I have news.
Oh, man. Have *I* got news.
No, not Dad news. That has to wait until later in the week, because right now, Dad’s friend B. is staying with him, and he can’t talk freely around friend B., so I can’t get the whole lowdown on the hunting situation until B. takes off for home. But as soon as friend B. leaves, Dad and I are going to talk and talk and talk, and then I will have MORE stories. Right now I only have bits and pieces of the hunting story.
FINE, I’ll give you parts of it.
YES, Dad got a moose. He got a mama-moose and friend B. got the baby moose. Before you get all sad about that, the baby moose weighed 400 pounds, so as I told sj, I think baby-moose was more of an angsty-teen moose, all black eyeliner and eye-rolling and shit.
The hunting camp was good and he had the best time and he loved Canada and he loved New Found Land and he loved the people and he thought it was so beautiful up there even though he got so tired.
He did NOT meet Dion who I mentioned in my post a few days ago who was all bullshitty and “shoot shoot shooty” because Dion was on vacation last week. His guide had a weird name that I have forgotten but I want to say it was something like Constantinople or some such shit. It totally wasn’t. But I can’t remember what it was.
He said “Grace was very pretty, but she wasn’t having sex with anyone but her husband, I don’t think. Why are you and your friends so WEIRD, Amy?” He didn’t notice anything in particular about her teeth, but he thinks that was some sort of weird Canadian euphemism for her being sexy.
Dad IMMEDIATELY asked about Ken. “How is that assassin? What’s that assassin doing now?” he asked. If I didn’t like Ken so much, I think I’d be hurt that Dad seems to like Ken more than he likes me. FINE, FINE, Ken’s life is pretty interesting. I think I’d ask about Ken, too, if I was Dad. I assured Dad that Ken was FINE and being VERY bon vivanty and Dad seemed satisfied with this.
That’s a lot of stories about Dad. Then politics came up and we started getting a little heated so we had to stop talking. I have missed that old curmudgeon. I told him he’s not allowed to go moose hunting for long periods of time again. He said that was ok, he didn’t want to anyway, he was done with his moose hunting.
Apparently there are more hunting-camp stories but I don’t get to know them until later in the week so stay tuned, jellybeans.
No, that’s not the story I wanted to tell you.
What could this BE, Amy?
Nope, not a job. I wish, but no. Someday, but not yet.
BETTER.
What’s better than a job and better than Dad-news?
Well, here. I’ll give you a hint.
What’s my favorite thing in the whole world?
No, not penguins. No, not Dumbcat. No, not turtles. No, not chocolate.
Those things are all peachy-keen, don’t get me wrong, but there’s one thing I love more than all of those things combined.
Well, no. Not a thing. A person. One person. One little, perfect person. One little, perfect person I’d throw myself in front of a horde of zombies for.
You win. The answer is: The Nephew.
Guess what’s next for The Nephew, in terms of young-life-bon-vivantery?
I can barely tell you this. I’m so excited. Earlier, there was crying here at the Lucy’s Football household. Happy crying. So much happy crying.
THE KIDDO IS MOVING HERE.
Kiddo and his mom are moving to Amy-land. At the end of the year. That’s less than two months from now. It’s a total go. I’ve been chatting with her all night.
You guys. YOU GUYS. I will get to see The Nephew MORE OFTEN THAN ONCE A YEAR. MUCH more often. His mom said I could take him to the THEATER. I can hang OUT with him. I can read to him and I can play with him and I can tell him stories and I can BE AROUND MY FAVORITE HUMAN BEING.
I can watch him grow up. Well, as long as they stay here; I can’t imagine they’ll stay FOREVER, but honestly, I’d count every day as a gift, were it to have the kiddo in it.
I never thought I’d live in the same town as he does. Believe me, I actually mentally debated it, and if I didn’t hate the town where I grew up so much, and if the thought of living there didn’t kill my soul, I would have considered moving back there, just to be in his life a little more. He’s just that magical. He makes my whole heart ache, he’s so great. You utterly cannot be sad around this child. You cannot.
