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Even if they’d eat my whole face off, I totally still want one.

One of the (many) reasons I like talking to Andreas is that he constantly amazes me with all the things he knows. (And he just thinks they’re nothing. “Oh, I know this totally AMAZING THING! Eh, I’m sure everyone knows that, though.”) He’s always telling me new things in email, but where I REALLY get to learn the new things is when I get to talk to him with my face.

I very much enjoy talking to Andreas with my face. It is, by far, one of my favorite things about modern technology. Not only does it make me feel like I’m living in Jetsons-times, but also I miss Andreas and it is so nice to actually SEE him when I’m talking to him. I get very hand-wavy and happy and he makes me laugh and laugh but also we totally talk about serious things because I’m not ALWAYS a goofball and also, sometimes I get to see his adorable kiddos, and make them smile even though I’m sure they think I’m the crazy lady who lives in the computer and speaks gibberish.

I got to talk to Andreas for THREE WHOLE HOURS this past weekend! Until the very wee hours. Well, MY wee hours. Not the wee hours in the land of the Finns. Damn time zones, anyway. Why can’t my people all live right here in my town? Better still, right here in my HOUSE, which would be the most handy for chatting?

Among a million billion other awesome things that were discussed, Andreas taught me about an animal I didn’t know existed.

RACCOON DOGS!

I don’t even remember how it came up. He said something about raccoon dogs (I think that they were in his country?) and I was all, “That isn’t a thing. Raccoon dogs! That’s not REAL.” And he said, “It is SO real!” and promptly sent me a link to raccoon dogs, which do, indeed, exist.

“Can I have one?” I asked.

“No. They are wild. They’re not pets.”

“They would eat my face?”

“No. Probably they’d just run away.”

“LIKE DUMBCAT!”

This one's very much like Dumbcat. 'cause he's chunky.

This one’s very much like Dumbcat. ’cause he’s chunky.

Raccoon dogs are real things, but we don’t have them here in Merka. They aren’t raccoons. They’re more like dogs. Or foxes. They just LOOK like raccoons. And people hunt them for their fur, which is sadtimes. I mean, seriously. LOOK AT RACCOON DOG PUPS!

ZOMG!

ZOMG!

You don’t need to be fur-hunting something that looks like this. LOOK AT THESE FACES! I especially like the one on the right. He looks shocked and awed, but also peppy.

This one is SMILING. He wants to be my PET.

This one is SMILING. He wants to be my PET.

I know Andreas says I can’t have a raccoon dog for a pet because they’re not pets and he’s very practical, but everyone ALSO said Helper Mule didn’t like people, and we all know how THAT turned out. Helper Mule and I became the best of friends! When I left, I’m quite sure that Helper Mule was very sad. He seemed to be watching me leave in a very sad, mulish way. (Dad saw Helper Mule’s owner yesterday. “How is my MULE?” I asked. “I don’t know. Still alive, I suppose. At least, I didn’t hear otherwise. And I would assume if that damn mule had died, it’d come up in conversation,” Dad replied grumpily.)

Well, Andreas, you’re very practical, so I’ll take your word for it (even though it breaks my heart) that I can’t have a raccoon dog. HOWEVER, I have found this TOTALLY SAFE THING, so can I have this?

What do you get if you breed a domestic cat…

Like this handsome bugger RIGHT HERE...

Like this handsome bugger RIGHT HERE…

…with a beautiful, beautiful serval?

"Mom I don't want to haev baybeezz  with this cat she skeerz me," says Dumbcat.

“Mom I don’t want to haev baybeezz with this cat she skeerz me,” says Dumbcat.

YOU GET A SAVANNAH CAT!

They are beautiful and smart and loyal like dogs but also big. Look!

SO TALL! SO LONG!

SO TALL! SO LONG!

I WANT ONE!

I WANT ONE!

LOOK WHEN THEY ARE KITTENS!!!

OMG CAN YOU EVEN. I CANNOT. I CANNOT EVEN.

OMG CAN YOU EVEN. I CANNOT. I CANNOT EVEN.

But if I can’t have one of THESE cats, I found ANOTHER cat that is JUST AS GOOD.

A pixie bob!

Pixie bobs are supposedly descended from cats and bobcats who had some illicit sort of mountaintop love affair or something. I don’t even care about secret lovers, I just love this cat. He has a Dumbcat tail!

And tufty ears!

And this one looks like he wants to hide in the pots-and-pans cupboard! LIKE DUMBCAT!

This one looks like it needs antidepressants!

This one loves his owner SO MUCH!

