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Most of them are little animals made out of glass, the tiniest little animals in the world.

Howdy, people. Here it is Monday! I think I have the day off. Since I’m writing this Sunday, that’s still up in the air. One of the things about working these weird hours at the part-time job is that I never know what the hours will be, or when they’ll be, until right before they happen. Some people might dig that. I’m kind of a weird planny planner. I like knowing what I’m doing today and tomorrow and a month from now. I’m kind of an old-person like that. When they give those tests to see how spontaneous you are, I always score a -14. I made that score up. (Ironically, when I do something spontaneous, I almost always have a very good time once I get over the “ZOMG PLANS CHANGED!!!” mindset. Don’t try to figure me out. You’ll fail. Miserably.) Anyway, I may or may not have the day off today, because for the past few weeks I’ve had Monday (or Tuesday, on the holiday weekend) off while the HR rep who makes the schedule over there figures out where she can use me for the week. That’s nice because it gives me the day to get things together for the week because once the work-week starts I’m pretty brain-dead. It’s not as nice because I really should be working seven days a week to make the money I’ll need at the next paycheck-time to pay the bills, but you take what you can get.

(Update update! No day off today for me. Working the night shift because the normal night-shift person has the day off. They were SO NICE about asking and called in the middle of my shift last night all “please please?” and whatever, it’s not like I’m breaking off some very important date for this or anything. All my romances will have to WAIT, I have to WORK. Heh.)

That being said, as long as the hours are and such, as always, I am very grateful to have the hours, and it’s nice over there because for the most part I know what I’m doing and I like the people I’m working with and I feel comfortable with it. I’ve been there about seven and a half years now, and they’ve been very good to me – working around my work hours, giving me time off when I need it, giving me extra hours when I need them. I’m totally capable of saying thank you when it’s warranted.

Thank you, part-time job which has become my full-time job for the time being. Without you, I would be probably living in my car, or under an overpass, or (ZOMG SHUDDER) with my parents again. Also, last week, even though I made some mistakes (I make some boneheaded mistakes – we answer a LOT of calls, and with call volume like that, it’d be completely impossible not to make at least a FEW mistakes every once and a while) I got to learn two new high-level skillzzzz and that made me feel like a fancy-person. I told one of my favorite co-workers that it was exciting and scary, like being at the CARNIVAL, and she just laughed and said, “Um, okkkkkkk” because I’m pretty sure they think I’m nuts. But in a good way. Good-nuts. So, anyway. Thanks, part-time job. You’re a lifesaver. I appreciate you so much.

Exciting! Scary! CARNIVAL!

So, yeah, I know I’ve been MIA a lot lately. (No, not the SINGER. MIA like MISSING. Sheesh.) I miss you guys like crazy. But it can’t be helped. Have to work. No internet at work. And most likely, no internet (or unlimited usage of the internet) at whatever job I end up at in the future. Not if I want to stay there for any length of time. I guess I learned my lesson. Sigh. It’s hard to be a grownup. Also, according to the song, a pimp, apparently. Also, I’ve been majorly depressed. I don’t so much want to talk about that. It’s genetic and it comes and it goes. And when I’m depressed, I don’t talk much. Because there is nothing more annoying than someone who’s all “poor ME wah WAH.” So I just kind of retreat into my metaphoric pots-and-pans cupboard (as opposed to Dumbcat’s actual pots-and-pans cupboard, which I assure you is a real thing.) I’m not saying I’m not still depressed. It’s not like it just goes away. But – well, shit, unless you don’t deal with this you don’t know. It’s kind of like a cloudy day.

Cloudy cloudy cloudy.

Sometimes the clouds come in and just kind of linger, and sometimes you get a break with a little sun peeking in through the clouds, and sometimes there are whole weeks or even months of fully sunny days, but the clouds can always move back in. So today the clouds are at bay, but they’re still there. Shoo, clouds. Shoo it on off. (Yes yes yes. I am aware there’s medication. I’ve tried a billion different types/brands/dosages. Ok, a billion is an exaggeration. But lots. None of them have done anything other than give me weird side-effects like one made me so dizzy I knocked over an entire display of glass things in a store. They didn’t make me pay for them, thank goodness. But once the meds were out of my system, no more dizziness. Anyway, since all the “Amy is a antidepressant guinea-pig” phase of my life, I decided no more antidepressants for me. I’m sure there’s some brand out there that would work, but life’s too short to try every medication in the world. Also, all the glass things in the world need to be protected from me. There are only so many small precious glass things in the world! And they are at risk if I take more pills! BLUE ROSES!)

Waitin’ for the Gentleman Caller…

Whoo, that was long. Anyway, yeah, it’s been kind of dark in Amy’s head lately. It probably still is. I mean, I’m writing this a full 24-hours ahead of time. Who knows what I’ll be feeling tomorrow. But please do not worry. I’ve been through worse than this and came out the other side. I’ll come though this just fine. Because this time around, I have a support system that I can’t even say enough good things about. I’ve never had a support system like this before. If I made it through previous dark-times without people before, there’s no way I can’t do it this time. Love you guys. You and you and YOU. No, no, Ding Dong Joe. I don’t love you. Just as a friend. We’re just not compatible. You like a life lived without pants; I like pants a great deal. I hope you understand.

Oooh, look, a book for Ding Dong Joe! This book is most likely filled with euphemisms.

(Someone please tell me they totally got the “blue roses” reference up there or I’m going to cry all the tears.

You did, right? You all love Tennessee Williams as much as you should? Good, good.

