June 20, 2013

The road less travelled by may make all the difference but the low road is a LOT more tempting.

By lucysfootball

I try very hard to take the high road.

I have not always been this person. I consider life a work in progress; there is always room to grow and improve. So, yes. In the past, I may not have been a high-road kind of gal. And there are times that, even now, I take a walk down on that low road. It’s often Frost’s road-more-travelled by, which makes it the easier choice, even though I know it will make me feel disgusting and dirty and have trouble getting to sleep at night.

A heavy conscience makes for a terrible bedfellow, you see. Always stealing the sheets and the cool side of the pillow. Always kicking you in the small of the back, right smack where your kidneys are. Talking just as you’re nodding off and then saying, “Oh, I’m sorry, were you trying to sleep?” in a totally mock-innocent tone.

Taking the high road may not be the easier option, but it’s the one that makes you feel better about yourself. It’s the one that allows you to sleep at night. (Well, most of you. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night for no reason at all. Just because. It’s the fun of having a messed-up brain, you see.)

However, some days it’s a hell of a lot harder than others. (No. Not even close to being a euphemism. But a very good euphemism, were it to be one.)

Some days, you try very hard to stay up on that high road, but you just keep getting pushed down to the lower one. And all that pushing, well, it gets a little infuriating. And I don’t deal well with being pushed, people. Not even a little bit.

I honestly just wrote an entire post explaining exactly what happened, with links and all. Then I rewrote it, in more passive-aggressive terms, leaving out the links. Then I re-read it. And I deleted every bit of it.

High road. This fucking high fucking road.

People who attempt to tell me what to say, think, do, or feel, and then, when I balk against being put in this cage of their expectations of me, hate me for not lemming my way right off the cliff with them: these people make it very, VERY hard for me to stay on the high road.

This is as close as I can come to coming right out and explaining exactly why I’m furious right now without coming off the high road with a huge fucking crash.

The internet has felt less and less like a fun place to be and more and more like navigating an obstacle course filled with live landmines lately. BAM! You angered someone with a benign comment. BOOM! You found yourself in the middle of a pissing war between two people you barely know. KA-POW! You’re being called a bad person for speaking up, but not saying the right thing. Or not speaking up at all. Or for saying the right thing, but not worded the way someone would have liked. Or one of a million different things you can do wrong in a day. And each day is really, really long. There are a lot of places you can step in it. Or ON it. And then you’re vaporized.

And there are a lot of times you just want to go live in a cave with no internet service and just kind of rock and randomly hit your head against the wall.

High road. HIGH FUCKING ROAD.

Listen. I had something amazing happen this week. Something utterly out-of-the-blue unexpected amazing. I don’t have time to be furious. I don’t have time to be caught up in your reindeer games of petty grievances and “you’re doing it wrong” and your constant fucking NEGATIVITY. I want to bask in this awesome thing. Just for a little bit. I want to look at this thing that happened and say, “Look. This happened. This thing that you had pretty much given up on ever happening? This HAPPENED.” And I want to grin like a moron. And I want to cry happy tears over it. And I want to belt stupidly cheerful songs to and from work at the top of my lungs and scare the other drivers. And I want to fucking REVEL in the fact that yes, there is still MAGIC in the world, and somehow, I CAUGHT SOME OF IT.

I do not want to spend the day dealing with being passive-aggressively called out on someone’s blog I DON’T EVEN KNOW for not being, doing, acting, behaving, whatever-ing the way they would do it, and therefore, being found lacking. Being found a bad person because I’m not the person THEY are. The perfect person they are, who (obviously!) has it all figured out. What do they have figured out? Well! How to fix all the world’s ills, of course. And if I’m not part of the solution, I’m obviously part of the precipitate problem. I’m part of the problem. And you know what we do with problems, don’t you, kiddos? We internet-shame them. Because that is what we do in this day and age. It is how we get our problems to shut up and go away; by making them feel small in front of a large studio audience.

Here’s the thing.

I’m not part of the problem. I’m a human being. I’m a human being with feelings. I’m a human being not ONLY with feelings – but with empathy. Empathy which, I’m sorry to say, even extends to those who shame me on the internet and seem to have only the most tenuous grasp on that which the rest of us call “reality.”

