I am a terrifying and imposing figure.

At the theater! Last time I’ll see Assassins. Aw. I will miss this show. When will I ever get another chance to see my favorite show every night? Probably never, let’s be honest. BYE ASSASSINS! It will still be running for two more nights, but I will not be here. I will be ELSEWHERE. Because I AM VERY BON VIVANTY. (I don’t think it counts as bon vivanty if you’re so tired you can’t enjoy yourself, does it? Ken would probably know. I don’t know the rules of bon vivantery. He has far more experience with it than I.)

So here’s my next…let’s see. Four days. Which is a whole different timeline for you because I think this posts on Monday or something. I’m a little muddle-headed. I’m not sleeping much. Have lots in my head-area.

Today: work then Assassins. Tomorrow: work early early EARLY then Hello, Dolly (I was supposed to see it Thursday, but it got cancelled – some of the actors live in New York City, and there wasn’t any transportation out of the city. Oh, my favorite city. I’m so heartbroken about stupid Hurricane Sandy.) Then I run home and write the review and send it on over to the paper so they can get it published as soon as possible because we already had to put it off a couple of days (and THANK YOU, paper, for letting me see it a couple days later! I was so worried because I couldn’t see it Friday night someone else was going to get the review and I can’t even tell you how much I love reviewing things. Can’t even. Also the extra money is ultra-appreciated, I can’t lie about that.) Oh, yeah, I was supposed to be ushering at my theater Saturday night but they didn’t need me after all, which was nice, because otherwise I couldn’t have seen the show and then you KNOW they would have assigned it to someone else and I would have been the most sad. Then, Sunday, my only day off for the next week or so, and I have that panel. Where I am illustrious. Which I am already stressing about. And it’s two days away. So THAT’S been fun and explains why I’m not sleeping, I guess.

Here, I made you a video pre-going-to-the-illustrious-panel. And a little about the play I reviewed last night. As you can see, I was manic. AND PETRIFIED.

Whoo, moving on. Then Monday through Thursday next week, I have regular hours during the DAY at work, which is a change for me. Monday night and Tuesday night we have Laramie Project auditions. I’m very excited about them. I get to hang out with some of my favorite people and I get to watch auditions for one of my favorite shows. And I think I have something else to do Tuesday. Hmm. What could it be. Think, Amy. THINK. WHAT COUL D IT BE?!?!?! Something…patriotic. Something…balloty. Something…OH SHIT I GOTTA MAKE SURE I BALANCE OUT DAD’S VOTE!!! Heh. Then Wednesday night I get to come HOME, won’t that be nice? Sure it will. And then THURSDAY night, I see Wicked! With friend R.! And then run home and write THAT review. And then I work late-ish on Friday, and then all day Saturday, and possibly all day Sunday, and I think one of those nights I see The Shape of Things at MY theater with friend K. and friend A. And on top of that, I’m waiting for some chickens to hatch. Maybe this week. Hopefully this week. I mean, these chickens, they might not hatch? They might not ever allow themselves to be counted. But I’m so hoping on these chickens. They are my most-hoped-for chickens. COME ON CHICKENS.

They never give these out anymore. BOO. I loved these.

Am I the most bon vivanty or the most busy or BOTH? Or maybe a little insane? I’m not quite sure. It’s tough to go from having NO things to having ALL the things. I miss my Dumbcat. And my couch. But am I also happy, inbetween all the sleepy? Well, sure I am. Because these are all wonderful things, and they are all things I love to be doing. So it’s a tradeoff, really. Now. Find me a way to do all these things and be getting PAID for them, so I didn’t have to go to WORK all day, and could just be doing THESE things, and I’m all OVER that.

OK, well, that was a billion words about what I have coming up soon. I have Dad-news, but I will save it for when I’ve actually talked to him. It’s second-hand Dad news. I think Dad deserves better than second-hand Dad news. He’s on his way home, though. He should be home late Monday night. So, in your world, tonight. He will be home tonight. In my world, that’s 3 days away, and I miss him like crazy. I cannot WAIT to hear all about the hunting camp shenanigans. Just cannot wait.

Oh, in news of insanity: the other day here in the old land of blog, we passed 10,000 comments. TEN THOUSAND COMMENTS. Is that not insane? That makes me happy. Thank you for commenting. I love that we have the best conversations after I finish rambling. You make me happy. Well, NO, not YOU, Ding Dong Joe. (Well, ok, even you, a little bit.)

