- skanky train bathrooms!
- I have no sense of direction!
- HOTEL WHERE ANDREAS WAS STAYING!
- FINALLY MEETING ANDREAS and GIVING HIM A HUGE HUG!
- telling the stupid scared voice in my head to shut up and let me have a good TIME, already!
So, now in this point in our tale, I have met Andreas. Andreas looked JUST like he did on Skype. Well, of course he did. I did not doubt that he would. However, Dad was sure Andreas would be – and I am not kidding about this – “a female truck driver.” Actual Dad conversation:
Dad: I’m pretty sure when you show up there, that guy’s not going to be who he says he is.
Me: What? Who do you think he’s going to be?
Dad: A female truck driver.
Me: I don’t…what does that mean. A female truck driver?
Dad: Yes. That’s who those internet people turn out to be, most of the time: female truck drivers.
Me: That is very specific. Where did you get this statistic?
Dad: The television. I saw a show where a female truck driver pretended to be people on the internet. As a trick.
Me: Oh. Huh. Well, that’s – huh. No, I’m pretty sure he’s just going to be Andreas, Dad. I’ve known him for over a year, and also we Skyped, remember? So it would have been pretty tough for him to set up like, a whole household, and rent a baby to pretend to be his child. Especially if he was a female truck driver, driving that truck with those boobs and all.
Dad: Oh, see, no, the female truck driver would have HIRED that guy. To be like the face of her lie.
Me: Um. OK. Well, now I am confused. I thought Andreas WAS the female truck driver?
Dad: That’s what he wants you to think. Or she does, I guess. Oh, also, the female truck driver might be a serial killer, so watch out for that.
Me: WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!?!
Andreas and I said hi and hi and hi and I hugged him because I was SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM. Then I said, “Andreas! We have to go put this gigantic bag of things in your room so I don’t have to cart it all around the city because it is heavy? Or are you NOT OK WITH THAT. Is it NOT OK to have me up in your room?” and he laughed and said it was just fine and that was when I officially knew Andreas and I were going to get along perfectly well because he didn’t think I was crazy even though pretty much the very first thing I said to him in really real life was a crazy-person thing.
So we went to his room and then I gave him ALL THE PRESENTS. Some were for his daughter and some were for his son and some were for his fiancée. I don’t want to say what those are yet because they are wrapped and he didn’t open them yet and maybe he wants to talk about those once they are opened? I don’t want to be a spoiler asshole about presents. I mean, I TOLD him what they were, but he didn’t SEE them yet. BUT! SOME WERE FOR HIM. Now, I had this whole plan of an awesome thing for him, but did not plan it accurately, and it did not get here in time, so I will have to have it shipped to him at home, because I am poor at planning things. And I can’t tell you what it is because that would ruin the surprise for him when he opens it, so shhh. But I brought him LITTLE presents that I knew would make him laugh and let him open them right then and there like:
- the biggest bag of Twizzlers ever! TWO WHOLE POUNDS! I sent Andreas Twizzlers once and he liked them and I thought they would be a good snack for all the traveling he had coming up soon.
- a box of chewable Airborne because he gets sick a lot because when you have kiddos you get sick a lot! They are good and taste like Sweetarts and he totally ate one right there and that made me smile. He and I both agree that the recommended daily allowance on the bottle of 12 tablets a day was a bit of overkill and possibly a way to sell more bottles of Airborne.
- A box of knockoff Thin Mints, because he mentioned he wanted to try Thin Mints but it’s not Thin Mint delivery time yet, and my grocery store has year-round knockoff Thin Mints that taste almost exactly the same. And I wanted him to get to try Thin Mints. Shouldn’t everyone have a chance to try Thin Mints, even if they are knockoffs?
- A huge bag of like 20 packs of gum! That sounds weird, but a long time ago before I existed here on the interwebs I used to be one of those extreme couponer people except not hoardy-extreme, really, and I always had coupons for free gum but can’t chew gum because I have TMJ but I can’t turn down a free thing? So I just put it all in a Ziploc. And Andreas mentioned he liked gum and what the hell was I going to do with all that gum? I warned him it was old so if it was gross to please throw it out, though. I mean, I’m not EVIL. (It’s wrapped. Wrapped and unopened gum, I would assume, lasts a very long time?)