So I will not call this person out. I will not link to the post where she calls ME out. I will stay up here on my high road. I will sit here and I will let this fury go. I will let this fury go, and I will hold onto the fact that this week, a very, very good thing happened. Something so good that, if you had asked me last week, “What’s the one thing you want? I mean, more than anything?” I’d have said this thing, like, as a stretch? Like, you say things like “I’d like a million dollars!” or “A trip around the world!” because you know you’ll never get them but we’re taught to shoot the moon when wishing for things.

I got my fucking shoot-the-moon wish this week.

And I’m going to sit here on my high road, and nothing, absolutely nothing, is going to drag me down from it.

And I do so sincerely hope that once you’ve shamed people publicly on the internet, you can sleep at night knowing you’re on the side of truth, justice, and the Merkan way.

Because I know I’ll be sleeping soundly.

Up here on my high road.

With a huge smile on my face.

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball
This entry was posted on Thursday, June 20th, 2013 at 11:45 am and tagged with , , , , , and posted in anger, rant. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

77 responses to “The road less travelled by may make all the difference but the low road is a LOT more tempting.”

  • Madame Weebles
    June 20th, 2013 at 12:10 pm

    I hate taking the high road but I guess it’s more mature. I’ve been in those pissing matches too, and it sucks. I don’t take the low road in terms of insulting people, or retaliating with meanness (although I’m sure they’d strenuously disagree with that statement). But I reply to them in unpleasant tones. And I tell them why I think they’re wrong, but I try not to make it personal. There are a lot of passive-aggressive, strange, dysfunctional creeps out there. Good for you for not stooping to their level.

    Like

    • lucysfootball
      June 20th, 2013 at 10:36 pm

      I know, what’s with this mature shit? Ugh. IT IS THE WORST.

      (Thank you. When I actually can’t help but reply to it, I do the same…but I always sound shouty. IT MIGHT BE THE ALL-CAPS. WHAT DO YOU THINK, MADAME WEEBLES?)

      Like

  • sj
    June 20th, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    You already know how I feel on the subject, but I love this post. I took the medium road this week, I think.

    Like

  • April
    June 20th, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    Good for you. If you took the low road and shot back at them, they’d only absorb the shot, and feed on it. That kind doesn’t understand anything about reality, but they understand being ignored. Things that are ignored really do go away sometimes.
    What you want to shoot for here, is complete and utter indifference.
    Nothing drives them crazier.

    Keep doing what you’re doing.

    Like

    • lucysfootball
      June 20th, 2013 at 10:33 pm

      Thank you. I waver between standing up for myself and just letting it go. Letting it go this time. Can’t say if it happens again with this same person, I’ll extend the same courtesy. My patience only stretches so far, and it’s stretched pretty thin.

      Like

  • becomingcliche
    June 20th, 2013 at 1:17 pm

    You keep to your high road. I am taking the “I beg to differ, Missy” road for you. And for sj. So you guys don’t have to. Working on it as we speak.

    Like

  • Corvidae in the Fields
    June 20th, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    *reads post* *blink* *blink* *sigh* Interwebz. *shrug*

    I get you a Cinnabon. Then, we dance!

    Like

    • lucysfootball
      June 20th, 2013 at 10:29 pm

      I will take the Cinnabon. And what the hell, I’ll dance, too, as long as I can dance like the Peanuts characters. They always looked like they were having so much damn fun.

      (Thanks.)

      Like

      • Corvidae in the Fields
        June 20th, 2013 at 11:00 pm

        :)

        Like

        • lucysfootball
          June 21st, 2013 at 6:05 pm

          I was stalking you today (what, that’s totally normal) and you don’t seem to be on Twitter.

          Please explain.

          Five-paragraph essay-style will be accepted. Grading will be at the discretion of the blog author.

          Like

          • Corvidae in the Fields
            June 21st, 2013 at 11:04 pm

            That’s an interesting comment, Amy. It’s rather sudden, and I did not see that coming. Did you happen to find anything of interest? I’m curious. I don’t search for my own material, and wouldn’t know much on that subject.

            Often it seems to be merely one more application. I consider my other activities to be fulfilling for my day. Tweeting appears to be nothing more than another task. That didn’t appeal to me. This is not to say I am adverse to Twitter, more content with the social media I have.

            The deeper, more meaningful, question I had to ask myself is what I would get out of it. I find writers use it as a way to increase fan base and promote their work, but that’s a commercial motive. I’m not a commercial writer. It would be an accomplishment to support myself on writing, but this does not put bread on my table.

            After that revelation, what’s left? What else would I get out of it in meaningful terms? I could not come up with an answer to that question. Ergo, I left Twitter out of the routine. It still hasn’t become apparent why I would create an account, and I’ve thought about it every so often.

