I may or may not have Hulked out this weekend.

It has been a VERY productive week. And long. But also productive. But LONG. (You can say “that’s what she said” if you want. I won’t even get mad.)

I am currently Walking-Deading and sitting on the couch freezing my butt off. It’s super-cold today. ALL THE WIND. Very chilling. It makes your hands like ice. No fun. NO BUENO.

So, let’s see what has happened.

We cast our next show at the theater. We managed to do it in two nights of auditions and we did it smoothly and quickly and with very little fuss, which is awesome. I ran into someone who was…um…not-so-tightly-wound in the course of the two nights of auditions. I won’t say more than that, because that’s rude. But tonight I totally told the story tonight to someone with MANY facial expressions and MUCH hand-wavery and it was received with much mirth so you can just be sad for a moment that I can’t go into more detail. But you should also respect me for my restraint, because it means I’m CLASSY, yo.

Ha! This is totally me, except maybe not the rawry cat pose.

Ha! This is totally me, except maybe not the rawry cat pose.

Then I did laundry and grocery shopping because life doesn’t just stop because you have all the theater things to do. THEN I had the SECOND weekend of the show. Whew! So busy.

One of the nights, we almost sold out. We had a fundraiser for a local group and therefore 80 people came in, plus our other patrons, so we had a very full house. So when I tried to leave, I could NOT. The lobby was TOO FULL. And no one would move. It was a little like I would imagine hell would be like, and a little like I would imagine a room full of zombies would be like, because my quiet and mostly-polite pleas of “excuse me” were greeted with blank stares and/or being completely ignored. So I totally snuck around the back way and burst through the fire door because I was on the edge of a panic attack. I have trouble in very crowded spaces. I kind of like to know where my exits are? And have a clear path to them? At all times? And if I don’t, I get nervous? I think in a previous life, I was a sniper or something.

But ANYWAY, the fire door had this foam-core stuff on it that we’re using for weatherstripping so I burst through that like the HULK, yo. I told Dad and he was all, “It was like in baseball games when a famous person runs though a wall but really it was paper. That’s what that was like.” I told him I wasn’t sure that happened at baseball games, but he seems to think it did. I don’t know, the last time he watched baseball was when the Expos still existed because they were HIS TEAM, and the interwebs tells me that the Expos stopped existing in 2004. And now baseball is dead to Dad. DEAD TO HIM. (And moved them to Washington? And started calling them the Nationals? What is this hooey? I don’t like that, I remember listening to baseball in the garage with my dad when I was little and he would teach me things about it and I like that memory. I do not like that they moved his team to Merka and changed their name. Are they even the same team anymore, once that happens? I do not think they are.)

I totally had an Expos shirt AND hat as a kid. We were an Expos family. Because we lived near CANADA. Eh?

I totally had an Expos shirt AND hat as a kid. We were an Expos family. Because we lived near CANADA. Eh?

Today I put the foamcore weatherstripping (“weatherstripping” – that needs airquotes, it does nothing to keep the cold air out) back as if I didn’t bust through it like the Hulk. Or I guess She-Hulk, or whatever. No one seemed to notice that I had close to a panic attack and had to escape or start gasping like a fish out of water. Being freaked out because you can’t see or get to an exit and freaking out because of all of the people who won’t move and escaping through a fire door is totally normal, right? OF COURSE IT IS SHUSH YOU.

Hulk SMASH!...right through a fire door because the lobby was too full.

Hulk SMASH!…right through a fire door because the lobby was too full.

The weekend went well; we had good audiences all three days, very few flubs, and everything ran very smoothly. People seemed to really enjoy it, which made me happy. Well, maybe not enjoy – it’s a pretty hard to enjoy piece – but appreciated it. I talked to someone with tears on her cheeks as she left; probably that shouldn’t make me happy, I mean, we made her CRY, but then again, we made someone CRY, you know? That’s success, to me. I’m pleased with that. We evoked an emotion that wasn’t there before. I feel that’s powerful. I feel we did that, and I am proud of that.

