Confession: I have never owned an Apple product.
I KNOW! It is kind of a sin in this day and age. I mean, I just got the laptop last April. Before that, I had an ancient Dell. Before THAT, I had a typewriter. No. I’m not kidding. I still have the typewriter. It’s in my closet in case of emergency. (I’m not even kidding, once there WAS an emergency. My printer shit the bed and I had to write a resume all at the last minute and I had to type it. The correction tape wasn’t working. So THAT was fun and I didn’t cuss up a storm or anything. Ahem.)
I’ve only used an Apple product once. I used to dogsit for the loveliest couple when I was in grad school. Well, dog and cat-sit. They loved me because I worked at the shelter so they thought I had the inside scoop on how to take care of animals. (I didn’t – I don’t – but I love animals and know how to cuddle and walk and feed them, so that’s ok, then.) They had two hyper dogs and two laid-back cats. And the best house. And I lived in a crappy apartment even smaller than the one I have now, so whenever they went bon vivanting – which was fairly often, they were pretty travelly – they’d have me come stay at their place and watch the menagerie. I got to pretend I was a fancy lady for a week or so and ALSO that I was a fancy lady that had PETS so it was all very awesome. (I would check in on my own cat – I only had one then – twice a day when I went into town for work.) One time, my car was in the shop, and the husband even let me use his CAR. These people were the best, no joke. ANYWAY, they had an Apple laptop (those have a name, don’t they? Like Macbooks or something?) and they were all, “Go ahead and get online if you want!” (This was a long time ago when getting online wasn’t a big deal and there wasn’t a lot to DO online) so I was all, “Um, I don’t know” and one night I was the most bored so I decided to try it and it was the EASIEST THING EVER. So in the back of my mind I always thought, “Maybe Apple’s ok with me. I don’t mind Apple so much.”
When I got a cell phone a couple of years ago, I didn’t have the option of an iPhone. I got my cell through Virgin Mobile, so your options were limited. I got the fanciest Droid available at the time, but couldn’t have gotten an iPhone if I’d wanted to. (And couldn’t have afforded a plan anywhere but Virgin Mobile anyway – for all the issues with it, you really can’t beat $27 a month.)
Most of my friends have iPhones. They LOVE them. I was all, “NO NO I LOVE MY DROID.” And I did. For quite some time.
Well, it was kind of a pain in the ass it didn’t have service upstate where my parents live. Otherwise, though, really a kickass phone.
Over the past few months, the phone has decided to go insane.
First, the apps that came loaded on it seem to be taking up ALL the internal memory. Like, every last bit of it. Even if you went into the app store and asked them to stop updating. So every couple of days, the phone would say, “NO INTERNAL MEMORY!” and would do nothing at all until you deleted one of YOUR apps. Which you put on the phone. Because you needed them. If you didn’t do this, none of your texts would come through to you, you wouldn’t get any of your notifications, and you couldn’t open anything without getting a “YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MEMORY FOR THAT!” notification.
(SIDE NOTE! I feel like I’ve told you this before but I’m telling you anyway. So years and years ago, my roommate C. had a Playstation. On the Playstation she had a Jeopardy game. It was much fun and we liked it a lot. One weekend, her boyfriend (also C.) came to visit so we all played Playstation Jeopardy. During final Jeopardy, we all closed our eyes respectively so the other person could type in the answer. When C. (roommate) and I had our eyes closed so C. (boyfriend) could type in his answer and bet, the Playstation kept saying, in a VERY offended tone, “YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THAT!” and C. would go, “Dammit” and then type furiously and then the Playstation would say, “YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THAT!” and C. would go, “Dammit” and C. and I, with our eyes closed, were in HYSTERICS. “C.!” roommate C. said. “YOU OBVIOUSLY ARE BETTING MORE THAN YOU HAVE! You can’t DO that!” and then we giggled and giggled and C. was all, “Dammit.” Whenever I see anything that says “You don’t have enough _____ for that,” I totally get the giggles all over again. Every damn time.)
