My phone is psychic but pretending it’s not and it’s worrying me, yo.

I’m fairly sure my phone is psychic. Or perhaps haunted.

No, no, wait, hear me out.

OK, so one of the reasons I got the iPhone is that I could put a ton of music on it. My master musicologist, sj, has been the most helpful with this, even when I was freaking out and all “ZOMG SJ I CANNOT DOOOO THISSSS” and she made a video for me and everything. She’s the best.

So I managed to put music on my phone. Which was VERY exciting. I was able to have Google Music on my last phone for about 5 minutes before it was all “NO INTERNAL MEMORY!” and made me delete it. *glares at old phone*

So I currently have about 850 songs on my phone. I could have more, but I gave up on turning all of my CDs to digital files halfway through the project because there were just too many of them. I am a master at giving up when something is too hard. Don’t even think I’m not.

I spent about three hours going through all the music in my iTunes (which sj showed me how to get out of my Google Music) and selecting the ones I wanted and putting it all on the phone. It was a huge endeavor that took up a large chunk of one of my Sundays off.

HOWEVER! Since sj is the smartest, she knew the following:

  • if I had music and Pandora on my phone, I could listen to music ANYWHERE I WAS
  • I just had to buy a little adapter-thingy and I could listen to music in my CAR (I don’t have a fancy car – it only has a tape player. But for like $10, you can get a tape player adapter thingy and listen to your phone in your car. Which I didn’t even know existed.
See? This is how those of us with old-ass cars make things work, yo.

See? This is how those of us with old-ass cars make things work, yo.

So I have been merrily listening to my own music for the past week or so. Even better, if we’re quiet about it, we can listen to music at work! I know, I work at the best place, right? Friend A. showed me how to make the phone play through the computer speakers (which I thought would be a big huge deal but come to find out I just had to plug the phone into the speaker wire. I never said I was technologically savvy) so I can now listen to music at my desk while I’m toiling. (A lot of my work involves doing things that I can listen to music while I do, so that’s nice. It’s a nice thing to have playing. It makes me happy.)

ANYWAY, so my phone is psychic.

Here is an actual email exchange with the magical sj the other day. I am italics. sj is bold. In case that wasn’t obvious.

How is it possible that the shuffle function on the phone has just played three Beatles songs in a row? There are like 850 songs on here. Yes, quite a few of them are Beatles songs…but the sheer odds of that are kind of miniscule. I think the phone has become sentient and is screwing with me. If I don’t email you tomorrow, it’s because the phone has killed me in my sleep.

Wait, let’s see what the 4th song in a row is. This is like a little test.

Hmm. Hole’s “Asking for It.” IS THE PHONE TRYING TO SAY I’M ASKING FOR IT? Oh, crap, I think I’m in trouble.

The next song was “Hero.” I’m pretty sure the phone is trying to tell me not to be a hero, here.

HAHAHAHAHA!  This is the best email ever!

The next song was “Skip the Charades.” THE PHONE KNOWS I’M ONTO IT.


You need to do one of those “iPod on shuffle” posts!

I was just thinking I probably should. But the haunted phone might not like that. IT MIGHT KILL ME.

See? My phone is psychic and/or haunted. It might be trying to tell me something.

The other day, it played a song that I love. Love love LOVE. So I played it over and over and over and OVER. When I finally moved onto something else, the first song the phone played was Denis Leary’s “Asshole,” so I’m pretty sure it was making a judgment about me and my obsessive need to listen to sad songs over and over. I think the phone was all, “THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M ON SHUFFLE FOR, AMY.” And therefore I think it might hate me.

HOWEVER, I also think the phone loves me, because sometimes it seems to know exactly what I need to hear right when I need to hear it. This morning, I needed Brandi Carlile’s “The Story.” I really, really did. Yes. I know I could have just manually made it happen, but that doesn’t seem fair. What was like the third song that popped up today? Yep. “The Story.” THANK YOU PSYCHIC PHONE!

Anyway, in honor of sj, let’s see what an iPod on shuffle meme looks like. Then mock it, probably. My guess would be that we will mock this meme. But who knows what will happen, the world really is our oyster, here.

Whole world, baby.

Whole world, baby.

OK, here, I found one, let’s see what happens. Apparently you put your iPod (or phone, or whatever) on shuffle and see what happens and then answer the questions. I like questions.

1. What do people assume when they first look at me?
“Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon and Garfunkel. (Well, that’s distressing. Unless that’s a compliment. Do we think that’s a compliment?)

2. What will be a big challenge in life for me?
“Burning Down the House” by The Used. (Hmm. Am I burning down the house? Am I burning down someone else’s house because I’ve been scorned or something? Will I have a house fire? I don’t like the tone of this meme.)

This makes me nervous, this little cartoon. Someone thought this was a good idea? Yikes.

