Today I had a play to go to, with a ticket in the front row and everything, but I stayed home. This was not an easy decision for me. I’ve been looking forward to this one for months and months. But I’m coughing terribly and I had a front-row seat and that’s rude to people trying to act and sing. Plus even getting up and moving around the house makes me kind of exhausted. Driving half an hour each way, sitting through a three-hour show, trying really hard not to cough…nah. Can’t. Just can’t today. Sadly. So it’s a couch-day and a Dumbcat-day and a TV-day for me.
Today, let’s talk about something near and dear to my heart. And that thing is:
FINLAND!!!
I officially got my passport in the mail a week after I applied for it, so apparently I have been judged as NOT TOO DANGEROUS TO TRAVEL INTERNATIONALLY! That means my trip to Finland is on! Only 14 months to go! Get ready, Andreas and family of Andreas! It’s never too early to start planning an adventure!
There have been a number of fun Finland-related things that have come across my radar lately, so today let’s discuss some fun Finland-things.
First: Finland wins a VERY IMPORTANT HONOR!
According to this very annoying link that will start a loud obnoxious video on your computer so beware, Finland is the world’s best place to be a mother! In the whole WORLD! Well, THAT’S impressive! Apparently, expectant and new mothers are given much care in the land of the Finns, and the infant mortality rate is very low, so Finland wins the competition! Congratulations, Finland, for being impressive! On Saturday Night Live this weekend, Seth Meyers had a smart joke that said “Finland has recently been found as the world’s best place to be a mother. The world’s worst place to be a mother? High school.” Hee! I like that.
Next, we have very good graphics from the most impressive sj!
OMG YOU GUYS! POLICE REINDEER! How much do I want a police reindeer? THE MOST IS HOW MUCH! I don’t know if this is true facts or not, but I love it anyway. I mean, think about it. What would you do with a police reindeer? I don’t know that you could ride it. And it’s not like a drug-sniffing dog or anything. I mean, MAYBE it could sniff drugs, but what a mess it would make clip-clopping through your house, right? But whether it is a thing or not, I WANT ONE. Look how much it loves the Finnish policeman! It totally wants him to rub its nose. And ride with him on his Skidoo. Probably in Finland they don’t call them Skidoos. The internet says Finns call them “moottorikelkka” or if they’re speaking Swedish they call them “snöskoters.” OMG THOSE ARE BOTH MOST EXCELLENT WORDS! The Finnish word has WAY too many letters in it, and the Swedish word sounds EXACTLY like “snow scooter” which makes me smile and then smile some more.
Aw, no, poor Finland!
Finally, we have the MOST interesting thing. OK, so a couple of weeks ago, Andreas had the day off because it was Walpurgis Night. This is known as May Day in Merka. And we most certainly don’t get the day off, sigh sigh. ANYWAY, in Finland, here is what happens on Walpurgis Night:
- Much mead is consumed
- Many funnel cakes are consumed
- There is much celebrating, some of it in the streets
- Someone puts a cap on a nude statue in Helsinki
- “Left-wing activists of the 1970s still party on May Day. They arrange carnivals. And radio stations play leftist songs from the 1970s.” WHAT? That makes me laugh. It would make Dad VERY ANGRY, though, and he would shout “SOCIALISTS!!!”
This all makes me happy. This is a very happy pagan celebration, dating back to Beltane. We don’t do things like that here. Sometimes children might do a Maypole (not a euphemism) in school, but only when a teacher can’t think of something better to do, and I’d be willing to bet most of the teachers don’t know the history behind what they’re doing.
You GUYS, in FINLAND, they have a day off where they drink HOMEMADE MEAD, they eat FRIED DOUGH, and they (for some reason) put HATS on NAKED STATUES. This is a most excellent country. MOST excellent. I can’t even find anything to complain about in this tradition. We don’t have another day off until Memorial Day and that’s still a couple weeks away. Europe gets a lot more excellent days off than we do, that’s for sure.
MANY HAPPY THINGS IN FINLAND!
OK, it is the middle of the day but my eyes are closing so it’s naptime even though I’m usually terrible at naps. Happy Monday to you all. May your weeks be both productive AND pleasurable. Plus, I wish you all funnel cakes. I mean, don’t we all deserve more funnel cakes in our lives? I think most definitely we do. No question.
May 13th, 2013 at 12:52 pm
Hope you feel better soon! Meanwhile, hilarious as always.
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May 13th, 2013 at 1:04 pm
On the mend, I think (I hope!) Thank you!
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May 13th, 2013 at 2:08 pm
My daughter has a cold, too. First time she’s napped in 2 years (she’s 4). :-)
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May 13th, 2013 at 1:19 pm
But fuck Finland too. Still kills me.
