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Never eat shredded wheat: a sign my brain is broken.

Are there only two days left in the year? Really? Huh. That’s…kind of abrupt, really, right?

Today we had blizzard number two in the week of blizzards. Well, I guess two blizzards doesn’t really make it a WEEK of blizzards but if you hate driving in snow so so much it seems like it. Also, this is the flu that will not stop, and I am FREEZING. Which is not like me, as I am usually warm like a little stove. So that’s been fun with the cold cold snow and the having to clean off the car and such. Leave it to me to fall in love with a place that is so COLD this time of year. Brrr.

This photo was in the Times Union. This happened to my car once. It was not easy to dig out of, I can tell you right now.

This photo was in the Times Union. This happened to my car once. It was not easy to dig out of, I can tell you right now.

So far, however, I have not slid off the road or into anything, so I consider that a winter win so far. WINNING WINTER!

I have had a very long day and kind of want to go to bed soon so we’re going to ramble for a bit and then wind this up and go to bed. I know. Sorry, lemon drops. My brain’s scattery today and I want to put on pajamas and fall asleep so I can turn my brain off for a bit. YES! I KNOW! It is SHOCKING, even old Lucy’s Football gets weary, even though she seems like she might be like the Energizer Bunny sometimes. It is true. And I am especially weary right now.

SO, apparently, they still want me to review at the paper, because I got two more assignments next month. YAY! It is by far my favorite thing ever. One of my assignments is going to be VERY exciting because it’s not only at a new theater I’ve never been to, it’s in a TOWN I’ve never been in. An hour away! Well, THAT’S exciting! I wish it was during the day so I could enjoy the drive more and see all the things to see. When I told Dad this, he said “Where is it?” and I said, “Far.” “FAR IS NOT A DIRECTION!” he said, and laughed and laughed. But to me, far TOTALLY is a direction. Without my GPS, I wouldn’t be able to go anywhere, seriously. So I looked it up and I said, “It is…um…never eat shredded wheat NORTHEAST FROM HERE.” And Dad said, “What the hell? Shredded wheat? You sound like Rainman.” and I said, “Um. Heh. Yes. This is…how I know…the points on a compass?” “The…what is wrong with you. What are you talking about? You’re going insane,” said my supportive father.

I also think Compass Rose is one of the most beautiful names for anything ever.

I also think Compass Rose is one of the most beautiful names for anything ever.

See, you know how you get a map, and sometimes there’s a compass on it, and sometimes there isn’t? But usually there’s at least something that points north so at least you know which way is north. Anyway, a very helpful friend in college who was also one of the best artists I have ever known taught me that there’s an easy way to remember the points on a compass: clockwise from the N, you say “Never Eat Shredded Wheat.” See? North East South West. Now I KNOW some of you don’t NEED this trick and probably just know the points of the compass like all intuitively or whatever, and to that, I say, huzzah to you. I am the kind 0f person who not ONLY needs this little mneumonic trick, but ALSO needs to hold up her left and right hands at times, make an “L” out of her thumb and forefinger, and knows which one is her left hand by which hand has the forward-facing “L”. I refuse to think of this as a SHORTCOMING, per se. I think of this as freeing up my mind for more important things, like the lyrics to “Everybody Wants Something” from Degrassi Junior High episodes in the 80s and every hurtful thing everyone’s ever said or done to me and how it felt to see my very first movie in the movie theater when I was four. These things are IMPORTANT. More important than knowing which foot to put in when someone says to put your left foot in, come on. When’s that going to come in handy? Weddings? Well, that’s dumb, I’m not participating in that shit.

Shut up, it's totally a thing, I found this on a kids' learning site. IT IS A THING!

Shut up, it’s totally a thing, I found this on a kids’ learning site. IT IS A THING!

Anyway, once I explained this to Dad, he was SO DISGUSTED, and he said, “You’d better not go anywhere without your GPS. You scare me. YOU SCARE ME. Shredded Wheat. Even your MOTHER knows the POINTS on a COMPASS. Even! Your! Mother!”

Sorry, Dad. I am a total disappointment, directionally.

I am also reviewing a show at the fancy theater in Schenectady, which is always a joy. AND, I totally bought tickets for a show ALL ON MY OWN which was exciting because I could afford to do so for once. YAY ME! So I get to see at least three shows next month!

AND, in news of VERY EXCITINGNESS, I totally made the leap into the 21st century and made a major purchase last week. I have been tracking it ever since; it’s set for delivery Wednesday.

KINDLE FIRE HD!!!!!!

KINDLE FIRE HD!!!!!!

ZOMG I KNOW!!!!

Not ONLY am I FINALLY getting an ereader, it is also kind of a TABLET and does things like CONNECT TO THE INTERNET and I can tweet and Facebook and such on it. And watch television and movies and listen to music and ALL THE THINGS YOU GUYS. And isn’t it so PRETTY? I am so excited. It’s my Christmas present to myself. I even did research and such. Also, my library has an excellent selection of e-books to check out for Kindle, and this is awesome, because I can totally get books from the LIBRARY for it. Don’t worry, paper books will still happen. But I’ve been coveting one of these for a while, and it’s been a tough go for a while. I deserved a present. And I had the money to GET that present. I’m kind of so excited I’m bouncing. I’m sure I will tell you all about it until you are all SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR STUPID KINDLE.

Today is “Amy lazes on the couch and finally watches The Avengers” day. I finally got it from the library, it only took a bazillion years. I am very excited and might not even change out of my pajamas all day. That’s a lie, I hate being in pajamas all day. I feel gross and like I stopped trying. When I was so sick and didn’t feel like changing I couldn’t even call the Chinese food deliveryman because I was all pajama-d up and felt repulsive and didn’t want anyone seeing me like that. I KNOW! I COULD NOT EVEN ORDER SOUP.

