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The infinity of the universe and human stupidity

Just a warning – this is going to be a trigger warning for some of you, and I’m sensitive to such things, so be careful and cautious today, my little sweet potatoes. Also, I’m pissed as hell and that means I’m cussy, so even if you’re not triggered, but you hate all the cussing, you might want to go look at the pretty pictures over at I Can Has Cheezburger or something today because I AM GOING TO BE RANTY. Plus this ended up a little longer than planned. As mentioned, ranty. OK. Warning given. Still with me? Great, grand, lovely, hi hi hi.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. — Albert Einstein

Ah, Missouri. A grand state. The Show Me State! A state that yours-truly has actually visited. I rode a teeny-tiny elevator up high high high to the very tippy-top of the St. Louis Arch and looked out over the city and it was quite a sight. Very pretty. The site of the Missouri compromise! Home of the Ozarks! Home state of President Harry S. Truman!

What the holy fuck, Missouri, are you thinking at this exact moment in time? What are you thinking right now? No, I’m serious. I’m quite serious. I’d really like to know what was going through your head when you selected, from all of the people who I’m sure were interested in the position, Representative Todd Akin to run for U.S. Senate. Or – wait, I mean, I didn’t hear about this on the news, but did every other Republican candidate of the correct age pass away in a some sort of ill-timed industrial fire? I mean, that could have happened and gotten hushed-up by the government. My dad is always saying “THAT’S WHAT THEY DO” about things like this. So maybe Akin was the only one available and you HAD to put someone up, just HAD to.

Hiya, folks! Todd Akin, here! I know a lot of things! About a LOT of things!

I can’t think of any other explanation, honestly. I’ve been wracking my brain.

I know I have a lot of far-away readers. Maybe you aren’t aware of the latest bullshittery that’s gone on in the War on Women currently raging here in the good old US of Merka. (And Andreas, please let me apologize in advance. I know this is going to INFURIATE you. Things like this do. I wouldn’t expect otherwise, from my most-excellent Science Fellow. Please don’t get infuriated. Well, or, do, because it’s infuriating, but don’t let it get you all high-bloodpressurey. I like you too much and worry about your health.)

So, just to get you all up to speed:

Todd Akin is a member of the House of Representatives from Missouri who is running for Senate. I’m not really sure why you’d want to switch over. I’m kind of not good at such things. Someone better at government want to help me out with this? I just did a Schoolhouse Rock research session and from what I can tell, they’re just two branches of Congress, right? I guess the difference might be that there are only two senators from each state, so you’re one of two, while there are a random number of representatives from each state so you don’t get as much attention, like you’re a special snowflake if you’re a senator and just one of a gang of fellas if you’re a representative? I’m not really sure. I would ask my father but yelling happens whenever we talk about politics.

I didn’t get the channel with Schoolhouse Rock as a kid so I missed out on important lessons set to rockin’ tunes.

But that’s neither here nor there, at least not where this story is involved. Todd Akin is a Republican and a proud Tea Partier running against the incumbent Democrat for her Senate seat in the November election in Missouri. As such, he’s giving interviews. That’s what you do, when you’re running for a political seat. You give interviews. You can hardly hide in your closet, right? No one would vote for you if you didn’t put yourself out there. I take no objection to that. It’s what you do.

On a local show, our friend Todd was asked about his very hard-line stance on abortion. I think you can guess where the Toddster stands, right? He’s pro-life, of course. But he’s not JUST pro-life. He’s ALL pro-life. No matter the circumstances, no matter the case. The mother’s life is at risk? Well, that’s the risk she ran, getting pregnant. It’s incest? Well, damn, she shouldn’t have been so seductive to her daddy, he works so hard to put food on her table. Why make the baby pay for those things? The mother was raped? Well, first, was she? Was she really? Are you sure? Because if she was really raped, she wouldn’t be pregnant. Science says so.

“If abortion could be considered in case of, say, a tubal pregnancy [which threatens the mother’s life], what about in the case of rape?” asked KTVI host Charles Jaco, in a clip that was disseminated by Talking Points Memo. “Should it be legal or not?”

“It seems to me, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare,” Akin said, referring to conception following a rape. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something, I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be of the rapist, and not attacking the child.”

The…I…well. I don’t even know what I can say about this. Oh, wait. Yes. Yes, I do.