Listen. I don’t really like people. I just don’t. I know you think I’m exaggerating but I really am not. They lie and they cheat and they let you down and just when you think you can count on them, they prove they’re not there for you, after all, and you wasted all this TIME on them. So how much I love this kid – it’s kind of unprecedented. It’s not a me-thing. If you’d told me a little over three years ago my entire heart would be walking around in this little wacky kid with the funniest little smile, I’d have laughed in your face.
As it is, I’ve been alternating between euphoria and leaking tears for the past four hours.
THE NEPHEW IS GOING TO LIVE IN MY AREA.
I have been wishing for this since I first saw his little face. (Well, not PARTICULARLY this, but living closer to him somehow.) So I think I might have brought this into being with the power of my THOUGHTS.
I AM MADE OF MAGIC.
Holy hell. This is great. I’m going to go imagine MORE people I love move to my area now until the whole PLACE is filled with you people and then ALL MY DREAMS WILL COME TRUE YOU GUYS.
No, but seriously?
Best news. Best news ever.
Excuse me, I’m going to go sniffle a little now.
November 9th, 2012 at 1:30 pm
So glad you will get to be with The Nephew ANY TIME YOU WANT!! That is truly awesome! Also glad you have more good news coming your way! YAY!! Of course, this means I’m expecting LOTS of good stories about The Nephew! ;-)
Also glad your dad had a good time. Can’t wait to hear ALL the details!!
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November 9th, 2012 at 10:34 pm
I hope I have more good news coming my way…I’m keeping my fingers crossed! You never know when good news might just happen!
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November 9th, 2012 at 2:51 pm
YAY FOR NEPHEW!
Also, I can’t WAIT to hear more about Amy’s Dad’s Hunting Trip to New Found Land.
I CAN NOT WAIT!!!!
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November 9th, 2012 at 10:33 pm
I got a little more news, but not much. I think he might be done talking about it! ARGH!
YAY NEPHEW! :)
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November 9th, 2012 at 11:16 pm
Awwww, whaaaaat? THAT IS NOT COOL, AMY’S DAD!
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November 10th, 2012 at 8:04 am
I think he now considers it in the PAST.
Time has no meaning in Amy’s Dad’s world!
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November 9th, 2012 at 3:26 pm
YAY! That is super exciting! And I know the feeling…I have a few younger cousins that I watched grow for their younger years and now that they’re teenagers I’m far away, and it is very sad. I think that the Nephew is lucky to have an aunt that loves him so very much. :) YAY!
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November 9th, 2012 at 10:33 pm
Oh, I’m the lucky one. That kiddo is pure sunshine! :)
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November 9th, 2012 at 4:40 pm
YAY for Nephew and Aunt Amy! That is such exciting and joyous news! I am totally THRILLED for you!
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November 9th, 2012 at 10:32 pm
Thank you! I’m on cloud nine. Most literally. Just floating.
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November 9th, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Hooray for The Nephew! I can’t wait to read about your adventures. If we lived closer I wouldn’t hesitate to name you Monkey’s Cultural Mentor.
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November 9th, 2012 at 10:32 pm
Someday I will meet your kiddo! I just know it! How much fun would we all have having all the adventures? :)
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November 9th, 2012 at 9:44 pm
Yay! You are going to have so much fun with your little buddy! Maybe I’ll even get to meet him!
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November 9th, 2012 at 10:31 pm
Oh, I hope so! He would love you! And YOU would love HIM!
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November 10th, 2012 at 4:56 am
I love turtles. And tortoises. Well, most reptiles really.
Anyway, that’s really good news! But the risk is that you’ll going to end up the eternal baby sitter..
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November 10th, 2012 at 8:03 am
Me too! Even snakes! And also amphibians. Oh, let’s face it, I like most creatures, except I’m not all that into insects. Or…crap, I’m tired. What are spiders? Arachnids? I’m not into those. They’re fine, as long as they STAY OUTSIDE, I guess.
