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At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought.

So you know how I’m obsessed with my stats, right? Shut up, all you other bloggers are, too. Don’t even pretend you’re not. You might be all “oh, I blog just for FUN and I’m really just writing for ME” but you totally dig into that stats page and see how many people are reading and where they’re coming from and how they found your blog just like the rest of us. Just like you people that say you don’t stalk Facebook profiles. EVERYONE DOES THIS. That’s what they’re FOR. That’s why you should LOCK YOUR SHIT DOWN, YO. Unless you want EVERYONE to know what you’ve been doing since you joined Facebook, including potential enemies and people who are checking out their competition and also maybe killers. Do you WANT to be stalked by killers? No, not THE Killers, as in the BAND, I’m sure The Killers have better things to do. REAL LIFE KILLERS. If you don’t, LOCK YOUR SHIT DOWN. I mean, I don’t LIKE it when I go to stalk someone’s page and it’s locked down, but I grudgingly RESPECT them and I don’t think they’re a MORON. Or at least as MUCH of a moron.

That’s tangenty and not at all why we’re here today. Oh, stop making fake shock-faces, you love my tangents. I don’t think that’s a euphemism. Unless you’re a mathematician, I guess. Ken’ll know for sure, I suppose. You know how on Jeopardy when Alex is all, “we’ll have to ask the judges?” That’s how I feel with euphemisms. I have to be all, “Ken? Final ruling, here?” (Hint: it’s a safe bet Ken will rule yes on the euphemism. He usually does.)

So the other day, I was poking around in my stats and like five people had come here from some blog that looked real and not spammy (lately I’ve been getting a lot of random hits from male enhancement sites and also real estate sites? Cut that out, I mean, I appreciate the traffic but what the hell) and so I clicked on it.

Then I was promptly confused as to why these people wanted anything to do with me.

So it’s this site that’s all about economics? But yo, this is a SMART SITE, you guys. This guy is NOT DICKING AROUND. And it’s not that false-intelligent stuff? It’s REAL intelligent stuff. Like, you’d read this in a magazine and then if you were me you’d probably be all “where’s the Entertainment Weekly, I didn’t understand a word of this.” (Also, check out his about page. He’s totally like a musician and Australian and shit. I like this guy a lot.)

Now, I think you’ll all give me the benefit of the doubt when I tell you I am an intelligent woman. I have three degrees, graduated valedictorian from my high school, and don’t even say “yo” or “ZOMG” in real life. I KNOW. Try to contain your shock, please. I’m actually QUITE intelligent. More so than I come across here.

But economics (and to a lesser extent, politics) goes right over my head. Don’t get it. Not even a little bit. And if I were to attempt to talk about it I would be like Billy Madison when he tried to talk about the Industrial Revolution and compared it to the Puppy Who Lost His Way and everyone was dumber having heard his response. (Oh, shush, it’s only like the funniest movie EVER, you guys.)

KNIBB HIGH FOOTBALL RULES!

I took an economics class in high school. Want to know what I remember from it? Here, I’ll tell you.

  • The teacher was a dreamboat. TOTAL DREAMBOAT. He was right out of college and had the blackest curly hair and the bluest eyes that crinkled when he laughed. I just stared at him in awe of his perfection, sincerely.
  • We did this thing where we had imaginary money and we had to purchase stocks and then over the course of the semester see how they did. Dad was all, “Buy McDonald’s, everyone loves burgers.” So I did. I think I made like $5 overall and I felt like Scrooge McDuck swimming through his silo of money.
FIVE DOLLARS WHEEEE!

FIVE DOLLARS WHEEEE!

That is all I know about economics. I know we’re having multiple fiscal crises all over the world but have no idea WHY or how we’re going to go about FIXING them. I only know the exchange rate of Canadian dollars and pounds and Euro because I grew up near Canada and because I have people in Europe and the U.K. and sometimes out of curiosity I like to Google that shit. (For your information: one Euro = $1.32 MERKAN dollars; one Canadian dollar = $1.01 MERKAN dollars; one pound = $1.62 MERKAN dollars. So you’re worst off if you go to London and best off if you go to London, Ontario, if you are from MERKA.)

Also, can I just bitch for a minute? Why is MERKAN money so boring? Foreign money is SO PRETTY.

Also, can I just bitch for a minute? Why is MERKAN money so boring? Foreign money is SO PRETTY.