  • “from what I understand from doctors.” Well, the minute this came out, THE MINUTE, “doctors” were all – EVERY ONE OF THEM – “um…yeah…no. He didn’t get this shit from me, yo. THIS IS NONSENSE.” This guy made this up. “From what I understand from doctors?” I could say this about ANYTHING. “From what I understand from doctors, I have a small green frog living just above my kidneys.” “From what I understand from doctors, it’s perfectly normal to eat a bag of Dove peanut butter chocolate candy every day the minute you wake up.” I can SAY these things, BUT IT DOESN’T MAKE THEM TRUE.

    NONE OF US TOLD YOU THIS!

  • “really rare.” Well, it depends on what you mean by “really rare,” I guess. Per a 1996 study quoted in the article I linked to above, 5% of rape victims ages 12-45 get pregnant each year. There are approximately 32,000 rape-related pregnancies each year. (It doesn’t say whether those are nationwide or global statistics. They’re fairly low, comparatively, so I’m going to assume nationwide, only because rape is a lot more prevalent in other countries (some other countries – Andreas says to add “some” as it’s quite low in some and quite high in others, my apologies for the oversight) and also getting statistics from those countries would be difficult.) I guess 5% would seem rare if you were playing the lottery. But if you were a rape victim who got pregnant, that wouldn’t seem that rare at all. If you were a child of rape, one of those 32,000 children a year, that wouldn’t seem that rare.
  • “if it’s a legitimate rape.” A legitimate rape. As opposed to one of those other rapes. The kind we ask for, by going on a date with our rapist; by dressing provocatively; by walking in a bad part of town too late at night; by smiling at a stranger; by smiling at a friend; by laughing; by being female. One of those rapes. You know. Those non-legitimate rapes. Those lying whore rapes. Those rapes that we dare cry rape about, but really we’re just saying it for attention, to get revenge on the man for something he did or didn’t do, because we’re dirty lying women with nothing better to do. Get back in that kitchen and make me a pie and shut the fuck up, you asked for this when you came out of your mom without a penis.
  • “the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down” – what are these ways? Do we send out sperm-killing ninja cells? Do we develop vagina dentata? Do our eggs develop an impenetrable shell when confronted with rapist-sperm?
  • “But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something” – yep, “or something.” You know what that “or something” is? Science. That “or something” is science.
  • “I think there should be some punishment” – well, thanks. That’s nice and not at all weak. Glad to hear it. Glad we have your approval on this.
  • “but the punishment ought to be of the rapist, and not attacking the child.” Without going into eel-infested waters of WHEN DOES LIFE BEGIN, here, I’m just going to say that no one having an abortion due to the fact they were raped is thinking about “attacking” the child. I think that’s the last thing on their mind. They’re not in attack mode. They’re in protection mode. They’re protecting themselves. THEY are the one who was attacked. And (until it’s taken from us, because ladies, unless we fight our asses off, it’s on its way to being yanked, don’t fool yourselves it’s not) we still have the right to choose whether or not we want to carry the child of our rapist to term.

In even more disturbing news, Akin is a member of the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology. You might want to re-read that sentence. The man who thinks we have magical powers in our vaginas that can differentiate between the sperm we want and the sperm we don’t sits on a governmental committee which names, among its goals, “enhancing long-term economic competitiveness through investments in science and technology.” YOU JUST MADE US A LAUGHING STOCK. You think we have MAGIC POWERS IN OUR COOTERS. You think we can STOP OURSELVES FROM GETTING PREGNANT USING MIND-BULLETS.

MIND BULLETS!

(The “science” behind the magic hoo-ha theory is that some super-religious weirdo about fifteen years ago published an article saying if a woman is forcibly raped, her hormones are “upset,” causing pregnancy not to stick. Nope, I’m serious. Here’s the article. Which I don’t recommend you read, because it’s full of blatant lies, mistruths, and skewing of facts. Religious-types, misunderstanding how women’s bodies work for MILLIONS of YEARS!)

And don’t you dare say legitimate rape. Don’t you even dare. Seriously, sir, if you were in front of me right now, I’d spit in your fucking face. Have you ever been raped? Have you ever been forced to participate in a sexual act against your will? I’m going to guess not. Because if you had, you wouldn’t say something like “legitimate rape.” It wouldn’t cross your mind. It wouldn’t even be a blip on your faulty fucking radar. Who the hell do you think you are to pass judgement on what’s legitimate and what’s not? Because let me tell you how it works. A woman says she’s been raped? A PERSON WITH A HEART BELIEVES HER. There are very few sociopaths who go around claiming rape when it hasn’t happened. Because who would want that stigma? Who wants the name “rape victim” hung on them when they’re not one? Especially with ignorant assholes like you, sir, walking around slut-shaming them for trauma they’ve gone through?