This makes me nervous, this little cartoon. Someone thought this was a good idea? Yikes.

3. Am I a good boyfriend/girlfriend?
“Brown-Eyed Handsome Man” by Chuck Berry. (This doesn’t answer the question at ALL. Also the question is stupid.)

4. Do I have a Secret Admirer?
“We Are Young” by Fun. (Um. This meme is ridiculous and not working, and also strangely capitalized.)

5. Will I ever become manically depressed in my life?
“If I Had a Hammer” by Arlo Guthrie and Pete Seeger. (A. Who asks questions like this? B., Apparently I’m going to be depressed and maybe kill someone with a hammer. Sigh.)

7. Is someone trying to kill me?
“Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye. (Oh, see, this one totally answered the question, someone from my past is attempting to murder me, I knew it.)

8. What is my sexual preference?
“I’m Looking Through You” by The Beatles. (Again, this is a very bad question, and the answer doesn’t have anything to do with this. SIGH SIGH MEME.)

9. What am I afraid of?
“Into the Mystic” by Van Morrison. (I’m afraid of the person who introduced me to this song. He was a total jerk and also I think a crazyperson. But I love the song. This is making me tired.)

10. What will I be doing in a few years?
“I Know Him So Well” from the Chess Original Cast Recording (I’m going to be…euphemizing in a few years? So well? Rock on, future-me.)

11. What is some good advice for me?
“18 Wheeler” by Pink (OK, I’m down with this, since one of the lyrics is “You can push me out the window/I’ll just get back up/You can run over me with your 18 wheeler truck/And I won’t give a fuck” so that’s good advice, then. Thanks, Pink.)

12. What should I do instead of this quiz?
“Fake Plastic Trees” by by Radiohead (I think this means ANYTHING is better than this quiz. ANYTHING EVEN FAKE PLASTIC TREES.)

13. Will you get married?
“Hit So Hard” by Hole. (I’m…gonna take that as a no, then.)

14. What is the story of your life?
“Magical Mystery Tour” by The Beatles. (Yep. That works. That works just fine for me.)

15. How can you get ahead in life?
“Fire and Rain” by James Taylor. (Um. I’m pretty sure there’s a fire in my future. This is…well, worrisome, to be honest.)

16. What is the best thing about your friends?
“Girlfriend” by Julia Price. (What about my guy friends? This meme or quiz or whatever is very long, and making me exhausted.)

17. What song describes you?
“Once” by Pearl Jam. (OK, now I think the phone is just screwing with me. NONE OF THESE MATCH UP AT ALL.)

18. How does the world see you?
“The Chain” by Ingrid Michaelson. (“So glide away on soapy heels and promise not to promise anymore and I will take the chain from off the door.” WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE QUESTION. The answer is nothing. It has nothing to do with the question.)

19. Will you have a happy life?
“Fortunate Son” by Creedence Clearwater Revival. (Apparently that’s a yes? Although I think the song was ironic? So maybe a no? SIGH.)

20. How can I make myself happy?
“At the End of the Day” from the Les Mis original cast recording. (Well, this clearly means I need to go see “Les Mis” in the theaters, then. In order to be happy. That’s alright.)

21. What should you do with your life?
“Ode to Billy Jo” by Bobbi Gentry. (I should…hide the fact I’m gay and jump off a bridge? Yes. Yes, that makes sense, phone. Thank you. SO much.)

22. Will you ever have children?
“I Speak Six Languages” from The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee original cast recording. (This is about kids. Kids that can SPELL. So it’s tangentially related. Hmm.)

Alright, so I think it’s fairly clear that the phone, which up until now was all psychic, wanted nothing to do with this stupid meme and decided to play dumb, and therefore screwed with me during this so I looked like an idiot. WELL-PLAYED, PHONE.

Also, and this has NOTHING to do with ANYTHING, so SIDE NOTE, but why didn’t you people warn me that Despicable Me was SAD? Urgh. I’m all snotty and tearfaced right now. I can’t watch a cartoon movie without weeping, I swear. It’s very distressing. Stupid cartoons being all emotional.



Off to bed for me. Long day of longness. I need to get more sleep, sometimes.

If the phone kills me in my sleep, I’m totally blaming all of you for not believing me it’s psychic or perhaps demon-possessed.

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

21 responses to “My phone is psychic but pretending it’s not and it’s worrying me, yo.

  • Samantha

    4. Do I have a Secret Admirer?
    “We Are Young” by Fun. (Um. This meme is ridiculous and not working, and also strangely capitalized.)

    I think this kind of works? “My lover she’s waiting for me, just across the bar my seat’s been taken by some sunglasses” You’re the girl being chatted up? :D I know I’m stretching that quite a lot out of the context. :P

    And yeah, my phone tends to play certain songs over and over, but they’re usually ones I skip. So I’m not sure about that. But sometimes I’ll be like, “GOOD JOB!” and be dancing in my car. :P

    By the way, completely approve of your song list, even if they didn’t match with the meme. :D

    Those cassette things are pretty sweet, if just a tad loud, but maybe they’ve made them better. It’s really nice when you don’t have a cd player or av hookup.


