Behaving badly elsewhere

I know, I know. I didn’t blog today. I’ll freely admit why. I got home last night and I was lazy and didn’t feel like it, so instead I screwed around on the internet and watched trash television.

I KNOW! Sometimes I do that. It’s a thing.

Mostly, I was exhausted because on Sunday, I wrote FIVE POSTS. I know! FIVE! It was an epic day of writing, and when I was done, my hands were tired and I think I kind of ran out of words in my head and was pointing at things and grunting rather than using my words like a big girl, because I no longer had any left.

However: the five posts that I wrote (she says humbly) were pretty awesome.

There are three book reviews coming up over the next little while, you got the post yesterday, and then there was a post on Insatiable Booksluts today.

Now, I know some of you saw it, so you can just kick back and grin that you were first-responders. But some of you didn’t, so I wanted to give you the chance to check it out.

Backstory: Susie posted a rant about authors who sign her up for newsletters without her say-so recently.

One of the commenters got pissed. Well, at least I think he did. His grammar’s pretty suspect. But it seems to denote pissiness.

SO pissed, in fact, he called us a VERY BAD WORD.

What word? The eff-word? No. Bitches? Nope. WHORES? Not even. Gasp – SLUTS? Nah.


Yep. Right there in our comments. Like he took a shit on our nice rug. (That rug really tied the room together.)

Then he was all, “All the best” at the end, like that mitigated the fact he’d (ZOMG SHOCK! ZOMG HORROR!) called us…*whispers*…cunts.

Now, listen. Some blogs might erase that comment. Some blogs might just not reply to it. Some blogs might say something snippy in response, and move on.

Dude. We’re the Insatiable Booksluts. Think we’re going to let that turd just sit there on our pretty rug?


Just a heads-up about this – there’s not a single one of us offended by this. Which I have to assume was his intention. “I’ll call ’em cunts!” he gleefully hissed in his parents’ basement over a 2-liter of Mountain Dew. “That’ll get ’em! THEY’LL CRY! THAT’S WHAT GIRLS DO!”

Yeah. We totally cried, if by “crying,” you meant “mocked him mercilessly on Twitter, then moved to Facebook, then to Facebook chat, where we shot the shit for hours and laughed to stomach-crampery about the whole thing.”

These are ma ladiez, yo.

So today, my response to Mitch, the Cunt Whisperer, hit Insatiable Booksluts.

It seems to have been well-received, if the stats, comments, tweets, and Facebook shares are any indication. (Seriously, you guys, my phone blew UP today. It’s very hard to keep your Lady Workperson face on when your phone keeps flashing things like “HA HA CUNTINESS!” I mean, I DID it, but I kept grinning like a lunatic. Come to think of it, I always do that over there, it’s when I’m NOT grinning like a lunatic people think there’s something wrong with me, so…take what you will from that.)

I do not think that was Mitch’s intention. Shit, sorry that blew up in your face, Mitch. That’s what happens when you shit on our carpeting, though.

So if you’d like to see me get all cussy (both the words “cunt” and “twat” are used, so if you’re anti-naughtiness, probably don’t pop on over) and check out some EPIC pie-charts and one kick-ass line graph, I highly recommend clicking on over to the post.

Here, I’ll give you a little taste. Like a playground drugpusher, I am.

“Now, I know it’s going to shock you a little, as I’m a Cunt and all, but I also have a brain. I know most Cunts don’t, as the having of vaginas precludes the use of our brain-areas. We’re much too busy thinking of lady-thoughts, like cooking. Baby-making. Pretty things like cross-stitch and crochet and scrapbooking. I’m not saying I DON’T think of those things (I mean, it’s my pesky double-X chromosomes, how can I not?) but I can ALSO think of OTHER things. I’m multitasky as shit.”

I’ll be back soon (tomorrow? Thursday? I do not know, I have lots of things on lots of burners at the moment, and I’m trying not to start a fire) but until then, please check this out. I think you’ll enjoy.

(The comments are kind of the best part, you guys.)

Big old smooches to you all. Hope you’re having the best day.

And remember: you might get the urge to troll someone’s blog…but when you do, you really do open yourself up (no pun intended, given the topic of this post) for mockery. Just something to keep in your brain-area when you’re mulling various forms of douchebaggery.