Anyway, today (your yesterday, I suppose) my phone, which has done a decent job for two years, decided it had had enough. “NOT ENOUGH MEMORY!!!” screamed the phone. And made me delete every app but the ones it came with (the only apps it came with that were any good were Gmail and Google) and Twitter and Facebook. That’s it. I was down to two apps.
I’d been thinking about getting a new phone for a while, but wasn’t going to do it until next week. Well, that was it.
Off to the Verizon store for me. I can afford a plan now; my office has a deal with Verizon where we get a certain percentage off our bill as well. Best of all, Verizon has service up where my parents live (and throughout most of the country, actually.) I did research into phones. I talked to people. I did research into plans and carriers and this and that and blah blah blah.
And I walked into the Verizon store and the very nice lady said, “How can I help you today?” and I said, “I want a phone and a plan, please.”
Seriously, this is like CRACK to a phone salesman. I’m pretty sure they get commissions from sales.
She started her spiel about phones and plans and this and that and the other and I said “I want the iPhone 4s, if you have it in stock, please.”
Oh, she liked that. She asked if I knew about the iPhone 5. “Yes, but it’s $100 more, and for the added features, I don’t know that it’s worth it for me at the moment,” I said. “Oh, people don’t usually come in having done any research,” she said. Well, lady, I’m anal and I like to Google shit, what can I tell you.
So yes! We decided on the iPhone 4s. She started to discuss plans. “Unlimited calling and texting, 2G data a month should be enough, I think, since I can hook up to my wireless at home,” I said. She laughed. “You might be the perfect customer. I could use about ten more of you a day.” I WIN SALESPEOPLE! (Well, sj does. She told me about this. I sure as hell didn’t know.)
I also totally let her talk me into a pretty case, even though friend A. told me he’d let me have one of his old ones. Because I needed a car charger and apparently some sort of screen protector thingy (which yes, I’m sure I could have gotten a LOT cheaper online) and if I got a THIRD accessory I got a certain percentage OFF and I like deals. It has birds on it. It’s a dusty purple with birds on it. I kind of love it the most.
So I got in and out of Verizon in about 45 minutes with a new phone and all the fancy accessories and I’m only a LITTLE freaked out about having a contract which I’ve never had before. That makes me feel a little locked into something. But I suppose everyone in the land has one so it’s not the WORST thing in the world, and also probably they’re not going to drag me down an alley and beat me with belts or something. I should probably get over the “I need to be able to escape quickly” state of mind I’ve always had as if I’m in the witness protection program or something.
(Also, I got the last one in the store. Saleslady was all, “We don’t have any more, they have them at the mall…” and then said, “Wait a minute” and found the last one. She seemed honestly surprised by this discovery so it wasn’t even a sales trick of some sort. I win phones today.)
Here are things I have learned about the iPhone in the past few hours:
- for something that’s supposed to be very easy to use, it’s very confusing to me because it’s not at all like a Droid
- it totally lets me put all the apps on it without even complaining
- sj is the most helpful with setting up iPhones (get ready for a billion more questions, my sj!)
- it’s super-pretty
- Siri didn’t at all understand what I was asking her and seemed a lot more helpful in the Samuel L. Jackson commercial
- it’s both bigger and heavier than my old phone, but also faster and makes me feel more fancy
- I’m kind of already a little in love with it and I barely know what it does yet
Also, when I called Virgin Mobile to cancel my service, the lady called me “Shareena” even though she knew my name was Amy, and that doesn’t even SOUND like Amy, and said I had to call back in two hours because all of their systems were down. Um. That doesn’t bode well, Virgin, and also sounds like a lie to me. So when I was all “So when I call back in two hours, I can totally cancel my service?” she said, “Yessssss?” but in a curiously unsure way. Hmm. Shareena does not approve.
So, tentatively, I am back on a cell, and will be emailing those of you that need the number with the new number soon, and dude, it is PRETTY. And I can’t wait to finish this so I can start playing with it again.
Also, last night I read my first Kindle book (ok, it was a short-ish story) and it went SO WELL. I love the Kindle, it works beautifully. Very pleased.
Off to try to convince Siri my name really is Amy, and not that I want to CALL Amy. How come on that commercial that kid can get Siri to call him Rock God without a problem? That’s annoying.