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Five tons = 2.5 elephants worth. SO MANY CHOCOLATEY ELEPHANTS!

Today we are going to talk about a weird but kind of awesome thing that happened in the world. As we do ’round there here parts from time to time, yo. I think we also might do this Wednesday, because I found ANOTHER awesome thing. But tonight I want to go to bed early so I can finish reading my book because I’m pretty sure the thief is about to forgive the queen and there will be much kissing. MUCH KISSING. Shush, sometimes I like books with much kissing.

Sometimes I also like young adult literature and fantasy books. I am not always highbrow. Sorry to burst the bubble!

Sometimes I also like young adult literature and fantasy books. I am not always highbrow. Sorry to burst the bubble!

But FIRST, sometimes I like to change things in blogland. So from now on, if you comment, and if you have EVER commented here, your comment will IMMEDIATELY SHOW UP ON THE BLOG. Like, IMMEDIATELY. However! Don’t use this as an excuse to crack wise, buckaroos. I still have the option to delete or edit your comments, should I decide to do that. I still get an email every time you comment, and can hop on my phone and make your comment poof. OK, I take that back. Please feel free to crack wise. I like you to crack wise. Wise folks are my favorites. However, please don’t do things like use racial slurs or gaybash or talk about things that make me have the vapors. I trust my regular commenters won’t do this. And if you’re new, hello! Please comment! I am glad you are here!

It’s a thing I’m trying. It will make comments show up faster when I’m not able to approve them in a timely fashion. Let’s see how it goes. I can always change it back if I want to.

BACK TO WEIRDNESS!

Listen, the world is a wild and weird place, buckaroos. How will you know how weird without someone telling you about it? You’re WELCOME. In ADVANCE.

Over the weekend, someone stole some Nutella in Germany.

I know this doesn’t sound all that weird and/or shocking. Here, I’ll make it better by throwing some FACTS down on you.

Over the weekend, someone stole FIVE TONS of Nutella from a town named BAD HERSFELD in Germany.

So! Much! Nutella!

So! Much! Nutella!

So much better, right?

FIVE TONS OF NUTELLA! That is so much Nutella. SO MUCH. One article I read said it only translated to about $21,000 worth of Nutella, though, so probably it wasn’t for the resale value.

Of COURSE it wasn’t. It was so they’d have a LIFETIME SUPPLY OF NUTELLA! I mean, duh. You don’t even have to think very hard about that one. All the Nutella! Every last bit of it!

Also, can we just talk about Bad Hersfeld for a minute? Could there BE a better town-name? I have MOST THOROUGHLY researched it and although it sounds like it’s most badass and kind of where all the bikers would live, really it designates that there is, or was, a health spa of some sort in the town, as apparently “bad” means “bath” in German. Why did a town with a health spa need so much Nutella? This is a mystery that even Scooby Doo couldn’t solve, methinks. Maybe all those people who are eating spinach salads were having a craving for hazelnut spread? Like, from being deprived of it and all?

Ooh, Bad Hersfeld gets its own STAMP. That's fancy, yo.

Ooh, Bad Hersfeld gets its own STAMP. That’s fancy, yo.

AND, look what the article ALSO says:

“Germans news agency dpa reported that thieves have previously stolen a load of energy drinks from the same location.”

I think if there's this much thievery in one place, maybe don't leave big loads of foodstuffs there? Just a thought.

I think if there’s this much thievery in one place, maybe don’t leave big loads of foodstuffs there? Just a thought.

No, I don’t know why “dpa” is all lowercase like that, I didn’t write the article, sheesh. ANYWAY. So these people now have a lifetime supply of Red Bull AND a lifetime supply of Nutella? OMG, they are going to be SPEEDY. I think you need all that Nutella to wash the taste of Red Bull out of your mouth. Red Bull tastes like caffeinated death, seriously. Blech. Once, many years ago, my friend Matt who I have lost touch with (Matt! I miss your face!) and who I used to work at the Humane Society with had all the Red Bull and I was all, “Matt, dude, let me taste that.” And he was all, “You will hate it.” And I said, “EVERYONE loves Red Bull.” And he said “You will HATE it. It’s only if you need energy. You don’t need energy, you’re made of energy, you have trouble powering down.” And I said, “MATT GIVE ME THAT RED BULL RIGHT NOW I PROMISE I WILL NOT BACKWASH.” So Matt totally gave me his Red Bull because we were work besties and I would have trusted him with my whole life, seriously, and I had a little sip and I was all “MATT THAT IS THE WORST” and made a face and he laughed and laughed and said “I TOLD YOU SO!” and then would ask me to make the Red Bull face whenever he needed a good laugh and I would scowl at him and say “No, MATT” and he would laugh MORE. Matt was most sincerely awesome, I hope that someday life brings me across his path again. I would like to give him a hug and thank him for being one of the most protective, funny, brave, and strong men I’ve ever known. I don’t know if younger-me realized how important it was to tell people such things when you weren’t sure if you would see them again. Older-me has learned that such things are important and tries to say them often, in case she is hit by lightning and dies all of a sudden and can’t say them ever again. You don’t know when the lightning will come. YOU DON’T.