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

23 responses to “Behaving badly elsewhere

  • cynthiaw

    I have to say, I love how you owned the whole thing. And Mitch, that poor, deluded twat. There is still a part of me that is infuriated that that little douchecanoe would come on your blog and call someone a cunt.

    It’s these same little assmonkeys who talk about Hillary’s looks and her clothes and her hair and giggle about how “of course, Bill cheated on her, look at her” and insinuate that she might be, GASP!, a lesbian. Who reduce aggressive, forceful women to being bitches and cunts, whereas aggressive, forceful men are called leaders.

    Guess what, fucker – we’re not here to amuse you, be something cute and sweet for you to look at, or fit in your little boxes; so, if that makes me a cunt or a bitch, so be it. Oh, and try calling me a cunt to my face, you sad, pathetic, little boy.


    • lucysfootball

      Our friend Mitch just commented. Susie had him nailed as a frustrated author. (And apparently…happily a misogynist? No idea what’s going on there, his comment was just as confusing as you might expect. But his grammar was better. Guess he decided to spell and grammar check this one.)

      Yep. No better way to bring a woman down than to call her fat/ugly/dykey/bitchy. That hits ’em where it hurts. (It’s when we stop caring about what they say…that’s when we’re going to be dangerous. Hillary’s already there, and I love the hell out of her for it.)

      I had a guy at work who was pissed at me once (many, many years ago) call me a fat bitch. And there was that moment of “ZOMG SHAME SHOCK HORROR!” and then I just stared him down. And didn’t look away. And at first he was all “MEAN GLARE!” but when I just kept staring at him, levelly and cooly, with no emotion…he eventually got all flustered. And started muttering and stammering and being all discombobulated. So I had the upper hand, then. And it felt AWESOME.


      • cynthiaw

        I was very let down by Mitch’s dumbass response. Not that expected him to be witty, given what he’d already said. I just expected more fight from him – I’ll bet that he spent all day digging through the He-Man Woman-Haters Club forum getting that WMD comment ready.

        Yeah, men really don’t know what to say next after you don’t cry over being called a fat bitch or a cunt or whatever dumbass thing they come up with.


        • lucysfootball

          That’s actually a book. We researched it. I think he thinks he’s publicizing his novel. No, seriously. SERIOUSLY.

          When you’re terrible at insults, and the best you can come up with is “cunt” (or “fat” or whatever) and you don’t get the reaction you expected, you don’t have a comeback. It’s probably terrifying. “Shit. SHIT. What do I do NOW? THIS IS UNEXPECTED! ABORT! ABORT!”


    • Nicola

      I have never heard anyone called a douchecanoe before, and I am hereby adopting it as my insult of choice for the foreseeable future *scurries over to Insatiable Booksluts to see the Glorious Defeat of Said Douchecanoe*


  • mandaray

    Oh god…”The Cunt Whisperer”. Can I get this on my tombstone? Or maybe a resume? I can’t decide if it sounds better as a supersrs occupation, or a porno title. OR BOTH.


  • franhunne4u

    Get those misogynists, ladies! These days we even have law on our side. And the word in the lawbook is mightier than the blunt sword of “cunt”-calling this man is wielding.
    If an author cannot be more creative than calling names, he is not worth the title. “Breaking” taboos that have long been broken in the late 40ies of last century is just yawn-inducing.
    (“A streetcar named Desire” 1948 – anyone? Where a woman is raped, and women are attacked both verbally and physically? And that was even deeply rooted in Greek tragedies!)
    If a writer cannot come up with something more unique, he should stop writing and consider a career in – bureaucracy. There they do what they have always done (I must know, I work there myself).


    • lucysfootball

      He responded and was proud to be a misogynist. His words, actually. There’s no hope for him; he just wants attention for his book. Sad, really.


      • franhunne4u

        good then, that the only “Mitch, author” Google knew, was “Tuesdays with Morrie”-author Mitch Albom – it seems this MiMi (MisogynistMitch) REALLY needs the attention, as not even Google knows he is a writer ;) And Google knows everything :P


  • aliceatwonderland

    Drama Llamas at 11 – I am there! Woot. Insatiable Booksluts. Wow, can I be an honorary member?


  • grrgoyl

    Nice marmot. Hey, there’s a BEVERAGE here, man!

    Lebowski LOVE.

    Also, SO happy to have you on our team :)


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