President Obama made a statement the next day, which I think it’s important we read. Let’s read what another man has to say about this issue, shall we? Let’s compare the two statements. Here’s Obama’s statement in response to the magic ninja vagina (or, I don’t want to get this wrong, it might well be a magic uterus, he didn’t really qualify where those ninjas reside) no one is ever really raped statement. Ladies and gentlemen, the current (and next) President of the United States:

“The views expressed were offensive,” said Obama. “Rape is rape. And the idea that we should be parsing and qualifying and slicing what types of rape we are talking about doesn’t make sense to the American people and certainly doesn’t make sense to me. So what I think these comments do underscore is why we shouldn’t have a bunch of politicians, a majority of whom are men, making health care decisions on behalf of women.”

Even more telling? FUCKING ROMNEY CONDEMNED IT. Oh, shit, Akin. Even ROMNEY thinks you’re an asshat. Romney doesn’t even know what doughnuts are called because he’s so fancy he probably eats nothing but croissants flown in fresh from the south of France every morning, but even HE thinks you’re a douchebag.

“Congressman’s Akin comments on rape are insulting, inexcusable, and, frankly, wrong,” [Romney] told National Review Online. “Like millions of other Americans, we found them to be offensive.”

He added that his view was “entirely different” and that Akin’s statement was “entirely without merit and and he should correct it.”

(Notice Paul Ryan didn’t have a statement. That’s because Paul Ryan also believes we have magical ninja vaginas and that we should all be up in that kitchen rattlin’ our pots and pans, but he’s savvy enough not to open his mouth about this issue. Or his handlers have him shut in a closet and have ever since Akin made this statement. In case you’re confused: Paul Ryan hates women, y’all. But that’s a blog for another day.)

Now, almost immediately after he made this statement, our old friend the Toddster was all, “a-duh, I misspoke.” MISSPOKE! No. You misspeak when you say “clap” instead of “crap” or something, you know? Not when you say “most rape victims are lying liars who lie and the reason I know this is because imaginary doctors told me their vaginas would fight off intruder sperm if it was, truly, sperm of a rapist.”

“In reviewing my off-the-cuff remarks, it’s clear that I misspoke in this interview and it does not reflect the deep empathy I hold for the thousands of women who are raped and abused every year,” Akin’s statement said.

Akin also said in the statement he believes “deeply in the protection of all life and I do not believe that harming another innocent victim is the right course of action.”

Also, this isn’t even an apology! It’s not an “I’m sorry, I’m a total douchenugget” but it’s a “my silly MOUTH, you know? Whoopsie!” statement! Plus, he throws in AGAIN how he’s pro-life at the bottom! WE FUCKING KNOW, YOU MORON!

Ha, whooooops! My bad! Don’t hate the playa! (What else do the kids say today, guys? Guys?)

Do I have any Missouri people reading this? I don’t think I have many Republicans reading this anyway, because I’m one of those shouty liberal chicks (and therefore probably a lesbian, and most definitely the enemy) but if I do, please don’t vote for this man. I mean, even if you believe in everything else he stands for – THE MAN DOESN’T UNDERSTAND HOW BASIC HUMAN REPRODUCTION WORKS. How old were you when you understood that? I had a basic idea when I got “the talk” at age 11 or so, then had health class in tenth grade with the charts and graphs and such so I understood it more then. But I’m pretty sure, at no point in my life, did I think I had any sort of magical powers in my cootch that could all Wonder-Woman intruder sperm. OUR VAGINAS DO NOT DO THIS.

Here’s some basic biology for you: you can get pregnant if you have sex right before, while, or immediately after you ovulate. You don’t always get pregnant – there are factors in play like biology, sperm speed, sperm volume, biological compatibility…if you want to research it, you can. Thing is, most of you don’t have to, because I think, as a human, you know how we reproduce. (Shit. Shit, shit shit. AKIN IS AN ALIEN. Oh, that’s it. That’s totally it. He’s an alien PRETENDING to be human. We caught him in a slip-up. If we cut him, he’s totally going to bleed green goo, you guys.) Anyway: you have the same odds of getting pregnant with anyone if you have sex with them during that approximately week-long window each month. Your boyfriend. The mailman. The pizza deliveryman. Your husband. The person who raped you. THE ODDS ARE THE SAME. Do you know why? Because the SCIENCE is the same. Science doesn’t change for politics. That’s why science is awesome. Science doesn’t take sides. Science doesn’t care if you’re a Democrat or a Republican or a Socialist or if you think the Rent is Too Damn High. Science just IS. And science says, if you have sex in that approximately week-long window, you have a decent chance, depending on biological factors, of course, of being impregnated – whether you want to be or not.