THEN, I got to see C. and C.! And we went and had ALL THE MEATS! We went to Dinosaur BBQ and had MANY MEATS! Beef and pork and MORE PORK! And it was fine, it was not the best barbecue, it was not the worst. It was fine. But the company was wonderful and we talked and talked and laughed and talked more and I love them the most. They make me comfortable and so happy.

There were no dinosaurs, but I made C. make a dinosaur noise when I came in, and he totally did. That's love, people.

There were no *actual* dinosaurs, but I asked C. to make a dinosaur noise when I came in, and he totally did. That’s love, people.

And now I am home and it is freezing so I am under many blankets and where the hell is the cat, he is warm.

Here is a story called Skype is an Urban Legend.

So months ago, I attempted to Skype for the first time. (Well, no, I did the chat-part of Skype a while before that, which worked fine.) The first time I attempted Skype, I broke it. FINE, I didn’t break it. It just didn’t work, and froze constantly, and we ended up chatting on the chatty-thing below the picture, which I didn’t even know existed, and I was all, “why the hell does he keep TYPING, how rude is THAT, is he even attempting to make this stupid thing work or NOT” but he was writing and writing to me and probably wondering why the hell I wasn’t responding. My reaction upon discovering there was a chat-function was “ZOMG THERE ARE WORDS HERE!” I’m not proud of that, I’m just relaying facts.

It sure as hell didn't look like this. THIS IS A LIE.

It sure as hell didn’t look like this. THIS IS A LIE.

WELL. The other night, Andreas and I decided since we are meeting in New York City in LESS THAN TWO WEEKS, we should probably really talk with our faces before that happened, because I’m totally an awkward panda and I am not only excited to meet him, I am nervous I will be a spastic weirdo and scare him until he hides behind a hot-dog vendor cart.



So we made a whole Skypey plan and at like 11:30 we both signed onto Skype and he called me and THERE WAS ANDREAS! And listen, Andreas is CLASSY, you guys. He looks like a very classy gentleman. He had a nice sweater and everything. I was totally wearing my backstage clothes which were also my Saturday work clothes and I looked shlumpy and tired. HE, however, looked like a fancy GENTLEMAN, not like he just woke up.

Guess what happened?

I totally broke Skype again.

It didn’t let us talk at ALL.

We tried, and it did that same freezing shit it did to me the first time. We’d say one word, freeze. One word, freeze.

We realized after about two minutes of that that the only solution was to use the chat function but we could still SEE each other, only not TALK. It froze up less, seemingly, when we didn’t SAY anything.

So we typed. While seeing each other’s faces. Well, it was something, but I still think you people that use Skype on the regular are punking me.

I'm onto you, Skype. You are BROKEN.

I’m onto you, Skype. You are BROKEN.

BUT! Andreas got to see Dumbcat in real time, who let me pick him up and show him off, and then sat on the table and sometimes walked around and let me show Andreas his little stub-tail. And I got to see Andreas’ dog! Who made little happy grunty noises of glee! Aw, hi, pup!

AND I TOTALLY GOT TO SEE ANDREAS’ BEAUTIFUL SLEEPING BABY!!!! OMG, don’t even tell anyone, I had tears. Shh. He is BEAUTIFUL. Are there many better things than a sleeping baby? I think not.

Also, even though Skype was an urban legend, I got to type things, and see Andreas laugh at them. That made ME laugh. I like that I totally make Andreas laugh out loud. He ALSO made me laugh out loud. Which he got to see. The difference, however, was that Andreas’ laugh is like this lovely cultured laugh and mine is like this cackle. But I’m cool with that. My cackle is very Amy. When I laugh in the audience of a play, my friends know I’m there when they’re backstage all nervous, and it makes them happy knowing I’m in the audience and I’m enjoying myself. I’ll stick with my cackle.

(Also, remember when I first heard Andreas’ voice and I said he sounded like a movie star? HE TOTALLY DOES. Andreas totally has a movie-star voice, you guys. It’s all rumbly and low and has kind of a British accent, but also kind of something else which I assume is Swedish or Finnish and it is LOVELY. I can’t wait to meet him in person and listen to it in really real life when he’s not freezing up every few seconds.)

