I don’t have the breath for that

You know how I kind of sort of halfway resolved to take a breath and do more life-things? Well, today I did some life-things. OK, not *some*, I suppose, *a* life-thing, but it now leaves me with very little time before I have to hit the hay and get some sleep before work tomorrow. No, not actual hay. I don’t have any hay. Also, who’d want to sleep in hay? SCRATCHY.

So today was hang-out-with-The-Nephew day. His mom emailed me Monday and asked if I wanted to do something that day, but I was working. So she said, “how about the movies on Tuesday?” and I said YESIREE BOB. Well, no, I didn’t say Bob. I mean, she’d have been pretty confused about that since her name isn’t Bob. And also she’s not a man.

So today we met at the mall to see Monsters, Inc. It was not a mall I’d ever been to so I was kind of worried I’d be lost. Also, a billion people were at that mall today. I don’t know what they were doing. Seeing movies? Shopping? No idea. But the parking lot was super-full and I had to circle around a lot a lot and finally ended up all the miles away from the entry with the movie theater. SO MANY PEOPLE. And this is why I don’t go to the movies. HOWEVER, The Nephew was going to be there. I’d walk through fire to see The Nephew, you know.

The theater kind of looked like this, only more mall-like. And crowded. SO crowded.

The theater kind of looked like this, only more mall-like. And crowded. SO crowded.

So I went into the theater and waited and peered all around hoping I hadn’t missed them while circling for a spot for eleventy-kajillion years (which was really like five minutes) and then I saw them walking up from the opposite direction and K. said, “The Son! Do you see Aunt Amy?” and he DID! And his little face lit up and he ran toward me and gave me a big leg-hug and totally knew who I was like it hasn’t been five months since we’ve seen each other and I said, “Hello, The Nephew! How are you?” and he said, “Good!” in a very chipper tone and he’s much taller than the last time I saw him and his little winter hat had reindeer on it and my heart totally broke the Grinch measuring-meter. Seriously, I kind of would forgive this child anything. He’s my kryptonite. He makes me go all squishy. He’s my best thing.



So we got movie treats (per The Nephew, “we had to,” so how could we not, you know?) and The Nephew’s lemonade straw was MUCH too long, so he was MUY impressed that Aunt Amy had wee scissors on a Swiss Army knife in her purse so she could make it more manageable for a little three and a half year old. The lemonade was about the size of his head. He drank the ENTIRE THING. And didn’t have to pee. I think perhaps my nephew is a camel.

So The Nephew sat between me and his mom, and here are the things he did during the movie which most likely were naughty but I didn’t even care so I would be a terrible mother, probably:

  • talked in a normal voice, even when he was shushed
  • became entranced with the fact that his seat closed back up all on its OWN, so he popped it up and down a billion times
  • decided he didn’t like where we were sitting, so first asked if we could sit in the seats right near the screen (his mom headed that off at the pass by saying those were “closed,” nice quick thinking, K.! and then said he wanted to go sit up near the top of the theater and became OBSESSED with this so his mom said we could after the movie so he kept saying “is it over now? How about now. Is it over NOW?”
  • stuck out his tongue at me, so I stuck out my tongue at HIM (you know, like an adult does) and he said, really loudly, “WHY DO YOU HAVE CANDY IN YOUR MOUTH” and then I had to explain the ins and outs of a tongue ring with him in hushed tones while the movie played
  • Said, “WHY IS THIS SO LOUD RIGHT NOW?” at a particularly loud part of the movie. When his mom said, “so everyone can hear it, I guess,” he said, “Well, I don’t like that.” Hee!

When the credits started, he decided he wanted to race up the stairs and back down so first his mom raced him up the stairs, then he came back and crawled up on my lap and said it was MY turn and I said, “but I might fall, it’s dark up there” and he said, “no, it’s ok” and so then I had to race up the stairs with him.

(Please don’t think we ruined the movie for all the people. There were about six people in the theater and they weren’t sitting anywhere near us.)

Also, the movie made me cry. Like, actual tears happened. Stupid Pixar with your tear-jerking. You’ve seen this movie, right? It is SAD. Sully the monster falls in love with Boo the little human girl and risks his own life and limb to save her, and then has to send her back home with the understanding he’ll never see her again. Also at one point he accidentally scares her and realizes that’s what he’s been doing to children all these years and it’s a despicable thing and stupid brilliant Pixar makes that cross his monstery face and it’s HEARTBREAKING. It all ends well – it’s a children’s movie, for the most part, they aren’t going to make it end poorly – but I totally had tears twice. And I’ve seen it before. (Well, I rented it and watched the DVD years ago. I don’t remember it very well. It’s a whole different thing in a theater with a big screen.)