So apparently I brought him all foodstuffs. ALL FOODSTUFFS! I promise I am not trying to fatten Andreas up. The other present I’m waiting on is not even foodstuffs.
Then Andreas gave ME presents and I was totally not even EXPECTING presents!
First: FINNISH CHOCOLATE! I asked him if it was poisoned like that chocolate my boss ate that time and he said it was not, so that was nice. I’m very trusting so I believed him.
THEN, oh, you GUYS, there were two of the nicest presents I think I have ever received from people in my whole LIFE. Wait til you see. You just wait.
First I opened this one, which was from Andreas himself (he totally bought this one HIMSELF, you guys, isn’t that the nicest?)
You GUYS! A necklace with little Day of the Dead skulls and one is a RABBIT and one has a PARTY HAT and one has a CROWN! Is this not the best thing you have ever SEEN? It’s so an Amy-necklace, right? It’s morbid with a side of whimsy! JUST LIKE ME! And Andreas didn’t even KNOW I am totally obsessed with Day of the Dead skulls!
I told Mom about this and she said, “That is terrible. Why are people obsessed with skulls. I SAW SOMEONE WITH A SKULL TATTOO THE OTHER DAY” and I assured her I did not get a tattoo in the city. THIS TIME. Mwa-ha-ha.
Then there was ANOTHER present!
This is a pendant from Andreas AND his fiancée, and do you know why? BECAUSE SHE MADE THIS!
I KNOW! She totally made this HERSELF! Isn’t it GORGEOUS? She makes jewelry, but look, not even like “I strung some beads on some string” jewelry. You GUYS! This is real silver and has a stone in it and it’s one of a kind and it is kind of one of the most beautiful and most personal things I own. I am blown away with this kind of talent and I told Andreas that and told him that he had to tell her thank you a million billion times. I will totally admit I had tears when I opened these two things. I feel like my gifts were the most inadequate when faced with these gifts. My goodness. These are WONDERFUL.
Here is another photo of this one just because I took two and it’s my blog and I love it the most:
OK, so that was gift-time. Then I marveled over Andreas’ room, which was FANCY. Like, super-fancy, you guys. Also, there was water for sale in the room and the water had a name and the name of the water was FRED and that made us laugh and laugh. And the price of FRED was like $7 a bottle. Or you could just drink the tap water, I suppose. Which is what people like me do.
Fred, the WATER! There were like three sizes of Fred. And since the hotel was fancy, three sizes of glasses: one for each bottle-size. Naming your water is a funny thing. I’m easily amused.
So then we decided it was time for breakfast, because Andreas waited until I got there for breakfast because he is a gentleman. He said I’m not allowed to say he’s a GENTLEMAN or he’s FANCY but he’s totally both.
I should probably tell you some things about Andreas, right? He is very tall; he has a very nice movie-star voice that is rumbly with an accent that is kind of British but also kind of what I assume is Swedish because he lived there for most of his obtaining-an-accent years. Whatever it is, it’s a very nice combination, and I could listen to him talk all day. He dresses very well. When you talk, he listens with his whole self, which in our very fast-paced and easily-distracted world is such a nice thing. He laughs easily and genuinely; he has a quick and dry and intelligent sense of humor that is utterly delightful; he holds doors for people; he’s totally sciency in real life; he seems to know the answers to every question you could ever think of to ask; he is kind to servers and smiles at strangers.
Boil that paragraph down to one thing, and he will be embarrassed that I told you this, but I’m going to tell you anyway: Andreas is, without even a question, truly an amazing person.
So I think this has to end this chapter of Amy and Andreas take New York by storm. Tomorrow, we will start with breakfast, and then move to the majorly photo-heavy part of our trip: THE MOST EXCITING PLACE WE WENT. I’d apologize for dragging this out, but I’m not even dragging it out. This many things happened, and they were just this exciting.
Stay tuned, oh readers of the Football! Tomorrow we hit the mean streets of New York. Which are not that mean. Not that mean at all. So I guess just the streets, then. Just the plain old ordinary non-mean streets of New York.