Look! A diagram! Of LADY-BUSINESS! But…where are the ninjas? There were supposed to be…ninjas? No?

I don’t care if this man apologized. I don’t care if this man’s being pressured to step down by 5pm today (sounds like he won’t, even though people want him to, because DAMMIT! He is a MAN! He is CORRECT! He did NOTHING WRONG! He just made an OOPSIE!) I don’t care about any of this. What matters here is: this is a man running for a position to help run our entire country. A man that doesn’t believe that violence against women really happens and a man that believes we have magic vaginas like Lieutenant Dan had magic legs, I guess. This is a man who votes on laws that affect me and people I love. And he obviously not only doesn’t understand women, he hates and fears them.

Magic legs! Lieutenant Dan, you got magic legs!

Missouri, you’re the Show Me state, right? So, show me. Show me what the hell you were thinking, allowing someone who doesn’t understand basic science to not only run for Senate, but to serve in the House of Representatives, representing your state. Please, go ahead and show me that. Show me the thought processes behind this man, who hates and fears women representing your state, which I can only assume has some women in it. Please feel free to show me this. I’d love to see it. Because I can’t wrap my mind around it, honestly. Completely at a loss.

I’m going to go have a legitimate popsicle because I’m legitimately hot under the collar. Well, at least I think it’s a legitimate popsicle. How can I be sure? A politician didn’t tell me it was and I obviously, being female, can’t make such judgement calls on my own.

Have a nice day, from me and my magic ninja vagina. Hi-ya!

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

61 responses to “The infinity of the universe and human stupidity

  • battydawna

    I couldn’t have said it better myself. But I can answer the question as to why a politician would switch from HOR to Congressman. There are term limits, so when you’ve been a HOR as long as allowed and you don’t want to go out and get a real job (or would miss those political bribes to much) you run for a different office.

    Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Ok.. *clenches teeth* I will read this post with caution.

    Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    “The body shuts the whole thing down”? For real?

    *sighs heavily*

    Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    I would have thought that if this was true, someone would have been able to market it as a contraceptive. “Nature’s own the-day-after-pill – without the pill”. Or something. It should have made them millionaires, surely?

    Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Oi! I live in an “other country” and I’ll have you know that the percentage of reported rapes in Finland is about half of that in the U.S.

    I won’t take offence though; you probably just forgot to add the word ‘some’, as in ‘because rape is a lot more prevalent in some other countries’.

    (By the by: the number of reported rapes in the U.S. in 2010 was 84,767. Mind you, that’s as reported to the police; I’m imagining a much higher number of actual rapes.)

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I did. I’m going to fix it now.

      Yeah, I wanted to quote the article, and those statistics are out-of-date. And I’m willing to bet that at least twice, if not more, rapes don’t get reported in the U.S. That’s from personal experience, too. I’m not making things up. I know plenty of women who’ve been raped that never reported it.

      Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Actually, that’s a point: perhaps only people who have been raped should be allowed to pass laws that affect rape victims?

    Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    OK, here’s the science bit: even though vaginas are naturally aggressive towards sperm cells (or indeed any cells – bacterial or otherwise; it’s all part of the immune system), they cannot – and I’ll repeat this bit for clarity: THEY CAN NOT – determine which sperm cells come from what individual. To a vagina, any sperm is considered hostile and should be killed – which is why us men deposit such a high number of them during ejaculation (sorry about that, by the way). Most of the sperm cells die without even getting close to the uterus or the fallopian tubes.

    The rate of pregnancies resulting from rape is reported to be 5%? That’s not a low number. Even at her most fertile, a woman only have 25% chance/risk of getting pregnant as a result of sexual intercourse. If you were to have sex at a random day of your menstrual cycle, the change/risk of getting pregnant is about 3% (4 days/28 days * 25%).

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      You know, the world would be a better place if you were there to always help with the science bits. You should come here and run our science department. It would be less of a joke.

      “sorry about that, by the way” made me giggle.

      Like

      • Em

        I’m thinking there’s a Missouri Republican who really needs a science guy Although I’m hoping he just runs around doing what he’s doing because I can’t imagine anyone voting for him.

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          He totally needs a science guy! A TEAM of science guys! Yeah, I think he lost himself the election. He can’t win now, right? I mean, if he still wins…even after this…shit. I’ll never go to Missouri again. (Well, I probably wouldn’t have anyway…but I REALLY wouldn’t.)

