My mom wanted a Christmas list from me this week.
“AMY IT IS GETTING WAY TOO LATE DO YOU JUST WANT MONEY OR WHAT AMY AMY AMMMYYYYY!” she said. If she was a child, she would have been kicking her feet and scowling prodigiously.
My parents are apparently planning on coming to see me either the weekend before or the weekend after Christmas with ALL THE GIFTS because they’re all sadface I’m not coming home. I was fine with Christmas being cancelled and just going home at some point in January and having chicken or something but Mom is NOT HAVING IT NO SIR. There will be PRESENTS! Or MONEY! Or SOMETHING! (Also, Dad wants to sign up for Facebook and Twitter and wants me to show him how to do that. I’m not even kidding. I don’t…I don’t know what to think about this.)
“Urgh, I don’t know, want to just get me tickets to Europe?” I said.
“THAT IS NOT A SERIOUS SUGGESTION,” she said grumpily. Well, I beg to differ, MOM, it’s a VERY serious suggestion, I’m pretty sure at this point those rich people I VERY POLITELY asked for money all those months ago aren’t coming through for me so I’m going to have to pay for it MYSELF, dammit, but FINE.
So I made a random list of crap so she would stop asking. Things it included were very sexy things like a new vaccuum and a cat tree for Dumbcat because he’s ripped his to shreds with his adamantium claws. Christmas is all about getting things I should buy for myself but haven’t gotten around to yet! HOORAY FOR A SEXY NEW VACCUUM AND CAT TREE!
I don’t know. If I need something badly enough, I save up for it and I buy it, you know? I don’t wait for holidays and gifts.
But, in HONOR of the SEASON, I will make a REAL wish list. And, just so you know? It’s all shit I’ll be buying for myself once the money starts rolling in. Just like in Evita, baby. ROLLING ROLLING ROLLLLLLLING! (OK, let’s be frank, there won’t be THAT much rolling. But SO much more rolling than little old me is used to!)
New phone – my phone is still lovely, don’t get me wrong, but it’s getting old, and sometimes it doesn’t get coverage in places, because I have Virgin Mobile. Which was a very good idea for me, because it’s TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS A MONTH YO. And it works great HERE. But when I go home? No coverage. HOWEVER, new job has a deal with Verizon where you get a decent percentage off your contract with them if you get a contract. And I’ve had the phone for a couple years now…and phones can do ALL KINDS of shiny things now that they couldn’t when I got mine. (Also, I haven’t always been kind to it. It’s very scratched up and dinged up. That’s what happens when you get a phone you can’t get a cover for, and also when you just throw it in your purse all willy-nilly like I do. I AM THE REASON WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.) So I think it’s time to be a grownup and get a real phone contract and a real data plan and be able to make actual phone calls from my phone, which will be nice. (I can MAKE phone calls from my phone, I just have unlimited data and texting and a very, very limited number of minutes every month for my $25, and I want to save those in case I’m locked in my trunk by killers, you see. What, it might happen, you don’t know. THAT’S WHY I SAVE THE MINUTES.)
Unlike most people, I don’t want an iPhone. I love my Android. I think I’ll stay with the Android. But a NEW SHINY ANDROID. Ooh! Aah!
Also, Verizon has coverage up where my parents live. I COULD INTERNET FROM DAD’S HOUSE. Can you even IMAGINE the excitement? Well, more so for me than you. I get REALLY bored at home. And I miss you all like FIRE.
E-reader – I know. I KNOW. I like paper books so much. But I’m missing out on a lot not having an e-reader, and it would make traveling with books a lot easier, and my library has gotten so much better about carrying e-books. I’ve been eyeing the Kindle for a while. And I have some Amazon gift cards burning a hole in my pocket. (Or purse, I suppose, if you want to be literal.) I think I might be stepping into the future of reading sooner than you’d even imagine.
Haircut – shut up, I don’t always dream big. I haven’t gotten a haircut in a YEAR. I like the length – I’m a long-hair girl – but the ends are frazzly as hell and it has no style whatsoever. It needs something DONE to it. I also keep thinking I should get highlights or something, but I adore my grays and if I get highlights, they will be dyed over. I’m so irrationally proud of them. So I think I’ll stay with my mousy brown hair that looks red in the sun with its pretty pretty grays that are coming in all over and I love EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM. I sound like I’m being sarcastic but I’m most serious. My grays are my battle scars. They show that I’ve survived my childhood and young adulthood and I’m ROCKING my adulthood. So, soon I will get a haircut. (I think I’m going to splurge and go to my wonderful hairdresser who up until NOW I’ve only used to fix my insane Yeti-eyebrows. She’s pricey but she’s SO SO GOOD. Also she’s known me for years so I think she’ll know exactly what to do with my unruly hair. She’s always itching to give me haircut. The last time I was there, she was all, “A NEW JOB! You could get a HAIRCUT! I mean. Among other things. Heh.” Aw, poor Andrea, I’m giving her the vapors with this mane.)
