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People Did Things and Raylan Didn’t Shoot Anyone

I am working up to a real post with real ideas and real thoughts and real writing and such but I don’t have time for that tonight because it is about an hour and a half before I have to be in bed. Sorry, I’m not the best at time management. I had to grocery shop tonight and also screw around on the internet for like hours and shit, it was all VERY IMPORTANT. And now Dumbcat is so snuggled into my leg he’s like a remora. REMORA CAT!!!!

Um. I don't...I hope this fish sucked out your brain. Why did you put it on your FACE? Put it back in the WATER. Sheesh.

Um. I don’t…I hope this fish sucked out your brain. Why did you put it on your FACE? Put it back in the WATER. Sheesh.

It is still very cold but not SO very cold so that’s nice. Well, nicER, not NICE or anything. It warmed up just enough to snow so I have to clean off my car before going to work tomorrow, I guess. Also, randomly and schizophrenically, Dad said it’s supposed to be 40 by Wednesday. URGH. Just pick a temperature and GO with it, weather. You are giving me whiplash.

Today was “watch Justified and then call Dad and explain what happened on Justified” night. See, Justified is on at 10pm. I try to get to bed by 10pm nowadays. Because I am old and like to get up by 6am. So Dad watches it on Tuesdays. And then all week he’s all, “bet you might watch it tonight so we can talk about it! What about tonight! How about TONIGHT? I’m FORGETTING what HAPPENED, Amy!” but usually I can’t watch it until Friday becasue there are other things on and I’m busy as hell. Sorry, Dad.

Justified is a very good show about people who live in the south and some are good and some are bad but really no one’s clearly one or the other. Also, the men are pretty. VERY pretty. And there’s a lot of gunplay. And Raylan. And Boyd. The whole show makes me happy. It’s so not even my type of show, it’s Dad’s type of show, but the acting and the writing make it stellar. Also, I like that Dad and I have a show. We don’t agree on much, television-wise. It’s nice.

Also, Raylan is very good at leaning. VERY skilled at it. Sigh.

Also, Raylan is very good at leaning. VERY skilled at it. Sigh.

So I attempted to watch Justified but found that I had recorded it incorrectly. Shush, you, I’m old-school and don’t have a DVR because of various reasons. Eventually all the VCRs will break and it’s not like I can get another one unless I have a time machine or a Delorean.

We're going BACK! To the FUTURE! To get AMY! A VCR!

We’re going BACK! To the FUTURE! To get AMY! A VCR!

SO, I said, Amy, I said (because I talk to myself), let’s try the exciting new streaming thingy you haven’t gotten a chance to play with yet. YES AMY! said I in response, because who’s going to respond to me, the cat? He can’t TALK, you guys. Let’s TRY the streaming service and see what happens!

Ooh, this is going to be dangerous, you guys.

YES, Amazon Prime had Tuesday’s Justified. You had to pay for it, of course, but they had it. And Dad was WAITING. And he was getting CRANKY. A cranky Dad is not a fun Dad. He looks forward to discussing (i.e. “me explaining”) Justified every week, yo.

So all you have to do is put in your password and BOOP! you now have the show on your television. Just like that! Just like MAGIC! It’s like a credit card for your TELEVISION! And even better, I had some sort of Amazon credit I didn’t even know I had, so it was FREE.

Yup. I like the future very much.

So then I called Dad. Elaine, stop reading now. Unless you watched this week’s Justified. This will spoil it for you. I love your face and I hate spoiling things.

Dad: I have to go upstairs. Shh.
Me: Why do I have to shh? And why do you have to go upstairs?
Dad: Your mother is watching Undercover Boss and she said I have to be quiet.
Me: Did she say *I* have to be quiet?
Dad: No. But if I do, so do you.
Me: Seems legit. Especially since I’m like 4 hours away.
Dad: DID YOU WATCH IT?
Me: Yes. Do you remember it?
Dad: Mostly. There were people doing things. Raylan didn’t shoot anyone.
Me: You should write recaps. That’s really all anyone needs. “People did things; Raylan didn’t shoot anyone.”
Dad: That guy who was beating up that psychic is on my soap opera. He’s Danny’s son. I kept saying, “Danny’s son, why are you a thug right now?”
Me: Yeah, I have the same problem with some of their casting. I keep calling the heroin dealer “The Kirk” because that’s who he played on Dear John in the 80s with Judd Hirsch and I can’t take the ultimate fighter seriously because he was some doofy doctor who got killed off when the gunman came into the hospital on Grey’s Anatomy.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who remembers this guy and the show "Dear John." I am? Well, crap.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who remembers this guy and the show “Dear John.” I am? Well, crap.