          Like

  • Kris Rudin (@krisrudin)

    That wasn’t as awful as your warning made it out to be. Maybe because the ONLY reaction to his utterly ridiculous and hateful statements is to RANT!!! So, your response seemed quite reasonable to me.

    Oh, and this: “From what I understand from doctors, I have a small green frog living just above my kidneys.” I LOVE frogs! I hope this is true!! I think it would be great to have a wee little frog living inside me! ;-) (Hmm, maybe it’s the FROG that knows about the ‘bad sperm’ from ‘legitimate rapes’, and goes and eats it?? ;-)

    Like

  • Kris Rudin (@krisrudin)

    I just found a site where you can donate to the campaign of Akin’s opponent: https://secure.actblue.com/contribute/page/stopakin?amount=5
    It’s also for Sen. Patty Murray (from my state of WA), but you can put in 0 for her amount, if you’d like. And, sorry, Andreas and Ken, only US citizens can contribute. I don’t think I’ve ever given to a candidate’s campaign before, but I gave some this time!!

    Like

  • Heather

    1. I fucking hate the GOP right now. I mean, I usually strongly dislike them, but that strong dislike has turned to hate over the past four years or so.

    There is no 2. I’m too mad about this still to add anything else to the discussion.

    Oh, wait…check out Feministing.com today and look for the article posted today about the guy in England supporting Assange. Apparently, it’s not a ‘legitimate rape’ if the woman is sleeping.

    Like

    • Heather

      Also, I am the queen of redundancy… today.

      Like

    • lucysfootball

      It really gets worse all the time. It’s infuriating.

      Oh, I don’t want to read that article, do I? Not back to back with this one. I’m GOING to, but it’s going to make me furious, right? I’m already mad from that one sentence. Shit.

      Like

      • Heather

        Men don’t have to ask for permission before every insertion, you know. If a woman gave it up willingly once, then that same man doesn’t need permission again. Silly women.

        Is there a statute of limitation on that, do you think? We really should find out.

        Okay, I’m done.

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          My favorite part of the article? Sorry, sorry. “Favorite” part?

          “Woman A met Julian Assange, invited him back to her flat, gave him dinner, went to bed with him, had consensual sex with him, claims that she woke up to him having sex with her again. This is something which can happen, you know.”

          THIS IS SOMETHING WHICH CAN HAPPEN, YOU KNOW.

          It’s as banal as a stubbed toe or a paper cut! Pshaw! Just one of those things! Pay it no mind! Fall asleep without a care in the world, ladies, don’t fret if you’re woken by someone going to town on you. It’s just something which can happen! Nothing to be done!

          Like

          • Heather

            *nods* I also love that some men (and women, unfortunately) just don’t know how to talk about sex. This Galloway makes it sound like the British have so much class:

            [in my best British accent] “Excuse me, miss, but may I have permission to insert, please?”

            Uh huh. Are you picturing that? That’s the only part that made me laugh out loud.

            Like

            • lucysfootball

              If someone asked me if they had permission to insert, I’d laugh so hard I’d fall off the bed and we’d spend the rest of sexytime at the ER dealing with my concussion. While I was still giggling. And when they asked me how it happened, I’d be all, “HE ASKED IF HE HAD PERMISSION TO INSERT!”

              Like

          • julierosesmk

            LMFAO!!! “Permission to insert”… who asks such a thing?!?!

            Ok, seriously ladies, WHY would you go to sleep with a guy you just had sex with if you had no intention of having sex with him again? Send him home instead – “problem” solved. (If that happened to me, I’d grin and be happy.)

            Like

            • lucysfootball

              No, you probably wouldn’t. But you might – you might be drunk, he might be, he might convince you to spend the night, all manner of things might happen – and if it did, you don’t deserve to wake up to him on top of you. It’s not just something that happens. He has a brain and he has common sense and he has self-control. He can stop himself from having sex with you while you’re unable to give consent. Consent once doesn’t mean consent every single time forever and ever. I’ve had sex with people in my past that, if they were to show up at my door today, I wouldn’t invite to my bedroom just because I told them yes once. That’s not how that works.

              Like

  • Cara V. (@fictionalchick)

    Whenever I read the news I just keep thinking I must be getting punk’d… lately it’s been like EVERYONE IS TAKING CRAZY PILLS… and as much as I would LOVE sperm-killing ninja cells… (man that sounds awesome)… I just don’t know what the fuck this guy is on. I don’t understand how even illogical people can think this way. It’s infuriating- and blood pressure inducing… and I’d just laugh and shake my head and ignore shit like this but it’s AN ACTUAL ISSUE THAT COULD FUCK US ALL (in the ass without lube- which coincidentally, we don’t get pregnant that way, in case no one was aware.)