They are not much bigger than normal cats.

ANDREAS CAN I HAVE A CAT THAT LOOKS LIKE A BOBCAT OR A SERVAL?

I tried to find out how much they cost but none of the breeder sites would list prices which makes me think I can’t afford them. When a store doesn’t list the price, you can’t afford it. That’s a Dad-rule.

Dammit. I so wanted a bobcat-cat. Or a serval-cat.

Oh, well. I have a Dumbcat-cat. That’ll have to do, I suppose.

You don't need a faency-catte, Mom. I em good enuf. I cuddel your legg while you write on the glowey tappy box. I em a goode boye!

You don’t need a faency-catte, Mom. I em good enuf. I cuddel your legg while you write on the glowey tappy box. I em a goode boye!

(VERY IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: in case anyone wasn’t aware, as I always seem to get at least one person who’s all “OMG THAT’S SO IRRESPONSIBLE!” – please do not get your cats – or dogs – from breeders if you can help it. THIS POST IS IN JEST. There are wonderful animals that need homes at your local shelter; many of which will get put to sleep if they are not adopted, because space is at a premium. I say this as someone who, for two years, had to put down animal after animal while she worked at the Humane Society. There are not only wonderful mixed-breeds at your local shelter, there are purebreds. There are purebreds ALL THE DAMN TIME. Sometimes even with papers, because their owners have turned them in! So if you feel you can’t live without a purebred, check out your local shelter first, please. You might find your next family member right there, on death row – and it might not even be the one you went in for. Neither of my past two cats were the cats I went in looking for – and, actually, when Dumbcat crossed my path, I wasn’t even LOOKING for a new pet. He just showed up and I realized I couldn’t live without his cheerful, beautiful idiocy in my life. So, yes. The pixie bob and the Savannah cat are gorgeous, and if one fell from the sky into my life, I would happily take it. But always check out your local shelter first, please!)

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

44 responses to “Even if they’d eat my whole face off, I totally still want one.

  • elaine4queen

    Listen, first of all, you already HAVE a fancy cat! Dumbcat is a Hemmingway cat, surely that is good enough? Appreciate his supernumary toes!

    Secondly, while I, too, want fancy animals, it’s shocking how expensive they. I mean, just keeping an animal is a commitment, but the crazyhoops money people pay for a bit of leopard print you could paint on yourself?

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I do appreciate him. He’s pretty fantastic. All those toes! That silly brain, or lack thereof! Hee, supernumary!

      I’ve always been pretty amazed by people who go to the mall and spend like $1,500 for a dog and they could get a very similar dog at the shelter for about $100. “More money than brains,” as my dad would say.

      Like

      • elaine4queen

        We-ell also unless they go to a really really good breeder there’s a good chance they are supporting puppy mills where there is ALL THE CRUELTY.

        And poor shelter animals! They already exist and no one wants them, why make more? I always think people are crazy when they ask me if I breed my dog. There are HUNDREDS of staffies in shelters, god knows how many are put down every day! Why make more?

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        • lucysfootball

          True. Puppy mills are the worst.

          People ask if you breed Poppet? Although wee Poppets would be the cutest, there are lots of dogs out there that need homes (and you’re completely right – staffies and pits are all over the place. We had so many at my shelter.)

          Like

          • elaine4queen

            It’s very hard to restrain myself with some people. Most folk are just into having a little interaction with her and a normal sort of chat, but I have been asked about breeding. I do say what I think, though I try not to SHOUT it.

            Like

  • Heather

    Ashley wants a Savannah cat when she is an adult. She always talks about it. Heh.

    Like

  • sj

    Oooooh, the kittehs are BEYOUTEEFULLLLLLLL!

    Like

  • grrgoyl

    Oh. Your FACE. You talk to Andreas with your FACE. This whole time I thought that was just your clever way of saying you talk to him, but you’re talking about FACE TALKING. Every day I learn something new about you, you riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.

    I was very astonished on our previous trip back to CT to learn that a whole new breed of wild things had infiltrated the state: Fisher cats. They’re from Canada, look like oversized muskrats, and their cries at night sound like a baby crying to lure humans away so they can kill them (I doubt they kill us. They don’t seem big enough). These CERTAINLY weren’t around when I was growing up. I don’t want to own one, but I think it’s very cool there could be something new in my home state I wasn’t aware of.

    My brother-in-law and his husband own Savannahs and they are GORGEOUS. Big but very shy. I think they’re only part Savannah, the price goes up the higher the percentage of wild is in them. Yes, very pricey, but my brother-in-law’s husband loves to spend the money (which includes ridonculously priced cat toys, because these puppies aren’t happy with the 50-cent fake mice in the bin at the checkout).