            On a different note, why are you disappointed there is no Twitter feed for me? Is there some feature that is useful to you that isn’t available on WordPress? I’m curious as to your reason(s) for seeking me out on Twitter. I’ve only had one other person ask me about it so far. To be honest, it didn’t seem like an important subject for me.

            Like

            • lucysfootball
              June 21st, 2013 at 11:13 pm

              Five paragraphs: check.

              A+ for effort. C- for not having Twitter.

              Yes, you can use it to promote your work. But if that’s all your using it for, you’re not getting the full experience (and turning people off; there’s very little that annoys Twitter followers more than someone who’s only there to promote themselves.) It is a FUN thing. For TALKING to people. Out of my four closest internet friends, one I met through blogging; three I met through Twitter. Chatting led to blog comments which led to emails which led to actual friendship. No promotion of work required.

              You can also stalk celebrities, if that’s your thing. (I’m guessing it’s not. It really shouldn’t be. For anyone.)

              As for my MOTIVES, none at all other than if there’s someone I enjoy chatting with elsewhere online, I always check if they have a Twitter feed. And am surprised when they don’t. Most bloggers do. Mostly because it’s another place to be wordy. We like the words, us bloggers.

              Like

            • sj
              June 21st, 2013 at 11:45 pm

              If I may interject here, sir.

              A little over a year ago, I was THIS >.< CLOSE to deleting my twitter account. Heather D (becomingcliche up there) encouraged me not to.

              I didn't see the point, really.

              But then I started putting myself out there, following people and actually talking to them.

              Now these are some of my favourite people, and if a day or two goes by that I don't hear from them, I start to get a little panicky.

              People say that facebook is for the people you know, but wish you didn't and twitter is for the people you don't know but wish you did…and I can't put it any better than that.

              Yeah, there's drama sometimes, but as a whole? The good far outweighs the bad.

              Like

  • grrgoyl
    June 20th, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    This. This is why I stopped commenting on Facebook posts and random comment threads and ANYTHING, unless I know someone really, really well and my comment has no chance of being taken the wrong way. No matter how the subject matter infuriates me, or I agree with, or feel I have something valuable to say. Because yeah, I’ve stepped in it one too many times and gotten piggy-piled on one too many times completely out of the blue when I didn’t think I had done anything wrong. People have become (or maybe always have been, and the web offers an instant outlet) waaaay too touchy and way too eager to start shit where nothing needs to be started.

    I’m glad you have your piece of magic. I hope you share it with us, but if not, hold onto it tight, because life is too short to let all that other crap keep you down. In fact, this was on my FB this week:

    Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. — Buddha

    Like

    • lucysfootball
      June 20th, 2013 at 10:28 pm

      Yeah, I never came across this crap so much when I started. And it’s not like this is from going in the wrong place or anything – this person found me when I commented on an acquaintance’s post. (Acquaintance? Friend? Sort-of friend. Someone I like and admire a great deal, but we don’t hang and do shots or anything.) There’s a LOT more anger online lately. A lot more people willing to jump on people first, ask questions later. (Or THINK later. Or EMPATHIZE later.)

      The whole thing’s kind of terrifying. I guess people don’t think they need basic human kindness online? Because…the person they’re talking to isn’t real?

      Huh, I thought I was a real girl, last time I checked.

      Thank you. I’m celebrating my magic. Every damn minute.

      Like

      • grrgoyl
        June 21st, 2013 at 3:18 pm

        I used to think people were becoming bigger assholes in the Information Age, but Craig Ferguson has a funny bit where he points out that before, if you wanted to make your opinion known, you had to make your own papyrus and ink, write it down, mail it off and wait months for a reply. The internet just makes it that much easier and more convenient to be an asshole (plus without investing all that time and effort, it’s easier for people to shoot off at the “mouth” without thinking first).

        A bit discouraging seeing how little progress we’ve made in decency and civilized discourse, and seemingly moving backwards rapidly every day.

        Like

  • aliceatwonderland
    June 20th, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    The high road IS fucking hard, which is why I’m not going to go oooh who is it so I can go over and kick ass? Because – high road. Sorry you’re having to deal with something like that. I’ve dealt with jerks and I’ve been guilty of being a jerk. I hate the jerk feeling – it is icky.

    I also totally identify with sometimes wanting to retreat into a cave without Internet. It can be scary and infuriating out there, and so easy to get dragged down to a lower level. Good for you for resisting that urge.

