Kicking the bucket list

I don’t believe in bucket lists. 

OK, back up. I believe they EXIST. And the idea of them is valid. I think it’s nice for some people to have a list of goals to progress toward; things that, if done, would make them happy. 

The idea of a bucket list, however, is creepy on one level and flawed on another. 

Creepy on the level that, once you’ve crossed everything on your list off, you’re ready for death, apparently. I saw the movie with that sassy Jack Nicholson. I know the score. You skydive, you climb a mountain, you make up with your estranged daughter and then you can die with a clean conscience and I need like a whole BOX of tissues because my ALLERGIES, damn, you know? 



Flawed in that the bucket list overlooks where, I believe, your true joy lives. 

Let’s say your bucket list has things on it like “visit Rome” and “walk along the Pacific coast” and “sing karaoke in a dive bar” or something. Sure, you can do those things. They’ll probably be fun, too. 

But I don’t know about you guys, but me? If I build something up in my mind too much, it reaches untouchable status. I make up mind-stories about it. And those castles in the air are SO ELABORATE that once I actually do the thing, it can’t live up to the story I’ve spun about it. Sometimes it still does, but sometimes I’m disappointed because, say, I’d imagined that once I got to Paris, I’d have a torrid Parisian love affair and really it was rainy and overpriced and the people sneered at my pitiful attempts at high-school français, you know? 

No love pour moi dans le city d'amour, non non non!

No love pour moi dans le city d’amour, non non non!

My best memories, my most bucket-listy memories, are the ones I didn’t plan. They’re the ones that I didn’t write on a list and didn’t expect to happen and didn’t check off when I was done, but that stay with me; the ones that glow warm inside me, the ones that I have folded and tucked away and when I revisit them they’re golden and they’re the kind of memories I’ll revisit when I’m really bucket-trending, (hopefully) many years from now. 

Watching fireworks over the Brooklyn Bridge. 

Being completely alone at the South Street Seaport, eating breakfast on a bench, reading the paper, watching the city wake up around me. 

Walking around a museum in Rouen with my headphones on, experiencing art and music at once, feeling at once both very adult and very young. 

Waking up for the first time with Dumbcat sleeping on my pillow, when he became brave enough to creep out from under the bed, and having him headbutt me in a tentative “you are mine now?” way. 

Holding my nephew for the first time, and having him scowl up at me, and knowing I’d do anything for this kid, and that I always would, for the rest of my life. That this kid I’d just met absolutely owned me. 

These aren’t things I planned. I didn’t write these things on a list; I didn’t say, “man, someday I really want to do the 4th of July in the City” and then work toward that goal. A few days before the 4th that year, my then-roommate said, “why don’t you come with me and the boyfriend to the City for our annual 4th thing we do?” and I was like “yes, that sounds like an adventure” so I did. Bam. I didn’t plan on going to Rouen; it was a last-minute decision when I was in Paris, and the museum was just there, and I had a few hours to kill before my train back to gay Paree. 

This is a lot of buildup to the main event, here. 

I did a non-bucket-list bucket-list thing last night. And I glowed like a little potbellied stove with the unplanned wonder of it. I’m still glowing the next day. I can’t imagine I won’t always be. 

Some (typically Amy-lengthy) background: 

I got assigned the review of Ghost the Musical this month. I remember being a fan of this movie back in the day. The jaded lady I am now thinks it’s a little cheesy. But I can still appreciate that its heart is in the right place. And I do so like “Unchained Melody.” And Demi Moore’s haircut was fierce. 

GHOOOOOST! Aw, this was a nice movie, right? Kind of, in a cheesy 90s way.

GHOOOOOST! Aw, this was a nice movie, right? Kind of, in a cheesy 90s way.

(Dad still can’t watch it. The black hell-ghosties scare him too much. “Those scary bastards!” he calls them, and has to leave the room. Dad’s not a fan of scary things.) 

