I am at the theater. Last night I learned that there was a lot of waiting around, so I thought, hmm. You got an effing LAPTOP so you could bring it PLACES and BLOG with it, yet you never take it out of the house. So I popped it in my bag and here I am. Well, kind of. There’s no internet in here. So I can write this while I’m waiting in Word and then I can put it in WordPress. Easy as pie. Nice, right? You might even get blogs Friday and Saturday, if all goes well. They aren’t the blogs I WANT to be sharing with you, because there are THREE that I have PLANNED that I need internet access to write, but you know what? At this point, I’ll take what I can get. Plus, too much sitting around makes me stabby. I need to be DOING something, yo.
So the show. Listen! It is EXCITING to be working on a show you’ve wanted to work on for almost twenty years. So so exciting, jellybeans. And also I sit here in the back of the house behind the light board and sing along with ALL THE SONGS. Well, except for “Something Just Broke” because listen. LISTEN. That song is TERRIBLE. (A little background for those of you who are NOT obsessed with Assassins – what, that’s all of you? FINE, you HEATHENS – when the show originally came out in – shit, I don’t have INTERNET access, I want to say 1990? – the song “Something Just Broke” wasn’t part of it. So the cast recording I have – the CORRECT cast recording, sorry, NPH, love your face, you did great, but the Victor Garber ORIGINAL cast recording is where it’s at – why are there so many dashes in this side note, I wonder? – and the one I listen to over and over and OVER and on every single road trip I ever go on ever even though a few of the songs are worn out – YES, you can wear out a CD, I can attest to that, I can barely hear “Unworthy of Your Love” because as a young sad Amy I listened to it until I think I’ve almost removed it from the CD – “Something Just Broke” wasn’t there. So I didn’t memorize it with the rest of the songs. Then friend N. and I were talking and he was all, “UGH, ‘Something Just Broke,’ am I right?” and I was like, “Buh-whaaa?” and he gave me the NEW cast recording where Sondheim had added this song. And listen, it’s Sondheim, so it’s not like it’s a bad song. It honestly sounds like something out of Into the Woods to me with the intersecting – shit, I don’t know musical theater terms, storylines? Harmonies? Something – but IT DOES NOT BELONG IN ASSASSINS. What do they call it when an author goes back and changes something in the canon? Retconning or something? Sondheim retconned Assassins AND I AM NOT AMUSED. So, anyway. I HATE “SOMETHING JUST BROKE.” It doesn’t belong there, it slows down the show, it’s weird and off-putting there, and it makes me ANGRY. And it ruins my CHILDHOOD. Well, not my childhood. My angry college years. But STILL. It’s the only thing that makes me mad about my beloved Sondheim. *shakes fist half-heartedly at Sondheim* …and that was only interesting to one of you, and that person is friend N., and he already knew all of that. Moving on.) So it’s tech week and no one’s back here with me and no one can hear me so I can totally sing along (quietly) and I’m not bothering anyone. It’s like they’re putting on a concert for ME. Just for ME. It’s FANTASTIC. Once we have an audience I can’t sing along anymore, though. GREAT BIG SIGH.
Dad is in Nova Scotia right now, and tomorrow he boards a ferry for THE GREAT MOOSE HUNT. He keeps calling me all “WHERE ARE YOU” and “WHY ARE YOU NOT HOME” and “I AM CALLING YOU ON THIS SMALL PHONE IT IS MY CELLULAR TELEPHONE” and I am not home so I miss him. That makes me sad. Mom told him, “Amy is working all day and at the theater all night” and he was all “SHE IS INSANE SHE SHOULD BE WORKING ONLY WORKING NOT PLAYING.” SIGH DAD. Sometimes I need to feed my soul, too. I can’t work ALL the time. Look what happened to Jack in The Shining! Do you want me to chop my wife and children to bits? WELL DO YOU DAD? What? I don’t have either a wife OR children? Well, the sentiment stands, leave me alone. Also, shh, don’t tell Dad, but in February, I’ll be working on ANOTHER show. And who knows if I’ll be employed by then? Not me. But I’m not turning down The Laramie Project. Not for all the tea in China, no no siree. I’ve wanted to work on The Laramie Project since I knew it existed. I’ve wanted to work on The Laramie Project since BEFORE it existed and I sat at home and watched the footage of Matthew Shepard over and over and over and just bawled my eyes out wondering what kind of world we live in where things like this happen. So, yeah. I’ll be stage managing the shit out of The Laramie Project in February. I can’t wait. SORRY DAD I LOVE YOU EVEN THOUGH I DO THINGS THAT YOU DISAPPROVE OF LIKE HAVING FUN SOMETIMES.
Today was a terrible day at work and people yelled at me a lot. I don’t know what was in the air. (Not coworkers. My coworkers don’t yell at me very often. And when they do, I sometimes yell back. NICELY. With crazy eyes and expressive hands. And then we all laugh. I have good coworkers. Except when I’ve really screwed up. Then I say, OH HOLY HELL I AM SO SORRY! and then they feel bad they yelled because I’m so penitent. It’s hard to be mad at someone who’s so mad at herself.) One woman yelled and yelled and said, “I hope you’re taking all this down. I’m going to ask the office if you wrote this all down verbatim, and if you didn’t, YOUR JOB IS ON THE LINE” and another woman called me a bitch and hung up when I asked her (nicely, I thought?) to hang on a minute while I checked who was on call because she for some reason couldn’t get off the phone without knowing who was going to call her back. Cranky was in the air today, I don’t know.
Reason why friend A. is awesome and makes me laugh so hard: when I got here tonight, my script was missing. I said, “Where do you think my script went?” to him and he was all, “I know” and went and grabbed it from the snatcher who’d taken my script and I said, “Great, think the pencil I left in there is still in there? No, no it’s not” and he left and came back with my pencil and then he said, “You know who I am? Red. Red from Shawshank. I’m the guy who knows how to get things.” And then I laughed so hard I choked a little and asked him if he would narrate my life. He will, I think. A.’s very accommodating. He doesn’t read this except when I send him the link and tell him he has to, so I think I’m safe in being squishy. I totally love friend A. He’s one of my favorite real-life humans. And he’s marrying one of my OTHER favorite real-life humans! I mean, sincerely, TWO OF MY FAVORITE HUMANS ARE GETTING MARRIED! How often does THAT happen, I ask you? Not very damn often! That makes me so happy I’m bouncy.
This is very long and I really need to write another one of these before the show starts so I should probably end this and start another one. I’m not saying they’ll be GOOD, I’m just saying you’ll have CONTENT for the two days I didn’t think you would. I’m kind of extraordinarily pleased with myself. Also, I will have you know I wrote this in 45 minutes. FORTY-FIVE MINUTES! Without the internet to distract me, I’m a writing MACHINE. It’s UNCANNY.
There are nine people stomping on stage rehearsing “Another National Anthem” and I could not be happier. Exhausted? Yep. Surely. But happy? Yes sir, I am that.
Happy Friday, internet people. Be back soon. Promise. Oh, in your world it’s opening night for us. Wish us many broken legs! (Don’t worry. It’s a theater-thing. You’re SUPPOSED to wish us broken legs! If you don’t you are CURSING US! Now you don’t want to CURSE us, do you? Surely you do not.)