Why diminish your soul being run-of-the-mill at something?

“But why diminish your soul being run-of-the-mill at something? Mediocrity: now there is ugliness for you. Mediocrity’s a hairball coughed up on the Persian carpet of Creation.” ― Tom Robbins, Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas

While I was in Baltimore at the beginning of the month, I ran across an article that I found very upsetting. However, I was on vacation, and upsetting things are not allowed to enter my vacation-space. The only things that are allowed in my vacation-space are laughs and delicious foodstuffs and the reading of many books.

HOWEVER, now I am home. Yes, I suppose you could argue I’ve been home for weeks and weeks but I had other things to talk about; cut me some slack, Jack. I have a lot of things in my brain-area. They don’t always come in a logical order.

OK, so here’s the thing: apparently, according to some company called Acxiom, who ran some serious tests in 2004 to come up with this data, guess what the number one most average city in all of Merka is.

No, seriously, guess.

ALBANY IT IS ALBANY.

You GUYS! This company called Acxiom (which Wikipedia says is “one of the biggest companies you’ve never heard of,” so that’s not at all shady) says MY HOME is the MOST AVERAGE CITY IN ALL THE LAND!

Well. This cannot stand. Average? Average means BORING. Who wants to be average? No. Not me. I want to be stellar. I want to be amazing. I want to be EXTRAORDINARY. And I want the place where I live to be extraordinary as well.

OK, yes, TECHNICALLY, I do not LIVE in Albany, I live just OUTSIDE of Albany, but that’s not the POINT. THEY ARE MALIGNING MY HOME.

Now, All Over Albany (one of our most excellent local blogs; suck on THAT, “average”) did a more up-t0-date comparison to see if we’re “average” or not. They measured us against the nation’s average in all kinds of categories to see just how average we are, exactly, since the statistics to us being known as THE MOST AVERAGE CITY IN MERKA are about ten years old.

What did they find out?

As opposed to the nation’s average, we have:

  • More adult residents
  • A higher household income
  • Many more white people; therefore, fewer non-white people
  • Less families; more non-family units living together (apparently we like livin’ in sin ’round these here parts…or it could be that we have many colleges here, so that means there are a lot of roommate situations happening here)
  • Many more households that speak English only (and, of course, therefore, fewer households with English as a non-primary language)
  • Many more people with a graduate degree
  • Fewer married couples
  • More people who live alone
  • Women who tend to have fewer children

SUCK ON THAT ACXIOM!

Ok. FINE. Those aren’t really all that awe-inspiring, those statistics, are they. They’re just kind of slight variations. And they’re easily explained away. We’re a very professional, very educated group of people. Our biggest employers are the state, the county, and our various colleges and universities; you need a higher degree to either get ahead in these things, or to do these things.

Well. I’m really going to have to wow you, to prove to you that where I live isn’t average. Because it’s not, you see. It’s not at all average. I knew that the minute I first pulled into town. I knew that the minute I arrived. It was home, and it was just as stellar as I needed a home of mine to be. And, I mean, all you have to do is look at the comments on that Mother Jones article up there to see what people think of where I live. BLEAK! They think it’s BLEAK! What is WRONG with people?

DOES THIS LOOK BLEAK TO YOU? I don't THINK so!

DOES THIS LOOK BLEAK TO YOU? I don’t THINK so!

So, without ANY further ado, here are some VERY excellent reasons why my home is FAR from average.

The Egg!

Now, how can any city with a building as amazing as The Egg be AVERAGE? I mean, come on. This is a building filled with WHIMSY, you guys. Every concert or talk or reading I’ve ever seen here starts with the person performing remarking upon the utter insane awesomeness of The Egg. THERE IS NOTHING ORDINARY ABOUT THE EGG.

We are the state capital!

There are a lot of cities in New York, but WE, my friends, are the CAPITAL OF THEM ALL! We have GOVERNMENT here! With SENATORS and CONGRESSMEN and such! We have a CAPITOL BUILDING with CARVINGS and GHOSTS in it! We have a GOVERNOR’S MANSION here! Yes, fine, maybe the governor doesn’t exactly LIVE in the mansion, but that’s not the POINT, we HAVE a mansion! And our governor is dating SANDRA LEE! Who is a very famous television lady! And he’s not a shabby governor himself! He always looks pissy and cantankerous and he GETS SHIT DONE!

We are the longest continuously chartered city in all of Merka!

ALL! OF! MERKA! Think of how big Merka is, you guys. Think of all those cities, both big and small. ALBANY IS THE LONGEST CONTINUOUSLY CHARTERED CITY OF THEM ALL! Think of all that history! Think of all the people who’ve lived here! Think of all the fur-traders and ironworkers and Dutch immigrants who went to and fro RIGHT IN MY CITY! It’s mind-boggling. I won’t be upset if you need to go get a cool drink and take a few deep breaths before you continue.

We have awesome town names!