    I’m not surprised by anything anymore… people suck, they don’t give two shits about anything but their own agendas and the moment someone tries to come up with a solid strat to unfuck any situation our country has gotten into- someone starts waving a crazy stick to keep all of us distracted. So gross.

    By the way… I’d like to legitimately punch this fucking asshole in his illegitimate dick.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I’m glad you clarified that we can’t get pregnant from bumsex. If Akin or his people stumble upon this, they’ll need to know that.

      So many crazy pills! Every day it’s something else, too. It’s gotten frightening. I’m going to go live overseas. Someone take me in! Here I come!

      Like

  • Beth Johnson (@ladypembroke)

    1) My understanding is that his opponent wanted him to win the nomination because he was the weakest of the Pubes running, so she paid for ads that called him the “true conservative” or something. (Here: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/08/us/politics/todd-akin-to-challenge-senator-claire-mccaskill-in-missouri.html?_r=1) So I’m a little unsure of why I should support her, either.

    2) Also, running for Senate instead of House, term limits aside, is more prestigious due to the statewide recognition, AND you get the bonus of only having to run every six years instead of every two.

    I could so Oh So Much More than that, but it gets ranty and personal, and I just want to deal with it all, yet.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Well, if I was running, I guess I’d want to run against the weakest opponent, too. I mean, I don’t know that I’d SAY that, but in my head I would. Because who doesn’t want to win? But, yeah, I get it.

      I knew you all could answer that question for me. I swear, my school skipped over the “explain the basics of how the government works to Amy” lesson. I’m still at a loss. I have to Google the most basic things. It’s embarrassing. I think elementary school children understand the branches of the government better than I do.

      Like

  • Rod (@airigoagain)

    You know, there used to be a time when the US was a (if not THE)world leader in science. I’m sure that all the science graduates are still great and whatever, but as country (from the outside, at least) it seems like the States are doing a U-turn on science.
    I suppose a more accurate description would be that you’re diverging into idiots and intelligent people.
    The way these people in your government are going it will not be too long before you’re hiring undiscovered Amazonian tribes as science advisers!

    Maybe it’s that these idi… politicians don’t realize that women don’t WANT abortions. By which I mean, that it’s not something someone wakes up to, like you would on Christmas morning as a child. This is something that’s needed, not something that’s desired, not something you go offer hoping will happen (As if you’d take a bunch of fertility drugs, then have as much unprotected sex as possible, just so you can have a reason to have to go to an abortion clinic).

    In the interest of fairness, when was the last time a Democrat said something this stupid? I mean, in terms of science, not just what’s-his-name spelling potato wrong.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I do feel like a lot of them think women are doing it simply as birth control (sure, some might be, but that number is very, very small) and that some are doing it simply to fly in the face of religion. Neither of which are likely. It’s (and let me be clear, I have not had an abortion, but I do know and care about people who have) a difficult choice women make. And it’s a choice we (for the time being) have the RIGHT to make.

      I’m sure if you asked a Republican, they could make you a long list of stupid things the Democrats have said (most likely, culled from cobbled-together Fox News reports.) But since you’re asking me? I can’t think of a single one.

      Like

  • Charleen

    “From what I understand from doctors, it’s perfectly normal to eat a bag of Dove peanut butter chocolate candy every day the minute you wake up.”

    Wait . . . it’s not?

    Like

  • Heather

    My favorite tweet on the topic of Akin came from @beauty_jackson:

    “Todd Akin really believes that Gandalf is at the gateway of my vagina thwarting Balrog sperm. I’m still struggling with this.”

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  • jennabenda

    Oh Amy, I love your social justicey rants. I’m so thankful you broke it down bit by bit because my usually functional brain is having such a hard time catching up to this guy’s version of reality. See why you need sex ed in schools, people?!

    Mostly this makes me really sad. Sad that anyone who has been sexually assaulted has to hear about this douchecanoe running his mouth. Having the privilege of a white, wealthy male and clearly never reflecting on the impact of neither a basic human thing like pregnancy nor the impact of an all too common thing like rape, he has NO RIGHT to comment, and CERTAINLY no right to make decisions that impact huge numbers of people. Talk about power being used irresponsibly. But I guess people like this who hold such controlling beliefs seek power, don’t they? I’m sad for everyone this comment has hurt, but I’m encouraged by the voices shouting that it’s not right.

