Here, put this bandit hat on.

I have VERY LITTLE TIME. I have to write two posts in ONE DAY because this week I have one day I can NOT write a post because I am SUPER FANCY BUSY. I have a DATE, you see.

Oh, don’t get excited. It’s not a romance-date. It’s a friend-date. But I’m super-excited nonetheless. Friend K. and I are going to dinner and a play, then when I get home I have to review the play quickly and then get to bed for work the next morning, and that night will be RUSHED. Super-fun and awesome, because I have not seen friend K. outside of the theater for a long period of time in like EVER, plus we’re going to a new restaurant OUT OF TOWN ZOMG I KNOW! for dinner, and the play is at a fancy theater in a whole THIRD town, so we’re totally bon vivanting that night, but still, that’s lots of traveling and such for a worknight, right? Right.

Also, next week at work is very busy because we have EVENTS. We have meetings and Secret-Santa-ing (although we’re calling it Secret Snowmanning, I assume because of political correctness) and I have bought two gifts for my person – who, by the way, I don’t know? It’s just some guy who sits somewhere on my floor. I don’t even know where he sits. Secret San…I mean SNOWMANNING is going to be difficult for me when I can’t figure out where to put his presents. I suppose I could just leave them in the men’s restroom or something. Someone’s bound to bring them to him, right? All, “Hey, Jeff, here is something I found with your name on it!” Or they might steal it. Not that they’d want his gifts. The things he wanted are pretty specific to him, I think. At some point I have to go buy him beer and lotto tickets. When I told Mom my weekend plans involved buying beer and lotto tickets she wanted to know when I’d become a gambling alcoholic and that made me giggle. Also she said, “You will get fired for bringing alcohol into work!” I said, “I think that’s only if I bring it in and DRINK it there, Mom. Almost everyone wanted alcohol for their gift. I think friend A. and I were the only ones who didn’t list alcohol.” She found this suspect.

So, Dad was VERY EXCITED to tell me all about a PSYCHOMURDERER the other day. I haven’t been paying a lot of attention to the news – lots going on here – but apparently there was a psychomurder and Dad is VERY EXCITED about it. And also scared that means I’m going to be psychomurdered.

So I think we mentioned this a while ago, but there was a serial killer named Israel Keyes who was arrested not-too-long ago who killed a young woman in Alaska and a couple in Vermont and then they caught him and the confessed to ALL THE MURDERING across the country.

It worries me he's handsome. I so would have been psychomurdered by this guy.

It worries me he’s handsome. I so would have been psychomurdered by this guy.

When they asked him why he did it, he totally said, “why not?” and that it gave him a rush. Um. That’s Criminal Minds talk right there, son.

Dr. Spencer Reid disapproves of your shenanigans.

Dr. Spencer Reid disapproves of your shenanigans.

Dad’s all interested in this because the killer totally had a house in a town right next to Dad’s. I’m a little sketchy on the details but Dad said something about Amish people were living in the house so now of course he thinks that the Amish, the killer, and also the government are all in on this killy plot. I asked him what they all had to do with each other and he said “I CAN’T TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW” and I assume that means the government was listening in on our phone call. He always assumes they are. I don’t know what we’re saying that’s so interesting, but Dad lives his life assuming the government’s listening in.

In this article, it says Keyes had a “murder kit” in the house next to my Dad’s that had the following in it:

A murder kit found in upstate New York had weapon parts, a silencer, ligatures, ammunition and garbage bags.


Murderkits are a THING? Oh, no. Oh, this is bad. (There are WETNAPS included. That made me inappropriately laugh.)

Murderkits are a THING? Oh, no. Oh, this is bad. (There are WETNAPS included. That made me inappropriately laugh.)

Israel Keyes said something along the lines of “yeah, you don’t even know how many people I killed, I win murdering” and then killed himself in prison so we won’t ever know how many people he killed, but probably a lot. In news of weirdo overkill, he slit his wrists and ALSO strangled himself with his own bedsheets. So that’s a lot of killation.

So Dad’s take on this was “AMY! This is a KILLER! So now YOU COULD BE KILLED!”

“Um, Dad,” I said, “He’s dead. I think I’m safer than safe from him now, actually.”

“No, from OTHER killers. SO many killers.” Dad’s all freaked out by killers now. I don’t know why NOW. I’ve ALWAYS been freaked out by killers. “The news said most killers already know their victims and serial killers are very rare. Did you know that?”


“Yes, Dad. Of course I knew that.”

“You know all about the murders. I should probably be more worried about that, shouldn’t I?”

“Nah. I’m not KILLING anyone with this knowledge. If anything, it PROTECTS me. From the killers. I know their next MOVE.”

“Probably you don’t, Amy. They are killers, after all. Very unpredictable. And probably they’ve watched all the same shows you have.”

He has a point. They probably have. Dammit.

So hopefully I won’t be killed by a killer. Or at least a random killer. Wait, do I need to worry about all of YOU now? Sigh.

So that’s that. Oh, movie recap: I watched THREE MOVIES THIS WEEKEND. I know! Very impressive. Shush, I know this is random, I am in a time crunch, my darlings.

It was pretty. Just not very good.

It was pretty. Just not very good.

Sucker Punch – I know a lot of people loved this, but I couldn’t stand it. Visually impressive but the storyline was ridiculous and confusing. I had to read up on it to figure out what was going on halfway through because I was SO CONFUSED. And when I finished reading I was all, “really? That’s stupid.” I liked the music, though.



The Fantastic Mr. Fox – oh, I loved this. It was a visual treat, the vocal acting was amazing, and the story was wonderful. I laughed and got teary and clapped. This made me so happy. This won the weekend. Every time Mr. Fox said “here, put this bandit hat on” I cheered.

Also, two out of the three boys were super-pretty.

Also, two out of the three boys were super-pretty.

The Darjeeling Limited – eh, Wes Anderson, I don’t know about this one. It had all the Wes Anderson hallmarks I like – the cinematography was stellar, the acting was great – but the story seemed sparse and then streeeeetched. It wasn’t enough story for the length of the movie, and it wasn’t emotionally engaging. Usually a Wes Anderson movie sucks me right in and makes me part of it and makes me cry and laugh…this one made me laugh a few times, but there was no crying. I didn’t relate to anyone. (Also, as I get older, Owen Wilson has really started to annoy me. What happened there, I wonder?)

OK, this was random and all over the place and AMY STOP DOING THAT. I know. Sorry. Sometimes you just have to get a post out and you have random things in your brain-area and therefore THAT IS WHAT GETS BLOGGED.

Happy…um…Tuesday? Is it Tuesday? Yes. Yes, it is. HAPPY TUESDAY, CHICKADEES!

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

14 responses to “Here, put this bandit hat on.

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