So that’s what I know about economics. Nothing.

So this is the post I was getting hits from. So I scrolled through it (I attempted to read it, but it was like Charlie Brown’s teacher to me…wah, wah, wah…and I felt bad, because it’s really well-written, you guys. Like, this guy can WRITE. It’s just…written in another language. The language of SMART people who talk about SMART things) and then I started scrolling through the comments and someone mentioned “he’s like Lucy with the Football” and I thought “oh. Oh, shit. I am getting hits from this because THEY PROBABLY GOOGLED ME AND ARE MOCKING ME BECAUSE I SCREW AROUND ON HERE AND AM NOT THE SMART PEOPLE” but they TOTALLY did not. They were VERY NICE. See?

I like that whatever the “MNE brand and community” is could learn a thing or two from me. YEAH BOYYYYY! Wait, is this a good thing? *Googling* No idea, that Google search was fruitless. I’m going to just assume it’s a good thing. It SEEMS good therefore it IS good. In your FACE, MNE brand and community!

Also, I like new internet friends. So I totally commented and told them I would write them a post but I know nothing about economics and also would go off on tangents and I think one person was happy and one person was trepidacious.

One was tentatively impressed with my Kevin Smith love. Well! We will get along JUST FINE, then.

One was tentatively impressed with my Kevin Smith love. Well! We will get along JUST FINE, then.

HI NEW FRIENDS WHO ARE SO MUCH SMARTER THAN I AM ABOUT MONEY AND/OR GLOBAL MONETIZATION!

(Are you all so impressed with my use of the word “monetization” there? I know, right? I don’t know if I used it CORRECTLY but don’t even tell the smart people that.)

Dear smart economicy people: I know a lot about the following things. Theater, wasting large amounts of time on the interwebs, interspecies animal friends, writing long emails and being ferociously protective to people I love, how to make people laugh, the correct use of semicolons, blogging daily, my very unintelligent but loveable cat, how scary clowns are, how much I like chocolate but dislike garlic, and all things Kevin Smith and Joss Whedon.

I do NOT know a lot about the following things. Economics, politics, war, building things without an instruction sheet that comes in the box, what makes a car work, why people insist on doing very stupid things even though they are very intelligent otherwise, and sports.

Except "The Mighty Ducks" movies. I know a lot about these. What, they're totally inspirational, bite me.

Except “The Mighty Ducks” movies. I know a lot about these. What, they’re totally inspirational, bite me.

However, in a STROKE OF FATE AND OR KISMET AND OR MAGIC!, secret-sibling Ken sent me this secret searchy game-like thing the other day because he wanted me to investigate this person because he thought I would find him intriguing and also it was the most fun until it got frustrating and I couldn’t solve it because my Google-fu totally failed me because it’s very HARD to search things in LANGUAGES that you don’t SPEAK, yo, and come to find out THE GUY WAS A VERY FAMOUS ECONOMIST. On the same DAY! How does that even HAPPEN, I ask you? I didn’t even TELL Ken about this blog of new friends who are now probably so embarrassed they even accidentally found my FAQ! Ken is filled with magic. Utterly stuffed. (Yes, yes. Euphemism, Ken. Euphemism.)

So now I know about this person named Albert O. Hirschman who died last week and was VERY IMPRESSIVE. Seriously, you guys, he wrote like a kabillion books – all of which, I’m sure, were I to attempt to read them, would read like Charlie Brown’s teacher to me, because economics = TOO CONFUSING. But ALSO, he was German, and went to school at the Sorbonne and other fancy places, and then – GET THIS – fought in the Spanish Civil War! How bon vivanty is THAT? And – AND – check THIS out that I found on Wikipedia: “After France surrendered to the Nazis, he worked with Varian Fry to help many of Europe’s leading artists and intellectuals to escape to the United States.” Well! THAT is exciting, right? We have movies about that board game Battleship and we don’t have a movie about this?

He then taught at U.C. Berkeley, Yale, Columbia, Harvard, and the “Institute for Advanced Study,” whatever that is.

Listen, this guy sounds both fancy AND bon vivanty. I can see why Ken was impressed. (Also, little known fact? Along with being bon vivanty, Ken’s super-smart about things like politics and economics. I bet he could read that blog and totally understand ALL of it. Good, Ken, do that and give me an Econ for Dummies recap or something, ok? Thanks, you’re the best, I’ll repay you with…um…teaching you about…shit, I’m pretty sure anything I know anything about you’re already pretty schooled on. Sorry.)