    Like

    • lucysfootball
      June 20th, 2013 at 10:25 pm

      Thank you. Yeah, I seriously went back and forth pretty much the whole day. “Tear the post apart?” (Because I could have. MAN, could I have. My reasoning skills, compared to hers? Well, there is no comparison. She’d be entering the OK Corral with a popgun and I’d have a flamethrower.) “Call her out, doing to her exactly what she did to me?” (Short-term gratifying, long-term ickifying…and possibly starting a long-term flame war that I don’t want to be a part of.)

      This ended up being the best choice, I think.

      Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon
    June 20th, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    People are stupid. Most of us are almost exclusively governed by our limbic system. That doesn’t bode for good manners, especially when the social interaction is taking place on the internet, where we can hide behind the relative safety of anonymity.

    So good on you for proving that you not only are in possession of a brain with frontal lobes, but actually use it. That puts you in a very exclusive group of people. Which in turn would allow you to feel both smug and superior. Not that you would, obviously.

    Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon
    June 20th, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    (And I feel smug because I wrote the above comment using a keyboard with both the L and the P keys broken.)

    Like

  • Words for Worms
    June 20th, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    This is the third such situation that has come to my attention this week. I applaud your high road. Loudly and fervently.

    Like

    • lucysfootball
      June 20th, 2013 at 10:17 pm

      Thank you. The internet’s gotten…well, I would say gotten mean, but I think it was always mean. But it wasn’t mean in MY area of the internet. Where’d this meanness come from? And how the hell can I get it to go AWAY? The internet’s my safe, happy place where my friends live. I don’t want the bullies here. They’re not welcome. Shoo, bullies. Shoo, shoo, shoo.

      Like

  • poetlandia
    June 20th, 2013 at 2:17 pm

    First, the most important thing:
    CONGRATULATIONS AND FELICITATIONS AND YIPPEE YIYO KIYAY

    You got your shoot the moon wish!!!

    I don’t know what it is. But let me tell you, I am so very pleased and happy and I feel like it could not happen to a more deserving person.

    I LOVE that you got your wish. I LOVE THIS.

    Amy, you are so magical and so giving of yourself and so amazing. I am so glad that this is happening for you. Whatever it is. :)

    Second:

    I could have written this post at various times in my time online. Still could, at times.

    I have so much to say about this, I’ll probably write a blog post about it.

    Suffice to say, for now, that I am sorry that someone did this. I am sorry they were insensitive and boorish and unable to comprehend that you have a right to being yourself. Not only the right, but the obligation.

    Thank you for taking the high road. Just thank you.

    You are an amazing person who I respect. Just so you know.

    Now let me know when we’re having a celebration for the Moon Wish! (I realize it may be something that’s under wraps for a bit. That’s okay. I’m patient.)

    Like

    • lucysfootball
      June 20th, 2013 at 10:16 pm

      Aw, thank you so much! You are too sweet. Seriously. Thank you.

      Yes. Write a post about it. It’s good therapy, and I’d love to hear what you have to say about it.

      (I think the person was more mentally-unstable than insensitive, to be honest. In reading over the whole kerfuffle…there’s just something a little OFF about her. There’s being into a cause…then there’s being completely and totally unable to see other sides. It’s…unnerving.)

      Hee, I’m celebrating the Moon Wish every minute of every day now. It’s an ongoing celebration. I don’t know if it’s ever going to be a public thing; just know that it’s just the best thing. Just the absolute best.

      Like

  • Charleen
    June 20th, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    This post makes me so curious for so many different reasons.

    But way to be, taking that high road. I’m more the kind of person who runs off the road altogether and hides in a shack until everything blows over.

    Like

  • mfennvt
    June 20th, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    Yay for the shoot-the-moon thing! Congratulations!

    And yeah, very hard for me to take the high road a lot of times. Although I may be getting better, or just running out of energy to wallow in the low road stuff. It’s tiring, you know?

    Like

    • lucysfootball
      June 20th, 2013 at 10:11 pm

      Thank you!

      You know, I am getting better, and I don’t know if it’s exhaustion (just so much of this shit being slung at me ALL THE DAMN TIME) or age-bringing-wisdom or what it is. I’m voting exhaustion. It makes me tired being angry all the time. (However, eventually I reach a breaking point, and then I explode like a furious volcano of bees.)

