Let’s see. What day is this? Sunday? Not here. It’s a whole different day here. I’m trying to keep ahead of things. It’s a bit of a losing proposition, but I’m doing my best. This has been a week of craziness. The night shift is a strange beast. It is not the kindest on one’s sleeping schedule. Last night, I worked until 11:30. Then today I had to work at 11, so I got up early (well, early-ish, because I didn’t get to bed until 1:15) and got a call just as I was all ready and rip-roaring to go that the night-shift supervisor had called off, could I please please please take her shift instead of doing the shift I’d been planning on doing? So TECHNICALLY I could have slept in a little, boo. And now I have to work the night shift on the busiest day of the week over there AND be there at 11am tomorrow morning (it was supposed to be 9:30, but she pushed my shift back a little.) No, I am not complaining. I am very lucky to have a job, and I am very VERY lucky they give me as many hours as they do. I ALMOST was able to pay my bills this month! And will TOTALLY be able to pay them by the time my next paycheck comes in, huzzah! I am totally a productive member of society, look at me go.
I just spoke to Dad. Dad has had a VISITOR.
Dad: So remember you told me that stupid cat you have caught a mouse?
Me: YES. I am still so proud. What a good boy. OUCH, Dumbcat, stop DIGGING MY LEG.
Dad: That cat is so stupid. I wouldn’t have a cat that stupid.
Me: You wouldn’t have any pets. You hate pets.
Dad: I really do. ANYWAY, the day you mentioned mice, guess what happened.
Me: I don’t know. What happened.
Dad: There was a HUGE MOUSE in my wall.
Me: How do you know it was huge if it was in your wall?
Dad: It sounded as big as a monster. So I kicked the wall and it was quiet.
Me: That’s how you do it. Just kick that wall.
Dad: Then I put a bunch of mousetraps in the cellar.
Me: You know, if you had a cat, you could just put that cat in the cellar. STOP DIGGING, DUMBCAT!
Dad: I’d put that cat outside. Then I’d lock the door.
Me: SO MEAN. He is your GRANDCAT.
Dad: I don’t…you worry me.
Me: Aw, no. He is so good and furry.
Dad: So I put the mousetraps in the cellar, and guess what happened this morning.
Me: I can’t even begin to guess. This is like a mystery novel filled with INTRIGUE.
Dad: I went to the cellar and two of the traps were sprung and the peanut butter was GONE.
Me: Huh. That is one crafty mouse-monster.
Dad: But the third trap? WAS GONE.
Me: Gone? Hee! Where did it go?
Dad: I DO NOT KNOW. I looked EVERYWHERE. Well, everywhere I could. That cellar is filled with junk. So then I decided that it’s not a mouse in the walls.
Me: Um. So, what’s in the walls?
Dad: Well, it could really be anything, but probably a bear.
Me: You think there’s a bear in your walls?
Dad: Well, a mouse wouldn’t just steal your good mousetrap.
Me: Yes. And a bear totally would. Bears are known to do such things.
Dad: That bear better look out. It’s hunting season!
Me: That’s probably why he’s in your walls. Hiding from the hunters. And it’s nice that you put out peanut butter for him. He’s probably starving.
Dad: So now I have to set up some sort of system so that bear-mouse-monster doesn’t steal my remaining traps. I think I’ll drill holes in the floor and attach the traps to string and anchor them to the floor.
Me: My. That seems like…a lot…of work. For a mouse. Or a bear. Ooh, or a BADGER. Do you think it is a badger?
Dad: No. I don’t think it’s a badger. We don’t have badgers here.
Me: You do, however, have WALL-BEARS.
Let’s see. I don’t have much other news. Mostly, I’ve been working sleeping working sleeping writing this working sleeping repeat repeat repeat. I haven’t even gotten to speak to my most-beloved people as much as normal and that makes me very sad and I miss them much much much. Next week might be a little better, depending on what kind of hours I get. This week was just a little tough. And THEN! Next weekend! VERY EXCITING! A week from today, my parents are coming to visit, and THEN, a week from TOMORROW, it is SOMEONE’S BIRTHDAY I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BEEEEEE? Me me the answer is me! And I will be taking both days off and being COMPLETELY lazy and enjoying my birthday weekend. Well, if the weekend is Sunday and Monday, that is. So my parents are coming up to take me to lunch and we are having SEAFOOD and then we are going SHOPPING and they will bring me PRESENTS. Are you at all surprised that when it comes to birthdays, I am a child filled with excitement and totally count down days and get VERY EXCITED? Probably not. I LOVE BIRTHDAYS!!! Here’s my thought on birthdays. Everyone gets one day a year that is ALL THEIRS. There are 365 (sometimes, 366!) days in a year and one of those days is YOUR DAY. I think you should enjoy the hell out of your birthday. And I think you should help OTHERS have wonderful birthdays by doing fun things and surprising them and celebrating them. I AM VERY EXCITED ABOUT BIRTHDAYS. They make me bounce like Tigger. Bounce bounce bounce. This year my birthday will be weird and up-in-the-air and a little stressy, but I will STILL enjoy my birthday, dammit. I REFUSE TO DO OTHERWISE.
OK. Off to do things like eat lunch and then run off to work and WORK WORK WORK. And it’s going to be a scary scary night! Fridays at the answering service are not good times, no no. Since I am writing from the PAST and you are all in my FUTURE I can only assume that I survived it but I suppose we’ll see what happens. Send me good thoughts. ALL THE GOOD THOUGHTS. Deep breaths. DEEP BREATHS.