After the movie, K. said, “what restaurant do you want to go to, The Son?” and he said he wanted to eat at his HOUSE. So I said, because I am CRAFTY, “Well, The Nephew, do you know what I have in my car for you?” and he said, “Nooooo” and I said, “I have a late Christmas present, and I could give it to you at the restaurant!” and then THAT was ok with him, he was ok with going to a restaurant. I don’t know if this was an evil thing to do or not. Maybe. I think part of being a grownup around children is being TRICKY.

So then we went to Friendly’s. Friendly’s, for those of you who are not in an area with such things, has food like tuna melts and chicken fingers and soup and salads. And then, what they’re KNOWN for, ice cream. The Nephew wanted ice cream. So he was down with Friendly’s.

The Nephew was full of tomfoolery in the restaurant. For a lot of dinner, he pretended he had no bones and kept sliding out of his booth and saying “I need help getting up!” and probably that was annoying but mostly I thought it was intelligent and funny. (I think everything he does is pretty intelligent and funny, to be honest.) He had some soup; when his mom tried to get him to eat some more of it, he said – get this, it is the best, the utter best – “I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t have the breath for that.” I DON’T HAVE THE BREATH FOR THAT. Who even THINKS of such a thing? That is kind of the most brilliant. So then he had some little cheeseburgers that he decided he needed lots of ketchup and pepper on, but he really only wanted a couple of little bites of them. He eats like a little bird, this kid. And he ate a couple of bites of apple slices. And some of his mom’s french fries. And then he fed me his pickle slices one by one on the toothpick that came with his mom’s sandwich and giggled and giggled because THAT was the most funny.

He has my brother’s eyelashes. That made me a little teary. Is that weird? I mean, it’s not like my brother’s DEAD or anything. I just had never noticed that before. They’re beautiful. I have always envied my brother his eyelashes. And there they are on The Nephew. Genetics are a funny thing.

Also he got crayons and he LOVED the green crayon and told me very seriously that green was his favorite color. “Green is MY favorite color, too!” I said. He nodded very seriously. “Yes,” he said. It apparently didn’t surprise him at all. Green, after all, is the BEST color; why wouldn’t it be my favorite color?

Mine too, kiddo. Mine, too.

Mine too, kiddo. Mine, too.

He said he liked the movie. I told him it made me cry. “Why?” he said, very confused. I explained it was very said that Sully had to say goodbye to Boo. “Are you sad now?” he asked, curious. “No, because I am hanging out with you,” I said. “What about when I go home?” he said. “Well, I will be a little sad, then,” I said, “but then I will think about seeing you again and that will make me smile and smile.” He liked that. That made him grin a little Nephew-grin.

While we waited for ice cream (it was the only thing he was looking forward to throughout the meal) he opened the present I bought for him. He was VERY excited. I got him a Playdoh set with a truck so you could make Playdoh bricks and then SQUASH ‘EM with the truck tires and he sure does like to squash things. I showed him if you pushed a little button the truck talked so he merrily pushed that button. “I didn’t know that button was there!” he said. Aw, kiddo. I’ll always point things out to you. That’s what aunts are for, I think.

It was totally this one. Neat, right? I wanted to play with it, too. I used to love Playdoh.

It was totally this one. Neat, right? I wanted to play with it, too. I used to love Playdoh.

He wanted to open the truck right away but his mom told him he had to wait until he got home. He kept trying to all secretly open it anyway. “Not until we get home, The Son,” she said. “I’m just practicing for when we get home,” he said. SO SMART, this kid! VERY tricky!

The Nephew ate his sundae (which looked like a green monster with M&M eyes) with his face, not a spoon. Then he said, “IT IS SO COLD!” “Well, that’s why we usually eat ice cream with spoons,” his mom said, and laughed. He had a ring of ice cream and whipped cream and chocolate all around his mouth. It was adorableness. Sticky messy adorableness.

Rawr. I will eat you with my FACE.

Rawr. I will eat you with my FACE.

Then it was time to go home, and his mom said, “Tell Aunt Amy thank you! Give her a hug!” and he gave me a very hard, very abrupt knee-hug because he wanted to get back to looking at his truck. And K. said we could do it again sometime. OK I WOULD LOVE THAT THANK YOU YES PLEASE.

So far, my 2013 has been just wonderful, thank you. I got to spend part of the first day of it with my favorite little human. And despite not having seen him in 5 months, he remembered me. And was just utterly the most joyous best funniest little guy ever. Sorry, all the other people in the world.

Hope you all had the best new year’s day ever. Or, since I kind of did, maybe the second-best new year’s days ever. Back to work today, with a big old grin on my face. Here we go, 2013. Let’s do this.


About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

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