So apparently someone in the UK made Ghost into a musical, which came to New York last year, and closed after 4 months, and now it’s on tour. We’re the first stop on the tour, actually, which is super-cool. The show’s been teching here for three weeks. We’re on the Wikipedia page for it and everything. And remember I met the lead girl when I was having lunch with David on Sunday? Yep. 

So friend N. (who doubles as Boss N. during work hours – having a boss who is also your friend? Total win) and I went to see Ghost the Musical last night. (Well, that’d be your Tuesday night, I suppose.) 

I’d heard mixed things going in. I knew it’d be tech-heavy (there are a lot of effects when your lead character spends 85% of the show dead) and that there had been some issues; the early reviews from people I knew were good, but the people I knew were biased in one way or another, so I took them with a grain of salt. (I try to go into shows I’m reviewing with as little prior knowledge as I can. I think it’s only fair. I mean, there’s baggage we go in with that we can’t ditch, but you don’t need to add traincases and hatboxes to that baggage, you know?) 

Effects like this happened. PEOPLE WALKED THROUGH DOORS. Only not really. IT'S THE MAGIC OF THEE-AY-TAH.

Effects like this happened. PEOPLE WALKED THROUGH DOORS. Only not really. IT’S THE MAGIC OF THEE-AY-TAH.

So N. and I settled in for the show. 

I realized about 15 minutes in I was not going to be able to give this show a good review. 

Now listen. I’m usually the sunshine and rainbows reviewer. Some of the reviewers in the area are often very negative. I’m usually not. I’m pretty easy to please. Honestly, the hardest part of this job for me is finding theaters I’ve never been to before when my GPS is being a dick and finding thesaurusy ways to say “amazing job.” 

The show was too tech-heavy. The plot was put to the side to concentrate on “ZOMG LOOK AT THIS EFFECT WE CAN DO!” The actors weren’t fantastic. (Luckily, the girl I’d met with David? One of the two watchable people onstage. WHEW.) The writing was TERRIBLE. The songs weren’t good. The band was too loud. Someone had the bright idea to have lights the wattage of the sun shining right AT the audience; it got so bad that a., I felt as if I was involuntarily trapped in a tanning booth and b. there was one whole song I covered my eyes for because OUCH and I was pretty sure I would need my retinas for driving home.  There was a random parasol being wielded in one number. There was a rapping Dr. Seuss ninja. Sam yelled “Mollyyyyyy!” much in the style of Rocky calling for Adrian. There was much too much use of projections; at one point, it got so silly I got the cry-giggles and N. was all “I CANNOT EVEN LOOK AT YOU OR I WILL LAUGH” so we studiously ignored one another. “Unchained Melody” was sung (poorly) like a BILLION DAMN TIMES. Once it was sob-sung while projections of a screaming Sam were all over the background. I can’t even. CAN. NOT. EVEN. 

This is Ninja Dr. Seuss, also known as "subway ghost."

This is Ninja Dr. Seuss, also known as “subway ghost.”

(This makes me sound like I was being obnoxious-loud. I promise I wasn’t. I’m a good theater-goer. I held in my noises to the point of almost exploding my eyeballs.) 

At intermission N. said, “You know what’s the worst?” and I said, “That there’s an Act II?” and we giggled all over again. 

This is not the bucket-listy thing, just in case you’re wondering. Not even a little. 

So a couple of weeks ago, the reviewers found out that the review date for Ghost the Musical had changed. It was supposed to be on opening night, Saturday, so that’s what we planned, with a run-date for the review in the paper of Monday, giving readers 5 days to see the show, if they were so inclined. The venue changed the review date due to it being so tech-heavy (it happens) so the review date was Tuesday. The show closes Friday. It usually takes two days for a review to post; mine wouldn’t post until Thursday, giving readers only two days to decide whether or not to see the show. 

My editor contacted me on Monday, concerned about the lateness of the review and that it would be useless to our readers. Could I file that night, as soon as I get home, so it could get in the Wednesday paper? (Usually our deadline is 1pm the following day.) 

