Just be nice to the gentlemen, Fancy, and they’ll be nice to you.

There are a lot of problems in the world today. Unless you’re living in a happy plastic bubble or a biodome or something, I’m sure you’ve heard about some of them. Shooting people. Crazy religious types Jesus-shouting at funerals. The hatred of all things not-“normal” – so you’re screwed if you’re not a straight old rich white man. The world’s a maelstrom of lunacy at the moment. It’s a lot of fun to live in. If by “fun” you mean “a place filled with many pits of quicksand so TREAD LIGHTLY DARLING GINGERSNAPS.”

This one’s kind of miniscule, overall. Comparatively, I mean. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t infuriate me. So are we going to rant about it? You bet we are.

I heard about this here. Sprocket Ink (our friend Jim used to write there, and once he left, I stayed around, because I enjoyed their articles…which is what people say about Playboy, right? So THAT sounded suspect) covers a lot of news stories in a snarky way I enjoy. Also since I have trouble keeping up with the news lately they’re super-helpful with keeping me up-to-date with things. Snarkily. I like that.

In case you don’t feel like clicking through (I see your stats, I know like one or two of you a day click through) I will recap the article for you. I can do that. I’m helpful. Also pissed.

There is a website called Potential Prostitutes. I know, doesn’t that sound like the most fun? It’s not.

I think this is an actual prostitute, not even a potential one.

I think this is an actual prostitute, not even a potential one.

On this site, anyone (it’s anonymous) can click and input the name, photograph, location, and phone number of a “potential prostitute.” The website will put that person up on the site. It’s all very simple.

Who are the potential prostitutes?

Doesn’t matter.

Could be a potential prostitute. Could be an actual prostitute. Could be your ex-girlfriend. Could be the girl who stole your boyfriend. Could be the pretty girl in your math class that gets more attention from the boys that you do. Could be the girl that wouldn’t sleep with you on that date the other night. Could be that girl that wouldn’t go out with you the other night. Could be the girl that’s treating your best friend like shit and he’s too over the moon to see it.Could be the girl that hates you for no reason and you just want to pay it forward. Could be the girl that’s bullying you. Could be the girl you’re bullying.

It. Does. Not. Matter.

And shitty. Also it's shitty.

And shitty. Also it’s shitty.

This totally up-and-up website will take this info and post it so people can search it by location. That’s it. Very simple, very easy. Then everyone can see this potential prostitute. And we can all shame her. SHAMMMMMEEEEE HERRRRRR.

What’s that? She’s not a prostitute? Well, THAT doesn’t matter.

What if you’re the girl on the site? What if someone emails you and says, “is this you?” and sends you a screencap of you on the Potential Prostitute site? Is your life over? How will you live this down?

Well! Don’t worry. It’s not a forever thing. For only $99.95, you can get yourself off the site. You’re safe! I mean, what’s $99.95 in the grand scheme of saving your good name from the Potential Prostitute site?

OK, the people that own this site? Assholes. Scammers. Using the internet to make money. Yes. Of course they are. Scum. Lower than the low. Similar to that bag of dicks who makes those Girls Gone Wild videos. I can’t imagine this site will stay up for long. They’ll screw up, post an underage kid’s photo or something, they’ll get sued, the site will get pulled down. I’m not a psychic, I’m just practical. (Although they’re hiding behind some law that they say makes what they’re doing ok. Which I would link you to but I’m not linkbaiting this site because I hate it so much it’s giving me hives. Also, it’s free speech, they’re saying. Assholes, all. This is not what free speech was made for, you guys. Back in the late 1700s they weren’t all “we gotta provide for the Potential Prostitutes of the world, yo.”)

"Also Potential Prostitutes. We gotta look out for these bastions of all that is right and good in the world?"

“Also Potential Prostitutes. We gotta look out for these bastions of all that is right and good in the world?”

However, what bothers me is the people who are submitting photos to this site.

Sure, there might be actual people submitting actual photos of actual prostitutes to the site. Anything’s possible. I don’t know that we have to shame prostitutes; it’s a shitty enough job, and as long as they’re not shanking people and stealing their wallets, or speading all the STDs, or something, why don’t we leave them alone, already? Prostitution is legal in enough other countries. I’m finding it more and more ridiculous we’re so backward here in good old Merka about this. But of course we are. Here in Merka, we’re attempting to take away a woman’s right to choose, as well as our access to birth control and probably, eventually, our right to do anything but pump out babies and stay barefoot chained to the stove making pies or something, I don’t know what the hell. We’re sure as hell not going to legalize prostitution any damn time soon.

