESSIVELY NOT HAPPY if we do not raise the debt ceiling (as your dad says) because then we would default on loans and so forth and let me tell you, Wall St. etc. is not happy… about that. It would be disaster. And they are being so loud about their unhappiness.

    So I think your dad is right. This is point making. Point making that pisses me off. Because people are having bad things happen in their lives because of this. It’s not like everyone who works for the federal government makes a zillion dollars. What about the receptionists? For instance? As a tiny example?

    Anyway, perhaps surprisingly, I am standing with you, agreeing with your dad. We’ll see if he and I are right.

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  • emuse

    You know, I was looking at the right hand of your blog, and I have to say, maybe you’re just going to end up with Freshly Pressed stickers all the way down.

    That’s what I think.

    Like

  • grrgoyl

    OMG Don’t get me started. However, through careful observation, I’ve come up with some pretty profound conclusions about Dems vs. Repubs.

    1) Repubs don’t seem to have an empathy gene. Or whatever it is that enables us to appreciate other people’s plights without directly experiencing it ourselves. Repubs don’t have it. They truly don’t care about a problem as long as it doesn’t affect them (case in point: some homophobic (R) senator who spoke long and loud against teh gays, until his child came out. Then all of a sudden he was all “Gays should have rights! Why don’t gays have more rights?”)

    2) Another fundamental difference: Righties seem to have a deep distrust of government. Lefties equally distrust corporations. I realized this after arguing with my libertarian (though secretly just Republican) brother-in-law, who truly honestly didn’t believe that people ever got denied coverage by their insurance company because a) his always treated him great! (no long-term illnesses though), and b) he didn’t know anyone personally who was ever denied (which again, ties back to my “don’t care if it doesn’t happen to me”). Yep — of all the millions of people in America, because he and his circle of 20 (or let’s be generous, 40-50) friends have never experienced this phenomena, well, it’s all made up to make insurance companies look bad. I set him straight on that point, being a medical transcriptionist who has typed a heartbreaking number of letters for doctors to insurance companies.

    Hope these two things give you some insight into your father.

    Also: Cats steal breath LULZ!

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    • grrgoyl

      (And, not to be too unkind, but is his willingness to believe this long disproven wives’ tale what makes him so gullible and susceptible to Fox News’ influence?)

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    • lucysfootball

      I think SOME Republicans must have an empathy gene, but I agree – I know a lot who don’t, unless it hits close to home. Agreed. And I agree about the distrust of government.

      I don’t know if I distrust government or corporations. I think everyone’s kind of equally a huge mess and trying their best, all at once. I’m like an equal opportunity optimistic pessimist.

      Like

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