Full of win.

Ok, it’s awards day. Or, as it’s known here on Lucy’s Football, the day I turn down awards because that’s how I roll, jellybeans.

You know how this works. I get awards, I am SO GRATEFUL for the awards, I cannot ACCEPT the awards, because that means I have to PASS ALONG the awards, and I refuse to do that because a., they feel like a pyramid scheme and b., if I leave someone out someone’s feelings are going to get hurt and someone’s going to be all “WHY NOT ME” and then I’d have trouble dealing with that. We’ve done this before. However, I am, as always, so grateful the awards were GIVEN, so I will MENTION them. Sorry for the delay on this, I feel like an dipshit.

First: The Liebster Blog Award From Enchanted by Books! Which was a WHILE ago and I never MENTIONED it and I am a JERK. Thank you, Danielle!

I will totally do the things it asks me to do, but I’m not passing it along. I’m making this shit up as I go along, just go with it.

I’m supposed to tell you 11 facts about myself and then answer these 11 questions. I WILL DO THIS.


  1. I talk to myself incessantly in the car. I have very long, drawn-out conversations. Sometimes they are with myself, sometimes they are with people who are not there. It’s a dry-run for actual conversations I have yet to have, or emails I have to send. I assume if people look in my car and see it happening, they think I’m on a Bluetooth. An invisible Bluetooth.
  2. I laughed so hard I peed my pants the first time I watched Airplane. Don’t judge me too harshly. I was about 8 at the time. YES, that’s too old for pants-peeing. Shut up, it’s a hysterical movie.

    What do you make of this, Johnny? It’s a hat, it’s a brooch, it’s a pterodactyl!

  3. I love the idea of having a garden but I’m much too lazy to have one. Every year, I think about getting seeds and pots and container-gardening on my porch but then I think of all that work and buy my veggies from the store like a heathen.
  4. I am entranced by stationery. I don’t use it very much, but I can’t not buy it when I see it in the store. I have boxes and boxes of pretty cards and paper and envelopes and pens. ENTRANCED.

    This is like a crack den to me, seriously. WANT IT ALL.

  5. I hold onto grudges like most people hold onto treasured heirlooms. Once, in kindergarten, a boy was mean to me and pushed me out of my chair in the lunchroom. Recently, I heard that boy got divorced. My first thought was, GOOD, that little BULLY. Because what he did when he was five apparently still holds true today for me.
  6. As long as I won’t kill anyone, I will do anything I can to not kill animals when I’m driving. Up to and including driving off the road. And by “animals,” I mean ALL animals. Including mice, frogs, and snakes. If I do hit something, I apologize to it and sometimes I cry a little.
  7. When I was little I got lost in the KMart. After trying frantically to find my mom for what seemed like hours, I decided the best course of action was to sit on the floor and scream to the top of my lungs. It worked perfectly. No one else would come near me and my mom came running. Win! I was a brilliant child.
  8. I am obsessed with perfume. I have hundreds of bottles. This surprises people when they find out, because I am very not girly-girly. Yet perfume is one of the few things I go all pink and frilly over.

    I smell delicious, by the way.

  9. From age 17 to age 28 I didn’t have the same hair color for three months running. I was box haircolor’s best client. I went everything from strawberry blonde to purple. Then at age 28 I thought, what color is my real hair, I wonder? And by the time it grew out, I was too lazy to dye it anything else. Plus I love the white hair that’s coming in, and the color would cover that up. The white hairs make me look DISTINGUISHED.
  10. I have a jar of foreign coins that I collected when I was traveling all over Europe in college. I’m pretty sure that, in total, they probably are worth about a dollar, but maybe if I keep them long enough, they’ll be collector’s items and I can RETIRE on them.

    This is my INHERITANCE. I’m going to retire like a QUEEN, baby.

  11. Piggybacking on that: I am obsessed with those machines that squish a penny and make it into a long oval penny with a location printed on it. I have a lot of them. They make me happier than they probably should.

    I’m weirdly into these things.

