Shopping for fruit with Shareena

Confession: I have never owned an Apple product.

I KNOW! It is kind of a sin in this day and age. I mean, I just got the laptop last April. Before that, I had an ancient Dell. Before THAT, I had a typewriter. No. I’m not kidding. I still have the typewriter. It’s in my closet in case of emergency. (I’m not even kidding, once there WAS an emergency. My printer shit the bed and I had to write a resume all at the last minute and I had to type it. The correction tape wasn’t working. So THAT was fun and I didn’t cuss up a storm or anything. Ahem.)

I am QUITE the typist. As long as I have a million years. And a correction tape.

I am QUITE the typist. As long as I have a million years. And a correction tape.

I’ve only used an Apple product once. I used to dogsit for the loveliest couple when I was in grad school. Well, dog and cat-sit. They loved me because I worked at the shelter so they thought I had the inside scoop on how to take care of animals. (I didn’t – I don’t – but I love animals and know how to cuddle and walk and feed them, so that’s ok, then.) They had two hyper dogs and two laid-back cats. And the best house. And I lived in a crappy apartment even smaller than the one I have now, so whenever they went bon vivanting – which was fairly often, they were pretty travelly – they’d have me come stay at their place and watch the menagerie. I got to pretend I was a fancy lady for a week or so and ALSO that I was a fancy lady that had PETS so it was all very awesome. (I would check in on my own cat – I only had one then – twice a day when I went into town for work.) One time, my car was in the shop, and the husband even let me use his CAR. These people were the best, no joke. ANYWAY, they had an Apple laptop (those have a name, don’t they? Like Macbooks or something?) and they were all, “Go ahead and get online if you want!” (This was a long time ago when getting online wasn’t a big deal and there wasn’t a lot to DO online) so I was all, “Um, I don’t know” and one night I was the most bored so I decided to try it and it was the EASIEST THING EVER. So in the back of my mind I always thought, “Maybe Apple’s ok with me. I don’t mind Apple so much.”

When I got a cell phone a couple of years ago, I didn’t have the option of an iPhone. I got my cell through Virgin Mobile, so your options were limited. I got the fanciest Droid available at the time, but couldn’t have gotten an iPhone if I’d wanted to. (And couldn’t have afforded a plan anywhere but Virgin Mobile anyway – for all the issues with it, you really can’t beat $27 a month.)

Not a BAD phone...if Virgin hadn't loaded it with all the crap in the land.

Not a BAD phone…if Virgin hadn’t loaded it with all the crap in the land.

Most of my friends have iPhones. They LOVE them. I was all, “NO NO I LOVE MY DROID.” And I did. For quite some time.

Well, it was kind of a pain in the ass it didn’t have service upstate where my parents live. Otherwise, though, really a kickass phone.

Over the past few months, the phone has decided to go insane.

First, the apps that came loaded on it seem to be taking up ALL the internal memory. Like, every last bit of it. Even if you went into the app store and asked them to stop updating. So every couple of days, the phone would say, “NO INTERNAL MEMORY!” and would do nothing at all until you deleted one of YOUR apps. Which you put on the phone. Because you needed them. If you didn’t do this, none of your texts would come through to you, you wouldn’t get any of your notifications, and you couldn’t open anything without getting a “YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MEMORY FOR THAT!” notification.

(SIDE NOTE! I feel like I’ve told you this before but I’m telling you anyway. So years and years ago, my roommate C. had a Playstation. On the Playstation she had a Jeopardy game. It was much fun and we liked it a lot. One weekend, her boyfriend (also C.) came to visit so we all played Playstation Jeopardy. During final Jeopardy, we all closed our eyes respectively so the other person could type in the answer. When C. (roommate) and I had our eyes closed so C. (boyfriend) could type in his answer and bet, the Playstation kept saying, in a VERY offended tone, “YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THAT!” and C. would go, “Dammit” and then type furiously and then the Playstation would say, “YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THAT!” and C. would go, “Dammit” and C. and I, with our eyes closed, were in HYSTERICS. “C.!” roommate C. said. “YOU OBVIOUSLY ARE BETTING MORE THAN YOU HAVE! You can’t DO that!” and then we giggled and giggled and C. was all, “Dammit.” Whenever I see anything that says “You don’t have enough _____ for that,” I totally get the giggles all over again. Every damn time.)

