And I’m not even being sarcasmic.

This is the only photo of me at the party. Those are my hands protecting the Buzz Lightyear candle from blowing out in the wind. I AM HELPFUL!

This is the only photo of me at the party. Those are my hands protecting the Buzz Lightyear candle from blowing out in the wind. I AM HELPFUL!

Things The Nephew told me at his birthday party yesterday:

“You can never have enough ketchup, Aunt Amy.”

“I like ketchup on hot dogs. And on meatloaf. And on eggs, but only SCRAMBLED eggs. But not on cake!”

“AUNT AMY SAYS SHE IS BEING SARCASMIC, MOM!”

“Are you done with your drink? Because I need this cup in the pool so I can make a waterfall and also soak the other kids.”

“Nocturnal animals are active in the NIGHT and sleep in the DAY. They are like bats, and also owls. Sometimes bunnies, but not always bunnies.”

“No one ate that cake, so if you hide it, I can eat it tomorrow and it can be all mine. Can you do that?”

“Do I have to eat the eyeballs on the cupcake? I don’t think I would like to eat eyeballs.”

“Do you know what I like to eat the best? Watermelon. If you don’t like watermelon, you COULD eat strawberries. It’s ok.”

“I can’t bring my remote control car in the pool. It could probably float, but battery toys don’t go in the pool, Mom said.”

“Someone needs to go get the car out of the grass because it stopped working and it’s not fun for me anymore. Who do you think will go do that?”

“I don’t want to say goodbye to you right now because I am making waterfalls in the pool but maybe I will later.”

Happy fourth birthday, my most amazing, wonderful, brilliant nephew. You make the whole world better by existing. You can always have my cup for making waterfalls in the pool, and when no one’s looking, I’ll eat those pesky eyeballs off your cupcakes so you don’t have to.

Love you more than I ever thought possible. And then a little bit more besides. You’ve got my entire heart, kiddo.

(He got his wish, whatever it was. Powerful lungs on The Nephew.)

(He got his wish, whatever it was. Powerful lungs on The Nephew.)

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

17 responses to “And I’m not even being sarcasmic.

  • Corvidae in the Fields

    “Someone needs to go get the car out of the grass because it stopped working and it’s not fun for me anymore. Who do you think will go do that?”

    That would’ve received a flat, “go get it yourself” in my household, and saying it in your thirties just doesn’t work for some reason. XD

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Well, it got a very NICE “go get it yourself.” This is what it got:

      “Well, The Nephew, the reason it won’t go is because it’s stuck in the tall grass, and the car won’t work when it’s there. Do you want to go get it out?”
      “Um…OK! Yes!”

      And then he did, gleefully. He does everything gleefully. He’s full of joy, and he makes YOU full of joy, just being with him. He’s the best antidepressant I know of.

      No, saying it in your thirties does NOT work. But if you’re really nice, sometimes people bring you things. I totally bring people things from the printer at work all the time without being asked. I’m nice like that.

      Like

  • sj

    I WANT TO MAKE WATERFALLS IN THE POOL AND ALSO SPLASH PEOPLE!

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      You would have had the best time with him, seriously. He is HILARIOUS. He thinks about things, like, you’ll say to him, “Want to get washed up for lunch?” and he’ll cock his little head to the side and say, “Ummm, well, I COULD, but also I am having a lot of fun swimming? So maybe I could keep doing that.” And I don’t know how his mom doesn’t just crack up 50 times a day, sincerely. He’s just so comically serious about being manipulative.

      Like

  • Jelzmar

    All these quotes made me want to scream: SEE this is how you write children speaking! When reading fan fiction or amateur writers at all I tend to cringe when a child comes into the room terrified of what they will say if they open their mouths.

    This kid turned four and look at those awesome sentences. I need to bookmark this to show writers who have seven year olds who have yet to start speaking in longer that three word sentences.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Well, I don’t want to defend those writers (I really don’t) but The Nephew’s pretty bright, linguistically. At his last birthday party, he busted out, “I’m wearing Pop-Pop’s glasses because they make me look studious.” STUDIOUS! He’s so good with language. I think it’s because none of us ever baby-talked him. He’s around really bright adults who talk to him using adult words, and he’s like a little sponge. His sentence structure and grammar and word retention are wonderful for a kid that age!

      (Of course, I’m head-over-heels, and other moms or aunts of 4-year-olds are free to step in and tell me this is totally normal kiddo-speak for this age. I’ll believe you. But still secretly call him “the smartest nephew I have.” Because side note: I only have one.)

      Like

      • poetlandia

        Actually, I think you’re right about this. I’ve been around a lot of kids, and he is advanced liguistically. I think I can guarantee he’s been getting read to forever, on top of the no baby talk and the smart people.

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          Oh, he absolutely has. He doesn’t argue to stay up later; he argues about how many books will be read to him before whoever’s putting him to bed leaves. “Um…10?” “How about 5.” “SEVEN?” “OK, seven.” I mean, how can you turn down someone who loves to read that much?

          Like

  • poetlandia

    That kid is cool. Also, his cake is cool. I think I can count on the fact that a piece of it was hidden for him.

    Sarcasmic is the best word ever. Although I probably have a more PG rated definition for it.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      What’s funny is, he didn’t want a PIECE hidden. He wanted a whole CAKE. (That cake I’m shielding from the wind? He wanted that one. That was HIS NEXT-DAY CAKE. Hee!)

      I know, I totally went to the naughty place with sarcasmic, too!

      Like

      • poetlandia

        The whole cake? LOL!

        Okay, it’s official. Somehow, I’m related to The Nephew. Because I. So. Get. That!

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          Yep. The whole thing. He was so jazzed his mom didn’t cut into one of them, and therefore, it was LEFTOVERS! Then he got nervous. What if someone wanted a second helping? So, could I maybe hide it so no one would see it, so he could have it tomorrow?

          I LOVE him. So tricky.

          Like

  • Krysty

    Your nephew is so cute! My nephew’s all grown (he’s 12) and he makes weird jokes now, like making fun of Windows XP.

    Like

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