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    • grrgoyl

      Oh, and I was going to add: We always get our cats from not-breeders. Since we both work in vet hospitals, there are always animals that end up dumped there looking for homes, so if we wait long enough something falls into our lap. Our Kitten was found with her litter in someone’s garage (she was barely a teenager! She was too tiny to be a mom!), and Logan was a stray who begged at doors but didn’t like people (we turned that around. He’s a big old loverboy now). Good advice about shelters! One of our clients found an Abyssinian in a shelter!

      Like

      • lucysfootball

        That’s where I got both of my cats (both Dumbcat and the cat that passed away a year ago December) – from when I worked at the shelter. I was very careful, or I would have taken a billion animals home. It’s not easy (as I’m sure you know) for an animal lover to work around so many animals that need homes!

        Like

    • lucysfootball

      Hee! Yep. We email a lot, but every few weeks, we actually try to talk using our faces on Google Chat, because it helps with the missing of one another.

      I totally blogged once about fisher cats! Dad caught one about a year and a half ago! I would link properly, IF WORDPRESS WOULD FIX LINKING IN ITS COMMENTS. Seriously, WordPress. You’ve gotta get on this shit. It’s all well and good to do a million upgrades, but if they actually BREAK things, they’re not UPGRADES. They’re DOWNGRADES. https://lucysfootball.com/2012/02/18/in-the-realm-of-the-fisher-king-or-queen-lets-not-be-sexist-about-awesome-fishers-sheesh/

      Ooh, you’ve SEEN a Savannah! I am the most envious! Are they soft? Or do they feel like regular cats? Do they meow or rowr? I’m the most curious right now.

      Like

      • grrgoyl

        Haha, great fisher story! (Glad your dad let him go) Tery’s dad has a stuffed fisher in his garage which isn’t nearly as cute, but also is kind of ratty:

        Jason’s cats are really shy and skittish, and spent most of our trip hiding under the bed. However, this one grew a little more bold eventually:

        She was very soft, but we never heard her meow. I looked at some YouTube videos and their meows sound like normal cats. Here’s Jason cuddling her:

        They are really, really beautiful and I want one too!

        Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Aww, aren’t you sweet. I love talking to you too (although I feel a little bad keeping you awake that late in the evening – you need your sleep).

    Felid hybrids can make wonderful pets – I’m especially fond of the Bengals http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bengal_(cat) – but you should always make sure it’s at least the 4th generation from having been crossed with a wild species. Otherwise they’re going to be too feral to keep as pets.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Nah, don’t feel bad. That’s why we talk on Saturday nights – I don’t have to get up at any set time on Sundays!

      Bengals are GORGEOUS. I love the markings. I don’t want a feral pet. It would eat my FACE, Andreas!

      Like

  • Madame Weebles

    Dammit, now I also require a raccoon dog and a Savannah. Even though my three Weeblettes would not appreciate it. I still WANT.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Aren’t they ADORABLE? Even Dad had never heard of raccoon dogs! (And then said, “They’re probably some genetic mutations the EUROPEANS came up with. To kill us all with.” Isn’t he the best?)

      Like

  • franhunne4u

    No, I would not want any of those – I would love a racoon. Or a merkat. Or ..
    But I am responsible and no way am I going to keep a wild animal. Most are forbidden to be kept by private owners anyway (rules are tough about that in Germany). For the sake of the animals and the humans. A wise law – maybe it got into the lawbooks accidentally and just slipped through ;)

    Like

  • becomingcliche

    I have purebred dogs because I show, so it didn’t seem so much in jest to me. That being said, every cat I have ever owned has been rescued in one way or another, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Cats are snooty enough already. Don’t give them a pedigree or they’ll expect you to sleep in the yard. I have considered a purebred cat from time to time because you can more accurately predict their personalities. More likely, though, is that I would adopt an adult purebred cat from a rescue group because I don’t like living with kittens.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      We had purebreds growing up, so I totally understand the owning of purebreds. And I ALSO don’t like kittens. We are similar!

      We probably had at least one, if not more, purebred cat a month while I worked at the shelter. It amazed me how many people turned in. People are weird. And kind of jerky.

      Like

  • becomingcliche

    Why won’t WordPress let me “like” your posts? BECAUSE I DO! I DO!

    Like

  • Samantha

    I heart the disclaimer at the end. And there is possibly way too much cuteness in this post to even handle.