Oooh, Playstation "Jeopardy." YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THAT!!!

Oooh, Playstation “Jeopardy.” YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THAT!!!

Anyway, today (your yesterday, I suppose) my phone, which has done a decent job for two years, decided it had had enough. “NOT ENOUGH MEMORY!!!” screamed the phone. And made me delete every app but the ones it came with (the only apps it came with that were any good were Gmail and Google) and Twitter and Facebook. That’s it. I was down to two apps.

I’d been thinking about getting a new phone for a while, but wasn’t going to do it until next week. Well, that was it.

Off to the Verizon store for me. I can afford a plan now; my office has a deal with Verizon where we get a certain percentage off our bill as well. Best of all, Verizon has service up where my parents live (and throughout most of the country, actually.) I did research into phones. I talked to people. I did research into plans and carriers and this and that and blah blah blah.

And I walked into the Verizon store and the very nice lady said, “How can I help you today?” and I said, “I want a phone and a plan, please.”

Seriously, this is like CRACK to a phone salesman. I’m pretty sure they get commissions from sales.

She started her spiel about phones and plans and this and that and the other and I said “I want the iPhone 4s, if you have it in stock, please.”

(I got the black one. I'm not a white-phone person.)

(I got the black one. I’m not a white-phone person.)

Oh, she liked that. She asked if I knew about the iPhone 5. “Yes, but it’s $100 more, and for the added features, I don’t know that it’s worth it for me at the moment,” I said. “Oh, people don’t usually come in having done any research,” she said. Well, lady, I’m anal and I like to Google shit, what can I tell you.

So yes! We decided on the iPhone 4s. She started to discuss plans. “Unlimited calling and texting, 2G data a month should be enough, I think, since I can hook up to my wireless at home,” I said. She laughed. “You might be the perfect customer. I could use about ten more of you a day.” I WIN SALESPEOPLE! (Well, sj does. She told me about this. I sure as hell didn’t know.)

I also totally let her talk me into a pretty case, even though friend A. told me he’d let me have one of his old ones. Because I needed a car charger and apparently some sort of screen protector thingy (which yes, I’m sure I could have gotten a LOT cheaper online) and if I got a THIRD accessory I got a certain percentage OFF and I like deals. It has birds on it. It’s a dusty purple with birds on it. I kind of love it the most.

I couldn't find a photo of my case but here's a super-ugly one with a weird warped duck on it so that's nice.

I couldn’t find a photo of my case but here’s a super-ugly one with a weird warped duck on it so that’s nice.

So I got in and out of Verizon in about 45 minutes with a new phone and all the fancy accessories and I’m only a LITTLE freaked out about having a contract which I’ve never had before. That makes me feel a little locked into something. But I suppose everyone in the land has one so it’s not the WORST thing in the world, and also probably they’re not going to drag me down an alley and beat me with belts or something. I should probably get over the “I need to be able to escape quickly” state of mind I’ve always had as if I’m in the witness protection program or something.

(Also, I got the last one in the store. Saleslady was all, “We don’t have any more, they have them at the mall…” and then said, “Wait a minute” and found the last one. She seemed honestly surprised by this discovery so it wasn’t even a sales trick of some sort. I win phones today.)

Here are things I have learned about the iPhone in the past few hours:

  • for something that’s supposed to be very easy to use, it’s very confusing to me because it’s not at all like a Droid
  • it totally lets me put all the apps on it without even complaining
  • sj is the most helpful with setting up iPhones (get ready for a billion more questions, my sj!)
  • it’s super-pretty
  • Siri didn’t at all understand what I was asking her and seemed a lot more helpful in the Samuel L. Jackson commercial
  • it’s both bigger and heavier than my old phone, but also faster and makes me feel more fancy
  • I’m kind of already a little in love with it and I barely know what it does yet

Also, when I called Virgin Mobile to cancel my service, the lady called me “Shareena” even though she knew my name was Amy, and that doesn’t even SOUND like Amy, and said I had to call back in two hours because all of their systems were down. Um. That doesn’t bode well, Virgin, and also sounds like a lie to me. So when I was all “So when I call back in two hours, I can totally cancel my service?” she said, “Yessssss?” but in a curiously unsure way. Hmm. Shareena does not approve.