Because we are so old, we have many town names with old foreign (and domestic!) roots. Canajoharie. Castleton-on-Hudson. Coeymans. Poestenkill. Rensselaer. Schaghticoke. Schenectady. Stuyvesant. Valatie. (That’s pronounced Va-LAY-sha, just in case you thought it was VAL-uh-tee.) Watervliet (which my mom pronounced “Watervillay” for the longest time, even though I told her over and over “Mom! IT IS WATERVLEET!”) Voorheesville (which always makes me think of Jason Voorhees.) Kaaterskill. How can you not love an area with names like this? Aren’t those names AMAZING? When I first moved to the area, I would read street signs and highway signs and just giggle with glee and try to guess how they were pronounced. I know how they’re pronounced now, but they still give me glee. MUCH glee.

Tulip Fest! Lark Fest! Pearlapalooza!

We love street festivals here. We have Tulip Fest, where we celebrate the coming of the summer and the blooming of the tulips! We have Lark Fest, where we celebrate Lark Street, which is one of my favorite streets in all of Albany with old buildings and cobblestones and artsy residents and cool businesses! We have Pearlapalooza, which is trying too hard to be Lark Fest but is still enjoyable! Also, at all of these things, you can get fried dough. FRIED! DOUGH! And real musical acts come and play at them! It’s all very happy and sunshiney. Except for when it rains. Which is almost every time there’s an outdoor festival. Because the heavens have a sense of humor.

Famous people were born and/or grew up around here!

FAMOUS!

FAMOUS!

Martha Quinn from MTV! Gregory Maguire who wrote Wicked! Andy Rooney from 60 Minutes! Kristen Gillibrand, one of my favorite politicians! The guy who directed Die Hard and is in prison now because of that weird private eye scandal! The woman who wrote The Mists of Avalon! Jimmy Fallon went to the College of St. Rose and worked for one of our local papers in college and grew up down near Poughkeepsie! David Hyde Pierce from Frasier grew up in Saratoga! Rachael Ray grew up in Lake George! Mickey Rourke was born in Schenectady! Even Grandpa Simpson said he was the handsomest boy in Albany, New York in his childhood on an episode of The Simpsons! LOOK AT ALL THOSE FANCY PEOPLE!

ALL THE THEATER!

We have such an amazing and vibrant theater scene in the area. There is always something you can watch. We have big, beautiful, historic theaters – Proctors, The Palace – and smaller, newer ones – Capital Repertory – and more community theaters than you can imagine. If you want culture, here’s your place. Is that average? I DO NOT THINK SO!

Fun and kooky things to do!

In the winter, our entire Washington Park (which is really big) gets all lit up by some local business (I want to say it’s Quick Response Restoration or something) and you pay like a billion dollars* (*fine, it’s like $10) and you drive slowly through the park and are alternately charmed by and worried by the light display. It’s a holiday tradition around here. One year, there was what was SUPPOSED to be a man beating a drum, but the drum had burned out, so the man looked like he was…um…pleasuring himself…and the drumstick was his…well, his drumstick. That’s totally a euphemism. We drove by that thing three times and laughed until we cried. It’s one of my most favorite local memories.

Also, there used to be (and might still be, I don’t know) New Year’s fireworks, and we went to the top of a parking garage to watch them, and people were being too loud in the crowd, and the mayor was on the PA system saying happy New Year! Enjoy the fireworks! And the people were talking TOO LOUD and the mayor was SO MAD and so he was all – ON THE PA – “IF YOU DON’T CUT THAT OUT THERE WON’T BE ANY FIREWORKS!” and we laughed and laughed because he was TOTALLY gonna cancel those fireworks and also send us to bed without dessert.

Come on. There’s magic in every corner of Albany. You just have to approach it with the right attitude. I feel that if you bring your A game? Albany will give it right back to you.

Also, I just want to mention that one time there was a chocolate festival where you got to walk around the State Museum and eat all the free chocolate and look at weird dioramas of prehistoric people. It was very surreal and also very wonderful. I got to have food dipped in a chocolate fountain AND cacao nibs for the first time. YUM.

People here are super-nice!

They really are. It’s a big city (and a big area) but it doesn’t FEEL big. People are really very friendly. Yes, sometimes the traffic makes you want to punch someone in the neck but that’s what you get when you live somewhere that’s got things to do in it. People are nice and look out for each other and welcome new people into their groups and can be incredibly kind, even when you don’t expect it. There’s a real sense of community here.

Sometimes you see wildlife!

HI AMY! Says the hawk.

HI AMY! Says the hawk.

It might be a city, but there’s enough wilderness around that you still see wild things, and you guys know how much I love wild things. I’ve seen typical things like skunks and possums and woodchucks (mostly as roadkill, sadly) but I’ve also seen deer (just hangin’ on out in the work parking lot, hi, you daily-grind 9-to-5-ers! I AM A DEER!) and a few hawks (which I LOVE, I totally watch those for longer than I should, probably, but I think hawks are the coolest) and wild turkeys (NO, not the alcoholic kind.) I like that there are huge high-rises not too far away, but also turkeys.

I LIVE HERE!