Well, I always file the same night, for two reasons. One, because I have a terrible memory, so I like to write when it’s fresh in my mind, and two, because I (almost) always have to work the next day, so the night of is the only time I have to write. I wrote back to her and assured her it would be filed that night and to expect it by midnight. 

“In order to make the next day’s paper, it has to be filed by 11,” she said. 


“The show’s out at 10, and it takes me a half-hour to get home,” I said. “It usually takes me 45 minutes to an hour to write a review. I can try, but I can’t guarantee anything.” 

She wrote right back. 

“What if I had someone let you in the building, and you wrote it at the Gazette?” 


See, the Gazette’s about 5-10 minutes or so from the theater. So I could get to work faster. 

But ALSO? 



I did not take this. I found this online. But this is totally what it looked like.

I did not take this. I found this online. But this is totally what it looked like.

I’ve been in three different television newsrooms. One on the NBC tour, one on a tour of our local NBC affiliate when I was a counselor at summer camp upstate as a teenager, and one when I interviewed to work at a news station (not on-camera, something in the office, and I didn’t get it. Sigh.) 

Television. Whatever. Fine. But NEWSPAPERS? You GUYS. You KNOW how keen I am on newspapers. I love them more than is even LOGICAL. And as a freelancer I NEVER get to GO to the BUILDING! I emailed all my people all “ZOMG Z!O!M!G! I need a fedora! And a press pass! EXTRA EXTRA I’M WITH THE PRESS I AM FANCY!!!1!!” 

Then I tried to be all professional emailing my editor back all, “Yes, that would work, thank you so much, cheerio, wot wot.” 

(She also was all, “I hope you have a laptop. And here’s our wireless password.” I WAS ONE OF THE ELITE, BABY!) 

So after the show, I did something I HATE (I think it’s so rude, seriously, but I needed those extra ten minutes) and I got up the MINUTE the curtain call started and ran out to get to the car to get over to the building to write the review. My normal top-secret easy-enter-easy-leave parking lot totally got found out and now is barricaded, so I had to park like a billion miles away and THAT was a bother. So I had to hoof it to the car. Also the show started late. And intermission ran late. So I was later than 10 even getting OUT of there, even leaving the MINUTE curtain call started. N. and I zipped up the aisle and of COURSE I got behind some old man who was all putt putt putt and N. was all “important lady coming through! REVIEW TO BE WRITTEN, PEOPLE!” but it didn’t even faze him. Kept on a’puttin’ along. Sigh. 

Race-walked to the car. Got in the car. GPSed the Gazette. ZOOMED to the Gazette. Almost missed the building because it didn’t have a sign by the street but it looked so newspapery that I was like, “This MUST be it.” IT WAS! 

Called the guy who was supposed to let me in. Waited in the dark outside A REAL LIVE NEWSPAPER. Imagined what the guy letting me in would look like. Decided probably Cary Grant. Rumply suit. Tired but ruggedly handsome. 

Yowza. YOWZA.

Yowza. YOWZA.

Not really Cary Grant, but I got the tired part right. He was a very nice man. 


“Yes,” he said, looking at me like I might be a looney. 

“How COOL is this?” I said. 

“Not so cool if this is your job every night,” he replied. 

“Oh, I don’t know. I can’t imagine that this would ever get old. NEWSPAPER!” I said. There may or may not have been jazz hands. He kind of laughed. I don’t think he quite knew what to make of me. No one does, really. When you’re faced with the full-on force of this kind of enthusiasm, you either go with the flow or it blows you away, really. Choose go with the flow. It’s a hell of a lot more fun. 

So he brought me upstairs and was all, “Let’s get you a desk and a computer” and I was like “DUDE I HAVE A LAPTOP AND THE SECRET CODE” and he was all, “Um.” And I said, “Ha. Wifi password, I have it” and he was like “’kay, let’s get you a desk, then, here you go, I’m right over here, come get me if you need me” and I WAS IN A NEWSROOM. 

