Whew, here we are again! Sorry for the absence yesterday, I had to review a musical that was based on Emma and was set in the late 60s in a newsroom and Emma was Dear Abby. It was surprisingly not as bad as that sentence makes it out to be. Also, Emma is one of my favorite Austens so I was predisposed to like it a little. And the actress playing Harriet was lovely.
ANYWAY, where were we? So I went to the city, met up with the glorious Andreas, we did a fancy gift exchange, had breakfast, and went to the zoo. I’d link all those posts, but I’m sleepy and you can scroll down and see them. So if you’re behind, scroll scroll scroll! You’ll want the WHOLE STORY! As it is a grand, grand tale with much glory and excitement.
So after the regular zoo, it was time to hit the CHILDREN’S Zoo. The Children’s Zoo is where you can touch things. You know I like to touch animals. (NOT IN A NAUGHTY WAY STOP THAT.) So we needed to go to the Children’s Zoo, for all the touchery.
I apologize in advance for not taking more photos in the Children’s Zoo but I was photoed out, plus also other reasons. Don’t question my reasons, that’s totally rude.
On our way, I made Andreas stop at the squished-penny machine with me because I love those damn things and I don’t have a Central Park Zoo squished penny. The instructions on the squished-penny machine were overly intricate and confusing and poor Andreas got a penny he didn’t want before he got the one he DID want. Also, he does not appreciate that a., our quarters do not say twenty-five cents on them, and b., our money is all the same color. When I told Dad this, he said, “THAT’S WHAT ALL THE SOCIALISTS SAY!” and I asked what that had to do with the socialists and he said, “Stop playing dumb, Amy.” So I didn’t get the answer to that question.
Here is my squished penny (I’m sure these have a real name, but I don’t know what it is – souvenir penny, maybe?)
I don’t remember what Andreas got on his. One was something he didn’t want, like an ant or something, and one was something he DID want, but I don’t remember what. Andreas, what did you get?
Then it was time for CHILDREN’S ZOO!
Children’s Zoo was kind of a letdown, to be honest. There were – let’s see if I can remember. Goats and a llama and a bull and some sheep (which some weird man kept calling “llamas” and this made me despair for the intelligence of humans – SHEEP ARE NOT LLAMAS!) and some birds and, strangely, some goldfish. There was a weird stretchy web-thing that kids could bounce on but adults could NOT bounce on it. There was a sign and everything. It was kind of a letdown, zoo-wise.
Andreas totally got pecked by some bird and that made me laugh, and then a fun duck walked right in front of me and I said, “ooh, I wonder if I could touch this duck” and one of the zookeepers said, in a totally strident voice, “NO. It is that duck’s FEEDING TIME and he is ALLOWED to WALK wherever he WANTS and DO NOT TOUCH HIM.” Um. OK. I will not, but tone it down, Calamity Jones, it’s not like I was going to wring his neck and have me some duck l’orange for dinner, okay? Sheesh.
Then THIS happened, and listen, if one of these things pops up, you have to get your photo taken at it. YOU HAVE TO. It’s a zoo rule. A total zoo rule.
This is me as a bunny. As you can SEE, this was not meant for adults, and I am totally sticking out the side/back. Also, it was gross and kind of filthy in there. And I hate my glasses because they become sunglasses with the slightest light and it’s the worst, I look like a stoner.
Then THIS happened, mostly because I said, “please? Please? When are we going to get to do this again. PLEASE PLEASE?” and I think I wore him down.
Andreas is a bunny, too! He managed to squish himself in better back there. He’s much better at being a bunny in a children’s zoo than I am.
Then we were freezing so we decided it was time to go back to the hotel, get Andreas some warmer clothes, and go get lunch. So back to the hotel of fanciness we went!
When we went into the subway I saw the following sign, which I had to take a photo of for Dad. IT PROVES HIS POINT! I told Andreas he didn’t have to stand next to me while I was acting touristy in the subway. He walked away and then when I was done I walked over and said in a touristy voice, “HELLO TOTAL STRANGER CAN I TAKE THE SUBWAY WITH YOU SOMEWHERE?” and I think all the other boring commuters liked my little piece of performance art. It livened up their day.