Dad: You remember too many things. Your head is frightening.
Me: Yeah. Tell me about it. Try living in here. It’s no cakewalk, sunshine.
Dad: I think Raylan’s girlfriend stole his money.
Me: Oh, I wasn’t paying attention to that part, I was talking to Andreas. Is that what happened?
Dad: You’re supposed to be watching this and reporting back to me, not talking to spies in Finland.
Me: Sorry. I’ll do better next time.
Dad: YOU SAY THAT EVERY TIME.
Me: I know. I’m really a failure, here. It’s embarrassing.
Dad: Did we find out anything else about that missing pilot?
Me: No. They’re dragging that out. I think we found out he saw something he shouldn’t have right before he disappeared.
Dad: Also, there were snakes. I couldn’t look at those snakes. You know I hate snakes.
Me: Yes, Indiana Jones, I know how you feel about snakes. I laughed at those snakes. They were funny. I liked when that guy got all bitten by snakes and when Boyd asked what happened, his friend was all, “I think a snake bit him!” and a snake-head was like HANGING OFF HIS FACE. And Ava was all, “Yes. That is very clear.”

WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE SNAAAAAKES?

WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE SNAAAAAKES?

Dad: Ava and Boyd are BAD NEWS. You shouldn’t like them.
Me: I LOVE THEM. They are the best. Well, mostly Boyd. You just don’t like Ava anymore because she stopped taking her top off.

Sigh, Boyd. LOVE.

Sigh, Boyd. LOVE.

Dad: No comment. NONE AT ALL.
Me: Also, I like where they’re going with this whole snake-church thing. I felt bad for the poor preacher tonight when he realized he didn’t have a way with the snakes after all and his sister was a secret badguy.
Dad: And then Boyd snuck off like a thief in the night. That guy is BAD NEWS.
Me: No. Boyd was SAD for that preacher. He RELATED to him. Remember, Boyd thought he was touched by God once, too. Boyd is GOOD, Dad. Just a little broken. That’s why I like him.
Dad: You are weird. YOU ARE A WEIRDO PERSON.
Me: I also, however, would not kick Raylan out of bed, and that is a fact, so I’m not SO weird.
Dad: DO NOT SAY KICK OUT OF BED TO YOUR FATHER.
Me: Fine. I have to go do some things now. You should go watch Undercover Boss. Wait, I’ll spoil it for you, ready? The boss reveals himself, everyone pretends to be shocked, and he gives some people trips and/or vacations.
Dad: THAT PART MAKES ME HAVE ALLERGIES.
Me: I know it does. That’s why they do it. It’s manipulative.
Dad: Next week you need to watch our show sooner than Friday. I always forget all the things that happened if you wait too long.
Me: You’d forget even if I called you Wednesday.
Dad: Who is this? How did I get upstairs? Where am I? WHO AM I?
Me: Hee! WHAT DAY IS THIS?
Dad: IS IT DAY OR NIGHT? WHOSE BED AM I LYING ON RIGHT NOW?
Me: You are the best. Go watch the boss trick people. Bring a Kleenex for your seasonal allergies that will hit you at like 8:50pm.
Dad: I’m going to pretend I don’t know who I am to your mother. What do you think she’ll say?
Me: She’ll look at you like you’re nuts and shush you for interrupting Undercover Boss.
Dad: Sigh. You are correct. Goodnight, weirdo daughter.
Me: Goodnight, slowly-losing-it father.

I’m pretty sure someone would pay mucho dinero to have me and Dad write them television recaps every week, right? RIGHT. Hell, I’d read ’em. Dad and I are HYSTERICAL.

Off to bed, my merry band of miscreants. Have a happy weekend! Do lots of things! Try not to be arrested and/or get your heart broken! Love love love!

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

40 responses to “People Did Things and Raylan Didn’t Shoot Anyone

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    I’m sorry I ruined your television show watching.

    Although the show doesn’t seem to make much sense to me. Something about a pilot in a snake church hanging off someone’s face? What’s that all about?

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      You ruined nothing. I’d take you over any show, any day.

      There’s a pilot in one plotline, and then there’s a whole other plotline about a snake-handling church that people tried to break into and they got all snakebit. It was all very awesome and testosteroney.

      It’s very good and very dark and kind of…southern crime noir? Maybe? If that’s a thing?

      Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Also, I’ve been told it’s Saturday. I can’t vouch for it though; lost track of what day of the week it is weeks ago.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Did I say Sunday in the post? Probably. It’s the problem with writing them a day in advance. I never know where I am or what day it is. I’m terrible about that.

      I PROMISE THAT FOR THE NEXT 3.5 HOURS HERE IN THE EASTERN TIME ZONE IT’S STILL SATURDAY, PEOPLE!!!

      Like

  • elaine4queen

    DAMN

    So, I had to stop reading. I will WAIT.

    Raylan really DOES do a good lean, doesn’t he? *salivates*

    Like

  • Beth Johnson (@ladypembroke)

    I love your Dad. I love your relationship with your Dad. Don’t tell him that. He’ll just call me a weirdo. ;-)

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Hee! I won’t tell him. But, thank you. I’m very lucky. I have an amazing dad. He makes me laugh harder than anyone in the world. (And vice-versa, I think. We crack each other up.) :)

      Like

  • cm

    Haha The Kirk! Remember when Dear John was on randomly one time as we were turning off the tv? Haven’t thought about that guy since then…glad he got another job

    Like

  • elaine4queen

    Well done Mr Lucy’s Football for spotting that girlfriend took money – I wondered what it was he was expecting to see in the drawer with the safety pin in it.

    I think you and your dad could get syndicated. Best TV reviewers ever!

    You need to explain to your dad that when he was a youth there were only good guys and bad guys. Now we also have good bad guys and bad good guys. It’s a GOOD THING. It makes plots twistier.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      THANK YOU ELAINE! I didn’t notice she took the money, either, I thought he was just looking in the drawer to really prove to himself she’d taken off, that her things were really gone, or something! Dad isn’t sure it was her – he thinks maybe the husband took the money – but I think it had to be her. How would the husband know where Raylan had hidden the money?

      Dad still remembers the days of old-timey westerns with men in black and men in white, so you knew who the badguys were. I like them this way. I like my badguys with some redeeming qualities, and my goodguys more able to fall. It makes everyone more relatable.

      Like

      • elaine4queen

        Your dad needs to get hip to the trip if he’s going to watch modern telly. If he can cope with the contradictions he might even end up enjoying such sagas as The Wire.

        My dad, by the way, would be able to cope with neither. I can be in the same room as him watching one of HIS shows and he will ask me what is going on. Best avoided!

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          He gets confused easily. He often asks me to explain. Which is confusing, especially when it’s a show I don’t watch. He used to ask me to explain “Damages,” which I never have seen an episode of. My explanation was usually “It has Glenn Close in it? I think? That’s it, I’m tapped out.”

          Like

          • elaine4queen

            Damages is actually REALLY COMPLICATED. It should have a dad warning on it.

            Gratuitous Video of Justified Theme Tune

            LOL at your dad asking you about stuff you don’t watch. My dad phones me to ask what is the matter with his computer. I usually say “I don’t know, I CAN’T SEE IT”

            Like

            • lucysfootball

              I love their theme song. It was a good choice on their part.

              He also explains shows to me I don’t watch. Like Blue Bloods. Every week I get a Blue Blood recap, and I want to say, “I don’t watch that on purpose because I have no interest in that, Dad” but he’s SO EXCITED to tell someone about it I don’t have the heart. I don’t know who any of the people are and it is all very confusing but I just make encouraging noises, that seems to be enough for him.

              Like

      • elaine4queen

        OOOH!

        Although he might not like The Wire, if he can get into the bad good guy/good bad guy thing then he could watch Deadwood – also featuring RAY LAYND!

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          I do need to watch Deadwood someday. I very much like westerns. I don’t know about The Wire – I heard good things, but it’s so crimey, isn’t it? Those usually aren’t my type of shows…

          Like

          • elaine4queen

            The Wire is drug crime – taken from different perspectives – it is pretty hardcore tv watching since it doesn’t really cater for drop-in viewers at all. It is the tv equivalent of getting married.

            Deadwood is BRILLIANT – i think you could actually watch it with your dad, too. There are sexy scenes though, and a lot of swearing, so maybe better done over the phone!

            Like

            • lucysfootball

              Swearing is ok with both of us (as long as it’s not ME swearing, because for some reason Dad thinks I’m still 11 and not allowed to do so.) Sex scenes are fine with both of us, but awkward in person. So, yes. Best watched over the phone and then we don’t talk about that part.

              Like

              • elaine4queen

                There is a LOT of swearing. In fact it’s famous for swearing. Don’t look in advance, but there are some compilations of swearing on Deadwood up on youtube.