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    • lucysfootball

      He was given a deadline of 5pm yesterday to step down by his superiors and he refused. He’s all, “I’m going ROGUE!” Yeah. That worked out pretty well for Palin, Akin. You’re going to be looking for unemployment come November, methinks. Putting your foot in your mouth cost you the election. Refusing to step aside cost you your dignity. Nice work!

      I read that this guy (and also our potential veep, Ryan) are trying to stop sex ed in schools, or at least make it so kids can opt out if it goes against their religious beliefs. Hey, guess what? SCIENCE IS NOT AGAINST ANYONE’S RELIGIOUS BELIEFS. Well, maybe it is, but if it is? You’re doing religion wrong.

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  • 35JupiterDrive

    Once upon a time, people had differing views but they weren’t wacko. People discussed topics with facts. No one denied that sperm could inseminate an egg, however that sperm reached the egg.

    Here’s a quote from CNN, LZ Granderson:

    Last March, in a discussion in the Kansas House about whether women purchase separate abortion-only policies, Republican state Rep. Pete DeGraaf suggested women should plan ahead for rape the way he keeps a spare tire. A few weeks later, Indiana state Rep. Eric Turner, a Republican, said some women might fake being raped in order to get free abortions.
    Former presidential hopeful Rick Santorum suggested doctors who perform an abortion on a woman who becomes pregnant from an attack should be thrown in jail and this year suggested rape victims who become pregnant from an attack should be forced to keep the baby and “make the best out of a bad situation.”
    Pressure builds on Akin to leave race Rep. Todd Akin’s empty chair RNC: Akin must decide his own future
    And we’re to believe Akin is just a one-off.
    Please.
    More than 200 Republican members of Congress joined him in co-sponsoring House Resolution 3, the No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act, when it contained language restricting the exception for federally funded abortions to “an act of forcible rape or, if a minor, an act of incest.”
    Forcible rape.

    That’s not too far from “legitimate rape”

    End quote. The rest of it’s here: http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/21/opinion/granderson-gop-rape-abortion/index.html

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  • blogginglily

    no. . . it wasn’t for you. I hadn’t gotten to this post yet. But I’m glad you commented because it prompted me to come read this. It was MORE directed at the other side. . . the other extreme that uses Akin’s monumental fucking ignorance. . . and uses it politically to paint a broader picture of a Republican agenda of ignorance. Akin said something stupid. Akin is a Republican. All Republicans are therefore stupid. It’s not that simple.

    I’ll give the nod to both you, and to Alisa Rock, one of the other other commenters. . . the Republican Party does seem to have a place for these fucking kooks. The religious right is really my most gigantic problem with being a republican. . . and because the religious right finds its home in the Republican Party. . . therefore all Republicans believe gays, abortion, and folk music are evil. Again, it’s not that simple.

    You know my views on abortion, specifically with regard to rape victims, but to recap. I agree that is a woman’s right to choose. My take is that in cases of consensual sex, the woman HAS chosen. . . should there then follow consequences (ie, pregancy). . . so be it. You can’t UNCHOOSE to have sex, but you can’t choose to hit “do over” with abortion either. It’s no longer anyone’s right to choose to abort a human being unless to save the life of the mother. In the case of rape, the woman has not been given a choice. That choice is her right. She should be allowed to choose to abort.

    I really liked this post. I think your attack of Akins is justified, well researched, well thought out. He’s a fucking dumbass and has NO BUSINESS making policy decisions regarding ANYTHING sciency.

    I will say my political views are. . . call them “softening” over the years. Having a child with special needs (thought really any child), seeing the capriciousness of “health” and “employment”. It’s getting harder and harder for me to embrace the hard black and white of some of the party lines in the face of the gray that the real world has painted for me.

    example: the homeless are deadbeats who won’t look for work
    counterexample: Many of the homeless have undiagnosed mental health issues and don’t have a family support structure to aid them. Autistic adults often end up in homeless shelters. . . there but for the grace of god goes Lily. . . FUCK THAT.

    example: I don’t want to pay the government for your health issues. Take care of yourself and buy insurance:
    counterexample: no insurance available for prediagnosed conditions. . . cancer. . . hemophilia. . . colitis. . . many hemophiliacs max out their insurance by the time they’re in their twenties because their medicine is so fucking expensive. . . what then? Bleed to death? There but for the grace of god goes my nephew. . . FUCK THAT.

