Advertisements

The Great Escape, Interspecies Friend Edition.

I have to leave the house today! TWO TIMES! Whoa, very exciting, it’s like an actual THING. Well, not the day you’re reading this, obviously, I am writing this from your PAST, but I have to run some errands this afternoon, then tonight I actually have an EVENT to attend to. I know, fancy. I haven’t done anything in weeks. It’s quite an adventure. We’re having our critique for our first show of the season at the theater tonight, and even though I’m kind of blergh and don’t want to leave the house ever, I really need to a., attend that, and b., start getting out of the house before I turn into that guy that grew all mold all over himself in that Stephen King story. Well, he grew mold on himself because he drank a bad beer, which isn’t going to happen to be because ew, beer, but same theory. So! Critique tonight. I will be getting all cultured and watching Twelfth Night and getting my Shakespeare on. That is FANCY. So I’d better get this post written or else I’m going to run out of time to write it.

I’ve totally already wasted most of the morning reading. I got sucked into a book yesterday and I CAN NOT PUT IT DOWN. Yes, yes, I know, I AM A LAZY UNEMPLOYED WENCH. I am attempting to do something about that, jellybeans, but in the meantime, I have time to read things and write things and blog things and such. It’s just the way of the world. Would I rather be working so I don’t worry about becoming homeless at some point? Yes. Yes, I would. ANYWAY, the library was kind enough to provide me with Gillian Flynn’s latest, Gone Girl, and most of the time, I like deep-thinky kind of books with lots of poeticness and literary value, sure I do, but sometimes I totally want a twisty-turny thriller where I can just turn my brain off and fall into a world of intrigue and unexpected occurrences and people who are as shady as the backside of a mossy old tree.

WHOO! Can’t put it down, seriously. Not sure if I can review it over at Insatiable Booksluts, because too much of the book hinges on the suspense aspect, and I’d have to tread ever-so-lightly to make sure not to spoil anything. We’ll see how that goes. In the meantime, it’s been getting all kinds of insane raves, and rightly so. It’s the perfect turn-off-your-brain summer read. Well, leave your brain on a little. Because it’s TWISTY. (Also, I’m an unabashed Flynn fan, and her other two books, Dark Places and Sharp Objects, are also excellent if you like a well-written suspense thriller, so I’d recommend any of them.)

In news of the unemployed, I have a phone interview tomorrow morning and a real interview next Tuesday morning (two different places), so it’s going. Slowly but surely, it’s going. I would assume eventually I will have another job. Or I will be living out of my car. Either way. Dumbcat would like to make it very clear he does not want to live out of the car because he likes the couch here, so I guess I’d better get a job soon. Would you like fries with that?

I can’t work somewhere I might have to hug a clown. I CANNOT DO THAT.

Last night, I watched a movie that somehow I missed when it came out and then I cried all over myself into a snotty mess. Did you all see the movie Iron Jawed Angels when it came out? I think it was an HBO movie, right? The internet seems to think it was.

I’m admittedly kind of weirdly emotional at the moment, but this movie was probably not a good choice for me in an election season where women’s rights are at the forefront. Anyway, for anyone else who, like me, hadn’t seen this, it’s a somewhat-historically-accurate film about Alice Paul and Lucy Burns, the two women who really spearheaded the suffrage movement in the early 1900s. (Somewhat, in that a couple characters were added for dramatic effect, but the most upsetting events actually happened, sadly enough.) I had a basic idea about what went down back then, but had no idea about the details. The lengths that were gone to by these women utterly floored me. I cried and I yelled at the television and I cheered and I got VERY UPSET. (I’m really kind of a joy to watch TV with.) The women got arrested for protesting outside of the White House (which is one of our First Amendment rights – “the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances” – one of OUR rights, not just MEN’S rights, but ALL of our rights) and were sentenced to 60 days in the workhouse (which was a women’s jail, really, except they were expected to sew while incarcerated.)

When Alice Paul went on a hunger strike to protest the unlawful incarceration, they declared her mentally unfit, strapped her down, and force-fed her until she was sick. For days. The papers eventually caught wind of what was happening and the women were released, and three years later, after unflagging work from Paul and Burns and the women they worked with, the 19th Amendment was passed. It’s an amazing movie, and something that should be shown in high school history classes (with the caveat that a few things were prettied-up and romanticized for dramatic purposes. Like, McDreamy was added. I guess to make things more exciting for the Grey’s Anatomy watchers. And he wasn’t a person involved in the situation. But otherwise, it was excellent.)