    • lucysfootball

      I like when the phone is smart and plays just what I need to hear. It doesn’t always. There are a few songs that sneaked on there by mistake (I need to get on there and remove them) and it plays those few CONSTANTLY. Yet I have yet to hear, in over a week of listening, one of my favorite songs of all time: Ryan Adams’ “Come Pick Me Up.” I know it’s on there. What’s going on, phone?


  • Kris Rudin (@krisrudin)

    My iPhone said to tell you that your iPhone is in NO WAY trying to kill you. Nope. Not at all. I’m sure my iPhone can be trusted to tell the truth!

    Also, Despicable Me was AWESOME. Makes my eyes leak, every time. There’s going to be a sequel, and I hope it’s not lame.


    • lucysfootball

      I saw the commercial for the sequel (which is what made me want to watch the first one) and it looked fun and silly. I don’t know that it will live up to the first one…but the Toy Story sequels were wonderful, so there’s hope!


  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Well, I can’t watch the first part of ‘Up’ without getting teary. That scene in the doctor’s office, with the poster of a fetus in the background, where we understand they can’t have any children. Yeah, that one.


    • lucysfootball

      OMG YES. That got me with all the sneaky-tears. I was SOBBING. Thank goodness I saw that at home and not at in the theater, because I was GONE. I had to turn the movie off for a bit. What a powerful few minutes, there. Whoo.


  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Having all of my music albums on my phone is the best thing. And with Amazon Cloud Player, any mp3s I’ve ever bought from them is instantly available anywhere. Well, anywhere with broadband, that is. Which is why I still prefer the archaic practise of physically copying mp3 files onto my phone.

    But getting all my new albums as downloads has resulted in a new problem: how to play the music in the car. My car is rather old and doesn’t have an USB port (or even an analogue input jack for that matter), so I’m sitting with loads of great music on my phone that’s inaccessible to me whilst driving. But the adapter thing might be an idea. There must be Bluetooth enabled FM transmitters available to buy, surely? That could stream music from my phone and broadcast it on the FM band for my car stereo to pick up?


    • lucysfootball

      I tried Amazon once and it ate the album I purchased and I was mad so I swore them off, but now that I have a Kindle I’ll have to try them again.

      And YAY, this question is now invalid, I totally found you a Bluetooth transmitter. Because I win Googling! *happy dance*


  • 35JupiterDrive

    This made me laugh hysterically. Sooo funny.

    And now I know about a quiz, in case I get an iPhone down the road here. (Which I will. But down the road.) :)

    I think the good boyfriend/girlfriend means to be on the lookout for a brown-eyed handsome man. :) This is what I think.


  • sarah h

    You realize that number 7 is just validating your dad’s theory that someone you “know” from the internets is going to stalk you and murder you. You should probably not let him know about number 7. :)


    • lucysfootball

      I don’t let him know about MOST of what’s going on here. It would make him unable to sleep. Well, unable to sleep MORE. He doesn’t sleep much as it is. Many worries in Dad’s head.


  • RebeccaScaglione

    My phone is soooo psychic too! But in a different way. My husband must have lived under a rock because he didn’t know Here Comes the Sun when I sang it and thought I made it up. WTF???? Anyway, it literally plays on the iPod/Pandora/iPhone allllll the time now, like trying to show my husband the song is REAL!


  • handflapper

    Oh, wow, I totally have to get one of those cassette adapter thingies because my husband bought me this weirdly old car that has only 55,000 miles on it so it was ridiculously cheap even though it’s in most excellent shape–seriously, a real Only Driven to Church on Sundays Little Old Lady Car except it’s kind of sporty for a Little Old Lady–but it doesn’t have any place to plug in my iPhone so I can listen to my Pandora stations or my other music and also the cigarette lighter thing doesn’t power my charging code which is super duper pissing me off because you know you can’t listen to music on the iPhone for any length of time without crashing the battery to nothingness and also it has no blinkers, so maybe that’s all interconnected with a bad fuse or something? Husband really needs to get on that before I stab him in frustration from my phone dying while out running errands.


    • lucysfootball

      No blinkers is an issue. Yeah, I wonder if it’s a fuse? I wish you were here. My awesome garage guy would tell you what it was for FREE. Then, if it was something you could fix yourself, he would tell you what to buy at Autozone and how to do it. He’s the best, I don’t know how he stays in business, seriously.

      I love the car cassette thingy. And it was so cheap! Only $10 on Amazon! But if I didn’t have the cigarette lighter adapter that charged my phone I would also be so upset because I use that all the time. ALL the time.


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