Well, here we are. Monday again! Funny how that keeps happening, right? Like clockwork.
I think you should all be aware that unemployment is not for the weak. I’m absolutely ready to be back to work already. Mostly because it gets worrisome not having a job, but also because it is surprisingly BUSY being unemployed. Ken would tell you that I don’t know how to idle. He’s most likely right.
Dumbcat is enjoying me being home so much. He welds himself to my leg the minute I sit on the couch and doesn’t stop. No matter how hot it is or how much I say “UGH DUMBCAT STOP IT.” I’m not really sure what he’s going to do once I’m gone for the day again. This is like Dumbcat’s dream of awesomeness. A human! For petting purposes! ALL DAY LONG! With a warm leg to stick claws into like kneading bread! THIS IS GREAT! Aw. Dumbcat. If you want to continue being fed and having a home, I have to go back to work eventually. Sooner would be better than later, actually.
I have a job interview today, so cross those fingers again. It’s at a different place than the one last week. Still pretty close to home. Hoping I’ll like the place. (And that they’ll like me, I suppose.) More dressing up! MORE PANTYHOSE! Oh, pantyhose. You’re like my nemesis right now.
Let’s see. I haven’t given you any sort of Amy’s-life-wrap up lately. What, SOME people might want that, you don’t know. Yes, yes, I have considerably LESS to wrap up since I don’t leave the house very often, but I totally have some things! Things to wrap up! Like very fancy gifts!
OK, first, guess what we have today! HELPER MULE NEWS! Plus, Amy’s Dad conversation! It’s like a twofer!
Dad: Oh, guess what?
Me: Can’t even begin to.
Dad: There’s been an addition to the Rooster family.
Me: Please don’t tell me he bought another mule.
Dad: No. That horse had her baby.
Me: She did? I thought we weren’t sure she was pregnant?
Dad: We weren’t. That vet never came back to check after the mule threatened him.
Me: Well, the vet was punching the mare. I bet the mule was just protecting his girlfriend.
Dad: ANYWAY, the FedEx guy brought Rooster a package the other day, and said, “Hey, I see you have a baby!” and Rooster said, “What are you talking about, you foolish FedEx guy.”
Me: I bet he didn’t say that.
Dad: Well, something like that. And the FedEx guy said “A baby HORSE!”
Me: Rooster didn’t even know the mare had her baby? The mare had to have her baby all alone? IN A STABLE? OMG, the mare’s baby is Jesus.
Dad: The mare’s baby is not Jesus, it’s a horse.
Me: It might be the Jesus of horses, you don’t know. Don’t mock what you don’t understand. That’s exactly what people did in Jesus’s time, and don’t they feel foolish now.
Dad: Well, they don’t feel anything now. They’ve been dead for a really long time.
Me: True. So, how’s Helper Mule taking his new-found stepfatherhood?
Dad: Rooster had to build a special corral for Helper Mule to separate him from the mare and her baby.
Me: What? Why? Was he trying to eat the baby? Lions do that.
Dad: NO. He’s not a LION. He just won’t stop braying at the baby. It’s making the baby nervous. And it’s annoying Rooster and his wife.
Me: Maybe he’s trying to teach him some life lessons. Like, “Don’t tug on Superman’s cape, don’t spit into the wind, don’t let yourself be sold to a man named Rooster to be his helper mule.”
Dad: Could be. And the baby horse isn’t old enough to appreciate those lessons yet. Kids NEVER listen to your excellent advice. I mean, look at you. You NEVER listen to me.
Me: True. That’s only because your advice is always “vote Republican, go to church, watch Fox News” and these are things I am not overly jazzed about.
Dad: You SHOULD be. That’s why you should LISTEN to me.
Me: I’m going to build you a corral so your braying doesn’t bother the neighbors. Shush, mule.
Dad: No one is this mean to their beloved fathers. This is terrible.
Me: Yeah. I’m pretty awful.
Dad: So Rooster sent me photos of the baby. I wish you could see them.
Me: Forward me the email, then I can.
Dad: Yes. How would I do that?
Me: You click on the button that says “forward” and type in my email address. Then you hit “send.” It’s pretty easy.
Dad: I don’t know that I’ll ever figure that out. I guess you can see them at Christmas.
Me: That baby will be all grown up by then!
Dad: Nah, horses take a while to grow. It’ll still be pretty small.
Me: You really need to learn how to use technology.
Dad: Nah. That’s how the government gets you. THAT’S HOW THEY GET YOU.
So! We may or may not have photos of baby horse at some point! But I wouldn’t hold my breath, if I were you. Dad’s not the best at internetting.
UPDATE UPDATE! Look, Dad figured out how to forward email, I’m so proud!
Also! As you are all aware, last week was VERY EXCITING, because it was BOOK RELEASE WEEK! Thank you to everyone who bought/read/is reading it. And people that ordered the paperback, it should be coming soon, because I got my own shipping notice recently, so I’m thinking it’s on the way and should be there soon. I can’t wait to hold my book in my hot little hands. What, my hands are hot. Well, they might be hot, I don’t know. It’s summer, everything’s hot. It’s a fair assumption.
Also, the day after it was released, THIS happened:
And ZOMG. Yes, yes, it only lasted for a few hours, and now it’s like #3 or something, but for a very brief period of time, it was NUMBER ONE in the Amazon Hot New Releases in 20th Century Poetry Kindle releases. HOLY CRAP! See number three? Robert Effing Frost. For a brief period of time, I was HIGHER ON A LIST than ROBERT FROST. I’m pretty sure this should be on my tombstone. Take THAT, Robert Frost, who read a poem at Kennedy’s inauguration! (Just kidding, Frost, you rock. Well, you’re dead now. But you still rock.)
And look look LOOK at what BFF sent me as a congratulations for publishing a book gift!
OMG. I have the best BFF in the world. Look at my book-release present! FLAKE BARS! twitter.com/lucysfootball/…
— Amy (@lucysfootball) August 2, 2012
I have ALL THE FLAKE BARS! I am saving them and making them last a very very VERY long time. Because who knows when I will get Flake bars again? Aw, BFF. You are the best. I love you! (And, yes. They are just as good as I remember. SIGH FLAKE BARS. U.K., you corner the market on delicious chocolate. I’m quite sure of this.)
Also, thank you to everyone who’s read it and who’s reviewed it, or emailed me about it, or tweeted me about it, or in some way or another talked to me about it. I love that. Thank you. So much.
OK, back to doing a billion things because that is what I do as an unemployed person, apparently. Happy day! Cross your fingers for me today!