I got out of work today (my today, not yours, don’t get confused, I know, I’m all over the place here) and it wasn’t even dark yet. It was all very confusing. Hours! I get hours before I have to go to bed! WHAT WILL I DO WITH MYSELF? Oh, blog. That’s what I’ll do, of course. Silly.
So I’m catching up on the shows I missed this week and is everyone (wait, is anyone other than me still watching this?) aware that somehow, a Hole song ended up on Glee? I was in the kitchen and it was playing in the background and I was all, oh. Oh, no. That can’t be…no. Please, no. Please tell me the kids on Glee aren’t singing “Celebrity Skin.” Wait, they are. THEY ARE. And then I was sad. Because that means a., someone thought that was a good idea, and b., Courtney Love (I’d assume she has the rights to the songs? Or maybe she and the other bandmembers? I have no idea how such things work, please forgive, what do I look like, a record exec?) sold the rights to “Celebrity Skin” so that the Glee kids could sing it (cheerfully) while doing makeovers (cheerfully) for a run for class presidency (cheerfully.) I KNOW. Please bow your heads for a moment for the death of my misbegotten, angsty 20s, which have now been co-opted by clean-cut prime-time teenagers in letter-sweaters.
I am only posting this because it is EMBARRASSING. Not because I like it.
Then they won me back by showing me the preview for next week and they’ll be playing Coldplay’s “The Scientist” and SHUT RIGHT UP, I don’t care if you think Coldplay’s terrible and overplayed and sellouty and blah blah blah, that song gives me chills. “Questions of science, science and progress/Do not speak as loud as my heart” and “No one ever said it would be so hard/I’m going back to the start” make me all tingly. Sorry. I like a sad song, me. I heard this song the first time driving late at night and I was all, “what is this. What is this. WHAT IS THIS?” because I (shut up, I don’t know about popular things, especially music) had never heard Coldplay before. And it’s the perfect sad song. It’s moody and it’s mournful and it’s the song I want to be listening to when I’m driving in the middle of the night on an abandoned road. (I’m actually not a huge Coldplay fan, overall. I really like “Fix You” and “Yellow” – “for you I’d bleed myself dry” is a fantastic line, as is “lights will guide you home/and ignite your bones” – but otherwise, meh. I have other bands I like more. I’d see them for probably $40 or something but I wouldn’t pay the prices people tell me Coldplay tickets go for. Exorbitant ticket prices make me sad, because you don’t have anything to show for what you spent but memories, and you can’t eat/live in/type on/make calls with/wear memories. I’m quite practical about large purchases. I like to have something to show for purchases over, say, $20.)
Let’s get the bad taste of that Hole cover out of our mouths.
Also, you’ve all heard this, right? It makes me happy. Well, and sad. But isn’t it lovely? (Yes, I am confused by the fact that this seems to be a video made by Chipotle to support…shit, sustainable farming, or something? Just listen to the song. It’s Willie Nelson! Singing Coldplay! It is SO GOOD!)
So, anyway, what’s next, Glee? Are you going to sing, shit, I don’t know, Martha Wainwright’s “Bloody Motherfucking Asshole” or Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer?” Listen, I would pay to see that. I would pay ALL THE MONIES to see that. All those cheery kids grinning through wanting to feel each other from the inside? Yes. Yes, please, Glee. Please do this. Much appreciated.
This somehow became about music and I don’t know how that happened but, meh, whatever, let’s go with it. I feel bad that we have a master musicologist but we never get to use her because I am so far removed from the realm of music I never talk about it. SORRY SJ! I love you and I love your face!
When I was driving home tonight, a song I enjoyed came on the radio so I (look away, cops) used my fancy-schmancy Shazam app (YES WHILE DRIVING I KNOW I KNOW DON’T HATE ME I WAS AT A RED LIGHT) which I love more than almost anything in the world and the Shazam app told me it was Katy Perry. What is up with my obsession with terrible pop singers? I really like Katy Perry. I embarrassingly seem to really enjoy Christina Perri. (NO, I do not like that terrible Carly Rae Jepsen person. I’m not that far gone.) Here’s the thing – I don’t know who the people singing these songs are. So I’m in the car, and I’m all, “this is nice! Who is this?” and I use Shazam and I’m all “AMY! You are EMBARRASSING, what is WITH you and your love of the popstars?” (However, my talent for not knowing who’s singing a song also works for GOOD, not just EVIL, because I also have Shazamed Ingrid Michaelson songs repeatedly over the past few months because I just can’t realize who’s singing a song but I know I like something, so I keep being all, “I LIKE THIS WHO IS IT?” and it’s Ingrid Michaelson over and over and over. So, I’m not all bad.) Anyway, apparently I love Katy Perry. That “Firework” song makes me bounce all around. Sorry. You already know I have heathenistic taste in music; I don’t suppose this is going to make that supposition any worse.
This is the Katy Perry song. Shut up, I liked it. Leave me and my bad taste in things alone. (I can take or leave Katy Perry herself. Just don’t care. I like her music. It’s enjoyable. Just to be clear.)
Hey! I have a VERY IMPORTANT MUSIC QUESTION. Why do we all hate Lana Del Rey? I didn’t realize hating Lana Del Rey was a thing until she was on Saturday Night Live a while back and then the following week people were all “WE HATE LANA DEL REY WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO SNL” and now she’s in some commercial or something, I don’t watch commercials, I don’t know, and everyone’s all “GAH WE HATE HER WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO COMMERCIALS” and I don’t get it. I like that song “Video Games.” Am I wrong? I can’t be the only person who likes this song. It’s on the radio here a lot. What say you, minions? Does she murder puppies or something? Stab grammas? What am I missing?
See? I like this. This is kind of nice. She has a nice old-timey voice. No? What am I missing (other than her duckface, but all the lay-deez have that now, I think. It’s like a THING.)
Oh! Oh, I totally have fallen in love with TWO songs. That are NOT embarrassing! Look, I am not always cringe-inducing! I will even share them with you. Because I LOVE YOUR FACES.
One is happy and makes me bounce and one is sad and made me cry real TEARS from my EYEHOLES.
The happy one is confusing. I don’t usually like happy. I like moody and dark and broody and then this thing comes on and I’m all “HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BOUNCE!” and it’s kind of embarrassing to all involved.
(Well, ok, it’s got a LITTLE sad in it. But mostly it’s kind of weirdly triumphant and happy and joyous to me. I like “I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart.” How adorable is that? SO adorable. SUPER-TREACLY-SWEET. I think I might need to test my blood sugar after listening to this song. I LOVE IT SO MUCH.)
The second song is the latest Mumford & Sons song and I heard it for the first time on Saturday Night Live last weekend and I was all “I LOVE THIS! SO SAD!” and there were totally tears. I’m a huge sap. Don’t even let anyone tell you I’m not.
“And I came home/Like a stone/And I fell heavy into your arms.” SIGH.
Nice, right? This has been on constant laptop-repeat for a week. I love Mumford & Sons SO MUCH. I even wrote myself a note to buy the album. I NEVER buy albums. I KNOW! Mumford & Sons gets huge credit. I haven’t purchased an entire album of anything non-showtune-related in YEARS.
OK, that’s all I got, folks. I’m going to go listen to something thrashy and non-Glee-ified. DAMMIT GLEE.