So, there! See how I know like ONE THING about economics? Impressed? Yep. Thought you might be.

New friends, I am glad to have you here. Please do not be put off by the ZOMGs or the yo-ing. Sometimes we talk about other things. Like…um…Helper Mules, and…sciency stuff…and sex…and…

Sigh.

Bye, new friends. It was nice knowing you for like three whole days.

(If you are at all into economics, I totally do recommend the blog. It might sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher to me, but I know good writing when I see it, and it is written very well. I suppose if you know things about economics, it’s probably the best thing.)

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

24 responses to “At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought.

  • lynnettedobberpuhl

    People on those economics sites get very bristly and aggressive with the comments, as you often also see on on religion and sci fi fan sites. I don’t know if there is a connection; this is just an observation.

    +1 for Kevin Smith reference

    I keep dropping in and out of the blogosphere, (for some reason this makes me think of a whale surfacing for air,) so I don’t know if you have already seen and referenced this video of inter-species friendship. In case you haven’t here it is:

    As usual, enjoyed your post!

    Like

  • 35JupiterDrive

    Your new friends will stay because you are magic and wonderful and wise and fun. But also? What they don’t know about you? You are thoughtful and kind and a seriously decent human being.

    And all the economist/poli sci people I know (okay, fine, used to know) not only like laughing but this is a group of people that NEEDS laughing because they’re figuring out how to deal with The Fiscal Cliffs of Insanity and so forth. At least, I’m guessing they are.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I hate responding to comments on the phone, but this couldn’t wait. In what alternate reality are you a moron? You’re one of the most brilliant people I know.

      Like

      • Andreas Heinakroon

        I believe I don’t keep my Facebook profile locked down.

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          Oh. Hmm. You should. I’m going to be preachy for a moment, please excuse. I think everyone should. I think everyone should lock everything down for everyone but their friends. I guess people that never post anything personal are exempt…but if you ever post photos/names of your kids, or where you live, anything like that…I know, I’m overly cautious, and also, I have people in my past that I don’t trust to stay there. But I think it’s good advice for everyone, honestly.

          My Twitter is where I can be open; it’s not locked down. I don’t post where I live (specifically) or The Nephew’s name and people can’t stalk me through mutual friends as easily there. My Facebook…that’s where I keep my family. And I protect them with my life; therefore, I lock it down.

          Preaching over.

          (You’re not a moron, though. You’re never a moron, not ever.)

          Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Hey, that’s a picture of proper, real money!

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Our money is so…boring. I remember being so impressed with the money when I was in Europe. Every country had the prettiest money! And different pretty money! Now I think it’s all Euros, mostly…but still! So pretty!

      Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    I don’t seem to get email notifications whenever you publish a new post anymore, which makes me sad-face.

    :(

    (See?)

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Oh, boo, Andreas, didn’t this happen once before? How’d we fix that, with you unsubscribing and resubscribing, I think?

      Why does WordPress hate our friendship, I ask you?

      I use Greader – it works great. I’ve never had any problems and always hear right away about all of my blogs. Maybe look into that? If you can get that there?

      Like

  • sj

    HI, AMY’S NEW FRIENDS!

    I really really tried hard to read that post, but it kind of made me feel stupid. [sigh]

    Like

  • Trixie

    Dear Amy,

    I am moderately concerned that your exposure to high quality content and writing over at heteconomist may have left you with the wrong impression. Here’s a primer of everything you need to know about the current state of the economic blogosphere:

    http://noahpinionblog.blogspot.com/2012/09/econotrolls-illustrated-bestiary.html

    Enjoy.

    Your new friend,
    Trixie

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I liked that a lot. And it only SORT-OF went over my head, which was nice.

      HELLO NEW FRIEND TRIXIE! I hope we don’t scare you too much. We’re all very nice and just a little goofy, but in the best possible way. We have the best possible hearts. Most sincerely.

      Like

  • Bronwyn

    i have economist friends… i will have to see what i can make of the blog and impress them (HAH!) with my dinner conversation!! :D and then you can come visit me in London, Ontario (since that’s the best, yo!) :D and we’ll pretend to talk about economics! :D or science-y stuff… i can talk chemistry/microbiology at least! :D

    good plan? :D

    Like

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