Watch out for the lightning, jellybeans, it comes out of nowhere, you know.

Watch out for the lightning, jellybeans, it comes out of nowhere, you know.

So now in Bad Hersfeld, there is a thief with ALL the Red Bull (or whatever the German equivalent of Red Bull is, probably Rot Stier. I don’t even want to drink Red Bull, I sure as hell don’t want to drink Rot Stier) and ALL the Nutella. That is a thief to be reckoned with, yo. You look out for that thief. I would assume it would be easy to identify him or her. They’d be all jumpy and also sticky-fingered. I feel like they’d leap out from alleys screaming “ROT STIER!” But don’t even try to catch him or her. They’re going to be speedy. They’ll be gone in a FLASH.

Tonight I am off reviewing a show so I’m thinking you will not see much of me tomorrow. I’ll be back soon. More weird news to discuss, I think. Now my book is calling to me. I can totally hear it. What, that is COMPLETELY normal. Your books don’t talk to you? Well, what a sad, lonely life you must lead, seriously!

Happy Tuesday, internet. Comment it up, they’ll pop up fast, fast like MAGIC. Just you wait and see!

(Psst, also, happy birthday, Amy’s brother, I hope you have a great day of magicalness! Even though you will not read the blog because this is where all the “rapists and people with one hand” hang out! Yeah, I don’t know either. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE BROTHER!)

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

31 responses to “Five tons = 2.5 elephants worth. SO MANY CHOCOLATEY ELEPHANTS!

  • Tara

    I have read the other two books, but not Bitterblue. It sounds like I should move that one up my list. I sometimes like a book with kissing too.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      It was really very good. I liked the other two better, but it was still enjoyable. It made me cry. I like a book that makes emotions happen. That means it’s working.

      Like

      • Tara

        I agree. I love a book that makes me cry and I also can appreciate books that make me mad at characters (evil or antagonistic). I may not like the character, but if the author made me dislike them strongly then they must have done something right.

        Like

  • steffm10

    I don t like redbull either…terrible smell and taste..u are not alone ;)

    Like

  • xdanigirl

    The only energy I liked was discontinued!! It was called Bookoo. It was DELISH!!!!! But, alas, I can no linger find it so I’m assuming it was discontinued. Nos is now my energy drink of choice. Red Bull tastes like fermented ass. Soooo I tend to stay away from it! My best friend, on the other hand, has a Red Bull addiction…. (I drank Red Bull with Yeager one time, I think it was a Yeager Bomb, thinking it might make the Red Bull taste better…. I was wrong. Don’t do it. Just don’t!)

    Like

  • Another Clean Slate

    I love YA books too! And Red Bull… but I would never steal it. That is bad.

    Like

  • longviewhill

    Here is the thing I find most confusing – Red Bull is not red. What’s with that? It has so many chemicals a little extra red dye couldn’t hurt. Plus it is RED Bull. I was very confused when I found out it was pee yellow.

    Like

  • Kris

    My books talk to me all the time! Sometimes they are all shouty “READ ME NOW”, sometimes they are more quiet and seductive “Psst, you know you really want to read me, don’t you? C’mon, just one chapter….” Speaking of which, um, I gotta go…
    ;-)

    Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Leap of faith with the non-moderated comments, Amy! Well, they’re still moderated, obviously, only after the fact. I’m sure it will work out just fine. People here would only leave good comments, right? Right.

    Like

  • neal

    Red Bull is the worst. But Nutella is the best. Do they neutralize? Which is the more powerful?

    I’m vaguely familiar with the Bitterblue cover, though I know nothing about the plot. If I thought Hunger Games and Divergent were meh, is it better than those?

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Nutella is more powerful. Just avoid the Red Bull altogether, I think that’s the best thing to do.

      I like the Graceling series quite a bit. I didn’t like Divergent much. I liked the first book of The Hunger Games, the second was fine, the third was a letdown. I think I might like these better. They’re intelligent and they don’t talk down to the reader. And they have a lot more going on in them than the romance, which I appreciate. I mean, there’s some romance, but the characters are driven by other wants/needs, too. Try “Graceling,” it’s the first, and if you hate it, give up altogether. (It’s probably the best of the three currently out, so if you don’t like it, no need to continue.)

      Like

      • neal

        Nutella has been Addison’s special treat for potty training. But I told her that when the container is empty, she’ll just have to keep pooping on the potty for her own personal satisfaction.

        I had my gripes with all the Hunger Games books, but I won’t deny that a lot of the first one was quite gripping.

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          I hope you got one of those giant Costco containers of Nutella. I’d go on a potty strike once the Nutella was gone, I think.

          The first one was good. The second one was ok, and the third one just didn’t live up to any sort of expectation I had for it, sadly.

          Like

  • Krysty

    There was a town called “Sexmoan” in my country :)

    Like

  • Heather

    That is A LOT of Nutella. Wow.

    Like

  • mfennvt

    Magically appearing comments? I must experience this!

    5 tons of Nutella… where will the thieves keep it, I wonder.

    Like

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