So, tentatively, I am back on a cell, and will be emailing those of you that need the number with the new number soon, and dude, it is PRETTY. And I can’t wait to finish this so I can start playing with it again.

Also, last night I read my first Kindle book (ok, it was a short-ish story) and it went SO WELL. I love the Kindle, it works beautifully. Very pleased.

Off to try to convince Siri my name really is Amy, and not that I want to CALL Amy. How come on that commercial that kid can get Siri to call him Rock God without a problem? That’s annoying.

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

25 responses to “Shopping for fruit with Shareena

  • becomingcliche

    Congrats on your new phone! I haven’t seen the commercial, but I would guess that anything works better with Samuel L. Jackson involved.


    • lucysfootball

      Thank you! He’s adorable in the commercial. Much less creepy than the Martin Scorcese commercial (did I spell that right? I’m too tired to Google it) and much less annoying than the Zooey Deschanel commercial (“Siri? Can we have SOUP today?” Urgh.)


  • Samantha

    The iPhone was a fantastic choice, Amy. I know it’s cliche’, or whatever, but I love my iPhone. i also think it was a good choice to go with the 4S rather than the 5. I think I am going to keep my 4S until it completely dies on me, because I love it THAT much. So easy to use, so fast, never any problems with it, never have to worry about it one bit. That is why Apple has been so popular, I think. That’s just good engineering. Anyway, I’m done with my iPhone rant.

    P.S. Siri is so entertaining. Boyfriend and I will ask her random questions. He asked her if she would marry him and she said “That’s very sweet, but we don’t know each other very well.” SO MUCH LAUGHTER. GIDDY LAUGHTER. :D


    • Samantha

      Oh! I forgot. My first smartphone was an Android as well, and then switched to an iPhone. Now my work cell is an Android, and I’m like OMG how do I use this thing, so unintuitive, SO GLAD I switched to an iPhone :)


    • lucysfootball

      24 hours, give or take, and I’m in love. I can have all the apps. Every one. Without a problem. I can put a clock that tells me what time it is in Finland so I know if Andreas is sleeping right on the front page. I can make folders. I can listen to music. I can play games. I can make calls and hear the other person. I have connection everywhere I go. IT IS AMAZING.

      I sound like a commercial for Apple and I don’t even care.


  • Andreas Heinakroon

    I’ve never owned an Apple product either. That’s not a political statement, nor a religious one. I don’t mind them. I just don’t love them enough to pay the premium price for them. Also, I’m a PC gamer, and a lot of game titles don’t come out for Mac.


    • lucysfootball

      I actually paid $100 less for this phone than I did for my Droid two years ago, believe it or not. (Virgin’s phones were very expensive, and this is the last update of the iPhone so it was a little cheaper.)

      I love that you’re a gamer. I’m impressed by that. I (like sj mentioned in her post yesterday) have no hand-eye coordination. I just put a game on my phone that I think is supposed to be super-easy and I already am losing it. And I’m a fail at Angry Birds, and even CHILDREN can win that. I’m terrible at games. I’m very good at word games, though.


  • Andreas Heinakroon

    The terrible secret is: voice control doesn’t work. My guestimate is that usable voice control is still 5-10 years away.


  • Charleen

    My first smartphone had the same issues with not enough memory. When I got it two years ago I was like, “Ooh, a nice, affordable, easy starter smart phone for people like me!” And it lasted a good long while because I am like to keep things organized, and I often delete apps I no longer use. But about six months ago I started having serious memory issues, even with just my “must-have” apps. So I started looking into new phones (in anticipation of my upgrade discount), and I was like, “HOW COULD I EVER HAVE THOUGHT HALF A GIG WAS ENOUGH SPACE?!?!” Oh, right, because I didn’t know anything about smartphones.

    Congrats on your new iPhone!


    • lucysfootball

      Thank you! I was the same way – it seemed so shiny at first, but then the memory was such a problem it was just unusable! I’m hoping this one’s not the same way – but I’ve talked to a lot of iPhone people and they say they’ve never had those memory issues so hopefully not! Fingers crossed!