ZOMG! DAD WAS RIGHT!
I told him about this statistic and he thought the sign was lying and making it lower than it really was. Why? The government. (That’s his answer for everything.) Look at that guy in red there on the sign. He’s not being safe at ALL. Why’s he leaning all out over the tracks like that? I kind of feel like if he got hit by a train, it’d be survival of the fittest, wouldn’t it? The fittest would be the people NOT leaning out over the tracks like a drunken buffoon. Also, if only 55 died, 86 lived. There are 86 people walking around who can say, “BAM MOFO! I got hit by a SUBWAY TRAIN and LIVED! I’m a GOLDEN GOD!”
Back to the hotel for warming up and donning of more layers for Andreas. He was very worried I would be too cold as I did not have enough layers but I was not THAT cold. We were walking a lot. Also I had to fix my hair because it was very windy and my hair was a MESS. That meant I had to go into Andreas’ fancy hotel bathroom and do you know what was in the shower? A BENCH MADE OF WOOD. We’re not sure why, either. I guess so you could rest while shampooing? Or for old people? I don’t know. It was kind of an Asian-feel hotel room so it might just have been for ambiance. I don’t know about such things, my apartment is decorated with cat hair and half-torn-apart mouse toys.
Then it was time for lunch. We decided to just walk and find a place that looked promising and eat at that place. Like fancy people do. We ended up at a place that we chose because it had Korean food, but once we got inside, it also had a billion other things like paninis and coffee and fries and burgers and sandwiches and I feel like maybe that was too many things since I have trouble choosing between TWO things. Andreas had a sandwich and a little salad and some chips and I was randomly not that hungry so I had a little dish of fries with things on them like cheese and fake bacon bits. They were called FANCY FRIES. How can I not get something called Fancy Fries? I AM FANCY!!! It’s like they were MADE for me!
Also, we had MORE coffee, because we totally hadn’t had enough yet, right? AND Andreas let me have his pickles from his salad because he’s the best. “I bet you love pickles and want those, right?” he said. HOW DID HE KNOW? I hadn’t told him. He’s filled with magic, that Andreas. I DID want those pickles. And I ATE them. We sat and talked and laughed and ate for so long that people were totally waiting for our table when we left. Sorry, people.
Then it was time for…ta dah ta DAH! SHOPPING IN NEW YORK! Andreas needed to buy gifts for his people. Gifts are important. I approve.
Earlier in the day, we’d walked by one of my favorite stores in all the land. It is a store it is very hard to get men to go into with you. I didn’t even plan on going to it on this trip, because I didn’t know Andreas’ stand on such a store. I’d made BFF go into it with me when we hit New York City six years ago, and he was not amused. (Although he totally stayed the whole time, because he’s the best sport. And he loves me.)
BUT, when we walked by ONE OF MY FAVORITE STORES, and I saw it and my heart went “ooh, aah!” and guess what?
Andreas saw it, too, and said “Oh, I love that place, we’ll have to stop there when we’re shopping later.”
THIS IS WHY ANDREAS WINS NEW YORK CITY AND FRIENDSHIP!
(Fine, it’s not WHY he wins, he wins because he’s amazing and supportive and funny and kind and all superlatives, but it went pretty far with me.)
It is filled with soaps and bath things and lotions and perfumes and all things that make me go all girly and say squee, squee. I know, sorry to ruin your image of me being a total badass, but here’s the scoop – I love pampery things like soaps that smell good and scrubs to make me soft and perfumes that make me delicious. I know. I’m quite an enigma, don’t even try to figure me out.
OK, it is now officially hours past my bedtime, so the rest of our saga will have to wait until tomorrow. So stay tuned for: adventures in LUSH! and OTHER SHOPPING WE DID WITH MUCH GLEE! and THINGS WE SAW IN THE STREET! and DINNER! and such. I think we’ll reach an end to the tale of Amy and Andreas take New York City by storm tomorrow. Which is good because I have other things to blog about, you know! Something else exciting happened this week, and also I totally have stories on the back burner! But this story will not be stopped, no no no, we must bring it to its conclusion or wouldn’t that just be the rudest? It TOTALLY would!