Now, by the time all this happened, it was 10:30. I had to write a review in 30 minutes. Also, my laptop takes a long time to turn on, and I WANTED TO LOOK AROUND THE NEWSROOM BECAUSE YOU GUYS, NEWSROOM. 

But I had to write the review. I’d written the basic frame, like, show title/run dates/cost/etc. so I just had to write 500 words about it and I was DONE. Luckily, a bad review’s easier to write than a good one. 

I wrote like the wind, you guys. Any idea when I finished editing and proofreading that bad boy (and also I emailed three people just to say, “I THINK IT IS IMPORTANT TO MENTION I AM EMAILING YOU FROM THE GAZETTE I AM GEEKING OUT ZOMG?!?!”) 

10:49. I hit save at 10:49. I emailed it to the proper address where it goes at 10:51. 

I wrote that sucker in NINETEEN MINUTES.

I then surreptitiously peered around to report back to you about a real live newsroom. (I couldn’t take photos like I wanted because there were SO MANY PEOPLE IN THERE.) 

There are a ton of cubes and desks with computers. Not typewriters, but it is 2013. Everyone has all the fun flair on their desks like wacky stuffed animals and bumper stickers. It is all gray and industrial carpetinged. It is very busy, even that late. There are a lot of windows. There is a police scanner at one chick’s desk, I assume so they can write about or go to emergencies that are newsworthy. No one was wearing a fedora (sadtimes.) One lady said, “I’m going to add three sentences to this copy” and that made me smile because COPY is totally a newspaper term and I WAS IN THE KNOW!

Everyone was sleepy but also very alert at the same time and you could feel all the history and newspaperiness. Like, if a story happened, you could tell all these people would like RUMBLE into action like BEARS COME OUT OF HIBERNATION. I just sat there and thought about all the history of these people, and how this job went back and back and BACK, and what a proud job it was, to be someone who reports the news, who tells the people what’s happening, and I got all sniffly that I was IN THE NEWSROOM and then I was like “dumbass, you have to go to work tomorrow, yo, you need to get HOME” so I went over to the guy’s desk who let me in and made sure my article arrived to the place it was supposed to go (it did) and we joked a little bit about how bad the show was and he gave me quick directions to get out of the mazey newsroom and to the elevators and then I was leaving the newsroom. GOODBYE NEWSROOM. 

In my head, it was totally black and white and looked like this, by the way.

In my head, it was totally black and white and looked like this, by the way.

You guys. YOU GUYS. I want to work in a newsroom. Don’t you think I would be the best at this? Why do I have to be in love with a dying profession? Sigh. 

Then I drove home and the GPS hates Schenectady and was all TURN HERE and it was a one-way street and tried to get me killed. DAMMIT GPS YOU STOP THAT. So then I was driving through all these little towns with the knowledge I totally just got to be in a real live newsroom all bright in my chest and I kept grinning recklessly about it. 

And today I am SO SO TIRED because I couldn’t get to sleep because SUPER-EXCITED and Dad and I had this conversation:

Dad: You’re just like Jimmy Johnson.
Amy: Am I? Who’s that? Someone super-famous at writing?
Dad: Yes. He worked with Spiderman.
Amy: What? He did? Jimmy Johnson?
Dad: EXTRA EXTRA! Remember? With the hat? He was like a cub reporter. But not a BEAR cub.
Amy: No, I don’t…do you mean Jimmy Olsen?
Dad: Yes, that’s what I said.
Amy: He worked with Superman.
Dad: They’re all the same person. You can’t see their faces.
Amy: You can see Superman’s face.
Dad: Whoa, that’s a really good scoop, there, Jimmy Johnson. 

SUPERMAN'S PAL! Look at this cuckoo-bananas comic, yo.

SUPERMAN’S PAL! Look at this cuckoo-bananas comic, yo.