                You may find yourself having to explain a few things about Deadwood because as well as having complex characters there are also threaded story lines. But I think you will both love it. And there’s a fair bit of it, too. And it’s finished so you can be completist on your own terms.

                Like

                • lucysfootball

                  I have Netflix now so it’s probably on there! I’m eventually going to catch up enough on my own shows that I can start USING my Netflix on a regular basis, yay!

                  Like

                  • elaine4queen

                    You are OBLIGED to use it.

                    Get telly watching!

                    Like

                    • lucysfootball

                      I am telly watching! Only I’m watching shows I’ve missed from the season, not Netflix. I’ll get there…soon…sigh. I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO WATCH!

                      Like

                    • elaine4queen

                      I know. It’s a full time job.

                      I am just starting something called Lie To Me, which seems promising.

                      Like

                    • lucysfootball

                      I liked “Lie to Me” a lot. The science behind it was fascinating. I don’t think it got very good ratings – Fox moved it around constantly, and I never knew when it would be on or where to find it (and I was a fan of the show, so I can only imagine people who were only occasional watchers gave up.) I wasn’t surprised when it got cancelled – there’s no way it could have gotten ratings being moved around like that.

                      Like

                    • elaine4queen

                      I like The Mentalist as well.

                      I have seen ep 1 so am hoping it’s going to be a bit like that.

                      Like

                    • lucysfootball

                      I also like The Mentalist! Some excellent acting and writing going on there!

                      Like

                    • elaine4queen

                      The episodes are nice and long, I like the team. And they JUST KEEP FILMING MORE!

                      All good things. Do you get Silent Witness there? It’s really good, and the hour long episodes are all two-parters, so the story is TWO WHOLE HOURS long every week!

                      Like

                    • lucysfootball

                      I’ve never heard of Silent Witness! Hmm, maybe something once I start using my Netflix regularly!

                      Did you ever start watching Criminal Minds? That’s one of my favorites.

                      Ooh, I have to email you about Dad and his thoughts on our theories of Justified. Be there in a minute.

                      Like

                    • elaine4queen

                      I don’t think I have. I will get onto it.

                      If you watch from the very beginning SW is a one woman crime fighting pathologist, played by Amanda Burton. I liked it at the time, but the modern ones which are a team of pathologists, are MUCH better. So unless you particularly like the Amanda Burton ones or are a die hard completeist, I’d start from the more modern ones.

                      Like

                    • lucysfootball

                      Will do! Someday! Soon, hopefully!

                      Like

  • becomingcliche

    I remember Dear John. I can even sing the theme song because I am a sad excuse.

    I know what you mean about past roles impacting the current ones. One reason (one of many, many, many) that I can’t watch True Blood is because I saw Anna Paquin’s movies from when she was 11 or so, which increases the ick factor exponentially.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      ME TOO! “Dear John…Deeeeear John….by the time you read these words, I’ll be gone…Life goes on…Dear John…” URGH. Seriously, I have trouble remembering what day of the week it is, but I remember that theme song.

      I have a present for you later today! “Saturday Night Live” did a skit for YOU and for ME last night. I’m just waiting for them to post it so I can send it to you. It will make you giggle.

      Like

  • 35JupiterDrive

    Okay, first of all, I am happy (guiltily so because I know the weather should NOT be doing this) but I am nonetheless happy about the 40 degrees because I have to move boxes. And 40 is preferable to 4 for doing that. Much preferable.

    Also, you could take a Tardis to go get more VCRs.

    Amy. I just came up with something you have to do. YOU HAVE TO DO THIS. You need to have a TV recap podcast with your Dad. You would get all the advertising. I would listen to it even though I don’t watch Justified! You could talk politics. You could give people advice! OMG, it would be the BEST if the two of you gave people advice! And maybe Andreas (hi Andreas) could call in from Finland!

    Now I’ve made myself want a podcast called Amy & Her Dad. Damn.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Dad will not do a podcast, or anything internetty. He doesn’t (shh) know I talk about him as much as I do on here. He would not like it at all. :)

      I have never seen any Dr. Who. But someday! It is part of the reason I got Netflix.

      It’s supposed to be 53 here on Wednesday! I bet it will be even warmer for you because you’re more south!

      Like

      • 35JupiterDrive

        No, I’m kind of directly across? Aren’t I? Now I need a map.

        Huh. I am more south.

        Dang, too bad. That would be the most wonderful podcast ever.

        Yes. Watch Dr. Who. You will like. :)

        Like

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