11 questions from Danielle:

  1. What is your favorite book read in 2012? (does not have to be released in 2012) Americas by Jason Lee Norman.
  2. Have you read any of the books in the Song of Ice and Fire series? Why/why not? Yep. Love. Love, love, love. Haven’t read the last one yet. Saving it for a rainy day.
  3. What is your opinion of 50 Shades of Grey? Well, I guess worse things have happened in the world. But it’s pretty damn terrible.
  4. How long have you blogged? Since June 2011.
  5. Do you do anything crafty? I used to, but I haven’t had time lately. I can crochet like a boss.
  6. What country are you from? MERKA.
  7. What countries/states have you traveled to? Lots of states. Countries – um, let’s see. Canada, England, the Netherlands, Austria, Germany, Italy, and France (with a catastrophic unplanned stop in Czechoslovakia, which I’m sure I mentioned at one point or another. We almost got arrested! For not having the correct papers!)
  8. Do you like to participate in weekly memes? Which ones? No. Am I supposed to be doing that? Shit, I never do this blogging thing right.
  9. What is your guilty pleasure tv show/book/movie? TV show – 90210. Book – I don’t know that I have any guilty pleasures, I’m proud of all the books I read. Movie – I love old Adam Sandler comedies to distraction.

    Shampoo is better! It goes on first and CLEANS the hair!

  10. What tips/pointers do you have for blogging? I don’t. I still don’t know what I’m doing. My only tip would be – don’t listen to anything I say or do anything I do, I’m a mess.
  11. Is there a book you love that you want to be a movie, as long as it was done the right way? Why/Why not?  Which one? Oh, I’m ok with anything being turned into a movie, as long as it’s done well, honestly. I’m pretty laid-back about such things.

THANK YOU DANIELLE! As always, I’m not passing this along. If you want this award, go to it. Click on Danielle’s blog, gank it, do the steps or don’t. Whatever. Life’s a bowl of cherries, you know?

Second: the One Lovely Blog Award from Mandaray!

In this one, you’re supposed to share SEVEN things about yourself. I don’t know that I have seven more things to share. So just knock four things off that list up there, and then you have seven things, and all is well.

THANK YOU MANDARAY! And if anyone wants THIS award, pretend I gave it to you and pop on over to Mandaray’s blog and do the steps and take it. All for you, babydoll.

So, thank you both so so much, and as always, I’m an asshole and I’m not accepting the awards, but AGAIN as always, I am so honored and humbled and blessed to be given the awards. You rock. Thank you for thinking of me. All the love.

Oh, special SIDE NOTE STORY. A certain cat who is not very intelligent but who will remain unnamed for anonymity purposes woke me up at FIVE A.M. today on a DAY OFF. This is how: he leapt on the bed, got on my pillow, and went “MEOW MEOW!” in my face. Then I was all “Stop it stop it I am asleepin'” in my sleepiest sleepy voice. So then he was all, “YAY MOM’S AWAAAAKE!” and he started walking all over me going “meow? Meow. Meoooow? Meouuuuuw. Mew? Mew? MEOW.” And I was all “NO NO DUMBCAT STOP IT.” This did not deter the Dumbcat! Shit, I ruined his anonymity. Oh, well. He deserves to be called out for this behavior, to be frank. So after he got in my face AGAIN and was all “MEOW MEOWWWWWW!!!!” I said, “NO GET ON THE FLOOR IF YOU CANNOT BEHAVE YOU GOOFBALL!” and put him on the floor, and he ran away and into the living room, where I heard the following noises: “Merw. Reow? Reowf. Reooooow! Rrrrr. Awwww! Eiouuuuu. Miouwwww! Mewww. MIOUWWWWW! Mew. Merf. Merf.” That made me giggle because he was having an alien conversation with someone, and then I fell back to sleep. AND SCENE.

OK. Off to do things. Love your faces. Have a happy day of happiness!

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

14 responses to “Full of win.

  • sj

    Oh, silly Dumbcat! Let mommy get some sleep!

    Also, when I was ~5, I was at the store with my dad and he let me go grab the little bottles of shrimp cocktail from the refrigerated section that he liked. WELL. I could not FIND the shrimp cocktail, then when I went back to tell him that I couldn’t find it HE WAS NOT THERE and I looked down EVERY SINGLE AISLE and could not find him. I eventually had to go to the front of the store and have them page him because I was sobbing so much and couldn’t find my daddy.

    He was not pleased. And he’d been right where I left him, I just didn’t see him.