Then we made plans for our trip. I don’t know if I should tell you where we’re going or if we should surprise you with our arrival at one of my favorite places in New York. BFF! It is one of the places you and I went. That’s the only clue I will give you right now. FINE, I will give you one more. If anyone knows me (whether in real life or through the blog) you know that whenever I go to a new place, there’s one type of place I always look for, and if it exists, I go to it if I can, and it makes me SO HAPPY. Well, New York has TWO of these places (possibly more, but two that are major and that I’m aware of) and Andreas and I are going to the smaller one because we don’t have time for the bigger one as we have twelve hours, but ONLY twelve hours, and if you only have twelve real-life hours with one of your favorite people on this whole planet, you don’t want to waste even a minute of it.

THAT IS ALL YOU GET RIGHT NOW. sj, you cannot guess, I already told you. Also friends C. and C. already know. Shh.

(NO IT IS NOT A STRIP CLUB. I’m fairly sure New York City has more than two strip clubs.)

Also, Andreas tried to trick me into going to McDonalds or Burger King but I said WE ARE NOT HAVING FAST FOOD IN THE COOLEST CITY IN THE WORLD, ANDREAS! (Fine, he was kidding. He doesn’t want fast food, either.)

Fine, shush, you, I love Big Macs SOMETIMES, but not when I'm in New York City and I could LITERALLY have anything I want. I could have Big Macs HERE.

Fine, shush, you, I love Big Macs SOMETIMES, but not when I’m in New York City and I could LITERALLY have anything I want. I could have Big Macs HERE.

So we have a place we are going to, and we’re going to wait and see what we want to eat when we want to eat it, and then we will EAT ALL THE THINGS, and we are going to walk and walk and walk. And talk. Oh, are we going to talk. I told Andreas just TRY to shut me up. That made him laugh. I think he’s aware I’ll be chatty.

Then we made MORE plans and schemes and then it was 1:30am. And at one point, his little girl woke up and with the freezing and skipping ahead that evil, evil Skype was doing, it made him seem to be there one moment, gone the next, like he’d been abducted by aliens, probably FINNISH aliens, which made me laugh and laugh.

So we’re trying it AGAIN soon and I am crossing my fingers but I’m thinking it won’t work. For some reason, Skype has its hate on for me. WHY DO YOU HATE ME, SKYPE? I just want to live in Jetsons world with videophones. IT IS NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK.



I told Dad I wanted a Jetsons videophone and he said “THAT IS NOT A THING” and I assured him it WAS a thing and he sighed and said, “I should have made you play outside more as a child.” DAD. NO. Then I wouldn’t be as AWESOME as I am.

So that is the story of Skype. But even though it did not work as intended, it was kind of awesome because I learned the following things:

  • Andreas totally doesn’t think I’m a spastic weirdo and still wants to meet me in LESS THAN TWO WEEKS YAY!
  • I can make people laugh IN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT COUNTRIES and they’re not even just SAYING they’re laughing, they really ARE laughing, I SAW IT WITH MY EYEBALLS
  • Andreas and I totally are comfortable enough with each other to meet in really real life and I won’t be a stammering jackass
  • Well, fine, maybe I will some, but that’s just me, I can’t help it
  • You can’t embarass yourself by spilling fruit punch on your top if you don’t bring fruit punch to the table. A very wise man named Andreas taught me that and he was RIGHT.
  • We have a PLAN for the CITY and it will be AWESOME and we are going to have SO MUCH FUN I CAN’T EVEN and also we are going to take SO MANY PHOTOS AT THE PLACE WHERE WE ARE GOING!
  • Andreas is really one of the best people I know in the whole world (I did not learn that on Skype, I knew that going INTO the Skyping, and also AFTER the Skyping, but it bears mention, because I can’t say it enough.)

This is really long. It’s almost like the old Amy is back. But not really, because now I have to go to bed.

HAPPY HOLIDAY MONDAY TO MERKANS! Today we celebrate presidents. I will be celebrating sleeping in and attempting to do nothing tomorrow. Oh, well, I have some things to do tomorrow. Computer things and writing things and I have to go to the store to meet a friend and buy some things for this top secret thing I am doing and then also relax a little because this is my only real holiday before Memorial Day. That’s a long stretch, seriously, who planned that? POORLY PLANNED SIR OR MADAM!

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

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