I was proud and I was amazed and I was furious. Proud of these women, who fought for my right to be an equal citizen in my own damn county, with the right to vote the same as any other citizen. Amazed at the lengths they were willing to go to, almost a hundred years ago. Furious that so many women don’t take advantage of their right to vote now (yes, yes, I understand, it’s a “right,” but they fought so damn HARD for it, and it makes me so sad women aren’t taking ADVANTAGE of it!) Furious they were treated like mental deficients for wanting the same rights as any other citizen. Furious that they got a pat on the head and a “we’ll take care of your voting, little girl, you just stay home and raise the children, that’s YOUR job, and it’s a very IMPORTANT job.”

And, most of all, furious that  THIS SAME SHIT KEEPS HAPPENING. There’s very little difference between men not wanting us to have the right to vote over 100 years ago and men making laws that tell us what we can and can’t do with our bodies now. Well, no, I take that back. There is a difference. IT’S A HUNDRED YEARS LATER. You should effing KNOW better. You’ve EVOLVED more. Why the hell are men so scared of women having any sort of power? Do you think we’re going to take over the world? (We totally are. You should be scared.)

Yeah, so I yelled and cried at the television for a couple of hours, it was super-cathartic. Also, I have a massive crush on Alice Paul. She had a gajillion degrees and she was imprisoned for the cause and force-fed and declared mentally ill and when she was released, she went right back to fighting, and did you know she wrote the Equal Rights Amendment 49 years before it was passed? She was one kickass lady. I kind of want her to be my unofficial grandma.

I also totally have a crush on Vera Farmiga, because she’s stunningly gorgeous and one of the best actresses ever. And doesn’t live that far from me! Just a little south!

Eyes, right? Yowza.

OK, that was ranty. I got all fired up. One more thing, we’ll leave you on a high note. BFF, who is the best at finding me happy animal stories, sent me this joyous tidbit from his paper yesterday, with the note that it sounds like the beginning of a Pixar movie. He’s right. It does. Also: INTERSPECIES FRIENDS! And, INTERSPECIES JAILBREAK! And, it’s got some Germany in it, for Ken!

Apparently, there is a wildpark near Frankfurt called the Hochwildschutzpark Hunsrueck (you know, if we called our zoos wildparks, I think people would like them more. It makes them sound EXCITING and a little DANGEROUS. Also, Google translate tells me this just means “the deerpark in Hunsrueck” and I think that can’t be right. There are too many words in there for that to be all it means. KEN WHAT DOES THIS REALLY MEAN.) Before I go into the Pixar moment, let’s talk about the wildpark.

Things I learned from the website of this wildpark once I Google Translated it:

  • the hiking trails “invite secretive game trails.” That is worrisome and sounds dirty.
  • you can enjoy the fresh air and the “almost untouched nature.” Um. Again, I think maybe something naughty’s afoot here.
  • if you click on the owl, a page about deer pops up, and that is misleading. If I want an owl, I want an owl, not a deer. Come on, wildpark.
  • there are no goats. Sorry, Ken. I think the problem was, I was expecting them, and you know how that goes.
  • under “new animals” there is a listing for “three saucy raccoons” which is enough to make me want to visit right there. There’s nothing I like more than animals with an attitude.

    Saucy!

  • I have a new favorite German word, and it is the word for a wild boar. Ready? Wildschweine.

    WILDSCHWEINE!

  • Straight quote direct from the playground page: “Our playground for all ages invites everyone to run around here! And for the parents, that’s fine, you invite the Seeimbiss to stay!” WHAT IS A SEEIMBISS. Why didn’t Google even TRY to translate that? Oh, this is bad. Google won’t even translate it and my real live human Google Translate is playing some mob bar mitzvah with his ukelele right now. THIS IS VERY WORRISOME.

Anyway, SO, the wildpark zookeepers were all, huh, we’re missing some kangaroos. How can this be?