    • lucysfootball

      That’s the most traumatic, isn’t it? It’s been years and I still remember how freaked out I was by that. When I was an adult (probably 10 years or so ago?) I was in Target and there was a little boy, probably 3 or 4, just standing there looking so, so lost in the middle of the aisle, just about to cry. And all I could think was, what if a crazy pedophile finds him? So I said, “did you lose your mom or dad?” and he looked at me SO SCARED and nodded and I said, “ok, let’s go up to the customer service desk and have them paged, ok?” and he had these huge big scared eyes (because listen, I could have been a killer, too, I get it) and he nodded again and we started to walk toward the customer service desk and he put his little hand out for me to hold and my whole heart clenched right up. And customer service paged his dad and his dad ran up all panicked eyes and thanked me a million billion times and kept saying “anything could have happened to him! anyone could have taken him!” and I felt like I did a good deed and the little boy waved at me when his dad carried him away. There is my story of the time I saved a kid from UNCERTAIN DOOM. Someday he will blog about it and I will be the hero of that story! Hooray!


      • sj

        Right, I am so terrified about this. My dad took all the boys to Toys R Us a few weeks ago, and he said that he had a major panicky moment when he was looking at something with the 6 year old because he turned around and the 5 year old was GONE.

        It turned out he was just at the end of the aisle with the 13 year old, but for the 30 seconds it took to find him, he said he thought he was going to have a heart attack.


  • Samantha

    Aww I love Dumbcat stories. Did he spontaneously attempt to turn into a dog? hehehe.

    Um, I don’t blame you for that grudge for someone pushing you out of your chair. I had that happen (at a much older age, admittedly), when a guy kicked my chair out from under me in 7th grade because he thought I was talking about him. That slightly traumatizing and I don’t blame you for holding a grudge, honestly :P


    • lucysfootball

      I don’t know! Sometimes he makes very strange noises. He also randomly gets operatic and makes very high-pitched crooning noises. And then looks all around like “Hey! Hey Mom! Didya hear that one did ya did ya DID YA???” He’s so goofy. I couldn’t love him more if I tried.

      I really am the worst about grudges. And I know they’re unproductive and poisonous but I still hold them. Can’t stop. Worrisome.


  • laura_thetwors

    I’m totes obsessed with those squish-a-penny machines. We travel a lot, and I get one for each kid every single fucking place we go, and they are all taped in their baby books making big dents in the pages, and I don’t care because I irrationally LOVE THEM.

    Also, O’Doyle RULES.


  • becomingcliche

    I should be sending you some squished pennies from my zoo since you collect such things. Who knew?


    • lucysfootball

      YAY SQUISHED PENNIES! I also got my first wax figure from the zoo I visited in Florida, like the wax figure from the show “Wonderfalls” – that was super-cool! I am a total sucker for machines that make you memories, apparently. It’s a weird things about me!


  • Heather

    When Rascal wakes us up like this, he makes no noise. He just starts patting my face with his paws whose claws don’t fully retract, and I wake up freaked out and in pain. Haha!


  • 35JupiterDrive

    I knew someone who knew someone (these people are once removed from me, close friends of an ex) who had a kitten who was constantly pouncing on their faces and batting their noses and waking them up. And they would say, NO! And put the kitten down. And they talked about maybe they should lock the kitten out of the bedroom or something because, you know, SLEEP. The kitten kept doing this and there were many discussions of how to control/stop this horrendous behaviour. Then, one night, in the middle of the night, the kitten started batting their faces, finally really just really hitting and biting one of them. And the person whose face was being batted was all, “No, kitten, no. Ouch. No. Ouch. Stop.” and the kitten kept doing it and jumping back on the bed when it was put on the floor and it was the middle of the night! So their person woke up enough to realize the house was on fire. She woke up her gf, grabbed the kitten and they got out. Lost everything. But not each other or the kitten. Hero cat! Probably related to Dumbcat. Just sayin’.

    I have a left behind story that was terribly traumatizing that happened in 3rd grade. It’s sooo traumatizing when that happens!

    Love your answers to everything. So cool. And I appreciate the way you do awards, too.


    • lucysfootball

      My mom was convinced he was trying to warn me of a fire. I even told her, “Mom, when I woke up, there WAS no fire, though, so your argument is invalid!” and she said maybe he was practicing. Well, that’s all well and good, but how will I believe him when there’s really a fire? He’s not very intelligent…so if there really is a fire, my guess is he will probably sleep through it. He’s adorable, but not the most useful, my fuzzy boy.

      Aw, thank you! I always feel bad about the awarding, but I really can’t pass ’em on. It just feels like choosing a team in gym class to me. I can’t leave anyone out. I can’t be that person.


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