  • sj

    I will answer ALL THE QUESTIONS! I used to get paid for that shit, yo. Now I just do it for free for people I <3 (not a euphemism).


  • Kris Rudin (@krisrudin)

    Congrats on your iPhone, Shareena! (Oh, and congrats on the new name, I guess…)

    I’m also an iPhone-ophile. Love my 4 – upgrading to 5 as soon as I can get some time to get to the Verizon store. I want Siri – even if she really doesn’t work as well as the ads show.


  • lynnettedobberpuhl

    I know a 9th grade girl who as a joke changed her mom’s name in her iPhone so every time Siri spoke, she said things like, “The temperature is 56 degrees, bitch.” or “Here is the map, bitch.” Her mom couldn’t figure out WTH was going on. After a lengthy trip to the store, (where for some reason they couldn’t figure out what happened and replaced her phone?) her daughter confessed. This whole family is hilarious.

    I am glad you are enjoying your shiny new toys! However, per my post on Wordtabulous today, they are merely distractions as the planet melts down around us. Sorry, buzzkill, I know. Have fun!


    • lucysfootball

      I can’t even get my OWN name on my phone! It keeps thinking I want to call myself! SIRI WHY ARE YOU SO CONFUSED???

      Oh, no. I hope the planet doesn’t melt down. I am enjoying myself so much right now, ack! :)


  • 35JupiterDrive

    I had Virgin for 24 hours, they sent me a phone that didn’t work and they refused to take it back so I’m out 30 or 40? bucks and now they keep emailing them to add money to an account I don’t have. NOW (perhaps fearing me as an Internet/Blogging Goddess?) they have me dealing with some guy who is in Social Media? And all I want them to do is tell me my account is cancelled and for god’s sake, stop emailing me. Instead, I have extra people emailing me. I do not understand this, Virgin mobile. (And now I actually am talking about in a popular blog.)

    As soon as I am employed, I’m going to a 4S (I agree, no good reason to go to 5 for me at the moment for the extra 100)

    Congrats on your phone.


    • lucysfootball

      I had the same problem when I first got Virgin! The first phone they sent me was broken, they took FOREVER to send me a replacement (but at least they did!)

      The 4S is wonderful. I’ve had it two days and I’m so in love right now. It’s fast and easy to use and amazing.

      I didn’t mind Virgin overall, but that Droid (now that I have something to compare it to) was really a piece of crap.


  • greengeekgirl

    My android TOTES has the same issue, but, I am pretty good at freeing up space enough to continue downloading apps and whatnot. (One of the things that happened was, my contacts had SIXTEEN MEGABYTES of stuff stored in it somehow. I was like lolwtf? I do not even KNOW that many people. Part of that was probably it syncing my accounts AGAINST MY WILL and adding in everyone I’ve ever e-mailed, including people I hate, as a contact. So I finally bit the bullet and deleted allllll of my contacts, but I managed to save most to my backup before doing that so I don’t think I lost anybody important.) (Longest aside ever.)

    What pisses me off the most is not being able to move certain apps to my SD card. Why can I not move my US Bank app to my SD card? WHY ANDROID WHY

    So yeah, headache. But I still have over a year left on my contract and I’m not sooo unhappy with it that I need to lobby for a new phone. I might see about getting an iPhone next Christmas.


    • lucysfootball

      See, I kept trying to figure out where I could save space but it got to the point where I was like “I CAN’T DO IT ANYWHERE ELSE ARGH!” and I got so frustrated! Plus – remember when we were in the City and I kept not having service? That started happening EVERYWHERE. Like, I wouldn’t have it in my bedroom, but I’d have it in my living room. A phone shouldn’t be picky about what room in my house I’m in. SO WEIRD. Virgin had terrible coverage.

      And I agree about the SD card thing. That seems to make everyone angry. It should be a default: you make an app, it’s able to be moved to the SD card. Bam. Done.

      iPhone doesn’t HAVE an SD card, isn’t that weird? Also, it is lovely. Any doubts I had about leaving Droid disappeared within 24 hours. LOVE.


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