Howdy, internet. Let’s see. It’s…um…Friday? Yep, Friday, right? It’s been a crazy week. I’ve been busier than an EMPLOYED person. Theater stuff, lots and lots of work, job-hunting, blah blah blah, you know the drill, booooring. We’re in the middle of casting our next show (The Shape of Things, which is going to be FANTASTIC, if auditions are any indication) and I’m in charge of that. The casting, not the show. I’m not working on that show. I AM working on the show that’s following that one, The Laramie Project, which I mentioned a million billion years ago. That’s still happening. Excited about that one. Auditions are in November so we still have a little while until that comes up. We’re still also running our current show for two more weekends, so I’m helping out with that a little. And work work work! That’s what’s been going on if you haven’t seen me around much the past few days on the interwebs. Have to pay the bills, cupcakes. All is well. No worries. Treading water. Just keep swimming, says Dory.
So I have to be quick about this because I have to get to work in a couple of hours then I have to get straight to the theater and then when I get home I have to get immediately to sleep so I can get up HOURS before the sun does so I can get to work and then do it all over again. I think when this is done, I’m going to write a book about it and make a million dollars. The poor people will relate and the rich people will be all “oh, how droll!” and the people in the middle will be all “there but for the grace of GAWD” and it will be a runaway bestseller and I will hang with Anderson Cooper and tell him he is super-duper. SPEAKING OF WHICH I totally saw part of his show the other day, and also part of that Dr. Oz show, and here is what I think – ugh, they are foolishness. Anderson Cooper was interviewing some young girl who shovel-murdered someone and was in prison and the girl kept making pissy faces which I thought was a very poor choice, and Dr. Oz was making people do a Neti pot on the air and listen, have you ever done a Neti pot? It’s not something you want people to WATCH. Water’s all coming out your NOSE. And SNOT. It’s GROSS. Your nose runs for like a MONTH after. (Although it kind of feels fantastic when you’re all stuffy and allows you to breathe for like five seconds before you get all stuffed up again.) Anyway, Anderson Cooper, you can do better, and Dr. Oz, you have one of those shit-eating grins I can’t trust. I think you’re trying to sell me a used car. Or a used Neti pot. Anyway, I promised Ken I would idle like a boss and watch some daytime television at one point during my seemingly-interminable tenure as an unemployed person, so I’ve put in my time and where’s my award?
Also, am I the only person who’s obsessed with Ian Somerhalder on The Vampire Diaries? Good gracious, he’s fantastic. He gets better every episode. Speaking of which, I’m almost caught up to the current season so I can actually WATCH it. I know, I know, it’s a stupid vampire show. I AM IN LOVE WITH IT BE QUIET. I’m allowed to like pretty silly things every now and then.
I’m probably supposed to talk about politics now. Apparently Michelle Obama gave a kickass speech last night at the convention? I didn’t watch it. I know. I’m a bad Democrat and probably will have my card revoked. I’ll probably catch it on the UTubes at some point but I was busy plotting world domination via sexual aids last night (sigh, don’t ask, it’s a whole long story and I don’t have time to go through and put the million billion tweets that comprise it on Storify but maybe I will someday) so I didn’t watch. Also, I’m diametrically opposed to conventions, even if they’re my people’s conventions. People cheer too much, and there are lies, and people talk for like a month and a half and I have speech-ADD. I know who I’m voting for. It’s not like it’s going to change my mind. And Twitter catches me up on what I’ve missed, for the most part. But I do like Michelle. I’ll probably watch her eventually. She’s a pretty kickass lady. And she’s intelligent. And she’s brave. You can tell she’s fierce. I like a fierce lady.
Oh, in Dad news, they recently renovated his local McDonald’s. Now, Dad loves McDonald’s. He eats there a lot. He has stock in the place. He talks about McDonald’s a LOT. He thinks McDonald’s is VERY VERY MERKAN. When I went to Europe, he asked about the McDonald’s in every country I went to and was so tickled by things on the menu that they didn’t have at OUR McDonald’s. Anyway, so they renovated his McDonald’s. And they said on the news that the first 50 people in the doors after the renovation would get free Big Macs for a year. A YEAR OF THE BEST SANDWICH EVER, AMY! So he asked me things like, “What do you think, would I get as many Big Macs as I wanted a day for a year, or only one a day for a year, or, like a limited amount, like 100 in a year, or how do you think this will work once I get my free Big Macs for a year?” and I had to tell him I was not sure how the Big Mac situation would work. My brother was all, “Dad, that will kill you. You can’t eat all those Big Macs.” My brother lives on canned pudding and food he’s scraped the mold off 99% of the time, so if my gastronomically-suspect sibling is worried about your cholesterol levels, maybe you should think twice. Nope. Not Dad. He had his eyes on the free two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, and sesame-seed buns. There are multiple euphemisms in that sentence.
But Dad sadly was not one of the first fifty in the door. “There were SO MANY PEOPLE IN LINE, Amy,” he told me. “I thought maybe I’d be one of the first fifty, but I was not. Those people won’t appreciate the free Big Macs like I will. Now I have to eat off the dollar menu like an ordinary poor person.”
Aw. Poor Dad. No free Big Macs for him. You can guess who he blamed, right? Yes. You’re right. The government. I don’t know how and I don’t know why, but it’s all the government’s fault.
Happy Friday! Enjoy your weekends! Do many things that are potentially illegal but don’t get arrested, please!