Oh, it’s almost Thanksgiving, yeah? Huh. I don’t do that. The holiday, I mean. I’m very THANKFUL, don’t get me WRONG. I just don’t turkey it up. I think I’m working this year. We get time and a half for the holiday so I told ‘em I’d work. Why the hell not capitalize on the money if they’re offering it? I’m not going home, anyway. I don’t do Thanksgiving. (And, shh, I don’t think I’m doing Christmas this year, either. Long story, I don’t want to go into that at this particular time. But don’t tell Dad, he’s going to be FURIOUS.)

And, in FURTHER Christmas news, Christmas at my grandmother’s house, which has been tradition since I was a baby Amy, has been officially cancelled due to lack of interest. I would love to go into further detail, but it’s probably not PRUDENT at this JUNCTURE what with people having EYES and being NOSY and being able to READ THE INTERNET. Ahem. Cough, cough. POLITE LITTLE COUGHS MOVING ON. I guess I will send my grandmother a polite CARD and that will be THAT. MERRY CHRISTMAS GRANDMA I HOPE YOU LIKE LONELINESS AND FEELING LIKE YOU’VE BEEN FORGOTTEN LIKE AN ORNAMENT KICKED UNDER THE COUCH.

No, this isn’t my grandmother. She doesn’t HAVE a walker. Also, she always wears a kicky hat. She’s stylish, my grandmother.

My mom was all, “I don’t even know if I want to tell you this YOU’RE GOING TO BE SO MAD” (but secretly she took glee in telling me because I think my mom might enjoy me getting ranty because she is VERY well behaved and VERY ladylike and NEVER ranty, except when it’s about morality or whores or religion or nudity or cursing – obviously she’s anti-all-of-these-things, because of THE LORD – so I think when I get all ranty she PRETENDS to be aghast but really she enjoys it and wishes she was more earthy like me because it seems I have more fun than she does. I don’t know that I DO, but I know it’s a lot freer-feeling to not feel like “I can’t say that because PEOPLE WILL LOOK AT ME WEIRD.” I don’t give even the slightest of shits how people look at me. Not even the slightest. They ALREADY look at me weird, me ranting’s not going to make it any worse.)

Oh, listen, before I walk out of this theater for the last time, want to see my favorite line in the show? I laugh at this EVERY NIGHT.

“I am MORE than all right. I am EXTRAORDINARY. I am to be reckoned with!”

I think I need this on a t-shirt.

(I love a LOT of lines. Such as the title, and the Booth/Oswald interaction, “I didn’t come here to shoot the president.” “He didn’t come here to get shot.” Hell, almost every single thing in Scene 16 is utterly inspired. Imagine if you will: Lee Harvey Oswald shows up to the Texas School Book Depository to kill himself because his wife has left him. And the ghost of John Wilkes Booth shows up and convinces him, along with the ghosts of all of the other assassins that have come before – and will come after – that instead of becoming his own victim, he’d be better-served killing the most beloved president in the history of America. He’d never be forgotten. That being hated with a passion is better than no one ever having passionate feelings about him at all. Attention will finally be paid to poor, sad Lee Harvey Oswald.  And does he take them up on it? What do you think? Is Kennedy still alive? Nope. Watching them break him down and build up his hope is one of the saddest, most powerful moments in theater I’ve ever seen. And I think I’ve probably seen more theater in the world than most. And read even more.)

I will miss you, Assassins. Thank you for making 20-year-old Amy’s dream come true. She was an angry little thing. She was stompy and shouty and often very hard to be around. She had a lot of issues to work through. But I still like to give her things, sometimes. I still like to let her have nice things, once and a while. It can’t hurt.

I am MORE than all right. I am EXTRAORDINARY. I am to be RECKONED with.

(But also, I need a nap. And a REALLY hot shower. Good grief.)

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

14 responses to “I am a terrifying and imposing figure.

  • becomingcliche

    You have the richest, most wonderful voice.


  • sj

    I love everything about this post. I’m the most excited for more Amy’s Dad news (I HOPE HE MET DION!!!) and the video made me smile a lot. A LOT, AMY!