Usually you have to pay to read my reviews, and I can’t guarantee you won’t have to pay to read this by the time this posts, but as of THIS VERY MINUTE, the review I spent NINETEEN WHOLE MINUTES writing is FREE on the Gazette site (due to technical problems on their end, all their stuff is free until they fix the site) so you can actually read one of my reviews in its native environment where it belongs. I KNOW! (And in case you’re wondering, no, I didn’t write the title, the guy who let me in the building did. It makes me laugh. It’s a very good title.) 

Sometimes it seems like I’m living this weird velvet-rope high life. I assure you most of the time it’s me, the cat, and a plastic tumbler of grape Koolaid. 

Bucket list, my ass. I’ll keep blundering into these kickass situations. With my jazz-hands. Who needs a damn list when you’ve got shit like THIS going on, I ask you?

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

31 responses to “Kicking the bucket list

  • sj

    This post totally made me cry-smile.



  • elaine4queen

    Bollocks to bucket lists.

    I am sure I have told you before I had a friend who reviewed plays and got to go with her a few times. Saw some good stuff, but it was always a laugh seeing awful stuff, too.


    • lucysfootball

      N. and I knew it was probably going to be bad, but we knew we’d have fun seeing it together nonetheless. Luckily, most of the things I’ve seen have been very good – I think I’ve only seen three or four in the past 11 months I’ve actively disliked. I really am not all that hard to please. Part of me will always be that small-town girl who’s like, “I’m getting to see a PLAY? This is SO COOL!”


      • elaine4queen

        Oh, for sure.

        I love theatres. And any kind of a back stage. I remember, as a kid, my mum was friends with the lady that ran the laundrette. The backs of the machines were all open and the place was dusty and oily and so different from the front shop.


  • cynthiaw

    ZOMG – Newsroom! That is so awesomely awesome! And your review is very polite and professional considering how terribly terrible the play was.

    Tell your dad that Jimmy Johnson is a race-car driver, not a reporter! Not even a fictional reporter – I do like that he thinks that all superheros are the same because of the masks, even when they don’t have masks. Your dad is too funny.

    In another life, I wanted to be a newspaper reporter – like the CRUSADING type of newspaper reporter who ends up being followed by shadowy figure because of all the MUCK and DECEIT that she is uncovering. And because the POWERS THAT BE decide that she must be silenced.

    I was a very melodramatic child.


    • lucysfootball

      I don’t like to be mean in my reviews. There’s no reason for it; it reflects more on me as a reviewer than on the show as a whole, I feel. I think there’s an art in discouraging someone from seeing the show without stooping to petty meanness. (And there’s always SOMETHING good about a show; if you can’t find the good, there’s something wrong with you, not the show.)

      The newsroom was SO COOL. I’m sure this will never happen again, but I can always say, “I was in a REAL NEWSROOM ONCE!”

      I’m sure Dad knows Jimmy Johnson is a racecar driver, since that’s his thing. He probably seriously thought he was saying Jimmy Olsen. He’s a goofball.

      There will ALWAYS be a part of me who wants to be a reporter. Even though print seems to be dying, I just think that’s so darm glamorous.


      • cynthiaw

        I know right – being a reporter always makes me think of the movie His Girl Friday with Cary Grant and Roslind Russel – I’m sure that reporters think that’s hilarious and that it’s not glamorous at all.

        I still want to be a muckracking crusader though!


  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Wow, that was a very long build-up. But you did get your newsroom so I’m happy.

    And you’re right: you don’t need a bucket list. You’re living it.


  • Melanie

    I imagine you talk really really fast when you’re really really excited like this (totally not an insult; I’m dying for a fast talker here in the land of southern drawls in which every word is extended by one possibly two syllables and takes like six years to get from start to finish. When I’m jazzed about something I can get a 1000 word story out of my mouth in like ten seconds with full pronunciation of each word and people look at me like I’m speaking a foreign language; which actually I am because they tell me I speak yankee).
    NEWSROOM! So cool.


    • Melanie

      Oh shit. Sorry. Forgot to say…yay! for technical problems. I enjoyed your review. Thanks for sharing it!