Apparently, a fox from the outside (he’s their outside man, yo) dug a hole that the kangaroos escaped under. Then they went through ANOTHER hole that a wild BOAR dug under the exterior fence. Or, if you want to use my new favorite German word, Wildschweine. That’s *so* something a Wildschweine would do. Those irreverent Wildschweine.

So three kangaroos escaped, but only TWO were recovered, which means the third one is STILL AT LARGE. So, a fox (Fuchs!), a kangaroo (Känguru!), and a wild boar (Wildschweine!) are totally kicking it, German-forest-style. This is most definitely the beginning of a Pixar movie. BFF is totally right-on about that. RIGHT NOW, I think the three interspecies friends are sharing a laugh, and also possibly playing cards. As interspecies friends are wont to do.

*Wink!*

OK. Off to do many things. I hope Ken doesn’t get killed at the mob bar mitzvah. I really am going to need that word translated. Oh, also I wouldn’t like it much if he died. Probably I should have said that part first. DON’T DIE AT THE MOB BAR MITZVAH KEN!

Advertisements

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

41 responses to “The Great Escape, Interspecies Friend Edition.

  • sj

    Hochwild=deer
    schutz=preserve/shelter

    (I think, it’s been YEARS)

    Anyway, I think the translation is pretty close.

    Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Again with the upsetting subjects that makes me angry. Not good for an old man like myself. If I were to have a coronary and die right now it would be.. well, no ones fault, really. Just an unfortunate accident.

    But you did ask a few questions, and even though if I’m sure they were rhetorical I’m going to try to answer them anyway. Because I’m not at all annoying.

    Are men afraid of women having any kind of power? Yes. Because they know the strength of women and are scared shitless that women would take back the power. Men wouldn’t stand a chance. (Incidentally, I don’t think the world would necessary be a better place with only women in charge (although it probably wouldn’t be worse); my bet is still on killer robots.)

    And no, we haven’t really evolved at all over the last 70,000 years or so. Still the same old troglodytes. Only now with smartphones and assault rifles. Awesome, isn’t it?

    (Incidentally, Finland – then known as the Grand Duchy of Finland, under Tzar Aleksandr (or was it his son Nikolai? I forget.) – was the first country in the world to have women elected into parliament. That was 1907. See? It only took women some 2,400 years to reap the benefit of democracy.)

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      DON’T DIE ANDREAS. I’ve been having a two-day panic attack, I don’t need anyone dying right now, ok? Stupid random panic attacks.

      Can’t we have a world with men and women equally in power, where we appreciate that we’re all just PEOPLE, regardless of what our plumbing is? Sigh.

      I knew I loved Finland. Or, as I like to call it: Fin-LAYND. I’m so bon vivanting there someday. Can we see the ice palace?

      Like

      • Andreas Heinakroon

        Sorry to hear about your panic attacks – those aren’t pleasant at all. Its probably stress related and hopefully they’ll soon go away and stay away for good..

        Yes, that could work; if everyone loved and respected each other.

        You’re most welcome to visit! We’d do the grand tour!

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          Yeah, I’m sure that’s all it is. And too much time at home = too much time in my head to worry, worry, worry. About EVERYTHING.

          YAY! We’ve got to get this bon vivantery STARTED. I can’t wait to have reindeer meat and all the whimsically-named berries and see the ice palace!

          Like

          • Andreas Heinakroon

            Reindeer meat isn’t all that. A bit dry, like most game meat. I remember smoked Elk heart was nice though, especially sliced into thin slices and put on bread.

            Whimsical berries? WhIch ones were those? Cloud berries? They’re ok, I guess. A bit seedy (as in full of seeds). Or lingon berries? They’re not particularly sweet and a little floury. The jam is nice though, especially with certain foods, like rösti. Or Swedish meatballs and mash.

            Like

            • lucysfootball

              Strangely, with all of my food issues, you’d think I’d hate organ meats, but other than liver and tongue (which I can’t stand) I really like them. They’re some of my favorite parts of the animal. I’m really strange about food.

              Cloud berries and lingonberries aren’t delicious? Their name is so FUN! Boo. Ooh, I want Swedish meatballs. What’s mash?

              Like

              • Andreas Heinakroon

                Mash? Don’t you call mashed potatoes that?