Listen, it all boils down to this. I LIVE HERE. How the hell can anything be ordinary if I live here? I mean, I’m like a shooting star of a human, baby. ZAP ZIP ZOOM! I’m pretty sure just by me living in an area, it IMMEDIATELY stops being average and turns EXTRAORDINARY. Because I don’t see anything like a normal person would. I see the magic and the wonder in EVERYTHING. And I totally see it here. Or I wouldn’t have stayed as long as I have, and I certainly wouldn’t be planning on staying for the rest of my life.

MY VERDICT?

Suck it, Acxiom. We’re not average. We’re AMAZING around here. If you come here and you think we’re blah and boring and industrial and – ugh – BLEAK – you are not looking hard enough. Look again. Rub your eyes a little. There’s so much magic here. And I’m going to spend the rest of my life finding every last bit of it.

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

21 responses to “Why diminish your soul being run-of-the-mill at something?

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Tulips are pretty cool. There are black ones, you know?

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      How are their black tulips? Are there black roses? I know it’s a huge plot point in “The Glass Menagerie” that there aren’t blue roses. Are there still not blue roses? Are there blue tulips?

      These are all very important questions, Andreas.

      (Also, yes. I love tulips. Tulips and daisies are my favorite flowers, by far.)

      Like

  • padraicban

    ThanKEW! Made me smile a lot. I choose to be lucky.

    Like

  • sj

    I have never been, but it sounds awesome.

    More importantly, though – I loooooooooove Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas. Love.

    Like

  • poetlandia

    I lived in Albany! For two days! Around that anyway. It was too quick a time to go and see the egg, which I desperately want to see. But I am not far now, and so I shall, I shall.

    Also, this is just a thought, but if people think it’s average, they won’t want to move there.

    I love hawks. And Tom Robbins. (Now I want to re-read Jitterbug Perfume, one of my all time favourite books.)

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Good! Definitely come back, The Egg wants to see you, too!

      (I love that I knew this was you, even though you have a new name. You have a very distinctive voice. That’s awesome.)

      Birds of prey are my favorite. I can watch them for the longest time. I like how they swoop.

      Like

      • poetlandia

        Aw, nice egg.

        (I think it’s cool that you did know it was me, as I have been switching it up all over the place. But I am now settled. A distinctive voice – that’s soo nice of you to say. You have one yourself you know.)

        I think my favourite at the moment are ravens. Who are getting the daylights beat out of them by the sparrows, et al, in these parts. (To be fair, the ravens are trying to steal chicks or eggs, and that will piss off a sparrow. Every time.) But I do love birds of prey. I live in the middle of nowhere. (Well, slightly north of nowhere, actually.) Anyway, the other night there was an owl losing her mind. And it was a big one, too. (I didn’t see it, but it was very chatty for awhile there.) Very deep who-whoos. So cool.

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          I also love ravens, even more so after having seen them at the zoo. I didn’t realize they’re so big! And they have really beautiful feathers. Almost oil-slick black, with a rainbow in them. I’m a fan.

          I love owls! I wish you could have seen it!

          Like

  • lgalaviz

    I’ve been looking for a new place to live. Watervliet sounds as good as any. I like all my consonants shoved together.

    Like

  • longviewhill

    I visited Albany about a year ago for business. I was only there a week, but I loved your city. I tell people all the time what a cool place it was and how much I would like to go back. I was in your state capitol – it is gorgeous inside! I also went to Bongiorno’s and had one of my favorite meals while traveling. Albany is not at all average.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I’m so glad to hear you say that! That’s exactly what I wanted to hear today after all that Albany-bashing. And yes, isn’t the capitol building beautiful? I went inside for a haunted capitol tour a couple Halloweens ago and was just blown away. I need to go back for the regular tour soon to see the rest of it. There’s so much history in there!

      Thank you so much for this comment. This made my day!

      Like

  • Stephanie

    Hello !

    Hell I want to come and visit from what you have said. The Egg has me intigued. What is it? I love tulips, and awsome names and love the theatre.

    Stats are so subjective anyway… they are up there with economists; cause they get right all the time (not).

    If you belive your town is awesome, and you live there and would know, then by jingo, it is awesome in my books!

    Albany rocks.
    Stephanie
    (Sydney, Australia)

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      The Egg is a perfomance venue – it has two concert halls inside, one big, one smaller. It’s just one of the coolest buildings I’ve ever seen. When They Might Be Giants visited a while back, they sang a song about it. “No corners for you!”

      It is the MOST awesome town. I’ve lived in a few, visited a few more, but this is the only place that felt like home the minute I arrived.

      Like

  • Madame Weebles

    OH NO THEY DI’INT. Albany as the most average city? Nuh-uh. I’m not buying that for a minute. My home state capital is absolutely NOT average. I didn’t know the capitol building had ghosts–that’s absolutely NOT average. And no City With a Giant Egg can possibly be average. Obviously these Acxiom people are clueless hacks. I say we TP their headquarters.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      It DOES have ghosts! I went on a ghost tour a couple of years ago! Wait, I’ll find the post, I even saw…dun dun dunnnn…A GHOST ORB!

      I bet we couldn’t even find the Axciom headquarters. I bet it’s one guy in his sad apartment. One guy who got jilted by a fabulous woman in Albany. And now he’s gonna show HER, dammit!

      Like

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