Eternal babysitter? I’ll take it, Andreas. I don’t see any downside to that at ALL.
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November 10th, 2012 at 6:26 am
OMG i am getting a little sick with excitement!
you can take nephew to the theatre and pump him for his opinions!
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November 10th, 2012 at 8:02 am
I KNOW! The theater and the museum and and and and SO MANY PLACES!!!
He’s going to be a joy and a wonder!
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November 10th, 2012 at 8:54 am
you can totally capitalize on this.
interview him about all the shows you go see and then publish the interviews!
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November 10th, 2012 at 7:34 pm
Oh, there will be a lot of nephew-info once he gets here, I’m sure. You’ll all get sick of how adorable he is. :)
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November 11th, 2012 at 7:17 am
i am looking forward to you enabling him to become king of the internet.
your dad is going to be horrified!
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November 11th, 2012 at 7:28 am
Dad knows I talk about him on here – as long as I don’t use his NAME, he thinks it’s ok. (He has no idea I have posted his picture. Shh, people, don’t tell Dad.)
He knows my love for The Nephew knows no bounds, so I think he thinks it’s ok. Because if anyone came after The Nephew, I would go all crazy Liam Neeson in that movie where someone stole his daughter and hunt them down and cut them up with knives and possibly also swords.
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November 11th, 2012 at 7:41 am
well, that’s true. but what will happens when he finds out you have CREATED A MONSTER when he starts being on the internet in his own right? you know you are getting the blame for that, right?
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November 11th, 2012 at 9:20 pm
Ooh, won’t The Nephew be great on the internet? The internet will LOVE The Nephew. His blog will be a huge hit.
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November 12th, 2012 at 2:37 am
zactly.
granddad’s head will explode. not only are you inviting all the assassins and hippies and murdery friends around but so is nephew!
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November 12th, 2012 at 1:08 pm
I bet by the time The Nephew’s online, it’ll be just a THING the kids do. Like, “la la, going to school, listening to music, going online to talk to strangers and potentially get murdered, no big deal.” I think it might actually already be a thing for the kids, come to think of it. Now I’m WORRIED about him. (Apparently the other day he pretended to make a video and when my mom asked him what he was doing, he said, “I’m going to put this on Facebook!” AND HE IS THREE.)
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November 12th, 2012 at 3:26 pm
HA!
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November 10th, 2012 at 8:00 am
I’m so happy for you! Yay for nephews close by. Mine is now estranged, which breaks my heart.
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November 10th, 2012 at 8:01 am
Aw, I’m so sorry to hear that! :( Maybe someday…? Family politics can be so strange and terrible.
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November 10th, 2012 at 8:02 am
Family politics ARE strange. I think he’ll have his head on straight by the time he’s 30. That gives him about 6 more years.
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November 10th, 2012 at 8:05 am
He’ll come around. I’ve been about 50 different people in my lifetime before becoming the person I am now (and want to remain); hopefully he’s the same way?
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November 10th, 2012 at 8:07 am
I know I was that way. Took me a long time to get where I am. I just miss him.
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November 10th, 2012 at 8:29 am
I will suspend my policy of NO TOUCHING to give you a long-distance internet hug.
*HUG*
Don’t tell anyone or they’ll think I’ve gone soft.
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November 10th, 2012 at 9:28 am
I will tell them you punched me in the arm with brass knuckles. Thanks. i needed that
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November 10th, 2012 at 7:33 pm
VERY nice cover. I love it. Punch punch. (Hug.)
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November 10th, 2012 at 10:38 am
This is fantastic news! YAAAAY!!!
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November 10th, 2012 at 7:32 pm
I KNOW! I got to listen to him playing hide and seek on the phone tonight. THAT COULD BE ME HIDING AND SEEKING SOON!!!!
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