Today is a very exciting day! It is PRIMARY DAY! That means I get to vote. You all know how much I dig voting. The minute I get out of work today, I’m all about running to the polls and voting like a BOSS. Primary day was supposed to be Tuesday but they moved it because of 9/11 and my dad thinks that’s a very bad idea because he thinks it would be a very nice thing to do, to vote on 9/11. I can’t say I disagree.
We have lots of races to vote for today so it is VERY IMPORTANT that I vote. Even though I am scary exhausted tired. STILL WILL BE VOTING DAMMIT. You all need to go vote in your primaries. Your primaries are important and decide who gets to be on the ballot in November! Don’t leave it up to the yahoos! It takes you like FIVE MINUTES. In and out. Bing bang boom you’re DONE and won’t you feel good? Won’t you feel like you did your civic duty? People who are not registered with a party, you are EXEMPT today. You have to be registered with a party to vote in a primary. And I’m not going to tell you to register with a party; that’s not my place. You can register or not. That’s your thing. I know some people don’t want to be registered for one reason or another. I’m down with that. But if you ARE registered, go primary-vote! It is easy and fun and you get to vote TWICE this year, and what’s better than voting? Not much, is the answer. Not much at all. Shut right up, I love to vote. LOVE IT SO SO MUCH. And, even better? WE GET TO DO IT AGAIN IN NOVEMBER. And then, even BETTER? I WILL STOP GETTING POLITICAL MAILERS IN MY MAILBOX AFTER THAT! YAY! (Listen, my mailbox is small and those political mailers are big and the mailman is hellbent on getting them all SQUISHED in there every day. So my real, valid mail is all CRUMPLED. Because of FLYERS. That I throw in the GARBAGE. STOP WASTING MY MONEY AND SENDING ME FLYERSSSS!
(Also, think about this. I’m sure you’re all getting these flyers and phone calls, right? Well, you Merkans. I don’t think you non-Merkans are. If you are, that’d be kind of weird, right? Confusing-like. Anyway, you’re probably all getting inundated with this garbage. And think about it: do you think a robocall or a flyer has ever, in the history of EVER, made someone change their mind or decide upon a candidate? Really? I’d be awfully surprised if you answer me yes. And I might want proof. Maybe photographic proof, or written proof, I haven’t quite decided yet. I’ll let you know. It just seems like SUCH a colossal waste of MONEY and RESOURCES and TIME to me. Unless we’re making more work for printing and garbage people, because I can’t think of what else these might be good for. Ideas? Anyone? I’m totally down for changing my mind if someone knows something about either political flyers or robocalls that I don’t.)
We don’t have to only talk about politics today. I’m SURE I can come up with something else to discuss. Oh, today is Ken-goes-to- London-day, which is super-exciting.
Everyone wish Ken a happy and safe safe safe trip in which he has the best time and planes stay in the air when appropriate and land ALSO when appropriate. Ken is going to do the best things like hang out with his tea-people and idle luxuriously with his friend Nigel and meet the lovely Elaine. I will be working all the hours so I can’t enjoy the London trip as much I was able to enjoy the Berlin trip he took us all on a while ago and that is utter sadface on a lot of levels. Because I was even IN London once! It is like old HOME week! And I want to virtually meet Elaine! (Well, and really meet Elaine, but sometimes one takes what one can get.) However, someone has to answer all the phone calls that come into the Capital Region and make money because otherwise the bills will not be paid and then I will be out on the street like a crazy homeless, and so therefore hard decisions have to be made like “on one hand, you could stay home and virtually go to LONDON” and “on the other hand, you could BE A GROWNUP and GO TO WORK” and I guess you have to pick the second one even though it’s not the fun option. And, as your oh-so-helpful mother might tell you because there’s nothing more helpful than unwarranted advice: “Make a PLAN. Take CONTROL of your LIFE.” Thank you, Mom! So not at all something that makes me want to stab myself in the eye and makes me feel like a less-than-contributing member of the human race! Something happened to the phone connection right after that. It went dead, I have no idea what happened there. Huh. Technology, what can you do, am I right?
Anyway, Ken! Have the best time in London. Elaine, have the best time with Ken in London. Oh, and of course, we all know from the Bon Vivant stories that one time, Ken SAVED London, and therefore gets all the free tea and also the love of his BFF Kate Winslet. I hope Ken will make some time to hang with Kate Winslet while he is in London. Otherwise, she’ll be SO CROSS.
Oh, and, in one more happy tidbit of news which I TOTALLY almost missed, OUR VERY OWN JIM was published in Salon yesterday. Seriously, Jim is taking the world by storm. JIM! I am so proud of you! Go check out Jim and tell him how awesome he is. Jim, this had better not mean you’re leaving your post here.
We can’t do this without you, you know. By “we” of course I mean “me and Dumbcat.”
OK. Off to bed. You know what I love about waking up at 5am? No, me either. Have a nice day, intertubes!