That is enough rambling. I have important things to do like eat popsicles and catch up on episodes of Grimm (MONROE!!!) and then go to bed. I know, I really live quite a charmed life, no? Happy last Sunday of the year, all. Enjoy your day!

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

31 responses to “Never eat shredded wheat: a sign my brain is broken.

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    You’ve got all the winter now, while it’s disappearing from here. Perhaps it can only be in one place at the time?

    Like

  • sj

    Hurray for the 21st Century!

    Like

  • 35JupiterDrive

    So much winter! So much winter! All at once. I do not have to drive until Tuesday. So I am planning on it all being worn away by other drivers by then. (And I once had a car under that much snow back in the ’90s and it was lots of shoveling. I also had a weird dream about that snow. So it was prophetic -sort of- shoveling!)

    I got my son & d-i-l Kindle Fires for the holidays last year. With my brother. We went in on them. They were a hit. Then my brother got one because he realized we had given a very awesome. lol. You’re going to love it. And you can d/l all your documents on it too, if you want to. Apparently. (I have the most basic of Kindles because I didn’t want to carry anything heavy but now I regret not having at least a bookshelf. But it still works for books, which is good. And its purpose in my world.)

    I love Never Eat Shredded Wheat. Love. I’m always mumbling to myself about what time it is and whether the sun is going up or down and down means it must be west, so wait, am I facing south or north. Or. Hmm. As usual, your dad cracks me up. I love him.

    Feel better, Amy. Tell that mean flu that it is done with you!

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I KNOW! I feel bad you just got here and you got whalloped by winter already!

      I can’t wait for the Kindle to get here. I’m tracking it obsessively.

      The flu seems to be on its way out – less coughing and I actually slept last night, which was AMAZING. Never underestimate the power of a really good night’s sleep. Aaaahhhhhh.

      Like

  • Heather

    Rainman! HA!

    Three cheers for the Kindle Fire!

    Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Also, north is always up in a map. Just in case you need to know. But who uses maps nowadays anyway? Losers, that’s who.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Not ALWAYS. Sometimes maps are weird and they try to be ARTSY and they have north be off to one side or something, it’s all very strange.

      I like maps. I always have. They’re so…I don’t know. Reminiscient of earlier times, I think. They remind me of explorers and road trips and adventuring.

      Like

      • Andreas Heinakroon

        Nah, when I was in Borneo exploring, we didn’t have any maps. And if GPS was already invented at that time, it was still under military wraps. We certainly didn’t know about it. Anyway, there are no real maps of the jungles of Borneo, so you have to make do the old way. Follow roads, trails and streams. Always remember how to get back. Beware of those thorny Lianas that keeps ripping your clothes. (That last one has nothing to do with navigation, its just annoying to get caught on some hidden thorns..)

        Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    If only. Euphemisms wouldn’t have torn up my clothes as much. Apart from the leeches, the Lianas were the most cumbersome element of trekking through the rainforest.

    Like

  • Kris Rudin

    OOH! A Kindle Fire! You ARE fancy, now! ;) I do love being able to check out library books without actually going to the library – way cool! Though I still much prefer printed books. But having an e-reader does come in handy (I have and iPad). I’m sure you will love your Kindle!

    Good night!

    Like

  • Rachael

    Ha ha I am “not” directionally challenged but I still recite the N. E. S. W. mantra. Except mine is “never eat soggy wheaties” :)
    Miss you. Hope you feel better soon

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Hee! I like that one! :)

      I miss YOU! Hope your visit home was good and your trip back is safe! And I’m feeling some better, coughing less, sleeping more, still tired but it’s getting better! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

      Like

  • handflapper

    Ha! I am reading this on MY new e-reader–actually it’s supposed to be Mr. Flapper’s, except I’ve discovered it’s so much fun to read blogs on I may have appropriated it for myself, except so far I haven’t been able to comment on any blogs, which will be very un-fun and a possible reason to return this particular brand (iPad mini, I totally thought he was going for the Kindle Fire HD but he changed horses at the last, and I mean last, we were in the store and I had the Kindle in my hand, minute).

    While I do know the points on a compass rose (yes, a lovely name for a lovely thing and my favorite part of The DaVinci Code was all the stuff about the compass rose) (and also Schenectady–so much fun to say, OMG I am so jealous of you!), I OFTEN have difficulty remembering my right from my left, but my method for determining which is which is much lamer than yours. I have a mole on my right wrist, and whenever I’m trying to orient myself, I glance at my wrists to remind myself which is right and which is not. True story. Oh, and it’s not a gross mole or anything. Just a little brown dot that’s been there as long as I can remember, and quite handy, too. Ha! Get it–HANDY.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I almost got an iPad and went for the Kindle instead. But I still comment on the laptop. I like the full keyboard for any sort of large typing job. Hunt-and-pecking is very exhausting on any sort of device for me.

      I used to work in Schenectady and it was not the most fun because there were a lot of very chatty and stalky indigent people and I was like their messiah and they’d glom onto me and follow me around town. I sadly am not kidding. They wanted to chat, or ask me out, or sing to me. I don’t know what about me screams “I am friendly toward strangers” but apparently something.

      I like your plan of left from right. I would use that plan, but I have moles/freckles everywhere, so I would get confused. Although I do have more on my right hand, for some reason. I even have two on my left palm. Who has moles on their PALMS? That’s not where they belong. I’m filled with weirdness.

      Like

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