New glasses – my new job has amazing eyecare coverage. I can get new glasses – the lenses are covered and the frames are, too, up to $120. So if I find something I like, I just have to pay the difference (which shouldn’t be that bad.) I’ve had these terrible Transitions sunglasses glasses forEVER and I HATE them and oh, how much do I want new glasses? SO SO MUCH AND BADLY. New glasses are in my future. They’re so close I can SEE them. (And will be seeing them even BETTER when I have NEW GLASSES. Hooray!)
New shoes – you know how women are all supposedly obsessed with shoes? I missed that day in lady-school, apparently. I have exactly three pairs of shoes that cost more than $10. I know. I’m very serious. They’re all Docs (and two pairs were gifts.) Oh, no, wait, I have a pair of Birkenstocks, too, but they’re so old I can’t wear them anymore because the bottom all wore through because I wore them pretty much exclusively for about ten years straight.
The rest of my shoes are from Payless and Payless makes shoes that look ok, but are not the most comfortable or anything. Also, they’re really not meant to be worn for more than a year or so because they start to fall apart. I also have one pair of sneakers that are so old the “leather” is all starting to fall off and they look scabrous.
I’m SO buying myself some new shoes, yo. FROM A REAL STORE. This is going to be AWESOME. I’m going to be like a real LADY. (Side note: a real lady who hates heeled shoes and loves shoes that are practical and sturdy. Let’s be honest.)
Music – I have a list of songs I want to download. I’ve been working on this list all year. But on TOP of that, I have whole ALBUMS I want. First and foremost: the new Mumford and Sons album. Sigh sigh sigh, I want that so badly. They make me swoony. SO MUCH MUSIC. Don’t worry, I’m working on an epic “best songs of 2012” post for you for later in the month. I haven’t forgotten about you, my little buttercups.
Travel – I have a whole plot for 2013. This is less a short-term gift for myself and more a long-term plan, really. I have two smaller trips I’m plotting for this year – and will have the time off and money to TAKE the trips, which is AMAZING – and then I’m (gulp, I KNOW) starting a savings account. The savings account is going to be labeled “Because the Rich People Didn’t Come Through.” And because I actually CAN now? I’m going to start saving money for a BIGGER trip. One that precipitates the need for a passport. And a looooong plane ride. Listen, Andreas’ kids aren’t going to stay adorable teeny-tiny forever, you know. And SOMEONE needs to go check out Finland and report back. I mean, ANYTHING could be happening over there. And oh, hell, since I’m on the continent, maybe I’ll pop on over and check in our favorite bon vivant. See what he’s up to, you know? I mean, I’d already BE there and everything. MAYBE.* (*Shut up, you know there’s no “maybe” there.)
I can do that now. This job means I can do that now. When I realized that, I’m not too proud to admit there was crying.
This is not something that’s going to happen IMMEDIATELY. International bon vivanting is not something that happens OVERNIGHT. I’m thinking…a couple years? Maybe? But it’s a GOAL. And a PLAN. And that is EXCITING. I’m full of hopefulness about this.
Cat – I already set the wheels in motion! Operation Dumbcat is Lonely and Needs a Companion has BEGUN! Beginning of January, I’m heading on over to a shelter that’s been highly recommended to me as being one of the best in the area and coming home with Dumbcat’s new roommate. (Well, mine too, of course. I also live here. I’m just not as furry. And don’t run into as many walls with my face. AS MANY I SAID.) So, about a month. Right after the new year. It’ll be my first new year’s resolution; adopt a new cat. There’s been a hole in my heart for a year now and it’s time I fix that. (I have rules. Female cat, age 1-3, hopefully one that has little chance of getting adopted otherwise. Other than that…anything goes. Don’t so much care what she looks like. I’ll know her when I see her, is all. I knew Dumbcat when I saw him; I knew Pissycat when I saw her. You know your people, even when they’re furry people.)
Dumbcat is very happy about this development, in his somewhat-dim way, I’m sure. He’s been forlorn this year. He likes having another cat to frolic with. He gets all big-furred and wide-eyed and bounces all around and makes operatic noises and Pissycat used to give him the WORST looks for it but it filled me with glee to see him so happy. I want to see him so happy again. That’s my Christmas present to him. Well, that and the scratching post.
There’s my REAL Christmas list, Mom. However, none of these things are things you can get me so I’ll get ’em myself. And they’ll mean a lot because I did get them myself. With the money from my new job. (Which, by the way, I love to distraction. I’m not talking about it much here, but I AM LOVING IT. I am waking up BEFORE MY ALARM, excited to go to work. I’m not even kidding right now.)
(However, if any of you wants to mail me any of these things, freeing up my money for other things, I’m down with that. Just let me know.)
Hooray for PRESENTS! Oh, and the true meaning of Christmas, too, I suppose. BUT ALSO PRESENTS!