    I don’t know, Amy. I think both parties are filled with ignorant asswipes. . . but I know a lot of the politics of . . . politics is just two sides who both want what’s best for people. . . I’ll embrace whichever “side’s” views most closely align with my own. . . which in this case seems not so much like a “side” but a middle. . . straddling the line, a fiscal conservative who values privacy and person freedoms with liberal views on marriage and healthcare and employment.

    But regardless . . . that douchnozzle does not represent my views, nor the views of any party to which I belong.

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    • lucysfootball

      I have to leave for a job interview in half an hour. Therefore, this might not be as in-depth as it should be. My apologies. Gots to get employed, yo. Gonna be eating cat food before you know it.

      I agree. Not all Republicans believe that; not all Republicans are evil. I happen to know…let’s see. Two! Two that I care for a great deal. One I’m responding to RIGHT NOW. (I’m being facetious, I’m sure I know more than that. Of course I do.)

      I think it goes both ways, as you’ve mentioned – people paint things with broad strokes. We fear what we aren’t, and what we don’t know/understand. Therefore “all Republicans” hate women and are evil; “all Democrats” are crunchy-granola hippies. I try to remember we’re all people. It’s harder when people like Akin pop their heads out of their troll-holes and start spouting nonsense, but I do truly try to remember that.

      I am petrified that things like this are coming out more and more. That’s what scares me. And that they’re coming out of the Republican party – well, that’s frightening. Like I said, they don’t reflect EVERYONE in the party – but they’re the loudest, aren’t they? And the loudest get heard. More and more laws are getting passed every day that limit my rights and tell me what I can and can’t do with my body. I know, I know, there’s the baby to consider, and we can argue that point until the cows come home (there are cows? they’re coming home? I’d better get some hay put in) but the fact remains: there are men making laws that affect me and my body and I don’t believe they have the right to do so, because they’re making those laws with an eye on religion: a religion I don’t believe in. Why should their religion get to dictate what I can and can’t do with my body? We have separation of church and state, last I checked.

      He doesn’t represent a lot of people. That’s pretty clear, from how everyone immediately was all, “OH NO NO” when his statement came out. (Except Paul Ryan, who hasn’t said a word, last I checked. Paul Ryan is keeping mum because he may not believe in vagininjas, but he does strongly believe in no abortions, for any reason, even rape, no matter what Romney’s statement said. His voting record backs that up.) But Akin didn’t back out of the race, even when his own party told him to. I guess that’s good for the Democrats; I don’t think he can be elected now, so he’ll be unemployed come November. But the sheer fact that someone in government believes in something that’s against everything science stands for – that scares the everloving crap out of me.

      I hate that politics is so divisive. I don’t remember it being this bad when I was younger. Was everything this shouty when we were kids? Or were we just not aware of it being this shouty because we were busy playing with toys and swingsets?

      Hey, Jim? You’re awesome and I think you’re great, by the way. No matter if we agree or disagree on anything. Just so you know.

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  • emmawolf

    I don’t know if this has already been said in the comments. I haven’t read them all because I’m tired and ROAR! But the odds aren’t the same. A rape is MORE LIKELY to get a woman pregnant than one instance of consensual sex. Other than that, what you said!

    http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2012-08/rape-results-more-pregnancies-not-less

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    • lucysfootball

      I had no idea. It makes sense – of course victims chosen would more likely be of prime age to have children – but I’d never heard those statistics before. Twice as likely. I bet Akin a., hasn’t heard those statistics, or b., has heard them, and decided they were liberal propaganda. Or that none of those rapes were legitimate.

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      • emmawolf

        My husband is an evolutionary biologist (at least, I think that’s his title…) and we talk a lot about evolution and sexual selection and dumbs it down for me so I can understand. I think the article I linked talked a little about it, but to me it’s really frightening and unsettling the idea of taking the choice of sexual selection away from women. I don’t know if this makes sense. I’m kind on on ramble mode.

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  • Samantha

    I’ve been trying to finish this post and come up with something to say but I can’t. It’s already been said better than I can and the amount of rage I feel about all the things that have been happening lately just make me so tired and stressed and depressed. Something is wrong with this picture and I don’t understand why those loud, radical Republicans yell “Obama doesn’t follow the Constitution!” when they’re doing much worse than that. Like you said, about separation of church and state, where the hell did that go? So you don’t want to fund private schools but you can insert religion into every political agenda you can think of? No, you can’t have it both ways. Keep them completely separate, the way it’s supposed to be. There is no way I’m not voting this year. I wish I could vote multiple times :(

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