But I’m willing to bet actual prostitutes aren’t going to pay the people who put up the site almost $100 to take their photos down. Why would they care if they’re on a shady site? I don’t think the cops would use this site to arrest them, and it’s probably free advertising for them.

No, this site was set up because whoever’s behind it is betting on humans being human. And being small, and petty, and slut-shaming women. For whatever reason they want. Hurt feelings? Hatred? Bullying? Whatever. Doesn’t matter. Let’s call them a whore on the interwebs. And make the target of that vitriol pay about $100 to get their name removed from said site, or not pay it, and run the risk of someone finding it there and assuming they’re a whore. Sorry. A prostitute. Not even! A “potential” prostitute. Because that’s classier.

This infuriates me.

It’s got a slut-shaming component, which infurates me already. But it’s got a bullying component to it, too. A “let’s ruin someone’s life just because we can” component.

Listen, I get hating people. I try very hard not to. I do. But I’m a human being. And there are people in this world that I just detest. Whether they’ve done something to me personally, or to someone I love, or they’re just soul-sucking wastes devoid of human emotion…well, the reasons vary. As I get older, my irrational hatred has gotten less frequent. I’m mellowing in my old age, you see. But, yes. There are people in this world that I hate. I can think of a handful. And a few of those are women.

Would I put them up on a site and call them potential prostitutes?

No. No, I would not. I can’t imagine anyone being that petty…although I know there are people who are. I work for an answering service, you see. I deal with all sorts over there. (Callers, not coworkers. I love my coworkers.)


We don’t need to be putting people up on a website and calling them a whore. Whether they are or not. Whether they’re selling themselves or whether they’re just someone you’re mad at or someone who got someone or something you wanted. That is catty and pathetic and small and mean and it is BENEATH YOU. No matter who you are. Can you really sleep at the end of the day knowing you did this to someone, no matter how much you hate them? That person has a life and parents and maybe children and people who love them. This makes YOU an asshole. This makes you a terrible person. This makes you a bully and a liar and also most likely lower than that crap that leaks out of dumpsters and smells like death.

This is you. Proud of yourself, darlin'?

This is you. Proud of yourself, darlin’?

We don’t have to like everyone in the world. Those people that I referenced above? That I hate? I’m never going to like them. Imagining them falling in a hole and dying a long, drawn-out, lonely death of starvation? Yes. I might have done that now and again. I’m not proud. I’m human. But I’m not going to put more evil out there. I’m not going to put more hatred out there in the world. We don’t need to be doing that. Whatever that person did to you to make you hate them? That’s on them. Don’t let it be on you. Don’t let it turn you into a bitter, twisted human taking revenge. Don’t let them control you like that. Because that’s what it is, you know. Them controlling you. And do you want that? Them controlling you like that? Like a puppet? That person you hate that much? I can’t imagine you do.

And, just because I’m THOROUGH, yo, I totally searched to see if there were any potential prostitutes in my area, and NO, there were NOT, but there are like a billion in Hudson, New York. And Hudson’s not even very big. That’s like a town of just whores. Like this book I read once where they put all the lepers in one town. Hudson must be where they put ALL the potential prostitutes. And I guess the johns just pop in for a bit and then go home? Huh. I have friends that grew up around there, I don’t think they ever mentioned living near Whoretown.

I don't think this looks whorey at all. It's actually kind of pretty. Hmm. Perplexing. Is there a CHANCE this site is WRONG?

I don’t think this looks whorey at all. It’s actually kind of pretty. Hmm. Perplexing. Is there a CHANCE this site is WRONG?

I looked for whores in sj‘s town but there weren’t any so I made her send me the name of the closest biggest town to her and there were STILL no whores and the only whores I could find were in the biggest city in her state and that makes me sad. Come on, small towns, you gotta step up here, whore-wise. (Soon sj will be moving and there will be more cities with whores in her new state, so that’s nice.)

Also, there are no whores at all in Finland. Sorry, Andreas.

There’s more than enough ugliness in the world, people. Let’s put a little more of the opposite out there, ok? I’m not saying you have to like everyone. Listen, I know how hard it is to love thine enemy. Do I ever know. But love more and hate less and DO NOT FOR THE LOVE OF PETE CALL PEOPLE WHORES ONLINE. Also, when are we going to get to the point where whore isn’t a huge insult, I wonder? When are we going to grow the hell UP?

Thanks. This has been a public service announcement from me. Carry on with your day. Nothing more to see here. (BE NICE TO EACH OTHER PLEASE!)

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

20 responses to “Just be nice to the gentlemen, Fancy, and they’ll be nice to you.

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