                Like

                • lucysfootball

                  Hee! No. We call them…mashed potatoes. :) I like “mash.” It’s a nice shortening of that. Smart, you…um, crap, if we’re Colonials, what are you? Imperials? Heh. YOU ARE IMPERIALS. (I made that up just now. Nice, right?)

                  Like

                  • Andreas Heinakroon

                    Imperials? Very nice! (Although since I no longer live in the UK I can’t really consider myself an imperial, I guess? Or call you guys colonials. *sobs*)

                    Like

                    • lucysfootball

                      What can you be called now that you’re in Finland? Hmm. You guys have been around forEVER. You can be called the Old Ones now, probably. I want to live somewhere with that much history. I’m so jealous of you and Ken. You can see old-timey stuff all the TIME.

                      And you can ALWAYS call us Colonials, because I love it so much. It always makes me smile.

                      Like

          • Andreas Heinakroon

            (I just realised I’m putting you off from visiting Finland – stupid me! Ignore all I’ve just said; all the food here is whimsical and magical and awesome!)

            Like

            • lucysfootball

              Even if the food was blergh, I wouldn’t care. I just want to hang out with you and bon vivant. We would have the best time. I can survive on bread and water. (I often do. It’s not like it’s a new thing for me. I get lazy with food prep.)

              Like

              • Andreas Heinakroon

                Oh, don’t worry; we will cook for you. Delicious non-garlicy food. Perhaps even without onions (although that’s pushing it a bit). And we would have the grandest of times!

                Like

                • lucysfootball

                  We would have the BEST time. And Baby Girl would LOVE me! (And of course I would love her. That’s a given.)

                  There can only be onions if they’re cooked in with a roast. That’s the only time I like onions. I don’t know why, but onions cooked with a roast are ok, because they’re all soft and they taste like beef and only slightly like onions.

                  I told you, I’m weird about food.

                  Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    I don’t really speak any German – at all – but Hochwildschutzpark sounds like it should literally mean ‘high wildlife protection park’.

    Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Wild boar is called ‘vildsvin’ in Swedish as well. Although it does sound better in German: Schweine! Wildschweine!

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Those schweine are totally the most wild.

      Alternately, those svin are super-vild.

      I like both of those very much.

      Like

      • 35JupiterDrive

        I think I will start telling people that they are very wildschweine when I especially like what they are doing. Wow. That’s so wildschweine. And no one except your readers will have any clue what the hell I’m talking about. Oh, and Germans. All the Germans will know, of course. Unless I terribly mispronounce it. Which I could.

        Great, now I’m an ugly American. Bummer.

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          You’re not an ugly American! I think even worrying you might be an ugly American means you’re not an ugly American. And wildschweine is too awesome not to want to say. Isn’t it amazing? If I ever moved to Germany I would want to work at a wildpark, just so I could say animal names all day long. German animal names are the best.

          Like

  • Heather

    Looks like I have a movie to watch. Thanks!

    Like

  • lazyboo

    Hilary Swank, Frances O’Connor and Anjelica Huston in a film about the suffrage movement? HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS BEFORE!?!?!?!? *goes to find it immediately* Although I do fully expect to be frothing at the mouth while I watch it, given your brief precis.

    I have loved Frances O’Connor ever since I saw her as Balthazar in a production of Much Ado About Nothing about a zillion years ago. Yes, bit part, relatively unknown actress. Hugo Weaving was Benedict. Mind blowing.

    Saucy raccoons are the greatest kind of raccoons :) That fox is also charmingly jaunty. I hope they’re all bon vivanting around the woods of Germany now, although the kangaroo might get a bit of a rude shock when winter comes, lol.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      It’s fantastic. The cast was wonderful, the writing was amazing, and the history, for the most part, was right-on. I think you’ll love it!

      I read somewhere late yesterday that the last kangaroo was found. Sigh. No more bon vivanting for that kangaroo. Let’s hope the fox and the WILDSCHWEINE are still happily free and larking about jauntily!

      Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    By the way, I meant to say regarding this post: I think it’s great that you can see the magic in ordinary events like a fox digging under a fence. Why aren’t you working for Pixar already?

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Aw! I see magic in ALL the places. It’s either whimsy or madness. Might be a little of both.

      Can you IMAGINE how awesome working for Pixar would be? I bet they’d have ice cream day every day! :)

      Like

%d bloggers like this: