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A Very Exciting Day! (A Guest Post by Dumbcat!)

Helo blog peeple:

MoM sed I culd write to yew todey and I said GUD becauze we have thingz to talk ebout!

First MommE said to say hi how are youu. So hi to you nices peeple. I am a cat. Mom sayz my brain is made of puding but I think no. I am just a furree catt who sometiems fallz off stuff.

Also LISETN! Momee soemtimez doesnent get home until LATETIMES and I do not get crunchy treetz at the tiem I liek wich is 8 PEE EMM. When she getz hoem, I say MEOIOUW MOM! Becauzze it is SO LAET! And she says SORRY DUMBCATT! And gievs me the treets that are crunchee adn smell like fishes or chickens. Then she pets me on my head and I purr lots and also roll around and once I fell off the cowch. She can not taek me to the latenight places becauze I wuld be afraid of things like noyses and also peeple and outdors.

Once tiem I had a sistre. She was brown and also black and sometiems my frend but sometiems growly. Sometiems she let me sleepe with her in a curled up balle and I lieked that a lot because it was warm but then sometimes she would bite my faece.

One day my sistere got sick and hid undre the bed and wuld not come out and then MomM was sad and cryed. And then my sistre went away and she did not come baek adn I was all alone catt. Soemtimes I wuld sing meow meowww to Mom so she wuld not be so sad and miss my sistre so much but mostly she would say “Dumbcatt you aer lonely aren’t yew” and I think I am loenly.

Momee wanted a Newcatt for a long tiem but things happend liek she was not wurking and thought we mught have to live in the carr and also maybe she culd not aford catt fud. Then she started a new jobb so she said, “Dumbcat! We will get a new frend for you.” So I was exceited but also nervus becaze what if newcatt did not luv me or what if mommee loved newcatt more than me I am Dumbcatt?

Todaye momee was laet to come home so I sade “sigh sigh MOMEE why so LATE MOM.” But when she came home LOOK WHAT SHE HAD!

A BOX! The box was MOVINGG! And MEOEWING! And I was curious so I SMELLEED it!1!

Mommee sed “Dumbbcatt wat dew yu thinkk is that?” I DID NOT KNOW!

So I rolled all around gleefuly.

MomEE said, “You are weirdd, I luv you.” I rolled MORE. The box MOVED MORE TIEMS!

What dew you thnk is in this box? It is not an octopes or a snaek. Thoes were my gesses, too, but they were wronge.

IT WuS a NEWCAT!

Newcat came owt of her box and I made BIG EYES! She looked just liek my OTHER SISTRE except FATTRE! Momee says I am not allowed to call laYdees fatt because it is rude and alsow I am pretty also fatt. So I am sory, new sistre. YOU ARE NoT FATT!

New sistre is a pretty color called tortsehele. (Editor’s Note: She is a tortoiseshell; sorry, that one was hard for my little guy to spell for you.) She has eyes that are YELLLLLOW! I uesed lots of Ls for you becuz they are perrty.

Newcat saw me and I saw Newcat and I FELL IN LOVE! I want to be her best frend and cuddel up and sleepe for many houers! So I went up to her and said “Meiou?” in a very poliet way and she said “Growl grumbel HISS!” and jumped out of the boxx!

I think she has STYEL.

I folowed her all aroend the living rum and she was investigatng it with her noes. I said “meiouw?” and she would say “grumbel!” but I think maybe that means “hellow” in her langwage. She did not try to hit me with her pawz or clawz.

Then she investigaeted the WHOLE HOWSE and smeled ALL THE THINGZ and even tried to get in my potz and panz cubbord so I knew we were MENT TO BE. Mommee said “No no Newcat!” and laffed and I lieked to hear her laugh about a new cat but then I thought, what if momEE loves Newcat MORE than Dumbcatt who is me?

When Newcat went to smelle the hallway Momee picked me up and said, “You are my best boye” and cuddled my whole faec and then I knewe she loves me still then I sade “MMPH!” and she put me downe becase I do not liek to be tuched.

Newcat keeps hiding in the bedroom but momEE said she went in there and Newcat let her cuddle her so she will be alrite, I just haev to be patienet but I do not know what that meens. I keep going to look for her adn I find her undre the bed and she says “grumble!”