Feel better, my friend!
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May 13th, 2013 at 2:36 pm
I’m doing my best! Stupid cold. It will NOT go away!
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May 13th, 2013 at 1:41 pm
Thank you for this most delightful and accurate post on my homeland!
I’m already planning what we could do when you get here next summer. It’s going to be a blast.
We don’t actually get Walpurgis Night off (which occur on the last day in April), only 1st of May. People often take Walpurgis Night off as well though. And, for your information: homemade funnel cake (‘struvor’ in Swedish) is the most delicious. As is homemade mead. Yum yum yum!
In Sweden and some parts of Finland (notably Åland islands), we raise Midsummer poles instead of May poles. Villages compete to raise be longest pole (definitely a euphemism) and the poles have to be raised by hand (another definite euphemism). On Åland, the Midsummer poles take the form of ship masts, complete with rigging (covered with flowers and leaves), to show our long history as seafarers. They don’t have any sails on them though. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/72/%C3%85l%C3%A4ndsk_Midsommarst%C3%A5ng.jpg/512px-%C3%85l%C3%A4ndsk_Midsommarst%C3%A5ng.jpg
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May 13th, 2013 at 2:35 pm
I read that Finnish funnel cake is BETTER than American funnel cake. Lighter, less greasy, and one site said it was “much like a sparrow’s nest.” MUCH LIKE A SPARROW’S NEST! Aw!
So many euphemisms. That’s why I like pagan celebrations. They don’t skimp on the euphemism. They are all ABOUT the euphemism.
Look how pretty that maypole is! Yay, Finland!
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May 13th, 2013 at 6:50 pm
Okay. The New York Times just had an article about Summer Solstice in Sweden! (I know it’s a different country. I have a thing about Sweden.)
Check it out: http://travel.nytimes.com/2013/05/12/travel/a-midsummer-days-dream-in-sweden.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
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May 13th, 2013 at 7:02 pm
I want to go to summer solstice in Sweden!!! Aw, I’ll be there in July, I will miss it. Boo. (I mean, also I’ll be in Finland, but I wonder if they celebrate the solstice there, too? Andreas, do you?)
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May 14th, 2013 at 3:02 pm
Midsummer? Yes, we do.
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May 15th, 2013 at 7:53 am
You have all the best holidays. Tell your country to wait til I’m there to celebrate them all, ok? I want to do ALL the pagan holidays next July.
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May 15th, 2013 at 11:20 am
July? No, we don’t have any pagan holidays in July. Not a single one. Sorry.
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May 15th, 2013 at 10:40 pm
Dammit. Can you make them have one just for me? I mean, I’m coming ALL THE WAY TO FINLAND. You’d think they’d have Amy’s Day, where we all dance around and eat roasted meat and fried dough and sing lusty seafarer chanties or something.
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May 14th, 2013 at 3:03 pm
I like Sweden too. It’s one of my countries. I was born there.
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May 13th, 2013 at 4:54 pm
Reblogged this on From There To Here and commented:
Check this out!
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May 13th, 2013 at 7:03 pm
Aw, thanks! :)
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May 13th, 2013 at 6:56 pm
I’m sorry you’re still under the weather. And with no police reindeer in sight to help you out, either! I can tell you’re sick because you skipped a play. This is antithesis of Amy behaviour. So you are definitely not well. (Not that you need me to tell you that.)
Feel better.
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May 13th, 2013 at 7:00 pm
I know! I skipped a SONDHEIM MUSICAL!!! The worst. Just the worst.
I think I’m getting better. If not, too bad, tomorrow I’m going back to work anyway. THIS COLD WILL NOT KEEP ME DOWN!
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May 14th, 2013 at 7:55 am
Ah, this post made me remember that I really have to do something about the last of the leftover homemade mead from May Day in my fridge…
BUT I would also be interested in knowing if you’re planning to skip straight to the Islands in the FAR WEST or are you planning to stay in Helsinki at all? Because if you do, I think we should totally have a Lucy’s Football Fan Club meeting! *nodnod* I guess, technically it could be held in Maarianhamina/Mariehamn (or wherever Andreas and his family has their nest) but that’s almost in another country and really, it’s so dangerous out there! They have ticks and everything! (I hope Andreas has warned you about those.)
Also, I’m really very happy if you get to see the Finnish/Swedish Midsummer! It’s the best of the best!
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May 15th, 2013 at 7:55 am
I think I’m going right to the islands, but it really depends on how long I’m staying. If I can swing a decent-sized visit, I would love to see either Helsinki or Stockholm or both, but it’s all up in the air (and a long time from now, so plenty of time to plan!)
DANGEROUS TICKS! I will be sure to bring my bug spray!
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