Sometimes sj sends me awesome things. Well, a LOT of times, I don’t want it to sound like it’s only once and a WHILE the things she sends me are awesome. That would be a terribly ungrateful thing to say, now wouldn’t it? (And also untrue.)
So a while ago (I TOLD you guys I had a lot of things saved up! I wasn’t even LYING!) she sent me a link to the following. It is called “the saddest map in America.”
So apparently, someone named Dorothy Gambrell did a study for Psychology Today about where people, state by state, miss most connections on Craig’s List. The results are…well, kind of terrifyingly sad. This really might be the saddest thing ever.
First, I’m sure you know about Craig’s List Missed Connections, right? People see someone and think they have…I don’t know, a bond with them, or something, or they talk to them briefly, and then for whatever reason they don’t (or I guess can’t) ask them out. So they hit Craig’s List and they post a Missed Connection post, which very often read something like this:
Hot moma on the bus – m4f – 34
I was taking the bus yestrday to get to my job at the condem plant and saw you on the bus and gurl you are fine. You had long fingernailz adn also a hat. I asked you for gum because I had bad breath but you didn’t have no gum. If you want to hit this reply and tell me what body part I asked you to touch.
I wish I was kidding but I am sadly not at all kidding.
So let’s take a look at this map.
Well, obviously the saddest thing is that so many people miss their connections at Walmart. I don’t know if that says more about the type of people that go to Walmart or the type of people that use Missed Connections, to be honest. I can tell you right now I never once have seen someone that turned my crank (totally a euphemism) at Walmart. However, I have been boycotting Walmart for years, and go into one maybe…once a year? Maybe? And then only when I’m with one or the other of my parents who haven’t got many options for shopping OTHER than Walmart.
Also there are many states that are missing connections in supermarkets. I think a lot of people are squeezing melons and fondling avocados out there. I also enjoy missed connections at “McDonald’s” and “parking lots,” the State Fair and, my PERSONAL favorite, “at home.” I like to think of the “at home” people missing their connections with their husbands or wives, like two ships passing in the night. And then going on Craig’s List and writing to each other. “Saw you in the living room the other day. Like what you’ve done with your hair. Text me!”
However, I take offense at New York’s. “Subway”? REALLY? Well, I get it. New York City is the most populated part of our state. True. But I do not LIVE in New York City. I live in ALBANY. And we have a Craig’s List, too, you know. We TOTALLY do. With its OWN Missed Connections section! (I cannot ensure, if you click on that, it’s safe for work. Or for those of you that like good spelling, grammar, or taste.)
WELL! What was I to do with that?
Ms. Gambrell, to get her results, collected each state’s 100 most recent missed connections per state (which makes sense – New York City, of course, is going to have a higher number of postings that little old Albany.)
SO, because I am SCIENCY, I went on OUR Craig’s List (and didn’t even catch an STD, I’m pretty impressed, too) and read through enough sad, scary Missed Connections to collect 100 of them with locations in them to come up with the following ALBANY statistics for you. I know. You don’t even have to thank me. YOU ARE WELCOME!
Gas station 8
Grocery store 7
Online dating 4
Coffee shop 2
Radio Shack 2
Time Warner Cable
Auto repair shop
WELL! What have we learned about Albany, or at least the type of people who post on Albany Craig’s List?
Apparently, we miss most of our connections at work. That makes me sad. If you work with the person (or if the person is a delivery person or whatever) you see them regularly, I’d assume? Flirt with them. Lead up to asking them out, maybe as part of a group thing, I don’t know. I know it’s awkward, because you work together, but you’re obviously hoping that something will happen, otherwise you wouldn’t have posted on Craig’s List. So DO something about it, jellybean, or you’re going to spend the rest of your life wracked with regret.
A lot of people have missed connections at restaurants and the person they’re missing connections with are the servers. I am pleased to report that once, I had a hot waiter, and I gave him my number, and he, a friend of his, and a friend of mine went on a somewhat-successful double date. He was pretty. There was kissing. It didn’t happen again, but he also wasn’t a psycho-killer and I can say I gave a stranger my number one time, you know, in case that ever comes up in conversation or whatever.
There are a lot of things you would expect on here, but also some perplexing things. “Home,” for the record, are people who are secretly in love with their neighbors, not sending out missed connections to their wives or husbands. One of the “driving” people was trying to hook up with the cop that pulled her over for speeding, and I’m not even kidding about that. The “online dating” people made me so sad. They were people who had been talking to someone online, and then the person stopped talking to them or returning their calls, so they hit Craig’s List as a last-ditch effort to reconnect. Aw, honey. The person didn’t get hit by a bus, they’re no longer interested. I’m sorry to hit you with some hard truth, here, but it’s the way of the world. The “hospital” people were in love with their nurses. Which I think says something about their psyches more than anything. Those people are paid to be nice to you, sweetheart. “Radio Shack” made me confused, mostly because I wasn’t aware we even still had a Radio Shack, let alone that people were missing connections at one. Don’t people just buy their electronics online nowadays? Then we’ve got the porn store or massage parlor people, of course, as you do. Or the dollar store/Goodwill people.
So there you have it: Albany’s biggest missed connection is: WORK. So! Do yourself a favor, and if you are secretly in love with your cubicle-mate, ask him or her out for a drink or to Applebee’s or something. (Once, I was totally in love with my coworker Jim. Jim was SO HANDSOME. However, even though there was quite a bit of flirting, I realized he was just flirty, and not madly in love with me as I’d hoped, so I gave up, with a sigh of melancholy. Every now and then I think of pretty, pretty Work-Jim and smile, because even though nothing happened, it was a fun few months of flirting, and getting dressed up for work and looking forward to actually GOING to work and such. Aw, Work-Jim, I hope you are doing well wherever you ended up, you were a fun, and all-too-brief, distraction.)
Oh – Newcat update and SIDE NOTE! She is well. She still wants nothing to do with Dumbcat and he is still fascinated by her. She is very lovey with me unless I bother her when she is sleeping; then she becomes a complete ball of hisses and growls and bites and claws, which is an interesting and worrisome cat-behavior. She has a checkup on Thursday to make sure she’s healthy because she’s limping a little and I want to make sure she’s alright (plus I’m a responsible cat-mom and Dumbcat needs his annual booster shots and checkup as well.) She’s still a little skittish, but things are all very new here. I’m very happy, overall, with the progress, and the past two nights, the cats have cuddled me, one on one side, one on the other, and I’ve been very warm and loved. So all’s well!