    • lucysfootball

      Aw, yay! I haven’t made a blog-video in a while. The blog needed a video.

      I have ALL the hunting camp news. About DION and GRACE and MOOSE and there was one thing Dad was even, “YOU TELL YOUR BLOG THIS THING AMY!!!” and he NEVER does that. (Ironically, it’s not something I can tell the blog, because it’s potentially hurtful toward someone and I think inappropriate, so NO, Dad, I will NOT tell the blog that. He doesn’t understand the RULES.)


  • Andreas Heinakroon

    You seem to be very busy. Even manically so. And not in.. Wait, what? 10,000 comments? As in 10 x 1000 comments? 10k? Really? I.. Wow. I don’t really know what to say about that. Apart from that I felt pretty happy with my 700 comments up til now. *sigh* Now I’m never gonna be satisfied. (No. That was NOT an euphemism.) Ok. Congratulations, then. I guess.


    • lucysfootball

      Well, you have to understand that at least half of those comments are from me, responding to people. So probably only 5,000 or so comments. But STILL! That’s EXCITING!

      I am pretty busy. I’ll calm down soon. I think. I hope. Which’ll be nice. I’m kind of exhausted.


  • Andreas Heinakroon

    I meant to ask you how that fancy panel thing went, but I’ve been in meetings all day. I did see some worrying tweets, but I didn’t have time to investigate. Did it really go badly? Or did you exagerate?


  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Oh, speaking of religion and holy things: have you seen the film Mary and Max? http://m.imdb.com/title/tt0978762/ It’s a sad/funny true story about a young Australian girl becoming pen pals with a grown-up (if a little slow) man in New York. Also, it’s a stop-motion clay animation film, which always makes me happy. ANYWAY. There’s a scene where Mary asks Max where children come from, and he answers as his very religious mother taught him before she died: Christian children come from eggs laid by priests, Jewish children from eggs laid by rabbis. And, atheist children come from eggs laid by prostitutes.

    I guess that makes my mother a prostitute. (It doesn’t, really.)


    • lucysfootball

      No, I have NOT seen it. I love stop-motion clay animation. (WALLACE AND GROMIT! My FAVORITE!)

      If anyone called your mom a prostitute I’d totally punch ’em in the neck. Twice. No one’s allowed to insult my friend’s mom.

      I guess I was a Christian child, but I’m a nothing adult. Well, I’m a SOMETHING adult, but I have no idea WHAT adult. I’m a “there’s something out there, who knows what, guess I’ll find out someday, won’t that be fun” adult. Wonder what kind of egg I hatched out of?


  • Kris Rudin (@krisrudin)

    You are, indeed, extraordinary and TO BE RECKONED WITH! I’m gonna have to find a performance of Assassins, now.

    And, re chickens – I do hope they hatch are are DULY COUNTED and grow up to be healthy and happy domestic fowls! But, until then, I agree: no counting.

    Can’t wait to hear the Dad story!!!


    • lucysfootball

      Dad is HOME! I just spoke to him for a while and we both have a MILLION stories and didn’t even get to tell each other everything. He’s the best.

      I highly recommend “Assassins” if it ever shows up anywhere near you. It’s really fantastic.


  • Heather

    1. You looked very nice for your panel night, and you honestly didn’t *seem* nervous at all. Well, except for telling us about feeling like you were going to barf. But you didn’t LOOK nervous.

    2. “Playing video games and having all the sex” cracked me up. Teenage sex is so awful/boring/not really that fun (or so I’ve heard), and they’d probably have a better time at the theater (even if they abhor the theater). LISTEN UP, HORNY TEENS.

    3. Did I have a three? Hmmm… OH! I’m so glad you liked Hello Dolly! I love the old musicals–Ashley and I will be watching Fiddler next weekend (she has never seen it). We’ll be watching it in our living room, and not in a theater, though.


    • lucysfootball

      I WAS so nervous! I was shaking and I couldn’t let go of my hands because if I did they would shake and shake. It was terrible. (Well, once I got there. In my house I wasn’t as shaky.)

      Isn’t that what kids do? I’m not up on what the kids do. I assume video games and sex. Oh, and get high off hand sanitizer?

      I loved Hello, Dolly! I might try Carousel next. I love the song “Soliloquy” so would like to see it in the musical where it’s intended.


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