    • cynthiaw

      I am also a fast-talking former Yankee (really a MidWesterner, but it’s all the same to folks down here) and people also look at me like that. And say things like “golly, you sure do walk fast”. NO, I DON’T – I just don’t move at a pace that would make snails think “damn, you’re slow”.

      Sometimes, one of my students will raise his or her hand to inform me that they didn’t understand a word that I just said because I was talking way too fast – normally, I make a conscious effort not to, but when I get excited all bets are off. I also often get asked if I’m Italian (I’m not) because I talk with my hands. Apparently, my two year old niece (I’m almost three, auntie) has also picked up that habit and will talk louder, faster, and with much arm-flailing after she has spent time with me. I”m very proud of this.


      • Melanie

        And proud you should be. I’m a MidWesterner too, but, yeah, it’s all the same down here when you’re from north of the Mason Dixon line. I also talk with my hands. People need to step back when I’m going all out on talking, not because I have a large comfort zone (which I do), but for personal safety.


    • lucysfootball

      I do talk very fast, but not only when I’m excited…also when I’m nervous, and also when I’m just sometimes normal. I get told to slow down a lot. I just get VERY EXCITED! And have MANY WORDS IN MY HEAD! And they ALL WANT TO COME OUT AT ONCE!


  • grrgoyl

    I am very jealous of your newsroom experience. I’m also very jealous of your career of writing reviews. I dabble in movie reviews (only on my blog) and have been told they’re very entertaining (especially the bad movies. I love reviewing bad movies). In my head “movie reviewer” sounds like my dream job, but of course I’m sure you have to sit through stuff you don’t care about, and I don’t do well with deadlines.

    I had a tiny little tear at your “you are mine now?” Dumbcat moment. Getting a skittish animal to finally trust you is one of the best things about being on this planet.


    • lucysfootball

      I am grateful every day I lucked into this job. It’s just the perfect job for me – theater, and writing, and newspapers, and traveling. All things I love more than anything in the world. I hope it never goes away. I love it so, so much.

      It took forever for Dumbcat to come out from under the bed. Weeks. And the worst part was, he had to take medication for the first ten days I had him, so I had to drag him out from under the bed, and give him this terrible pink sticky stuff and he was so scared of me and I felt so bad about it and it just made things WORSE. Poor guy. I totally cried the day he came out on his own. I’d never had a cat that headbutted before. It was the best thing ever.


      • grrgoyl

        Oh, poor Dumbcat. Giving meds is the worst, even with a cat who knows and loves you.

        Logan was a stray one of our techs brought in because the winter was brutally cold and she always saw him outside miserable. Tery wanted to adopt him, and I met him the first time when I went in for my overnight shift. I let him out and he wanted nothing to do with me. By morning the only way I could get him out from behind the sink was to lasso him with a dog leash. While walking back to the cage the claws came out (he’s not named after Wolverine for nothing) I panicked and dropped him, hanging him with the leash. That sort of insult is not forgotten or forgiven by felines quickly.

        But he came home, and slowly, starting with head butts, we’ve turned him into the sweetest loverboy you’ve ever seen. To this day though, if he’s cranky or meeting strangers, a head butt is a surefire way of approaching him safely.

        (He hasn’t been back to the hospital though.)


  • Charleen

    Yay newsroom… and yay actually getting able to read an Amy review!


    • lucysfootball

      I’m so glad it was still available for everyone to read it! I wish all my reviews were available – it makes me sad they’re pay-per-read, I can’t email them to people and show them what I’m doing!


  • wordsmith94

    Good review! (Well, good writing on your behalf, anyway.)

    Yay for non-bucket-list things making it into your own pseudo-bucket-list thing. I don’t know where I’m going with this, but yay for you! Sounds absolutely amazing :D


  • Heather

    I think newsrooms are very exciting, too. I’ve only been in a couple, but I *also* think newspaper newsrooms are better than TV. I can totally see you working in a newsroom (in black and white and with all other stereotypical characterizations included).


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