Momee says to tell you Newcat is probably about FIEV YERS OLD and is FIXED SO NO BABBIES and the sheltre said she was HELTHY and we will go to the vet next week for a chekup and I do not like the vet becuz he touchs my fur adn puts a thermter in my bum. Mommee says don’t to say bum on the blogge becuz it is not poliet.

I loev my new sistre and so much. I am very excted. Momm says to let Newcat blogg now becaus that would be nice to maek her like me moretimes and I think ok.

Here is Newcat! Goodbey blogg peopel, mayeb someday I will taelk to you agen! I will slepe on Momees leg now.

Hello to you, blog people. I am Newcat. I have a name, but my new caretaker, who tells me she is my mother but I don’t have to call her Mom until I am comfortable with that, says I need a social media alias; therefore, Newcat it will be.

I was at the shelter in Saratoga for for four months. Saratoga is where classy people and horses live; however, apparently not classy enough to notice quality when they see it. Four months is a very long time and the cages are not very big. Sometimes the cats housed beside me were most uncouth.

Did I mention the particular shelter I was in was in a mall? Yes. I know. It is most beneath me!

Did I mention the particular shelter I was in was in a mall? Yes. I know. It is most beneath me!

Today, a crazy-eyed lady with hair all awry came in. She opened my cage and politely petted me. I liked her. She seemed to understand the ways of the cat. “Hello,” she said. “What do you think, want to come home with me?” I was undecided, but headbutted her. She seemed to like that.

She then went on to check out another cat. I knew that wouldn’t go well. Although that cat is pretty, she is crazy. And, yes! Lady with Crazy Eyes got scratched. Could have told her that was coming.

“I think I will take the tortoiseshell,” Lady with Crazy Eyes said.

We went into a weird pen to get to know each other. “This is weird, I feel like we’re in kitty-jail,” said the lady. There were many people gawking at us and I grumbled and grumbled and the new lady said, “I’m not sure if you’re grumbling because we’re on display like whores in Amsterdam or because you hate me. Give me a sign, here, girl, we’ve only got a few minutes.” Then she picked me up and put me on her lap and I CONTINUED to grumble because I was MOST displeased. “I know what you’re saying, Newcat,” said the lady. “I think it’s high time we blow this popstand, what do you say?”

Then the lady put me back in my cage and I thought perhaps it was like all the other times I had been petted but then returned. Oh, well, I thought. Nice try. But THEN the ladies that work in the shelter PUT ME IN A BOX. A BOX! How ignominious! I did not like that. No I did not. I grumbled and made protesting meows. Then I heard the lady. “Ready to go home, Newcat?” the lady said. Well! What is this strange turn of events, I ask you?

Now I am in a new place, which I have investigated thoroughly. There is a cat here who seems…challenged. He follows me around with a most vacant expression in his eyes. I have put him in his place with grumbles and hisses. He seems undaunted, however.

Earlier, the lady picked me up and put me on the bed. “You can sleep here,” she said. “This whole place is yours now, Newcat.” The bed was soft and crumply with feathers. She laid down next to me and petted and petted me. I couldn’t even help purring and rolling around and headbutting her with much abandon. Please don’t judge me. She’s an excellent petter of cats. She knows all the spots that need petting.

I think I will like it here. It is a home that is most accepting of cats and when I jumped on the table earlier to check out what delicious foodstuffs she was eating for her evening repast she didn’t even yell, just said, “Get off the table, you!” and laughed.

Ah, life, you have perhaps taken a fortuitous turn for me. HISS GRUMBLE. Sorry, that vacant-eyed cat was getting too close again.

Until later, people of the internet. Have very productive days filled with joie de vivre.

(Editor’s note: Yes. It is TRUE! A new cat has entered the Lucy’s Football household. We now have Dumbcat and Newcat. Newcat is currently hiding under the bed; she is plum tuckered out. It’s been a long day for her. We are very pleased; this has been a long time coming. 15 months, actually. Happy birthday, Newcat! I hope you love it here as much as we love having you here!)

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

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