I know, I know. I didn’t blog today. I’ll freely admit why. I got home last night and I was lazy and didn’t feel like it, so instead I screwed around on the internet and watched trash television.
I KNOW! Sometimes I do that. It’s a thing.
Mostly, I was exhausted because on Sunday, I wrote FIVE POSTS. I know! FIVE! It was an epic day of writing, and when I was done, my hands were tired and I think I kind of ran out of words in my head and was pointing at things and grunting rather than using my words like a big girl, because I no longer had any left.
However: the five posts that I wrote (she says humbly) were pretty awesome.
There are three book reviews coming up over the next little while, you got the post yesterday, and then there was a post on Insatiable Booksluts today.
Now, I know some of you saw it, so you can just kick back and grin that you were first-responders. But some of you didn’t, so I wanted to give you the chance to check it out.
Backstory: Susie posted a rant about authors who sign her up for newsletters without her say-so recently.
One of the commenters got pissed. Well, at least I think he did. His grammar’s pretty suspect. But it seems to denote pissiness.
SO pissed, in fact, he called us a VERY BAD WORD.
What word? The eff-word? No. Bitches? Nope. WHORES? Not even. Gasp – SLUTS? Nah.
YOU GUYS, HE DROPPED THE C-BOMB.
Yep. Right there in our comments. Like he took a shit on our nice rug. (That rug really tied the room together.)
Then he was all, “All the best” at the end, like that mitigated the fact he’d (ZOMG SHOCK! ZOMG HORROR!) called us…*whispers*…cunts.
Now, listen. Some blogs might erase that comment. Some blogs might just not reply to it. Some blogs might say something snippy in response, and move on.
Dude. We’re the Insatiable Booksluts. Think we’re going to let that turd just sit there on our pretty rug?
Just a heads-up about this – there’s not a single one of us offended by this. Which I have to assume was his intention. “I’ll call ’em cunts!” he gleefully hissed in his parents’ basement over a 2-liter of Mountain Dew. “That’ll get ’em! THEY’LL CRY! THAT’S WHAT GIRLS DO!”
Yeah. We totally cried, if by “crying,” you meant “mocked him mercilessly on Twitter, then moved to Facebook, then to Facebook chat, where we shot the shit for hours and laughed to stomach-crampery about the whole thing.”
These are ma ladiez, yo.
So today, my response to Mitch, the Cunt Whisperer, hit Insatiable Booksluts.
It seems to have been well-received, if the stats, comments, tweets, and Facebook shares are any indication. (Seriously, you guys, my phone blew UP today. It’s very hard to keep your Lady Workperson face on when your phone keeps flashing things like “HA HA CUNTINESS!” I mean, I DID it, but I kept grinning like a lunatic. Come to think of it, I always do that over there, it’s when I’m NOT grinning like a lunatic people think there’s something wrong with me, so…take what you will from that.)
I do not think that was Mitch’s intention. Shit, sorry that blew up in your face, Mitch. That’s what happens when you shit on our carpeting, though.
So if you’d like to see me get all cussy (both the words “cunt” and “twat” are used, so if you’re anti-naughtiness, probably don’t pop on over) and check out some EPIC pie-charts and one kick-ass line graph, I highly recommend clicking on over to the post.
Here, I’ll give you a little taste. Like a playground drugpusher, I am.
“Now, I know it’s going to shock you a little, as I’m a Cunt and all, but I also have a brain. I know most Cunts don’t, as the having of vaginas precludes the use of our brain-areas. We’re much too busy thinking of lady-thoughts, like cooking. Baby-making. Pretty things like cross-stitch and crochet and scrapbooking. I’m not saying I DON’T think of those things (I mean, it’s my pesky double-X chromosomes, how can I not?) but I can ALSO think of OTHER things. I’m multitasky as shit.”
I’ll be back soon (tomorrow? Thursday? I do not know, I have lots of things on lots of burners at the moment, and I’m trying not to start a fire) but until then, please check this out. I think you’ll enjoy.
(The comments are kind of the best part, you guys.)
Big old smooches to you all. Hope you’re having the best day.
And remember: you might get the urge to troll someone’s blog…but when you do, you really do open yourself up (no pun intended, given the topic of this post) for mockery. Just something to keep in your brain-area when you’re mulling various forms of douchebaggery.