      Like

  • Juliette
    June 20th, 2013 at 7:21 pm

    Someone called you out? That is just low rent.
    Stay on that high road – we’ll all be there with you!

    Like

  • The Waiting
    June 20th, 2013 at 8:33 pm

    The Internet makes me feel like a shitball sometimes too. It’s a mean place at times where vile people are given full reign to do their worst.

    But it’s people like you that makes it safe, for me at least. Big hugs, lady. If you need to vent, please know that I’m here for you.

    Like

    • lucysfootball
      June 20th, 2013 at 10:08 pm

      I don’t like that people are mean to you. You’re one of the nicest people I internet-know. Sincerely. That makes me want to punch someone. Or hit them with a frying pan.

      Thank you. So much. That means a lot. I’m ok. I’m better today, actually. Writing this post was excellent therapy. Some people talk it out, I write it out. It helps a lot. (Plus, I have amazing commenters. That helps even MORE.)

      Like

  • Heather
    June 21st, 2013 at 9:48 am

    I haaaaaate taking the high road sometimes. It’s more fun to stoop.

    HOWEVER.

    You did the right thing here. I’m aware of the details, and this one definitely isn’t worth getting into it with. She’s Twisty McTwistface with the words and ideas and…well…you know.

    Keep fighting the good fight, Amy. :)

    Like

    • lucysfootball
      June 21st, 2013 at 6:06 pm

      Something is wrong with her, Heather! In her area where the brain-space is! Right?

      I will fight until I have no more fight in me. Promise. Up on my high road. Look at the birdies. Whee!

      Like

  • greengeekgirl
    June 21st, 2013 at 6:06 pm

    This post fills me with a lot of emotions. I’m frustrated along with you (and will address a similar topic at IB… at some point). I’m happy for you! (but a little sad because I did not realize a really good thing had happened to you until just now and… I feel like I should have known that sooner, which makes me sad. But also happy that good things are happening.) MANY FEELS.

    Like

    • lucysfootball
      June 21st, 2013 at 6:10 pm

      It’s a very new good thing. It’s on wobbly baby-fawn good-thing legs at the moment. No sads. NO SADS! All the happys. And some frustrations. Because, WTH with people being the asshattiest?

      Like

  • Nerija S.
    June 21st, 2013 at 11:28 pm

    A big hug to you, Amy, and CONGRATULATIONS on reaching the moon!!! Even though I don’t know the details, I can imagine how over-the-moon (pun intended ;) ) happy you must’ve felt when you got the news. I hope I can be so lucky someday.

    And as for the other thing, I’m reminded of a Merlin mini-series that was on NBC years ago, where a villain was literally destroyed when everyone turned their backs and ignored her. I hope the same happens to the negativity that person threw at you. And that I can be as strong as you if something like that ever happens to me.

    Rock on, Amy.

    Like

  • b.h.quinn
    June 24th, 2013 at 8:54 pm

    Congratulations on whatever it is that happened! I have baked brownies in your honor (they lasted all of the fifteen minutes it took my brother to get home and I would have made them anyway, but they still existed).

    I prefer taking the high road because the people who are trying to get a reaction find it so annoying when I’m all smiley and polite at them. (Does that make it the high road anymore?) Sometimes you do need to confront the issue, but it sounds like this may be one of those times when they’ll find it annoying that they didn’t get a reaction.

    Like

    • lucysfootball
      June 24th, 2013 at 9:33 pm

      Thank you!

      That, I think, might be the passive-aggressive high road. Just as valid, in my opinion. (I use that a LOT. I learned it from my mom.)

      Like

      • b.h.quinn
        June 24th, 2013 at 9:43 pm

        Quite possibly. Usually I prefer to just be nice (the world is a better place when people bother to be nice and it’s not that hard), but when it’s bad enough it’s always what would be the most effective form or retaliation.

        Like

  • I shall never allow myself to stoop so low as to hate any man. | philosiblog
    July 25th, 2013 at 4:10 am

    […] The road less travelled by may make all the difference but the low road is a LOT more tempting. (lucysfootball.com) […]

    Like

  • janderson209
    July 25th, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    Hey a friend introduced me to your blog and I like your message. I certainly can relate to your frustration as I get slammed every now and then too….not fun. Sorry about the haters. It seems the greater your success the more they gather. My mom used to tell me a little poem when schoolkids were rough on me and I’ve kept it with me through the years, “It’s none of your business what the noseys think of you. Just keep living and keep loving all the things you like to do.”

    Like

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