SIDE NOTE! I actually had a DREAM last night. I know! I don’t ever have those. I had a dream I lived in a big house by the ocean with a woman from work, my friend Mer, and a guy. I don’t remember who the guy was. He might not have been a real person. And they were all actors, and I was a stage manager. And we were working on a new Neil LaBute play. And it was awesome and fun. Then I woke up so I don’t know what happened next. There were big set pieces that had to be carried across the beach. I remember that. It was nice. I like knowing that sometimes my brain still works in the night.)

OK. Off to work. Night shift today (well, my today is your yesterday, little cauliflower florets. And you know what they say about yesterday. All my troubles! So far away!)

so I have to steel myself up for that. Luckily, I work with some kickass people Sunday nights. A couple of weekends ago, we laughed so hard we had tears. It was about a typo. The typo was this: it was supposed to say “The Bridegroom Cometh” and it said “The Bridgegroom Cometh” and we were all, “Here I AM! Standing here on the BRIDGE! Waiting for you to MARRY me! Where ARE you? Why are you TAKING so long?” and it was late and we were sleepy and it made us SO LOOPY and FULL OF GIGGLES. We are, it bears mentioning, adults. Not goofy teens. I love my Sunday night ladies. And of course my one Sunday-night fella, who is one of my favorite co-workers. Listen, I work with some wonderful people over there. It cannot be denied.

Happy Monday, people of the interwebs. Enjoy your week! Also? Hey. I don’t say it enough. I love you guys, you know? Totally do. Don’t go telling people, I’ll lose my badass rep, yo.

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

18 responses to “Most of them are little animals made out of glass, the tiniest little animals in the world.

  • sj

    Love your face! <3

    Like

  • Samantha

    Hehe badass rep. :D

    I’m somewhat flexible when it comes to things to do, but if there are already plans I get cranky if they’re not followed through with. Thankfully, boyfriend is the same way, so we’re cranky at everyone else when they spontaneously change plans on us. :(

    I know you will be okay, but I hope you feel better soon. It’s completely understandable being depressed right now especially. And we’re always here if you do want to talk about anything. :)

    And I am also glad you have an awesome group of coworkers. That always makes a big difference for me at least, to how much I like the job.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I know, right? TOTALLY badass. Heh.

      Thanks. I’ll be fine. I go through phases and have for years. It’s just a scary-bad time right now, so that’s not helping things much. But, yeah. It’ll pass. Such things always do. Then I can look back on it and say, “WHOO! What did you LEARN, Amy?”

      They really are a great group of people. They’re very irreverent. I appreciate that a lot, because some of the things we deal with over there are so ridiculous that it helps we can mock them a little, you know? They’ve got great senses of humor. It’s really appreciated. Sometimes I just need a good belly laugh.

      Like

  • Heather

    I <3 The Glass Menagerie. Ashley just read it last month, and she loved it, too. Yay!

    I am so bad about changing plans or things not being planned out in advance. OCD. I've been working on it, but I haven't been too successful.

    I'm sorry you're still not feeling well. *big hugs*

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      It’s ok. I’ll be fine. It’s just my stupid brain. It hasn’t ever worked right. I wonder if I can turn it in for a better model? I think this one came out of the factory wrong.

      Yay! How old is Ashley? I remember reading it in…I want to say junior high? And totally relating to Laura, and just loving it so much. Now I just ache for Tom, and his need to get out, and his family holding him back. I hope when I get old I don’t start relating to Amanda. YIKES!

      Like

      • Heather

        She’ll be 12 in December. I remember going to see the play on stage when I was 12 or 13–my mom and my Nonny took me to see the local college put it on stage. I fell in love with it and had to get the play in book form that weekend so I could read it.

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          That’s probably about my age, too – junior high-ish. I don’t think I read it til college, though. (I didn’t read many plays in play-format until I was older…now I read more than I see!)

          Like

  • Mer

    All of the love, my dear. My last day of my job, I sang this loudly and off-key before I left my house :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkwJ-g0iJ6w
    Trite, perhaps? But I find it effective.

    Um, please dream more often. I get to be an actress living by the beach with you? Sign me up!

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Aw! I love that! I can totally see you doing that! I’m so happy you’re out of that job. Life’s all yours now! I can’t wait to see what adventures are next!

      We were having the best time! The ocean house was beautiful and roomy and weathered, and we’d all pile on this old couch and run lines…it was really hippie and bohemian and fantastic! :)

      Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    What I don’t like about depressions is how they make me feel passive and worthless. I’m pretty passive to start with so there really isn’t much left to lose in that department (Mr Procrastination, that’s me).

    But as you say, these things will pass; my yearly summer depression certainly has. Hopefully yours will be gone soon too.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Here’s hoping. It can’t last forever. (Wait, it can’t, right?)

      And yes, agreed. Worthless is totally the word. And I do NOT like feeling worthless. Not at all. I feel worthless enough on my own. I don’t need some weirdo brain chemistry making that worse. Blech.

      Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    (And you know you can talk about it if you want, right? Although unfortunately we’re sort of on opposite clocks; time zones suck.)

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I know. I don’t talk about it, though. I’m very stiff-upper-lippy about the whole thing. It ties into the “don’t ask for help NEVER ASK FOR HELP!!!” weirdness I have going on in my life. Because I am a dumbass. But I know you’re there. And it’s so appreciated. Sincerely. You’re one of my best things, you know?

      Like

  • Kris Rudin (@krisrudin)

    Having great co-workers is awesome! I’m glad you have them to giggle with, right now – giggles are always good, but are ESPECIALLY good when life seems kinda crappy (as things are for you, right now). I’m glad you are hanging in there! You are one tough cookie, y’know. Just sayin.

    Like

  • becomingcliche

    Long-distance, heartfelt hugs.

    Like

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