    I kind of really want one of those cats that has legs like a corgi. They have super short legs, but all the abilities of a regular-sized cat.

    But it’s going to be a long time before I have a pet, methinks. Still not feeling responsible enough to care for one.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      OMG, short-leg cat! Hee!

      Cats are good for non-responsibility. Dumbcat mostly takes care of himself. I just have to clean his litterbox and make sure he has food and water; the rest is all him. (I mean, I give him cuddles, but that’s because I WANT to. Who wouldn’t? That FACE!)

      Like

  • Charleen

    Those are some of the cutest pictures ever.

    Also, I read somewhere that The Jetsons actually takes place in THIS century! Back in the ’60s (I think that’s when the show aired) they decided to make it only 100 years into the future. Is this really what they thought the future would be like after only 100 years? (Of course, we’re only two years away from the Back to the Future future.)

    Anyway, my point was that we actually are almost to Jetsons times… even if it won’t look anything like The Jetsons.

    Like

  • poetlandia

    That is a remarkably big cat. Wow.

    I have developed a terrible allergy to fur which closes my throat down, so I may end up with A portugese water dog (I loved them before the obamas were given one and Then i was all nonono.)

    anyway, we’ll see. step one is to go to the allergist and find out just how bad this allergy is.

    Those puppies are the cutest. ZOMG

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Oh, no! Although I do like Portugese Water Dogs. (And I think there are other dogs/cats that are allergen free, or at least only a little allergenic? And not just hairless ones, either.) I want to say maybe Basenjis? (Which are one of my favorite breeds of all time, as well!)

      Like

  • The Waiting

    I want one too! C has become obsessed with cats and calls them “Ticky Ticky” in a super high-pitched voice and it may be the cutest thing ever except for kittehs themselves. Also, I want to Skype with you! ;D

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Aw, yay! You could probably find an adult cat that was good with kids at the shelter, I bet!

      You know, I’m honestly PETRIFIED of Skyping? I’d only done it once before (it did not go well, but mostly because Skype hates me) and was SO SCARED I would make a fool of myself with Andreas. Luckily I apparently don’t. (Or he’s too nice to tell me if I do.) Still, thinking of talking to people makes me so neurotic. I know, right? WEIRDO.

      Like

  • cynthiaw

    I can’t have cats because – ALLERGIC! Which is weird because we always had them growing up and I wasn’t all sickly and sinusy and stuff. I think that living in the capital of allergens (otherwise known as the Gulf Coast of Texas) made other allergies happen. Thank goodness that I’m not also allergic to dogs …. just the allergens that they track in from the outdoors.

    All of which makes me super sadface because that means that this pet will most likely be my last pet. Although it will also be A LOT cheaper for me to go on vacation and my house will be clean all the time and stuff.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I would be so sad if I was allergic to animals. (My optometrist says I’m allergic to cats, but I choose to ignore him, because I won’t stop having cats. If all that it means is that I have itchy eyes sometimes, so be it.)

      Like

      • cynthiaw

        I would’ve ignored my allergist, but they poked me with all the allergens and the cat one swelled up really big. And there was the part where I kept getting sinus infections and couldn’t breathe – and it isn’t like you can keep cats off of your bed when you’re sleeping. I’d wake up with my eyes swollen shut and a cat on my pillow right by my face. It does make me sad not to have kitties anymore, but it’s also kind of nice not having to clean out a litter box. When I want to torture myself, I go pet my mom’s cat.

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  • trophos

    This is totally random, and I know we don’t even really know each other, but I had to share. Once I was walking home with a friend, and we ran into an Austrian friend who was super excited about just having seen an amazing unique animal, which turned out to be a possum. And we learned that he was *fascinated* by American wildlife, and that, in Austria, raccoons are called wash-bears.
    I think that the smiling wash-bear-dog is definitely smiling with longing for becoming your pet.
    :)

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Wash-bears! They totally wash their food, too. And kind of look like little bears. That’s my new favorite thing. I love that. Yay for wash-bears!

      (I like random. And I like things from other countries that make me smile. Thank you!)

      Like

    • cynthiaw

      Poo – I thought that it would put a preview like FB does – the olinguito is very cute!

      The olinguito is a rust-colored, furry mammal that lives in the treetops of the Andes Mountains and weighs two pounds, making it the most petite member of the raccoon family.

      Like

      • lucysfootball

        Unless it’s YouTube, it won’t embed videos. WordPress doesn’t play nice with many videos.

        Yep. I want one. I like little carnivores. He could eat chicken and hang with Dumbcat.

        Like

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